How do you (politely and without offending) get someone to stop giving 'suggestions'?

[Shysmum]

I like the idea of inviting her to ride your horse - haha !!! I wish I'd done that at the time now, esp as I was breaking in with no saddle and a very lively chap.Fab idea !! sm x

 

[Thelwell_Girl]

No disrespect T_G but there's no point standing up for someone just because they aren't knowledgeable. We can all learn, there's no question, but we should be allowed to choose our own trainers!

Wasn't standing up for her, I did say she sounded like a nightmare!

TG im sorry but riding schools are very diff to livery. And you also will have no idea what goes on behind the scenes, Ive been at many rs where on the surface everyone gets on fabulously, behind the surface there has been sleeping with each others boyfriends, physical fights, you name it.

I was only commenting on what I know of my riding school, as a helper and rider there, I don't know about the staff's lives! I think all off them get on really well, but obv I'm not an instructor/staff member so I wouldn't know.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of an argument, I didn't post with the intention of defending or criticising anyone

 

[mulbry]

I invited a 'helpful comment' person to ride my batty mare when I got sick of the advice I was given too. It didn't end well for the girl Sadly this probably isn't an option here with a youngster; my old girl was pretty much oblivious to the idiot on top whereas you don't want some numpty upsetting the young horse. It's a difficult situation though because as much as you want to tell them to chuff off, at the end of the day you're all stuck on the same yard. I've seen all sorts of 'payback' go on in retaliation for someone feeling slighted over their advice being ignored

 

[NicoleS_007]

I find an Ipod/MP3 player does the trick.
Mine comes to the yard periodically if I just can't be pooped listening to people spout at me

havent read all replies but i agree with this the ipod wrks wonders

 

[Holly Hocks]

Why not just tell your friend to jump off her horse and hand her reins to the other woman and then ask her to ride it to show her how it is done......I bet the woman doesn't bother her again!

 

[Rudey]

Another vote for ipod! I rarely ride without mine. I also listen to it around the yard, especially when I'm limited with time, otherwise without, I engage in too much chatting!

I don't want to cause offence to anyone but.... Personally I wouldn't want someone to ride my youngster if they weren't a very competent rider - I would worry they would put the horse back a few steps. On a similar level, I once had a girl slate my riding - said that the only reason I use to get placed in the ring was because my horse was a push button ride. He was anything but. Eventually I got fed up of the snide remarks and let her have a ride on my horse. Totally out of control he did several laps of the field at full bore gallop, and then jumped the 5 bar gate with her into the next field.

Fortunately for me, he cleared it and my horse was unscathed - however it could have been a different story if he hadn't cleared it. The girl did comment after that she didn't know how I managed to get that thing around the ring!! After that incident, it took a couple of rides to get my horse working nicely again - lesson learnt by me - I will never let someone ride any of my horses unless I thought my horse was safe and/or the rider was competent to ride said horse! It can cause all sorts of problems otherwise. xx

 

[Chestnuttymare]

personally i wouldn't offer a sdit on my horse, wouldn't subject the horse to that. Doubt if you would be taken up on it though if she doesn't ride her own.
I have had feed advice, worming advice, and also being told that they should all get a hammering every so often!
I tend to get a bit ratty so it seems to have stopped. It's a bit like pressure and reward. I get arsey when getting advice but am nice as pie for normal conversation, i think the message has got across.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!

 

[Bojangles]

Another vote for Ipod!!!! Then you don't have to worry about hearing them talking. Could also get away with a bit of singing if they say anything afterwards!! Works a treat!!!!!!

 

[EmmaJaneWilliams]

Ride with earphones in - they don't have to be connected to anything if you don't want,then you can ignore and say you didn't hear because you were listening to music - actually my daughter used to buy audio dressage tests when she wanted to practice them - could be a way out that may be easier than having to be rude.

I find an Ipod/MP3 player does the trick.
Mine comes to the yard periodically if I just can't be pooped listening to people spout at me

havent read all replies but i agree with this the ipod wrks wonders

Another vote for Ipod!!!! Then you don't have to worry about hearing them talking. Could also get away with a bit of singing if they say anything afterwards!! Works a treat!!!!!!

