How do you do it? Juggling horse/competing with job/OH/family?

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saskia295

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I am interested... There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day. I have just moved in with my OH and I love where we live. I have moved my horse to a new yard which is nice. However, I'm finding it really hard to juggle everything.

I work about a 45 min drive from home so riding is at about 7pm in the floodlights but I am able to get home for just after 8. However, then I'm knackered and need to sort dinner for me and OH and lunch/dinner for the next day etc.

I really don't know how you guys with kids cope
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I think you deserve a medal.

My OH has now said that we don't see each other enough and wants me to cut down one day at the weekend (so I ride 5 days instead of 6) which is ok in the summer, but I need to hack to get his fitness up for competing and I'm getting all stressed that I can't keep everyone happy
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HEEEEEELP!!
 
You get grey hair!

Seriously I dont realy compte much and am lucky if I ride twice a week, but then my girl is getting on now so doesnt mind. My older daughter helps out loads with her horse and our little ponies. If only I dindt have to go to work.....Perhaps the lottery , armed robbery or selling a kidney?
 
1. Why do you need to to the lunches and dinners? Why is this not an even split (at the very least) between you and OH? (people who know me will be rolling on the floor laughing right now as they know it isn't an even split between my OH and I - in that he cooks most of the time!!).

2. Why can you not ride and see your OH at the weekend? This is indeed possible! I often hack early, sort everything for the evening, go out for the day with OH (often climbing/biking) and either someone else brings horse in or I do it whenever I get back. I try not to do horse stuff both days of a weekend, but sometimes it happens. It does help if your OH has lots of hobbies of his own - mine does.

3. Save yourself some time - cook batches of food at the weekend, freeze it, and then defrost during the week. Or do stirfry or whatever, takes 10 mins if that. Do your grocery shopping online.
 
Thank you both.

He does clean a lot! He works from home so I think he is starting to feel a bit lonely. If I ride early he says I don't get back til mid day, when really it is more like 10 or 10.30
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It would be great if he had his own hobbies but he doesn't really. He works hard and goes to the gym sometimes but he doesn't have a car at the moment so we are sharing one which really isn't making life any easier.

I'm already on it with the cooking front
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He is a little fussy too so most of the time I am cooking 2 different meals
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Poor you, you sound like a woman on the edge!!! and that youre carrying an awful lot of guilt, STOP!!!! take a breath... youre entitled to "ME" time, lifes too short to be rushing and clock watching.. your partner sounds like a typical man, who's feeling a bit neglected and a bit needy (sorry if controversial, speaking from experience) youre doing absolutley nothing wrong, and think that if youre home by 10.30 on weekends then that leaves a good day ahead... Relax, because your horse is going to sense your stress, and thats going to defy the purpose of quality time you deserve.. good luck, I'm sure you'll get into a good routine soon..x
 

Simple, dont spend any time with your OH!!!
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Im married, have a house and dog, two cats, two horses and two jobs!! I get up early and go to bed late to fit it all in!!

Im utterly shattered, but its the only way can afford / fit everything in!
 
i brought a slow cooker and boy i never looked back! put my dinners in it in the morning, after doing horses, go to work, then i arrive home at 5pm to a lovely smelling house, where i just dish up the dinners (OH and 2 children), then leave to do the horses! cuts down time sooooo much!
go buy a slow cooker....you wont regret it!
 
I get up at 5am all year round is how I do it! It is hard to find a balance but my OH understands that the horse needs to be cared for (fed, watered, checked) twice a day and that if I am not riding him everyday possible it is a waste of time having him! He gets grumpy at times and yes, I rush most of the time to be back 'in time' but that is more my pressure than anything he puts on me.
 
Bit of lateral thinking here. There is another way...

I'm the OH who became a horse widower. Yes we still have to balance jobs and housework and all the other responsibilities and yes I was getting to the point where i did start to wonder what my wife looked like and if she knew what a hoover was and before you lot kick off I am not your typical hubby- proof of which was my solution.

I happened to be up at my wife's yard helping the YO get her horsebox going. Curiosity killed the cat (or the husband) and I asked her if I could have a go just to see what "it's" like and don't tell my wife.

2 years on I've got a 5 year old chestnut ex-racer who goes by the name of sleepy. I started my jumping lessons 3 weeks ago and i'm popping over 2 foot jumps with a spread. Problem is my wife is at a different yard. Life is not without a sense of irony...
 
