How do you break PTS news to a youngster

Definitely the best approach is to tell her the truth, the horse is in pain, everything that could have been done to try and fix that has been done, the vets and her new owner tried their hardest but in the end, the only loving and kind thing to do was to PTS. I'd also ask the current owner for a lock of hair that your little sister can keep, and perhaps as a family get a beautiful portrait of her horse commissioned for a Christmas present.
 
Why the delay in putting down if it's on vet advice, I don't get why you are prolonging the mare's suffering TBH. Get it done then tell her for the poor mare's sake. Don't forget too, if it's still at vets the costs are mounting every day (there's the realist in me!)
 
Arizahn said:
She had her chance then. The mare is deteriorating and vet has advised PTS, your sister did not want to go and visit her last week, there is no reason to prolong this animal's suffering any further.

Apologies if I have misread, but it sounded in your first post as if her new owner had been told there was nothing left to do? It really is not fair on the mare or her new owner to delay if this is the case.
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she is in residential with the vet and leaving it at his discretion, which will be soon, hence can only fairly bring her very soon if she wants to see her
We have only been told today Maesfen, it's the case of she has been treated with a real possibility of recovery, her pain is being managed currently, it's more a case of PTS as there is no prognosis of recovery, determined today. Believe me after going through the falling out for the good if the horse my mother would not be keeping her alive unessecarily, it's at the vets discretion to set the date when appropriate in next days and if he says that's tomorrow am sharp as unfair any longer will will not protest.
 
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I would agree with everything else here and from personal experience. I have been boarding from the age of 8 and my first pony was put down during my first year at boarding school (when I was 8), and looking back now I am so glad I was there because I had loads of friends around me to cheer me up. Furthermore, if you explain the health complications at 13 your sister will probably understand the decisions and having her peers around her would also help her see the bigger picture as such. Hope that makes sense!
 
ahml100 said:
I would agree with everything else here and from personal experience. I have been boarding from the age of 8 and my first pony was put down during my first year at boarding school (when I was 8), and looking back now I am so glad I was there because I had loads of friends around me to cheer me up. Furthermore, if you explain the health complications at 13 your sister will probably understand the decisions and having her peers around her would also help her see the bigger picture as such. Hope that makes sense!
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Thank you for that input, it's a helpful point of view, that's my mothers line of thinking, more things and people to keep her mind busy and offer support without being 'involved' and therefore blameable
 
Most things in life we deal with much better at as we get older. There's three things where we don't - falling over, being sick and learning about the death of a loved one.

Tell her the truth a gently as you can, but as bluntly as is necessary for her to understand - don't pussyfoot around it and force her to read between the lines, leave no room for misinterpretation.
 
Keeping some of the mare's hair is a lovely idea, i believe that you can get it made up into a bracelet, do you think that your sister would like that? Perhaps get your Mum to email the vet asking him to keep some if your not going to get over there.

It's a horrible fact of life that we lose animals & people that we love, i feel for you all. Big hugs.
 
Thank you hazyxmas and queenbee, they are indeed lovely ideas; I have asked to ask the vet, it will hopefully help her to feel like she still has a 'piece' of the horse, I'm thinking maby a portrait/keepsake combined x
 
My daughter was 13 when she found her pony in the field with a broken leg - the pony was her first pony and she had been with us for nearly 5 years when the accident happened. My daughter stood with her pony as the vet made the diagnosis and gave us the inevitable outcome.

The vet was very good and explained everything to her - she wanted to stay with her pony whilst the vet did the deed but I decided that it was best for both my daughter and her pony that she went back inside whilst it was happening. ( By this point my daughter was getting hysterical and I didn't want the pony being stressed ).

Once the deed was done we took a lock of hair from her tail and arranged to get her ashes back - we buried them in the garden and got a horse statue to mark the spot .

To be honest 13 can be a funny age - you aren't quite a baby but not quite a grown up - but you need to be honest with her and remind her to focus on the fact that it was the best for her pony .
 
Dreamoffairhorses said:
Mother just told me she offered to take her to go see the horse a week ago and she declined :( I think it's the strategy of distancing herself to make it easier, I still think it would be good if mother went to see sister but she is worried it may just aggravate the matter, it's difficult if face to face, knowing my sister she might say some things she later regrets.
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Of course she will say things she may regret, she is 13!!

your mum just needs to tell her, the decision itself is out of your mums hands anyway.

I don't understand why a 13yr old would be given the opportunity to decide/find a new home for the mare, your sister is a boarding school and the horse needed to go so being the adult your mum made that happen-shame things have gone the way they have after that but that's life. your sister sounds really distanced from the family which is coming across a bit odd-maybe I am reading this wrong
 
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