And another for earphones/Ipod - You don't even need them turned on just the impression that they are on - tell your friend good luck and that most yards have "some-one"

 

[Doris68]

Say: "I'm sorry, did you say something - missed it!"
and continue saying similar "Sorry, what did you say, can't hear you!"
"Sorry, don't listen to people when I'm riding - have to think about my horse and what I'm doing"

 

[ladyearl]

Say: "I'm sorry, did you say something - missed it!"
and continue saying similar "Sorry, what did you say, can't hear you!"
"Sorry, don't listen to people when I'm riding - have to think about my horse and what I'm doing"

this too

 

[lochpearl]

I know someone very much like this and thank god they aren't on my yard!! Lovely person but seems to know everything!!

Perhaps she should pop her ipod on and pretend she can't hear her!!

 

[perfect11s]

A friend of mine is being driven nuts by this. She's changed her shift pattern and is now at the yard at the same time as another livery. Friend is an experienced rider, who has worked with horses in the past but just has one youngster now - backed this year. Other livery (who is unable to ride own (v capable and nice) horse in an outline/jump over 2ft, that kind of person) keeps offering 'advice' constantly when friend is riding, and friend is getting increasingly annoyed by it. Friend doesn't want to be rude, but says she's going to explode soon if this woman doesn't stop telling her what to do, especially when the woman doesn't have a clue anyway!

So - any advice? What has worked for others in similar situations?

just tell her did she know empty vessels make the most noise

 

[Kenzo]

agree, nod your head and then ignore the woman will soon get fed up and pester someone else that does do as their told

 

[frannieuk]

I just say "thanks, but I prefer to do it my way" and smile, then repeat every time unsolicited advice is offered

 

[Crackajack]

Stick your ipod/phone/mp3 player...god i was gonna say walkman but dont think these exist anymore lol
Plug it in even if only in one ear - use it to school/jump your horse to (I do it its fun ) and ignore her with...if she so much as even looks at you just blank her - then when you get off and she tries to talk just explain and say...
"Sorry i get really put off when i have an audience so to ignore it i use music - sorry must get on i need to go spent far too long in the school!"
Que....walking off asap and hopefully she wont follow lol x

 

[Carefreegirl]

Ride with earphones in - they don't have to be connected to anything if you don't want,then you can ignore and say you didn't hear because you were listening to music - actually my daughter used to buy audio dressage tests when she wanted to practice them - could be a way out that may be easier than having to be rude.

I agree, I ride in the school with a mini radio and earphones if I dont want to be interrupted tho I sometimes get carried away and start singing out loud - that scares everything in a 3 mile radius off and I put my radio on in the yard if I don't want to talk to a particular person / people. Half the people on the yard I wouldnt chose to be friends with, we just share the same interest. Other than that I'm afraid your just going to be short and abrupt til she gets the message.

 

[katelarge]

Doris 68 is pretty much there, but I would avoid the preamble and go straight to the "sorry, I'm concentrating here" point, and ride past with a blank face, giving zero reaction to any other words, and riding at the other end of the school to make the point even clearer. I'd be really wary of riding - even schooling - with earbuds in as who knows what (potentially useful) noise might be sceened out.

Luckily I've only ever had this once, one person riding at the same time as me made a comment on something I didn't realise I was doing, and I was stunned. To be fair she is competes at a decent level but I never forgave her for it. It really upset me and there is no way your friend should put up with that.

And as for the side-argument about how important experience is: it just is. I (bog ordinary rider) would never offer anyone advice unless asked for specifically, whereas if Carl Hester joined me in the school and started giving me advice, frankly I'd be in Heaven. And saving a lot of money too.

 

[Luci07]

ha ha. Never have this at my yard but have been in a similiar position a while ago and polite hints didn't work neither did ignoring.

What did work was when I lost my cool and turned round and said "when I WANT advice, I PAY for it"

Took her a while to work it out and then every time she started, I just said "remember - I pay for it..." worked!!