How do you cope?

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lizzylulu

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How do you all cope with the loss of your horse! I don't have a horse at the minute and haven't had one, but I was looking in the 'In memory of' thread yesterday and I really don't know how you all cope. It scares me so much! I am quite worried about getting one because of how I would feel. I was bad enough when my hamster died. Ijust don't know if I would be able to cope.

I know this sounds really silly, but I am such a softy!!
 
I dont think your soft at all.
My horse died in an horrific accident nearly 3 years ago and Im still over it and I dont think I ever will be. It was different when my old pony was pts, as that was through old age, but the way Marsden went will haunt me forever and I will never fully get over it. I do have another horse now, but he is NOT a replacment and I love him to bits, but getting another horse doesnt help the pain. I think about Marsden every day and lay awake most nights thinking of 'that night'! Counceling was mentioned, but I dont really fancy that!
 
Ive never had to cope with the loss of a horse, however im going to have to have my old pony down this year.
Weve discussed the options with the vet and he is helping us with the decision. He knows that we want the best for the old girl and unfortunately the best thing is to be PTS. At the moment she isnt doing too bad but she will be put down before the winter as shes struggled through this winter just gone.

Its going to be the worst part of my life as we will have had her 14 years and she is our first pony. But I dont want her to suffer.
 
It will be a year since Murph died on the 15th of May. I've had animals all my life and i'm normally ok, but with this, i'm not. I'd have been ok if he had have been old, but he was only 14 and he was my favourite. There are just so many things i wish i could have changed, and that's what gets me down - all the "what if's...".
Is has gotten easier with time, ie. i dont cry as much now, but i still obsess about it all every single day. I just hope my others all live to be at least 50! x x
 
Dont think you ever "get over it " .... Havent had to pts or had a horse die on me , had a few of the riding school ponies pass away and thats sad cause I have known them so long .

When My little dog jazz died ... I cried for a whole week solid even fell out with my hubbie over it as I had been to a show that day and was just ready to jump my round when he rang me previous to us falling out and told me that jazz was dead .

Its not nice when animals die ... think that has to be the worst thing about owning a pet / horse / animal .
 
I agree - it is very hard. I lost my grade A SJ to colic about 5 yrs ago and I still can't talk about it without crying! I wouldn't have changed things and not had him though, even though it was the worst thing I've ever gone through. I think you just have to weigh up good and bad sides and the joy you get from owning a horse is not worth missing. If something horrible happens that's terrible and you learn to live with it, but don't pass up an opportunity because of the risk.
 
I lost my mare in 2005. I'd had her 5 years and been through a lot with her. I knew she was going to have to be PTS, I coped worse with the period between rather than after.
I'll never forget her or get over the loss, but you do have to get on with it. I found comfort speaking to others that went through similar (or worse) as it helped keep things in perspective.
I'm now facing losing another one. He's lame at the moment and seeing him in pain is breaking my heart so in a way it would be easier to say goodbye and know I'd stopped his pain and suffering. I just can't.
I really don't know how I'd cope with a sudden loss.

Jo
 
I bought my pony as a 19 year old. He was a pony I'd looked after for years and when the kids outgrew him, I was asked if I wanted to buy him. I almost didn't as I knew I would have to cope with losing him at some point, but he was too special already to me to let the opportunity pass.
He developed Cushings at 22 and was dogged with all sorts of problems although I was still able to go for a blast with him on a good day. I'd almost get hysterical at the thought of losing him. I had had so many phone calls from the yard saying 'you need to come now and ring the vet' that when I did finally take the decision, whilst it was devastating, it was also in some ways a relief to get off the roller coaster that I'd been on with him.

It is the toughest part of owning a horse, but should never be a reason to miss out on all the joy that they bring to you.
 
I think the way we all cope with losing animals is by accepting from the beginning that one day they will be gone, but the joy they give us while they're here is the important bit! No matter how horrendous the circumstances you have to move on and learn to live without them, and cherish the wonderful memories they have left behind.
Dont pass up the opporutnity of having a horse, if we all thought like that imagine how unfulfilled we would be?
 
I have lost 3 horses in nearly 30 years of horse ownership. Two were pts due to old age-related ailments and although this was sad, there is no cure for old age and they had enjoyed happy lives and went on their way with dignity. We lost a 5 year old mare just over 4 years ago, she slipped coming in from the field and broke her hip. She was heavily in foal at the time and although she did foal, we had to have her pts soon afterwards. Her foal is the coloured in my sig, who I hand-reared. I still haven't really got over losing such a lovely horse so young and from such a stupid mishap. As sad as it is to lose a horse, you have to make every day you have them count and always do your best by them.
 
I always read on here about all the freak accidents and there seems to be so many that happen! Its awful
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I work in an environment where I see more horses being put to sleep than most, I used to have to take the bodies away and hold for the vet as it was being done. I grew quite cold and it makes me angry to see horses that are permenantly lame/ underweight/are arthritic to the point that they can't move or have quality of life. I hate seeing younger horses go especially when it is down to human error, with my pony I love her to bits she has everything she would ever need but part of me is detached so that when that day comes I will find making that decision a bit easier but I would rather see a dead horse than a suffering horse, I think that it is worse if the death is unexpected e.g a sudden attack of colic/nasty accident.
 
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I work in an environment where I see more horses being put to sleep than most, I used to have to take the bodies away and hold for the vet as it was being done. I grew quite cold and it makes me angry to see horses that are permenantly lame/ underweight/are arthritic to the point that they can't move or have quality of life. I hate seeing younger horses go especially when it is down to human error, with my pony I love her to bits she has everything she would ever need but part of me is detached so that when that day comes I will find making that decision a bit easier but I would rather see a dead horse than a suffering horse, I think that it is worse if the death is unexpected e.g a sudden attack of colic/nasty accident.

