how do you get over 'it'

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clairefeekerry1

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feeling very down- my lush lush horse of a a lifetime, is starting to show her age, i know i have little time left- you just get that feeling don't you. how the hell do you come to terms with it or god forbid have to make the decision (that is the least i owe her) the end is coming. i've never felt as strongly about anything as i do her, when the time comes, will i survive it, don't feel like i will
 
You know when its time. You never come to terms with it but it does get a bit easier, I lost my old boy last year aged 30 and led him out while the vet shot him, heartbroken doesn't even come close, I had him cremated and scattered him straight away, I am glad I did and don't regret being there one little bit even though it was the worst thing I have ever had to do. If you need to talk PM me. x
 
I have never lost a horse, but did have my dog put to sleep years ago. It's because we love them that we have to make the decision for them, and we have to be there for them when the time comes. As missing says, you will know when it's time, your girl will let you know. It will be hard but knowing that you have done right by her and she has had a painless and dignified passing with you by her side will be a comfort. Thoughts are with you and horsey, sure I don't need to say to make the most of every minute you have with her x
 
I lost my boy, whom I had for 14 years since we were both 13 4 years ago. You sit and cry for a few days, then you start to pick yourself up and (I know it sounds cheesy) take it one day at a time. I avoided the yard for 5 days and then felt an overwhelming need to go and be there. As soon as I was there, I knew I needed to sort his stuff out. It was hard but at the same time it brought back wonderful memories, especially finding the bright green stuff I used to put on him when I was 14! It was quite a cathartic experience and I felt a lot better afterwards.

After two weeks of saying I would never put myself through that again I found myself looking at adverts and 3 months later I had my new boy. I still miss him loads though and shed the odd tear (like now!) when I think about him, but the overwhelming feeling now is happiness of having had him in my life and knowing I always did my best for him.
 
ive had nightmares for almost a year about having a mare shot and cried for her on the first big 'winter feed' shop i did cos i wouldnt be buying her food
i didnt eat properly for months (on the upside i was a sizw 14/16 now im an 8)

i was there when she was shot and would i be there again? yes. definately. i owed it to her to stay with her. but i wouldnt blame anyone, for not being there, on the other hand. its not nice - it just has to be done sometimes

i will always remember her as a lovely 'person' and she had a gret, full, life with owners that loved her, who can say better than that?

you will deal with it, thats what we do...
i dread the day my o.a.p. goes, as ive had him more of my life than ive not had him. but i'll be there for him too.
 
Its never easy having to make that decision but you do know when its the right time. I have had to make that decision 3 times and each of those times I have felt I have to be with them for there last moments, kept really strong until the deed was done and then blubbered like a baby for days. But what I have found even more upsetting and what has taken me a lot longer to get over is when that decision is taken from you, unfortunately had to deal with that 3 times too.
 
I was lucky in that I never had to make the decision. He was still healthy and happy but one bout of colic, the first in his life and only the third time in the 14 years I'd had him that he'd had the vet, and that was it. I put him in at 7pm and when I went back at 7am he was down in his stable. I called the vet who was there in 30 minutes, but he said his heart was already slowing and all we could do was help him on his way. He had eaten all his hay though, so he can't have been suffering for more than a few hours maximum. I really feel for people who have to make that decision though it's the most selfless but most difficult decision you'll ever have to make.
 
I really dont know
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,owned my guy all his life apart from the 6mnths he was with his mum,think my family know when the time comes it will destroy me
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,literally!!!
 
Its very hard. I haven't had to have a horse put to sleep but I did have a much loved cat.It was very distressing. I guess you just have to believe that its for your beloved horses benefit and that its you that will suffer not him.Then hard as it sounds, start to look forward. You are paying your horse the ultimate compliment.You have had such a wonderful life with him you need another one.
 
You just have to remind yourself that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Keep momentos ina special box & if you have a chance to plan ahead make sure you are well stocked with tissues, wine, chocolate etc & have a good friend who understands on stand by. A good long walk with a dog is a good comforter too.
And better a week too early than a day to late. Made that mistake with a cat once & I still regret not taking him for the final Vet visit earlier.
 
Been there 3 times
The first bought as a weaned foal when I was 12, he had a really bad time with strangles in his teens which left him with a heart murmur. I had him put down in his early twenties when he started collapsing during/after exercise.
That was the most difficult one and hurt the most--the other two really had a good 'innings' and it was the kindest thing.
The farm I had been keeping my first one at immediately started looking for another horse for me--they thought it was the best cure, I think they were right.
 
