How do you help someone who has become terrified of riding...

[Shysmum]

and they've had their horse for years ??

I feel so sorry for this lady, and have tried everything I can to help. She has had lessons, has got someone else to ride with (as I lost empathy pretty quickly), and a horse with manners to die for, and that could easily go so far She will not ride alone.

My personal view is that she should sell this stunning pony, or at least get a sharer, as he is so bored. And ride once a week at a riding school ??

Just musing really, have tried to help, but it seems beyond that now

How common is this ???

 

[Izzwizz]

Its more common than you may appreciate!

Has the said lady had some major self- confidence knocks of late as in at work, personal life, a bad fall? If not then yes I would be trying to gently persuade her to sell the pony and if she can't live without one, suggest getting an older retired pony to look after.

 

[trickivicki]

if she enjoys looking after her pony and riding with her friends every now and again good on her!

So many of us put lots of pressure on ourselves to go and do exciting things! The ponies don't really care.

Anyway, riding on your own is pants I don't blame her for not wanting to do it

 

[Shysmum]

I have been at the yard a year, and it;s getting worse, it's so very sad. For her, and this pony, who literally does not put a foot wrong.

i almost feel like I have said far more than I should have, but this had concerned me for months now. There is no way she will have a sharer, and said pony is just getting porky and bored.

 

[Tiffany]

Agree with Issues it's quite common. The longer you don't ride the more difficult it is to start again. A sharer sounds a good idea because clearly this lady is enjoying all other aspects of owning a pony. Would she get on if 2 people walked on foot with her, one either side? Does she admit she's too frightened to get on?

 

[Nugget La Poneh]

As someone who is still trying to get over being scared witless of riding my own horse, the things that help me are being able to go out with someone that doesn't mind just going round a field either on horse or on foot. This gradually builds up to me initiating canters and jumps, but then all of a sudden for no reason, I go back 20 steps. I have ridden, and even jumped my friends hunter type and that helped to a degree as it was a a different horse and I didn't fall off, but I had been riding out with both of them for about 4 months prior and knew what he'd do. There is no way I would entertain going to a riding school at the moment.

Ultimately, it is really only something that the rider can sort - and tbh, if she wants to keep the horse then so be it.

 

[Tiffany]

Should have said Izzwizz.

 

[ghostie]

Depends on her personality, but perhaps try and get her involved in helping someone else? Sounds back to front, but maybe a situation where shee needs to pass on her hosey wisdom to someone younger or less experienced will help her to realise what she does know and feel better about herself?

 

[Shysmum]

she rode with a friend two days ago, and said she just wanted to get off, she was so nervous - how the hell can that be fun ???

maybe I should just keep out of it, just seems such a shame, as I have tried so hard to help her She sees said pony maybe twice a week at most.

 

[Chavhorse]

Speaking as someone who was once brimming with confidence in fact in all honesty I was very over confident! who after an accident found myself on a friends kick along cob, on the lunge and crying with fear before, during and afterwards I can really sympathise with your friend.

Sadly it is not a case of manning up (I knew I was being ridiculous one bad accident in 30 years riding is not a bad average) but i was utterly paralysed with fear and could not face riding alone at all.

What finally worked for me was going on a confident riding course for 3 days. It was a group situation (so we all in the same boat) and we spent the mornings working on relaxation excercises, visualisation excercises, learning coping skills and generally being bouyed up! The afternoons were spent hacking out on some of the steadiest riding school cobs I have ever encountered day one we walked, day two we trotted and by day three some of us were asking if we could canter! Our group included on totally inspirational lady who had not sat on a horse for two years since falling off and fracturing her spine, she was terrified on day one on day three she had her first canter and loved it.

What i learnt was no horse will ever be able to make you feel confident it has to come from you.

This course cost me 350 GBP and is the best money I have ever spent on my riding it gave me my love of riding back and I can 100% recommend.

If you want to have the details for your friend PM me and I will gladly give you the details, I would suggest that your friend calls the lady who runs the courses and chats to her, she is inspirational and has helped many terrified riders.

