how do you know when it is time to give up (long, sorry!)

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gemmahodgkinson

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Hi Everyone,
Im sitting here really miserable because i think i have made the decision to sell my girl. she is my first horse, and i have had her for just over a year. she fractured her leg two weeks after i got her home and was off then for 5 months. since she has been back in work, i have been having regular lessons but i feel like i am getting no where. i have been told she is really talented, but also that she is very clever and i just always feel one step behind. i cant hack her on her own because she naps. she doesnt rear or anything but she stops and spins round, and a confident rider would just give her a smack and tell her to stop pratting around but i just let her turn round and come home. In the school, she has also started to spook in the school at the slightest bit of wind, but as soon as i get off her she is totally fine so i just think she is taking the mic. and when i get her in from the field, she has started pratting around, letting me catch her then trying to run off. this is such a sard decision because in every other way she is brilliant and my instructor who also schools her for me loves her, but i just feel like she is too good for me. it breaks my heart to think about selling her, but when do you know enough is enough and your horse is just knocking your confidence. When my instructor rides her she is an angel, and she hacks on her own when she knows somone confident is on her. i dont know whether to persist or sell her and move on. My OH thinks im giving up, but my instructor (who is also my best friend!) thinks i should sell her and get something i can have lots of fun on. Help, i feel like crying
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you need to be careful with confidence - once you lose it i think it is hard to get it back. It is always going to be a heartbreaking decision to sell a horse... but its sad that you cant get out and do the things that you want to be doing on this horse. So i think I have to agree with your instructor, and perhaps look for a horse that would help to build your confidence back up a bit?? Good luck xx
 
What does your instructor say? I think you should speak to her.

Not knowing either you or your horse, it sounds more like a communication problem, try doing some work with her in hand and building a bond.

I am sure she is not too good for you, you obviously love her a lot and its a crisis of confidence which will pass.

Good luck

x
 
OK, I went through this about a month ago.

It may not work but it's worth a try. You need to reassert yourself with her and she sounds like Oscar - too clever for her own good. Spend a week or so lunging her - give her strong vocal commands and make her work forward.

Then hack out with other people and make sure you're not gripping with your knees. When she naps, boot her. If she was going to rear I'm guessing she would have by now. If she does it in the school, smack her with the schooling whip.

I know it's scarey but she could be a great horse for you if you can get past this. Oscar still naps a bit but I growl at him and if he doesn't listen smack him......

Unfortuantely, talented horses often have quirks!
 
We have one like this so I know what you're going through. We put him up for sale, then he goes alright and we get some confidence back, so we decide not to sell and then sooner or later it comes full circle again. I don't know the answer, ours is still with us after 10 years. He's sweet and affectionate and tries so hard to please.

Hope it gives you some comfort to know you're not alone.
 
It is totally your call, you can probably work through your problems and slowly gain more confidence but it takes a long time. If it is making you feel this bad then perhaps you should call it a day, it is supposed to be fun after all. Don't worry about your mare if she is talented she'll find a good home.
You could try taking your horse somewhere for some intensive training for both of you (I mean a week of two lessons a day with a good trainer) and see how you feel at the end of that. If you don't feel you are seeing an improvement it will help you make your decision and also prepare her for sale.
Good luck x
 
Thats what I was trying to say with the work in hand (same as Park Ranger) the work in hand would help with confidence when you get a bit growly with her. When you take that new confidence with you when you ride, it will be easier to apply.

Oh I so hope that makes sense.

Good luck, she is a lucky horse.
 
thanks so much everyone, its so much better knowing other people are going through the same thing. sometimes i just get so envious seeing other people just going for a nice hack in the sunshine on their own! my instructor wants to get a schoolmaster for me to get confidence, and still keep my ponio on while we wait for her to get a bit older (she is only 6) and less silly because i know she will be brilliant when she has got past this adolescent phase! she is really sweet in every other way, you could let a baby brush her, i think she is just pushing me! the ground work is a good idea though, have not tried that.
thanks everyone, it means a lot to get some positive advice! xx
 
You have to make a conscious decision as to whether you're up for the challenge I guess.

i'm a stubborn bitch and didn't want a horse to beat me unfortunately....that said if he was rearing vertically I don't think I'd feel the same!
 
I agree you need to re-assert yourself. First on the lunge then in the saddle. If you really can't get the upper hand then consider selling but TBH this is a problem you could come up against with almost any horse. If they get away with napping once they'll keep trying it on.
 