My horse and I were hit by a car which flipped us over the roof. The impact broke William's leg and threw me head first onto the road. I was knocked unconscious and don't remember anything of the accident but when I was coming round I had to keep getting told William had been PTS and his body had been disposed of. Honestly if it gets to the stage where you get the chance to 'plan' your goodbyes with your horse you should be really truly grateful. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but I just mean to say that worrying about the future won't help because you never know what it contains. Be strong and live for the moment
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I've only ever had tohave a horse pts once and that decision was made for me. We found him in the field with a seriously broken leg and vet put him down straight away. Only got him in the april last year and he was gone by the november. I still miss him and still get weepy but it is getting better
 
My advice is make a plan, covering the two main scenarios you are likely to face (gradual decline where you step in and accident/emergency reasons) decide as far as you can who will do it and where and what happens to the body, then get on with enjoying the time you have left together. If you dwell on it, you will pass on the vibes through the subtle or not so subtle signs you are feeling sad. They do know that, too.
 
I can empathise as I went through this with my horse of a lifetime last year. I knew his time was coming to an end, he'd had laminitis for the first time in his life and although he recovered he then got abcesses which wouldn't heal and then Cushings, all within a few months. By far the worst part was living through his pain and knowing that I would probably have to have him pts. When the time came it was a relief. I had him pts by injection by the vet and I was with him to the end. It was peaceful and dignified and my vet was fantastic.

I still miss him and everyday things trigger off memories of him. I was lucky enough to have a youngster which I'd had since a foal so I had something to focus on when he had gone.

It's terrible having to come to these decisions but you'll survive. I honestly thought that when the time came for my old boy to be pts I would be in a deep depression for months. I was very sad and I can still get weepy about him but for me, it was beforehand and having to make the decision that was far worse than the deed itself.
 
I have never had a horse pts but I have been there for my dogs and cats. You do know when the time has come and tbh the decision every time although incredibly painful, was easy to make. I do feel that the ability to give an animal a pain free and dignified ending, with the people it loved in its lifetime beside them is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. After all, think of what they gave you during their lifetime, its the least you can do for them.

You will survive. I loved my pets like my own family and on occasions cried for days on end, but life really does go on and it sounds hard, but you must get on with it really, eve though some days you will not want to even get out of bed. I have only owned my horses for less than 5 years and I really dont want to think about what will happen and when. Our very caring YO has already asked all her liveries to state in our contract what our wishes our regarding our horses say for example we are away and she has to make that decision for us.

Keep your chin up and remember you will wake up one day and feel ok.
 
I had my horse PTS at 18 due to illness (tumours) It was something I had always dreaded but when the time came I knew it was the right thing to do. The morning was horrible waiting for the vet but the actual event was very stress free and afterwards I didn't feel guilty - I had a huge sense of relief because I knew I had done the right thing and that had I left it he would have suffered. Sure, I missed him but I knew that I would (hopefully) outlive him and working in an equine vets made me think about the event before it arrived.

I fully believe once they are gone they are gone and had I the money I would have had no problem in getting another straight away. I still think about him and have happy memories - I think you just have to condition yourself to be prepared to move on as hard as it sounds.

What I could never do is sell an unwell or injured horse to take the responsibility away from me, I couldn't bear to be wondering what had happened to the horse after it left me.
 
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My advice is make a plan, covering the two main scenarios you are likely to face (gradual decline where you step in and accident/emergency reasons) decide as far as you can who will do it and where and what happens to the body, then get on with enjoying the time you have left together. If you dwell on it, you will pass on the vibes through the subtle or not so subtle signs you are feeling sad. They do know that, too.

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Agree completely with this.
As for getting over it, do what feels right for you. After our 1st horse had to be pts following an accident sister and I waited 2 yrs before getting another, getting our riding 'fix' at a local RS. Every time since we have had to just get on with it because we have always had others to look after as well. Now that we keep them at home, we have to go back into the yard where the deed was done immediately and I think this probably works best for us anyway. I was looking for the next horse within a week after my mare was pts as an emergency 18 mths ago and brought the new one home about 6 weeks later.
We have had 8 pts through either old age or illness/accident and can say that although it is always upsetting, at least when you know what to expect, it gets easier, in a way. Discussing memories of them with someone who knew them well also helps. We still talk very fondly of all of them and its almost 30 years since the 1st one died.
 
5yrs ago i had my 32yrold golden oldie pts sadly i diddnt get the choice due to him having some sort of brain anyrisum/ fit. vet arrived in 5mins and had to put him to sleep i really wish id had the chance to give him the peaceful ending that he really deserved . But 5weeks ago i had to have my 6yrold id had for 4yrs pts due to complete pedal bone sinking from lami hed been in so much pain that no amount of painkillers worked he really had had enough we took him in the field right next to his stable and with a mouthfull of grass (hed not seen a days grass in over 10 months )the sun on his back and peacefully went to sleep and i knew i really had made the right choice for him and just wish my oldie could have gone the same way .
you never really get over it but time is a healer and knowing that you have done your very best by them makes it a little easier . Ive learnt now that sometimes its a case of rather a week too early than a day too late .
You will know when its time as only you know her best .
take care x
p.s sorry for the poor grammar after a bottle of wine ..
 
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