I am a teacher so can get out of work at least a couple of times a week quite early. At the moment I have 3 horses at 3 different yards (don’t ask!) so most days I get home at about 7 and in-between riding / poo picking etc I do all the shopping, make dinner and walk my two jack Russell’s. I work 10 mins from home and my yard(s) are all no more than 15mins away. I leave home just before 8 – but we get up at about 6 as hubby leaves earlier, so in the summer I can walk my dogs in the morning / wash up etc. My hubby is an assistant head so works long hours and we have no kids – so by the time he gets home at 8 I’ve made dinner (which involves sticking something in the oven – not actually cooking!!) and we have a couple of hours to chill out together. At the weekend I spend loads of time at the yard and he’s out on his motorbike so doesn’t give me ear ache about being with my horses too much. We’re both very laid back and understand each other’s hobbies are important! We make time to go out for dinner together every Friday night, and also eat dinner at the table every night and talk about what we’ve been up to – works for us! When I compete he often comes as my escort on his motorbike while I drive the car / trailer and enjoys the ride out on his bike.
 
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He works from home so I think he is starting to feel a bit lonely........

I'm already on it with the cooking front
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He is a little fussy too so most of the time I am cooking 2 different meals
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So why is he not cooking dinner every other night, or at least cooking his own if he is fussy? if he is at home yet you are not getting in until 8 and you are cooking 2 meals......I think you two need to sit done and set out some ground rules, that way you both know where you stand.
 
Thank you everybody, you are all great. If only we could all win the lottery or something! Then the money/time debate would be solved!

Morrigan_Lady - I like your solution!! Sounds like a good idea in theory, although I don't think either of us would like that in the long run!

Sleepeeze_Dad - thank you for posting! I don't think my OH will ever be keen enough to get his own or anything, but I like it that it's 'my' thing. Well done for getting curious! Although different yards sounds a bit harsh! It must be lovely to go for a ride together!

Tricksy - I will try and ask him to cook sometimes I think. I like cooking, but the other day I had to make something in the morning before work, then call him from the yard just before I left to say 'can you pre heat the oven and stick it in when it's warmed up'. Worked ok, but I think the freezer might be an option
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Compromise is the most important part of your relationship I think and if you live together, you should take the burden of the house and chores together. I am very very lucky that my OH hardly ever moans about the amount of time I spend down the yard but like other posters I try and get up early so I am home at a reasonable time and just have to nip down in the afternoon to feed and put pj's on, its a difficult balance but you will work it out
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My husband works from home and I think it is hard when they are on their own all day, but he isn't being very fair to you.

I think you need to have a decent chat and come to some agreements.

Could you have one night a week where you agree to make extra time for him and perhaps do a super quick trip to the stables or get a friend to do your horse that day (you could do hers another night) you could have a ready meal or slow cooker pre-prepared meal so that you have the whole evening together.

Perhaps you could agree that one weekend day you do something together after say 11am, and perhaps the other day he comes to the stables with you, he might make some friends and/or find he enjoys pottering about helping.

A relationship is a two way street and your hobby is a major part of your life. He needs to accept that and either leave you to it, get himself a hobby to keep him busy while you are out or join in!
 
You've had loads of good advice here.
I'm one of the lucky ones in that my husband does ride, but doesn't particularly like any type of stable management tasks (will just about put the saddle on!) and can't hang around at the yard when it's cold as he has lung problems.
I do big shops as and when and try to plan a week's worth of meals - sometimes is has to be dead easy stuff like sausage/mash/mushy peas for speed as he's a real 'meat and two veg' man but I like to spoil him with a nice meal whenever I can. Can you persuade him to go and get the odd takeaway when you're on the way back from the yard or have things that are quick but a bit of a treat like a luxury pizza and nce salad once a week?
The one thing my OH won't do unless it's an emergency is food shopping....
As for the weekends, what about lunging your horse on one of the days - it's quick and good for them, and you could do it first thing while he has a lie in.
Can't help much with the housework as I am a total slob in that department - although I got a bit more done during the freezing weather.
It is give and take and men are always amazed by how long horses take to look after...best of luck
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You've had loads of good advice here.

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I agree! Thank you to everybody
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I love you HHOers, you always give all sides of the story and some great advice. I will definitely be putting these into practice.
 
LOL I dumped my last BF within 24hrs of saying "you have to cut back your horse time" (would he be the same if I was a single parent?!?!)

My OH is great now and we have just learnt to fit in around each other. I work 3 jobs, house, dog, two horses and try to compete at least twice a month and go to my trainer once a week!

We share the work and he understands I come with baggage and it’s what makes me happy. (LOL I couldn’t ride when we had the snow and everyday he would tell me to "go for a ride you moody cow!")

You will work it out just takes a few weeks/month to gel!
 