Even the best of horses will try it on unless you're confident on them...

I thought i'd ruined my horsey a few weeks ago but she had a hard ride from a fantastic rider & has been PERFECT ever since - not a single spook, let alone a buck or rear.

I'd say that perhaps a change of instructor might help?

There might be something in your position that could be improved ( there always is! please don't take offense) or someone else might just push you enough to give you confidence?

Good luck though.

Advertise her - it might take a while to find he a home - and work at it in the meantime.
 
It is all a matter of personalities and temprement. One person will click with a horse and another won't.

If you find you can't cope with this horse then sell it and find yourself a nice laid back horse that you get on with and look forward to riding.
 
I did it several years ago. I had a sec d who had the most amazing blood lines...I was a show person. It soon become apparant to all that pony HATED showing with a passion. He would buck, nap run at other horses in the ring. He did however have the most amazing jump I have ever seen on a pony. When my friend jumped him ( I hate jumping) you could see in his eyes he was loving every minute. I decided that me and him wanted different things and it was only a matter of time before we had an accident together.
I sold him to a jumping home and 12 months later he was affiliated.
Do whats best for you first and foremost. I am old and cynical now and safety and confidence rank above sentiment nowadays for me.
 
sorry to hear you are going through this. I would echo what others have said but I would be very careful about just leaving her to 'get older' and grow out of the silliness. This may not happen. Once a horse thinks they have the upper hand you have a problem. You need to rectify this as soon as you can by being firm, consistent and as confident a you can be.

Why not go and have some lessons on a schoolmaster to get your confidence back up. You will probably find you are a much better rider than you think you are.

Good luck.
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It sounds like it's not your lack of skill thats holding you back but your confidence which can sometimes be a harder think to achieve especially when you've lost it - this is probably why your mare is acting up - she doesn't respect you and doesn't get any confidence from you.

I was the same as you - very low in confidence due to a couple of falls and just a general disheartened attitude but some rescue remedy and a good RI gave me the kick up the arse I needed and I am a much better rider for that.

It can be fixed but you really need to work on it - firstly I recommend getting a RI who understands your boundaries but will still push you enough - I've come across too many who when you say you don't want to do something just let you give up - you need one that doesn't let you do that. Also, what about something like hypnosis or NLP - I tried some hypnosis tapes and despite my scepticism they did help a little but it also just made me feel better to be tacking the problem.

Chin up chick - you can get through this!
 
Please dont lose heart, Ive been through the same. I bought a 4 yr old just backed horse when I was looking for something about 8 ish. I thought I could cope as Ive ridden for over 30 yrs and thought I could ride, ok no expert but good enough to bring him on. Big mistake, we struggled on, he was very very spooky, nappy and ditched me wrecking my confidence. I did get back on, padded up to the eyeballs, had a short battle with him and that was our turning point, he didnt nap again. The spookiness is still there 5 yrs on especially in the school but nothing like it was and with a very good instructor I can now control it 99% of the time. My boy is also very talented and his problem is he gets bored easily. The lessons have made me an effective rider, so we dont just ride round and round in endless circles anymore, we do travers, leg yield, loads of transitions etc etc just to keep him listenning.
I wouldnt ride out on your own for a while and maybe even try another instructor. Its awful feeling scared but you can get through this.
 
I went through this 4 years ago - bought a horse i thought was older (turned out to be just 3 - big mistake bying from a 'friend'). I battled with her for 3 years - she put me in hospital 4 times with various breaks. We got somewhere with her in the end and she stopped misbehaving but my confidence never recovered (went from jumping 4" happily to crying at a pole on the ground) and she knew that she had the upper hand. After a lot of heartache i decided to let her go - she's now VERY happy with a male rider who won't take her tantrums and I have a much smaller sweetie pony who I can do anything on.

The decision is yours but remember riding is meant to be a hobby and fun - every horse is not for every rider - its not that your not good enough for her just a potential personality clash.

If you do want to persevere we had a real break through with my old mare by doing Parelli with her - made her use her brain and listen to me.

Good luck - I really hope it all works out for you!
 
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time with your mare. As other posters have said; confidence is something you have to be very careful with, because it's sooo hard to get back after you lose it
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If i was in the same situation as you, i'd be inclined to sell her and buy myself a nice schoolmaster type to build your confidence and put the fun back into your riding. Horses are too expensive to have if they are causing you to be miserable. I know it's a very hard decision, and at the end of the day, only YOU can make it.

Good luck with whatever you decide, keep us posted

xx
 
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