How do you help someone who has become terrified of riding...

[Sherbie]

Shysmum, I do understand where you are coming from but do you really think your friend would put herself and pony through this if she wasnt determined to make it right and regain her confidence on her horse. She must tust you, it wont be nice for her atall to go though this. If the pony is happy and well looked after, maybe its some support (if you feel you can give it) that she needs for now. She may feel really pressured to do get over her fears quicker for those helping too, sounds like she needs to take her time. Do you know what happened to make her feel like this?

 

[Shysmum]

i really DO think there is a niche for this type of course - with a specialised trainer (not a numpty like me, lol), with an insight into the psychology of what is going on. What that psychology may be, I don't know, but it seems a very common problem.

The point here is that this lady WANTS to do more, but cannot, and that this is causing here considerable distress. I have tried to discuss the issues, but have got nowhere, and every week there is a new excuse not to ride ( she does not need one !!!). No one has to do anything at all - but I know that she wants her confidence back to be able to ride freely again.

The whole point of this thread was to ask for suggestions for help, as I have run out.

 

[YorksG]

It feels like a confidence breakdown happening before my eyes, and i just wanted to help. Personally i think that selling is the only option - when you are too afraid to trot a pony, there must be very deep seated issues for the rider, and it must be incredibly painful trying to work thru them, whatever those issues may be.

'Help' is not provided by judgemental people suggesting that the horse is wasted and should be sold! This lady needs the help of a sports psychologist or similiarly trained and qualified person, IF she wants to address this as an issue. If she is happy to just look after her pony, it is absolutely no buisiness of any one else, least of all someone who thinks that she should sell her animal!

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I just don't get why people believe that an otherwise sound owner should not choose to keep their unridden horse if they so desire. Who the heck's business is it but the owner anyway?

I agree, as long as the owner is happy to not be riding. If they are longing to solve their confidence issues and to ride again, then it is a sad situation.

I have helped people in the past and the key really seems to be finding what they can cope with (however small) and then repeating a good experiance many times before moving onto something slightly more. If the fear comes on strong, go back to the easier thing, so that you always end on a good note.

Shysmum, I wish that you could send your livery mate to me for a coffee and a chat as I too have been there and sometimes it's nice to know that you aren't the only one and that there is hope.

PS SM, you're invited too.

 

[Shysmum]

i know she wants to get over this, and I would do anything to help her. There for the grace of god go I.

 

[EAST KENT]

My two girls are my pets;if I choose to leave them as field ornaments that is entirely my business.However currently I seem to have found two lovely ladies who will appreciate hacking out my girls and helping out the farrier costs. Both of these mares are exactly the same,trustworthy,even if unridden for a year,they are equine friends on my own land,so no livery charges.I resent the "they are wasted" stuff,the farrier was always on about that,I just told him to do his usual excellent job and be quiet.
Yes once I would ride anything,then had my nerve shot a bit,but these two are wonderful ,no one could be in fear of these.
Maybe being on a yard with the pressure of other people is`nt a good thing for this lady.

 

[Shysmum]

ok, on that note i will gracefully butt out.

 

[be positive]

Your posts did not really come across as trying to help her, it was more like she needs to get a sharer or sell the pony, the pony may be her lifeline, even if she is scared to ride it the chances are she is clinging on to hope that she can get back on.
A course may be a good idea but other suggestions such as getting her to help at RDA could boost her self confidence.
I have found with nervous riders that removing absolutely all pressure is the first thing to do, let them dictate the pace but have realistic goals that are attainable they may be very small steps at first, just sitting on having got the pony tacked up alone could for this lady be a big deal.

 

[Sherbie]

ok, on that note i will gracefully butt out.

I know I may be shot down for this but you obviously feel vey frustrated for your friend, butting out may not help. I bet it has been through her mind to sell before, especially the way she feels about riding. If you want to help, ask her what she needs (on a quiet day) no fuss ect. Having your confidence shot is one thing but knowing everyone is watching and practically documenting what you do and dont do makes it worse. Hope all works out ok x