How do you get over such a tragedy?

R

Rocky715

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 June 2008
Messages
484
Location
Buckinghamshire
Visit site
I was riding out with my friend as normal yesterday up the hills, we were about 45 minutes into our ride in practically the middle of nowhere and it was my turn to do the gate. I turned around and it was as though her horse was napping..... but then she started to shake and fell to her knees. I jumped off as my horse flipped, the whites of his eyes were showing and he was flaring his nostrils. Then my friends horse fell totally over onto her side trapping my friends leg. I didn't know whether to let go of mine and run the risk of wherever he ran to so I could help my friend. Luckily she managed to get out but she just kept screaming "shes dying shes dying". I grabbed my phone and called the vet then I tried to tell her to calm down. She then started screaming that there was blood coming from her mouth and nose. I told her to run for help and I would stay with the horses.

As I saw her start to run back with a guy from a nearby farmhouse I yelled at her to stop. I knew her horse was dying as she started to lash about and her eyes were rolling and tongue came out. I then saw her stop breathing and she took one last cough. I did not want my friend to have to see that.

We both waited for the vet together and the family from the farmhouse took my horse. They made us tea and sat with us. The man from the farm took the rest of my friends horses tack/boots off (we already did the saddle somehow when she first went down) and he put a rug over her head.

After the vet had been my friend went back to the yard with our yard owner who had made her way up to find us. I said I would wait with the horse until the man came. I also had to ring the horses owner (my friend had the horse on loan for a few years). The lovely people from the farm took my horse back to my hard in their box. The man turned up at about 2 oclock....... the horse first went down at 11am so i was mentally and physically exhausted by this point, I had just been sat stroking this beautiful mares face.

I just feel so sorry for my friend, I cannot even begin to imagine how she must be feeling. I just wish I could get these awful images out of my head - it was the most awful thing I have ever seen. The hard thing is - my non horsey friends and work colleagues just don't understand. I am sat here weeping at work as I just don't know how you are expected to deal with something like this?

Sorry for the long message i just needed to get it out
frown.gif
 
You need to go home and hug your horse. You're in shock and shouldn't be at work. Surely anyone there seeing you in this state would do the right thing and send you home.
You will get over this, but it takes time, you should be proud of yourself for being there for your friend when she needed you. ((Hugs))
 
So sorry to hear this - you must be absolutely shattered. Thoughts and prayers to you and all concerned.
 
Oh god that is terrible.

I have no idea what to say that will help but huge ((((hugs)))) to you and your friend!!!
frown.gif


Did the vet have any idea what caused this?

x
 
OMG how awful for you both. It sounds to me as if you coped wonderfully, and saved your friend from the awful last memories that you now have. Can't really offer any words of advice other than it will get easier, and the horrible memories will fade. Sending ((hugs)) to you and your friend.
 
((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))
for you and your friend!!

Similar thing happenned to my ex years back, he was riding someone elses horse and it just collapsed!! At the time we weren't on amicable terms, but he rang me as i ws the only one that would know where he was.
He was upset about it for quite a while, and still doesn't like talking about it.
Nothing constructive to add really, but i guess you just gotta remember the good times, and how loved this mare was.
 
You poor things, what a dreadful, scary thing to happen and the poor mare...do they know why she died?
You will feel awful for sometime but time is a great healer and you will, in your own way come to terms with it though it will always hurt when you remember. I agree with others, you are in shock, you may be better away from work but you may not be better completely on your own reliving the events. You have to let yourself cry and grieve, it is natures way.
Can you be with your friend? She will be feeling exactly as you are and you could support each other?
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((massive hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))) for you, I am so sorry.
 
[ QUOTE ]


Did the vet have any idea what caused this?



[/ QUOTE ]

Yes she said it was a Heart Attack. She said there was nothing anybody could have done and regardless of whether we had ridden that day or not, it would have happened
 
Big hugs, having lost a horse suddenly I know how upsetting it can be.

Going to sound quite harsh, but you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do your best to move on. However you need to talk about it (or at least I did, and still do), don't bottle everything up or you will suffer for it later on. Support your friend, and hopefully they will support you.

I'm not saying it's easy, and I know I sound harsh, but I've been there and done it, and a year on I'm doing ok.

Will be thinking of you and your friend.
 
The same thing happened to a friend of mine - her lovely horse collapsed with a heart attack and died very quickly. They were in the middle of nowhere. Eventually, although it took a lot of time, she consoled herself knowing that just before he died he had been cantering up a lovely hill on a favourite hack, and was about as happy as he could be.

You really do need to go home and take it easy. Or go and see your horse to distract yourself, or do something utterly mundane and useful like clearing out your stable. You're not exactly going to be very useful at work today.

So sorry for you and your friend. Give yourself time.
 
thats horrible
frown.gif
really really horrible. you did the right thing by not letting her see the last bit, that would have been horrible for anyone to see but especially her.
frown.gif
it sounds like you did the right thing and its horrible to be put in that situation.
do you know what she dies of? it sounds ver much like when my pony died of a hemrage. she just collapsed and lay there and the vet came but there was nothign you can do.
i suppose the only thing she can take from this is thaat she dies doing something she enjoyed.
hugs, that must have been horrible for both of you
frown.gif
 
Its not a tragedy, don't look at it like that.

We are all mortal and going to die sooner or later. That was a wonderful way for the horse to go, albeit a shock for your friend.

However consider this, many horses final (long) hours are filled with pain and then ended by drugs or a gun.

