How do you cope?

[cloudandmatrix]

My mare was pts yesterday morning.I loved that pony so much.
Now I just feel blank and numb. Like something inside me has died.
I have been lying on oneof her rugs all day and yesterday, and cleaning her tack. But i cant accept that she has gone. I wish I could make myself realize. I want to feel, feel the loss of such a wonderful pony, taken before her time.
How do you deal with it?

 

[BSJAlove]

it will mean nothing at the moment to you hun but time is a healer. it will get easier with time. let your self be sad. theres nothing wrong with it. HUGS for your loss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Vetwrap]

I don't know - I haven't had to face this yet.

So sorry about your mare.

 

[Spotsrock]

with a lot of time. RIP Pony and hugs to you.

 

[Rachntabby]

I'm dreading the day I have to face this. So sorry for your loss x

 

[misst]

So sorry for your loss. (((hugs))).

For now just take each day as it comes. The feelings will change from day to day and minute to minute. As said above time really does help. When we lost our second horse it was somehow a little easier as I knew the pain would lessen eventually. The first time I was unconvinced it would ever end.

It sounds as if you are still shocked by your loss. I hope you have some good friends and family around you. Just take your time and go with the flow for a whilexxx RIP pony.

 

[Flicker]

I am so sorry for your loss - what a horrible time for you.

Numbness is normal with grief. It is a way of protecting yourself. You will come to accept your loss, your mind just needs a bit of time to make sense of it.

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))
Your girlie is free from pain now.

 

[Damnation]

A good cry, some comfort food and time.
Sorry for your loss I am sure she was a fantastic mare xx

 

[SophieLouBee]

I lost my horse of a lifetime, when he was nearly 6yrs old.
I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with him, for the first month or so, I just couldn't do anything, I didn't feel anything and I just shut myself off from life.
It gets easier over time, the year or so when I didn't get involved with horses was the hardest.
It still upsets me 4 years on if I really think about it, if I'm having a bad day I still find myself wishing he was there to make me feel better.
However, now I'm able to remember all the good times we had, and talk about him to my friends and the people that knew him.

Just give yourself some time to grieve and then you can move forward and remember the good times

 

[jadelovescassie]

Sorry about your mare I am too dreading the day this happens to me.

In all honesty, the only thing that can really heal the pain is time. Any loss takes time to get over unfortunately. Cry and mope around as much as you want for now, getting it all out is much better than keeping the upset all cooped up! After a while you will be able to look back on your mare with a smile on your face and remember all the good times but for now it's okay not to be able to do that and to grieve over it!

Hope you feel happier soon xx

 

[cloudandmatrix]

Thank you, and yes, she was fantastic.
Not the best bred, we never did anything out of the ordinary and had a very bumpy ride, but she meant everything to me.
Th thing that hurts, is using the past tense. I have to keep correcting myself, and stop using "mine" as I no longer have two.

 

[benson21]

Just dont rush it. Give your feelings permission to be there. Allow the tears to come, the anger, the sadness, its all ok for them to be there. There is no right or wrong way to cope. (Its taken me a year to be able to say that.)

 

[Brandy]

Sorry for your losss, its a dreadful thing.

I found the worst thing was the empty stable - I would go along the block in the mornings feeding everyone, and the empty stable killed me. I went to a horse sale a few weeks later and did come home with a charity case. She didn;t replace my mare, but kind of diverted my grief into a positive cause. And filled the empty stable which was a constant reminder.

Not everyones cup of tea I know but worked for me.

 

[Faro]

Big hugs to you and RIP horsey.

I know it's so easy to say, but it's true - it will become more bearable in time. Some of us need more time than others - but it will get better. I lost my beloved Polly last June and it was a horrible time. I still think of her every day without fail, but nowadays I don't think of her with grief any more - I can now think of her with a smile, and remember all the good times, and know that she's resting happily in horsey heaven.

I promise you that one day, you too will be able to smile again. XXX

 

[scarymare]

Sorry for your losss, its a dreadful thing.

I found the worst thing was the empty stable - I would go along the block in the mornings feeding everyone, and the empty stable killed me. I went to a horse sale a few weeks later and did come home with a charity case. She didn;t replace my mare, but kind of diverted my grief into a positive cause. And filled the empty stable which was a constant reminder.

Not everyones cup of tea I know but worked for me.