 

[be positive]

There are plenty of people that lack confidence, riding alone can be worrying so she is sensible to only ride in company, she needs support to help regain her confidence and a sympathetic instructor can make a huge difference.

Why should she sell her horse, if he is well mannered and she has had him for years, he is hers to do with as she wishes, as long as he is looked after and can go out in a field and be a horse he should be fine, he does not know he is wasted.

 

[Izzwizz]

Should have said Izzwizz.

Haha I guessed!

 

[OscarBubbles]

Until a couple of years ago I used to go tearing accross the country side with little and my horses she was fearless!
She then had a nasty car crash in which she wrote her car off. She has since been petrified of riding.
It has taken these two years to get as far as her sitting on my cob being led round the school whilst gripping a neck strap.
She's happy looking after her shetland pony giving him all the love he needs and long reining him in harness (she also refuses to get in a cart).

It could take this lady time and her loss of confidence may not be horse related.

 

[Shysmum]

I should explain, that over the last year it has progressed to her not even being able to get the bit into the pony's mouth at all - although the YO has now sorted this problem for her. I think I've said enough tho - I just wish i could instill a bit of confidence, but all my efforts have failed, and it seems to sad. To not even be able to ride up the drive on your own pony - ......

 

[mandwhy]

I shouldn't think the pony cares either really! I don't like it when people think 'that pony has too much potential for that owner'. Buy whatever expensive well bred animal you like, If they are happy and healthy I very much doubt they dream of doing anything else!

She could get a sharer if she feels he could do with more exercise but if he's having a nice time out in the field with his pals then she shouldn't have to if she doesn't want to!

Confidence is a weird thing, you never know it might come back and only riding at a riding school sucks compared to having the freedom in my opinion!

I am riding someone's horse as they have lost their confidence at the mo, so it is very common which is a shame but at the end of the day riding can be dangerous so the fears are pretty justified!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

TBH, what she doesn't need is someone who loses empathy quickly interfering in her business. She needs someone who will allow her to set the pace and build her confidence as slowly as she needs to.
I doubt very much if the pony is getting bored - they are pretty good at standing in fields eating!

 

[Shysmum]

fair enough, I'll butt out. Just seems a shame after I've tried to help for months at her request, but i guess it is none of my business. trust me, I have the empathy of a saint - i teach riding for the disabled. I just wanted to help this partnership work.

Anyway, i will bow out. xx

 

[Tickles]

I lost confidence riding over bridges with low edges (and unsafe drops to shallow water/motorways, so real risk, but not one that bothered me before) when I nearly died in a very ground and not bridge-based car accident. And lost interest with hormonal changes. I loose recklessness when in a good relationship! So, as another poster said, could be something totally non-horsey. For me it never prevented riding. But I could imagine for some it could. No horse is likely to care as long as it has a healthy environment and company. If you don't feel empathy you might still be able to help. I doubt it if you also feel frustration though. Enjoy your own riding

 

[be positive]

The pony honestly wont care about being "wasted" they do not think of what they are missing, the owner probably knows that she is not doing enough but will find it hard to do anything about it.
She may be unwell or depressed and telling her that her pony should be doing more will not help at all, leave her be unless she wants help, the YO should be there for her if required, it may get better or she may give up but there should be no pressure from other liveries, however well meaning they are.

I have a pony here at livery, his owner has gone through a rough patch and he has not been ridden for 2 years, he has now been put in with me to be sold, it has taken that long for her to make that decision for herself with no pressure, the pony is fine he was happy living out doing nothing during that time.

 

[Venevidivici]

This situation seems very common. OP did ask what she could do to help(and isn't just slagging woman off) and I think best thing is to step back(sounds like you've said 'your piece' anyway!) and be gently supportive whenever she does do something with pony. Provided it's healthy,I think this situation brings itself to a head/natural ending-she'll either pick the reins back up(pardon the massive pun!),or she'll sell/loan.