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Im intrigued to know where you work now??

Marsden's death was VERY unexpected, he got away from me when I was bringing him from the field and he got his leg stuck in the cattle grid. Needless to say I now have a thing about cattle grids!
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I also worked at a large Equine vet and would switch off holding other people's horses. However recently I offered to hold a friends horse and it did bring a tear to my eye. Though I think it was more due to the suffering the owner had gone thorugh. If it was my old horse I would have been a state. I would also be a state with Lottie. I think if they have had a good life and lived to a grand age it is easier. It is when they are taken suddenly that is the hardest
 
Moonwalker, that is such a sad an awful way to have a horse taken away from you. Its very unfair, Hugs to you xxxxxx

And hugs to everyone else who has ever lost a horse, whether it be due to an accident or PTS I am sure both are extremely upsetting XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
 
I lost Fiddler 6 years ago in a terrible accident. He died in my arms minus his foot. He had hobbled 50 yards to find me just on his cannon bone. These are the awful memories that I have to live with. You do learn to shut them off and live with the memories but the pain is always just beneath the surface. He was the love of my life and I felt so robbed that he was taken from me in this way.

On a positive note, it has enabled me to help others and to be with friends horses when its their time to go.

An accident is always just around the corner no matter how careful you are or how good the fencing is.

I was determined after this that I would become hard nosed about it and, above all, would never allow myself to love anything with such intensity every again. I lied.
 
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Moonwalker, that is such a sad an awful way to have a horse taken away from you. Its very unfair, Hugs to you xxxxxx

And hugs to everyone else who has ever lost a horse, whether it be due to an accident or PTS I am sure both are extremely upsetting XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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Thank you for you hugs, really appreciate that. A big part of me died that night aswell, and I will never forget what happend, but Ive learnt to move on, although its still very difficult. xxxxx
 
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I lost Fiddler 6 years ago in a terrible accident. He died in my arms minus his foot. He had hobbled 50 yards to find me just on his cannon bone. These are the awful memories that I have to live with. You do learn to shut them off and live with the memories but the pain is always just beneath the surface. He was the love of my life and I felt so robbed that he was taken from me in this way.

On a positive note, it has enabled me to help others and to be with friends horses when its their time to go.

An accident is always just around the corner no matter how careful you are or how good the fencing is.

I was determined after this that I would become hard nosed about it and, above all, would never allow myself to love anything with such intensity every again. I lied.

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That sounds awful. What happend? I hope you dont mind me asking and you really dont have to say. xx
 
You don't really cope. It's been nearly two months for me and I'm still crying if I try to talk about him or see his picture. There are still moments where I beat myself up for being that person who had him put to sleep. (he has twisted gut colic and died within 2 hours, there was nothing I could do) It torments me to think about how much pain he was in. I haven't been down my stables since. I also still go through denial moments as well as wondering when it rains if he needs his rug on or stopping myself from buying carrots for him.

It is hard but I wouldn't have given up my time with him if I knew how the end was going to be.
 

Blackhawk - Thats really sad, and Im so sorry to hear that.
But I promise, it will get better. I know at the time nothing anyone says or does makes you feel any better and you prob just want the world to end, but just try and think of all the happy times you had together. Eg. the last time I rode Marsden properly, we we're bombing around the fields jumping all the x-country jumps!
Then, 4 days b4 xmas, he was taken from me, in one of the most horrific accidents Ive ever seen. BUT, it has made me a stronger person going through some thing so awful and at such a young age. BIG HUG to you and chin up, it DOES get easier. If you need to 'talk' or anything, feel free to PM me. xx
 
Gosh in some ways I wish I had never started this thread, its heartbreaking! I feel for you so so much all of you! When you don't have a horse you never ever think about the horrific accidents that can happen! Llwyncwn you make a good point about an accident is always round the corner!

I tell yo something, when I do get a horse (and I do mean when) I will be so happy to have all you lot as support if anythng happens you are all fantastic!
 
I find it very difficult to think about let alone talk about. Our horses were on diy grazing through the summer. OH and I went to Tesco, only gone an hour. Came home and instantly knew something was wrong. I called him and he screamed for me and hobbled towards us. OH went to him and told me to keep away and phone vets. There was single strand plane wire fencing which was loose and he got his foot wrapped up in it. Sorry, cant tell you anymore Im blubbering too much and cant see to type xx
 
Thanks hun. I've gone all weepy again.

I rescued him and helped him from this stroppy animal into one who would race across the field to get to me as quick as possible and he meant so much to me. I always knew what I had with him though, I never took him for granted.

I just want him back so much, and I'd give anything to get him back but I know it'll never happen and that just kills me.
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I just want one more minute with him to tell him how much I loved him and I can't. He was taken from me and I wasn't ready for him to go so soon.
 
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I tell yo something, when I do get a horse (and I do mean when) I will be so happy to have all you lot as support if anythng happens you are all fantastic!

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Sadly losing a horse is part of owning one. Just appreciate what you have as it can change so quickly.
 

Blackhawk - I know how your feeling hun, even nearly 3 years on, all I want is to see Marsden again. I no one day I will though! Might sound odd, but I had him cremated and he's at home waiting for me now, we're going to go together! xx
 
Not sure you ever do really, I lost my old pony to colic 7 years ago today and I still expect to see him in his stable sometimes.
 
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