There is alot to be said for this. Diverting your energy into something that really needs you (and there are lots that do) will help no end. Never been through it with a horse but lost a dog and felt like I had been stabbed - hubby worse than me but by getting something needy (in our case a starving feral from the yard) it meant we could put all our energy into taming/curing etc. Didn't stop the pain but a year on we can have conversations like 'Nevpoop would have loved this dinner' without welling up.

 

[ladyt25]

I was terrible when my pony died, it was a shock as he died after doing a tendon and just went downhill as was on box rest. I was at uni at the time and mum kept updating me with how he was doing. The worst call was when she told me he'd just given up and died. In hindsight we should have had him PTS but we were desperate to keep him alove.

I felt worse cos I couldn't be there and i certainly cried a lot. I think a lot of my uni pals thought I was a bit mad but thankfully being that I was at an equine college I guess they at least understood to a degree.

I think everyone copes differently. We did have other horses so I suppose it helps to have some others to concentrate on. It will get easier with time honest but you still will have days where you need a cry and you shouldn't try hold it in.

 

[Snowysadude]

I lost my horse of a lifetime, when he was nearly 6yrs old.
I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with him, for the first month or so, I just couldn't do anything, I didn't feel anything and I just shut myself off from life.
It gets easier over time, the year or so when I didn't get involved with horses was the hardest.
It still upsets me 4 years on if I really think about it, if I'm having a bad day I still find myself wishing he was there to make me feel better.
However, now I'm able to remember all the good times we had, and talk about him to my friends and the people that knew him.

Just give yourself some time to grieve and then you can move forward and remember the good times

That is exactly the same as me, spookly so in fact. Only difference was its 5 years ago but horse almost 6 yrs old and felt the same, didnt get another horse for almost a year - in fact I only made the first RIP video for him on youtube a couple of days ago. It does get easier but is so so hard for the first week/month . So sorry for your loss xx

 

[Chestnut mare]

So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you feel.

 

[Bug2007]

Tell us all about her.....this will help you come to terms with your loss and will help you cry and grieve for her.

Use all our shoulders to cry on.

 

[Milanesa]

hey, so sorry for your loss. It is difficult to get over a loss, especially a horse that you adore so much. I lost my favourite mare after a freak field accident whilst i was on holiday, was terriblew and felt awful coming back and seeing a pony missing :-( I did have other horses though so they helped me get over her, as it seems you have one other, which will really help you i think. The best thing is to remember all their best points, why they were so special and cherish those moments. Time is a great healer xx

 

[UnaB]

Im so sorry you're having to deal with this

I only ever had to have one pony pts, I still miss her 14 years on. I was heartbroken at the time, never wanted another horse again, but time really does help you to heal. It will get better and you will have many fond memories.

 

[cloudandmatrix]

So many sad stories

She was a 14.1hh cob, blue and white, and 10 when she died.
Got her in a terrible state, I was green and so was she, but with lots of help, she was starting to come right for me.
My pony was diagnosed with navicular around may, and the bone was damaging her tendon. She was immediatly retired, and had treatment to try and make her sound. At one point i thought we were going to lose her then. She pulled through then, and went on field rest on advice from the vet.
He said she had had all the treatment he could give her, and all we could do was see if she comes sound with lots of rest.
I visited her all through the rest, and at times she would be sound. I was hopeful that she could live out her days in retirement.
Then in january, vet came out to see her, and she was still lame.
He said that the navicular bone was constantly grating her deep digital flexor tendon. And as we couldnt cure the navicular,and stop it grating the tendon, the tendon would not get better.
It was going to snap one day. My biggest fear was finding her unable to walk and in agony> I think she was in pain anyway, when I said goodbye I could see it in her eyes.
So I decided to end her suffering.
She was honest, kind and so brave, right to the end. She was loving, friendly and always tried her best and I miss her. I was her number one fan right from the minute I got in her saddle.

If it wasnt for my other pony, I would consider giving up. But he needs me, and I need him, and he's not going anywhere.

 

[beutifulwobble]

I lost both mine within 6 weeks of each other in 2009- i now have a fab new boy bought in the aug 09. I did mope, cry and got put on antidepressants as i just coudlnt cope. Time is a fantastic healer and now i look back and have nothing but happy memeories xx

 

[millhouse]

May your pony rest in peace. It will get easier given time. God bless you.