 

[Chavhorse]

Shysmum I have sent you a PM;-))

One of the ladies on the course I did was the same as your friend, she could get the saddle out of the tackroom but could not bring herself to put it on her horse, she started to shake and cry. The course tutor worked with her to get her over this prior to coming on the actual riding part of the course.

I really feel for your friend confidence is such a fragile thing and I am ashamed to say before it happened to me I had little or no sympathy for "Nervous Nellies" as I used to call them, now I feel almost evangelical about the fact that you can overcome this given the right help;-)

 

[Shysmum]

It feels like a confidence breakdown happening before my eyes, and i just wanted to help. Personally i think that selling is the only option - when you are too afraid to trot a pony, there must be very deep seated issues for the rider, and it must be incredibly painful trying to work thru them, whatever those issues may be.

 

[JFTDWS]

Assuming the pony is not overweight or stabled 24/7 and desperately needing work, I don't see that it matters one bit whether it's ridden or not and if its owner is happy to pay for it to be looked after, whether she ever sits on it again is hardly anyone else's cause for concern

I just don't get why people believe that an otherwise sound owner should not choose to keep their unridden horse if they so desire. Who the heck's business is it but the owner anyway?

 

[Venevidivici]

Marketed correctly,I think there's a massive niche for courses like the one mentioned (provided the course gets results,obviously!) And what a satisfying,rewarding job to enable people to get that relationship and 'connection' back

 

[Shysmum]

overweight, arthritis.

wish i had never posted now. Hopefully this thread will have died by tomorrow, lol. x

 

[Izzwizz]

It feels like a confidence breakdown happening before my eyes, and i just wanted to help.

Its great that you do want to help. Are you close friends with this lady, enough to have a real heart to heart with her about her confidence dive? It may well be non-horsey related, who knows. Its true as others have said that as long as her horse is looked after then it doesnt mind if its ridden or not. Its a hard one really...but at the end of her day it is her business.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

It feels like a confidence breakdown happening before my eyes, and i just wanted to help. Personally i think that selling is the only option - when you are too afraid to trot a pony, there must be very deep seated issues for the rider, and it must be incredibly painful trying to work thru them, whatever those issues may be.

If you really want to help (and I'm sorry but your frustration is coming over loud and clear) you could try asking this lady to help with your RDA riders. When she sees how well they do even with their disabilities, it might just help her to get back into the right mindset to do a bit more with her own horse.

 

[Shysmum]

You know, i think the answer is staring me in the face, and I need a good one-to-one chat with her. All i want is to be able to get her up and doing what SHE wants to do, which her fear is not letting her do atm. Get my book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway out, lol x

 

[Chavhorse]

Marketed correctly,I think there's a massive niche for courses like the one mentioned (provided the course gets results,obviously!) And what a satisfying,rewarding job to enable people to get that relationship and 'connection' back

Absolutly right;-)) I have to say the one I was on was handled beautifully, we had one lady in particular who was literally shaking with fear but the course instructor rode along side her at all times for the first two days, on day 3 she over took the course instructor when we did a controlled canter up a hill;-) she did not realise she had done it till she pulled up and the look on her face was priceless;-)) There was no pressure for any of us only calm support not only from the course insturctor and the guy from the riding school who was leading the rides but from all the other course attendees. I am still in touch with all the ladies on my course and we still share our experiences and celebrate them.

Sorry I am sounding totally evangelical but it really gave me my love of riding back something I was convinced I had lost.

 

[Littlelegs]

If she wants to ride but is scared, then maybe riding hers as & when she chooses, getting off when she wants is just the best way for her to deal with it. If she agreed, riding another quiet horse might be an idea too occasionally.
But agree with hers, provided the horse is healthy & well looked after I doubt its at all bothered. Why should she be obliged to part with what essentially sounds like her pet because she has a confidence issue? Which probably isn't being helped if those around her think the solution is to stop wasting her horse, get rid & go to a rs? Maybe everyone who isn't a top rider should be forced to sell up & go to a rs so as not to waste their horses potential too.