How do you cope with someone who constantly boasts?

PoppyAnderson

PoppyAnderson

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They're getting right on my last nerve to be honest. Lovely person, very competent and knows what they're doing but it's a constant round of yeah, well, I got that horse going better than anyone else, that horse has NEVER done that with me, that horse was a lost cause before I got it, no one else could ride that horse cos it's too hot, that horse trusts me yada yada yada. It's endless. I don't want to fall out with this person but sweet cheeses, give me strength! Any words of wisdom oh wise forum people?
 
Well..... if the person REALLY knows what they are doing (though with the boasting that could be doubtful) ... could you take advantage of it and ask her how she did it each time? You never know, you might get some useful tips.

otherwise, the 'old married couple' routine of 'mmm, yes, lovely, yes' whilst totally tuning out what she is saying, usually works.
 
I used to be on a livery yard with a mother and daughter, daughter rode really well, produced her own horse from scratch lovely person on her own but with her mother they were constantly knocking everyone else's efforts so in the end you just wanted to avoid them. Sometimes I see them out and its a bit of a game of how much name dropping, and I am'ing they can do in the space of 15 minutes, one dose cures you of them for months. I think its insecurity but apart from avoiding them I have no solution.
 
Try the game of "yes, no, really". Works really well on children, but also works on those so self-absorbed they don't listen to others. The first statement they make you say "Yes?" The second you say "No!" The third, you say "Really?" Repeat. See how many times you get through the loop before they realise your answers are a bit strange.

Pointless game, but keeps you amused whilst not actually having to listen to them.
 
She probably has little self esteem in her self and needs reassurance when she says these things, I know a girl who's the exact same and I got tired of it very quickly before realising I was the only one who really paid attention to her at all and felt bad. She doesn't do it as much and I have to admit I went through a phase when I was the same, I just needed my confidence boosted really but went about it the wrong way. Maybe compliment her when she doesn't ask for it and she should come to realise she doesn't need to say those kind of things:)
 
Definitely competent. Very accomplished horsewoman, competes at a high level and has many successes. It's just so tedious. I think it's a game of one upmanship to be honest. Me - "I was watching Carl on utube last night. Great lesson he gave someone". Her - "Yes, he's just so lovely. Such a funny guy and I got on so well with him". OMG love, Give. It. A. Rest!! I do zone out and do the dead fish eye look but it typically goes unnoticed. I like this person, she's great (when she's not bragging) and I don't want to blank her entirely. Just need some coping strategies!
 
Murder her..?

In the 'oh that horses doesn't do that with me' scenario, a blunt 'well it's not with you' should do the trick.

Continue nicely the rest of the time with her but throw those sort of comments in when she brags and she'll hopefully get the hint and stop!

Sounds a bit bitchy but other than confronting her there's not a lot else you can do- and I sense you're not the confrontational type :)
 
Cowpony said:
Try the game of "yes, no, really". Works really well on children, but also works on those so self-absorbed they don't listen to others. The first statement they make you say "Yes?" The second you say "No!" The third, you say "Really?" Repeat. See how many times you get through the loop before they realise your answers are a bit strange.

Pointless game, but keeps you amused whilst not actually having to listen to them.
Click to expand...

I love this idea. I've got to try it this weekend.
 
Oh Blimey, this is the sort of person to take with a pinch of salt. I am sure they mean no harm, just have a warped view. Smile,and just ignore. The horsey world is full of nincompoops. x
 
Use the power of silence, don't say anything at all then if she says something about you being so quiet respond with 'I was just privately thinking of my horsey achievements'
 
I've known a fair few of these and despite them being like yours, very successful, confident and always high achievers I have found them to be lacking serious confidence in themselves. It's funny but sometimes the most arrogant cocky of people are actually really nervous and down on themselves! I think whoever said get in there first to compliment I agree with, if that doesn't work then I would just carry on and embrace it, it's her little quirk, it may be annoying but think how bad it could be, at least she's not abusing her horse or bullying people at the yard. You don't want to start playing silly games it's not nice and will only cause trouble and upset.
 
PoppyAnderson said:
Definitely competent. Very accomplished horsewoman, competes at a high level and has many successes. It's just so tedious. I think it's a game of one upmanship to be honest. Me - "I was watching Carl on utube last night. Great lesson he gave someone". Her - "Yes, he's just so lovely. Such a funny guy and I got on so well with him". OMG love, Give. It. A. Rest!! I do zone out and do the dead fish eye look but it typically goes unnoticed. I like this person, she's great (when she's not bragging) and I don't want to blank her entirely. Just need some coping strategies!
Click to expand...

First thing, make sure you don't give her an opening for her nonsense.
2nd thing, if she starts unprompted, ignore her.
 
If you can out name - call that would be great.
Sometimes I have been known to "feed the gossips", it gets round like wildfire if you "confide in certain people" so a little mention of some famous person helps, yes I know him from years ago, we were at pony club/boarding school together .........." sometimes you have to exaggerate/lie!, but as you are known to be pretty quiet, it will work.
When last confronted with people who said ".... we do it this way, we know better than you..." I just said, well when I worked at Newmarket we had 200-400 mares T.B, and they all survived being put out in the field every day with no hay nets...... "
Can you imagine 200 haynets per day !!!!
Just go up and "do" your own horse, you can be busy if she wants to boast, just don't stand and listen to it.
 
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I would drill down into her boasts and see if she can substantiate them - as in "Oh, when did you know xxxx and how come?" Then watch for inconsistencies and point them out - she will soon realise the wool isn't going to be pulled. Of course, if she is telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth - pick her brains!
 
She's possibly not aware of how she's comings across? Do you know her well enough to tell her? Next time it's appropriate, try saying something like 'I know you did/do but it's not nice to boast'. Or 'I'm sure you do but name dropping is unbecoming' etc. Repeat a couple of times and she should start to think.
 
Whoa!!! Why are you not taking advantage????

Hello... She has met CH.... She knows EVERYTHING!!! I would want to be her BESTEST friend forever! Can she get you a free ticket to hospitality? Can she help you get to GP?

I'd be right in there brown-nosing like no tomorrow.

What is the worst that could happen..... might they stop talking to you?

:D perfect!
 
I second Tally Ho's suggestion, :) Other than that could you pick a rider to discuss and mention how modest they are and never boast about their achievements and how it makes them a nicer person subtly get the message across, and if that fails then it's fingers in the ears and singing la la la :D
 
Rather listen to a boaster that can back up the talk than have to be nice to boasters who frickin insult my intelligence by lying.

Also sometimes,as mentioned, this may be the pick me up they need. Who knows what goes on in their private lives. Whenever someone gets on my nerves I try think from their shoes. Maybe by telling me this it helps someway. I have even tried it with the person who insults my intelligence with her tall tales. In the end, no she does not have to be this way. I must deal with her daily. But now I walk away or have mini crisises that need my attention. Or talk over her.

Terri
 
Oh my god! Never leave the iPad on when you go and cook an AMAZING lasagne for your bored husband!!! I am very sorry. He can't even spell my proper username! I'm hurt.
 
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