I know your friend is shocked, but it was a wonderful way to go (especially as didn't happen at high speed!). She should remember all the good times she had with this horse, rather than focus on that one point in time.
 
What a horrible thing to happen. I have seen this happen before and luckily the horse threw the rider clear (it was just trotting round an indoor school).

I think you did the best you can in the circumstances and saved your friend from too much distress.

I can understand how you must be feeling, it's the shock and the flashback of images. However, I think in some ways, to console yourself is to remind yourself how noone could have done anything about it or known it was going to happen. The horse would have known little about it and would not have suffered.

I guess it's something we all dread happening but thankfully it is rare. Hopefully over time you will find it a little easier once the initial shock has subsided.
 
what a horrid thing to happen, However like some of the others have said, what a great way for the horse to go, having fun out on a hack.

Celebrate the horses life, rather than mourn his loss.

Also congratulate yourself for the great way you kept calm and handled the situation yesterday. You are a very selfless person to bear that pain for your friend.

((((( hugs)))))
 
What an awful thing to witness, poor you and your friend. It sounds like you dealt with the situation fantastically, I am sure your friend is very grateful that she was with you at the time as you kept such a level head. No one can tell how we will react in such a situation and you did so well.

I agree that you shouldn't be at work today. You need to be with someone who will understand how you feel and will listen to you so you can have a good old cry about it. Go cuddle your horse and let it all out, you are in shock.

Hugs to you x
 
A similar thing happened to me 20 years ago......the pony just went down, I thought she was going to roll but she just went down and died right there in the field, with no warning whatsoever.

No mobiles in those days- I had to go and bang on someones door covered in mud......it was dreadful.

You never forget it...but it does lessen with time.
frown.gif


Big hugs hunny (((((((((()))))))))))
 
You did the best you could in the situation & the horse went quickly.
As others have said a great way for the horse to go (especially as rider un injured althogh you both in shock).

Hugs to you both & your horse.
 
I lost my old horse unexpectedly four years ago, but in the stable. He was 27 but seemingly fit and healthy so it was still a huge shock. My OH was working away and my parents were on holiday so I just spent 2 days sitting on their living room floor with my dog one side of me and theirs the other, licking the tears from my face. You need that time to let it all out of your system. As soon as the initial shock wears off, the fact that she went quickly, with very little suffering, doing some thing she loved will be a huge comfort I promise. Mine had colic, but had gone into his stable at 7pm the night before and I went up at 7am the following morning. He had eaten all his hay which would have taken him a fair few hours anf the vet was there within 30 mins, although due to his age his heart was already slowing so there was nothing we could do but help him on his way. He had probably been suffering for 3 hours maximum, not a lot when I've seen other horses go on far too long because owners have been unable to make that decision. I'm so grateful I never had to make that decision. He was semi-retired due to a touch of arthritis, but had just come out of the winter as well as ever, was enjoying the sun on his back without a rug and had p****d off with me up the lane on the way home (one of his favourite tricks) the last time I'd ridden him a few days before, so I know he died happy, otherwise healthy and didn't suffer too much at the end.

It sounds like you did the best you possibly could and were a big help to your friend, but even though she's not your horse it will affect you as much as your friend, so don't deny yourself the opportunity to grieve and get over the shock.

Could I suggest a thank you card and bottle of wine/bunch of flowers for the people who helped you as well, they could have not got involved and told you to b****r off. (plenty of people would these days). It might be affecting them a bit as well, so something to let them know you're doing ok and you're grateful for their help could help them as well as you.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Could I suggest a thank you card and bottle of wine/bunch of flowers for the people who helped you as well, they could have not got involved and told you to b****r off. (plenty of people would these days). It might be affecting them a bit as well, so something to let them know you're doing ok and you're grateful for their help could help them as well as you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Great minds... I bought them a card on the way home yesterday.... these people were fantastic and I want them to know how grateful we were
smile.gif
 
What a sad end, but like others have said there are worse ways to go. You must be very distressed, try and talk to someone about it. Your friend must feel very lost right now.
frown.gif
 
hey i lost my horse 2 weeks last friday and it is horrible- lots of crying and misery and no my work collegues are not great. all i can say is huge hugs and memories fade if you dont want to remeber things xxxx
 
What a horrible thing to happen, how awful. You did so well and did all the right things for the horse and your friend. Take some time to get over the shock and let yourself grief. I hope your friend is ok and hugs to you both. Remember all the good memories and hopefully in time it will get better. xx
 
so sorry to here this sad news made me cry. it will get easier in time but you just need to be strong for your friend and your own horse. big hugs to both of you
 
That is so so awful! My thoughts go out to your friend and yourself! Words can't begin to describe how your friend must feel! And for yourself its such a nasty thing to witness and a tricky moment when you do think "[****] whats the best thing to do?"but you could'nt of handled it any better!
Time is a healer and eventually you will feel much better. You just need to continue to give your friend the support she needs. I know what you mean about non-horsey, sometimes they just don't understand and are not that interested.
xxxx
 
I am so sorry, that must have been horrendous, my girl had a seizure not so long ago and its hard to get those images out of your mind, you just have to try and move on from those images, sadly these things do tend to haunt us.
But it will get easier for you and your friend, you will never be able to forget but it will get easier *big hugs* to you x
 
massive hugs to you and your friend x

one of my ex liveries had this happen before she moved to my yard, her ILPH loan horse just went down whilst hacking. From the point of view of getting over it, she did, not sure how.

Well done for staying calm in the situation, as it sounds as if you did,

so sad. thinking of you both.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top