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QR- get a sharer for the horsey??? hoss gets all the exercise it needs, OH complains less... win win

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Two words - no way!! Horse is still quite young and I think I'd get too p*ssed off with a sharer! Good suggestion though but I don't think I could do that to either of us!
 
Might be worth looking into.... there are a fair few very experienced sharers out there (yep Im one.... been riding 20 odd years, owned several of my own, have now shared for over 2 years)..... obviously it would need to be the right person!!

Or ditch the OH and find a horsey one!!
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I don't seem to have stopped since my boy has been stabled over winter, getting up at 5/6 to sort him in a morning, muck out etc. before going to work and then going straight to the yard afterwards to bring him in, feed etc. Luckily, I have an understanding boyfriend and we work at the same place which is just down the road from where Harry is stabled, so going over after work has just become routine. He's also fab at weekends, getting up to sort him if I've had a very late night coming back from my job in my local night club, bless him. The weekends just fly by now what with horse, work and general house things you do at weekends, god only knows how I'm going to fit in riding Harry every week once he's broken!! Got a year to sort that one though hehe

Saskia - I know the feeling of having an OH who has no hobbies... Mine doesn't either, but he has started getting into the horse thing with me, even if he does think he's right all the time lol. It's definitely more difficult when they're at home most of the time and you're out and about, but maybe see if he'd like to help out a bit? My OH takes Harry for a walk whilst I ride a friend's horse on a Sunday. We have a nice chat and get a bit of exercise and it's brill for Harry so all good
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Sleepeeze_Dad - thank you for posting! I don't think my OH will ever be keen enough to get his own or anything, but I like it that it's 'my' thing. Well done for getting curious! Although different yards sounds a bit harsh! It must be lovely to go for a ride together!


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Noooo nonono nothing to do with my wife and everything to do with the yard owner and her mum not liking fellas riding like we have some ulterior motive and it's just not right. World is full of them...
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She's moving up in the next couple of months as soon as we've got stuff sorted out. Can't wait. Hope you manage to get something sorted out. Maybe you might be surprised how he feels about it. Mind you if you wanna keep it to yourself
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Sleepeeze_Dad - thank you for posting! I don't think my OH will ever be keen enough to get his own or anything, but I like it that it's 'my' thing. Well done for getting curious! Although different yards sounds a bit harsh! It must be lovely to go for a ride together!


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Noooo nonono nothing to do with my wife and everything to do with the yard owner and her mum not liking fellas riding like we have some ulterior motive and it's just not right. World is full of them...
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She's moving up in the next couple of months as soon as we've got stuff sorted out. Can't wait. Hope you manage to get something sorted out. Maybe you might be surprised how he feels about it. Mind you if you wanna keep it to yourself
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Yeah, my husband rides and has come across a few of those types, normally other men who think that you are only riding so that you can get close to their wife/girlfriend/daughter!

Surprising how many people think that a man in jodhpurs must be a perve, a paedo or gay........
 
how about he come out with you on a bike? My oh has done that for years - even carted the kids on the bike trailer til they could ride themselves. Oh and for dinner there is always super noodles or coco pops!
 
Coco pops for dinner sounds great! I love coco pops
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Buy him an Xbox! My boyfriend has no real hobbies and resents me spending time with the ponies as he thinks that they "steal" me. He HATES horses unfortunately. However I found that the bst way to deal with this was with his Xbox and new games. He bought the Xbox and buys all the games and when he is spending £50 on games (I mean... they are CDs... they don't even look interesting!) I feel like I don't need to feel as guilty paying out for vital things like stable, hay, feed, rugs...

And it keeps him from complaining TOO much about my hobby and entertained whilst I ride!
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Sad thing is, its all true though!!!

I dont spend any time with my hubby! Im not complaining though, Id much rather be with my horses!!!
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Totally second that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I have 7 horses and I make time for them.. ok, I dont work,...at the min, looking for a job for summer, but horses always come first.............and thats the way it is for me!!!!
 
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Coco pops for dinner sounds great! I love coco pops
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Buy him an Xbox! My boyfriend has no real hobbies and resents me spending time with the ponies as he thinks that they "steal" me. He HATES horses unfortunately. However I found that the bst way to deal with this was with his Xbox and new games. He bought the Xbox and buys all the games and when he is spending £50 on games (I mean... they are CDs... they don't even look interesting!) I feel like I don't need to feel as guilty paying out for vital things like stable, hay, feed, rugs...

And it keeps him from complaining TOO much about my hobby and entertained whilst I ride!
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what a fab, idea, like it.........can see an x box coming home soon!!!!!!!!!!
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