 

[Sadiemay]

I am truly very sorry to hear of you loss

I have nothing constructive to add as I have yet to face this and even the thought of it makes me stomach churn and my heart race. It is my worst fear above anything else.

But all I wll say is be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve, she was a big part of your life..... a part of you. It will take time to heal and the numbness to ease. There are many stages of grief and this is one of them.

I think with time the pain or numbness you feel right now be will be replaced with a sense of sadness that is always there, but also acceptance of what is done and with that you remember her with fond nostalgic memories and assurance you did the right thing. It WILL get easier.

She is free of any pain and discomfort, its the final but without doubt the most difficult act of love we can give our horse, and remember it is ALWAYS better a day too early than a day too late.

She would not want you to be upset or hurting but to be happy and at peace with your decision. She is at peace now and she would want the same for you.

It helps me to believe that one day even when my girl is no longer here I will see her again when I pass on. Not everyones cup of tea but I believe that and it will comfort me when the time comes.

RIP Pony

Take care and have a ((HUG))
Sadiemay


I have posted this before and whilst I dont want to upset you, I hope you will find some comfort in it:

My time's come my dear
As it comes for us all
Hold me close one last time
As I lay in my stall

I feel you shudder,
But there's no need to cry
I'll tell you the secret of why horses die

I’ll go to a pasture that's
far away and above,
But know that we're forever
bound by our love

I'll make hoofprints to heaven
So you'll find your way,
Tread the path smooth to
keep you from wandering astray

I'll carry your guardian angel nearby,
With my wings wipe the tears from
your soul when you cry,

If you're ever alone,
Or your life's hard to lead,
Close your eyes and remember
Me, your eternal steed,

Who awaits, at the gates
to carry you home
So the last journey you make
Is not made alone

On my golden hooves we'll gallop,
And on silver wings fly,
Yes, this is the secret
Of why horses die.

 

[JoJo_]

I still struggle with the loss of my mare last year. She really was my best friend for just over 2 years and I thought we would have each other for so many more years than that but it wasnt meant to be. She was only 9 when she had to be pts

I spent one month without a horse, I didnt have a job either so spent most of my time shutting myself away at home. Personally it helped getting a new horse as it was something to focus on but I still think about her every day and wish she was still here.

 

[el_Snowflakes]

what a shame, so sorry to hear this

I have experienced this myself and i thought id never get over it. You WILL get over it although im sure it doesnt feel like it now. Remember many people lose partners, parents, even children...and they DO get over it and manage to enjoy life. Dont feel guilty for feeling this way though. Its hard to cope with losing a loved one no matter what species. Just give yourself time. If you need to cry let it out- if you want to look at pics do it....just allow your body and mind to go through the grieving process, because thats what it is-A PROCESS -one where you will come out the other end of.

I have a new horse now after losing mine a year and a half ago and i NEVER thought i would love another horse as much as my last...now, however i think i might love this one even more! I dread the day i have to say goodbye to this one but i just enjoy her everyday- you cant live life thinking about the bad. remember there is lots of room in your heart and thats where your horse will stay along with the next and the next and so on...best wishes x

ps. In time you will feel a sense of pride for making the right decision. I am so proud that i did the right thing at the right time. It is the biggest act of love and selflessness, when the shock has worn off you will feel this too and be happy that you gave your pony a great life- something that not every animal gets the opportunity to have.

 

[PinkTulips]

Sorry for your loss xx

 

[Mary Poppins]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

You do whatever you need to do to try and come to terms with what has happened. It won't mean anything at the moment, but it does get easier - it doesn't happen overnight and you will never "get over it" - you will learn to live with it - I know.

I still have my old boys tack in my tack room, I just can't bring it home. Some people can't understand why but it is my way of coping. Everybody's different in dealing with grief and what may be "right" for someone is not necessarily "right!" for someone else. So you do whatever you want to do, but hun it does get easier.

Thinking of you. x

 

[ellieplatt]

I know how you feel, i felt the exact same after my old boy was put to sleep in september... still i find myself thinking of him and bursting into tears, and having my sad bad days..

Time will tell i spose...

I hope your okay, and i promise the pain will ease just a tiny weeny bit

Lots of hugs, kisses, kfc's, take aways and chocolate helps... but then you just feel all fat

But honestly hope your okay, *hugs* xxxx