How do you say goodbye?

[JesterandPatch]

I think I have made the decision to have my boy PTS, he has cushings although well controlled, he has now got arthritis in his stifle and I suspect other places too, I have been trying with danilon and gentle exercise and felt things were going OK but he has had a massive flare up, so bad he kicked out in pain when I tried to brush his hindquarters and rug him.
I've upped his pain meds so he is comfortable and he seems bright and alert, he is now letting me touch his hindquarters but really how long can I let this go On? He wasn't just telling me he was in pain he was screaming it, he is so loyal he has never tried to kick me so know things are bad.
I'm going to chat to the vet next week and get things arranged, then I'm hanging up my hat for good, I need to rehome his companion so that's like a double blow, I'm just feeling absolutely devastated and still questioning my decision, he is 21 so a good age, a bird had made a nest in the tack room out of his shedded coat and I just bawled my eyes out, any tips or advice to make it a little easier?

 

[Spotherisk]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I’ve been there and was hoping I’d feel better once I’d made the decision but no, I really didn’t. The BHS has a friends at the end scheme (I have probably worded that wrongly) which might help you. Decide in advance what how you want it done and if you need anyone to support you on the day. Our local animal crem for fallen stock wants payment up front. Consider if you want to keep shoes or hair - I had taken hair from Tinner before his time came and it was good to have that already done.

Big hugs for your decision, and strength going forward.

 

[View]

Oh it’s so tough on us saying goodbye to our loved friends. But it’s a privilege to be able to do what you are doing - making sure they go peacefully.

Please take comfort that he won’t know a thing about it and has no concept of tomorrow.

it’s up to you if you want to be lead him out on the day, but please don’t be there when his body is loaded.

I’ve held many for their owners and find it a privilege to tell them how wonderful they are and be reassuring for them, I’ve helped ensure that everything is left clean and undisturbed- but I couldn’t stay for my lad’s body being loaded.

 

[Spotherisk]

OP you say your lad has a companion, unfortunately you need to decide in advance what happens there... does the companion get the chance to paw and sniff after it has happened? My Smurf was very upset and shocked when he couldn’t wake Tinner up, he was licking his rear, nibbling his face and lips. Harley wasn’t interested and didn’t want to approach but he was the one who called and called for the next week. In hindsight I wish I had left Tinner for a fair few hours before collection.

 

[southerncomfort]

Huge hugs.

We've all been where you are and it hurts dreadfully.

It is the last kindness we can do for our old friends and that in itself does bring some comfort.

After I'd made the call to the vets I gathered up all her 'belongings' and asked my husband to put them away somewhere for me, as I knew I'd find it too hard to have those constant reminders of her around.

Keep yourself busy between the call and the appointment. That's probably the hardest part I think.

On the day, don't feel at all guilty if you don't feel you can be there at the time, and have someone on standby to take the lead rope if you need to walk away. And if its the first time you've had to do it, don't be afraid to call your vet beforehand and ask them to talk you through what will happen.

Above all else just keep reminding yourself what a brave and selfless thing you are doing.

And allow yourself to grieve afterwards. Grief takes as long as it takes and can't be rushed.

Thinking of you. Xx

ETA their is a group called Friends at the End that can support you through this if you find yourself struggling with it all.

 

[misst]

So sorry for you. I know it feels as if you are losing everything all at once. I can tell you life goes on and it will be ok but that doesn't help now x Do what feels right, don't lsiten to anyone who is telling you that you should you do anything different - you know your horse and you know what needs doing. Take care of yourself and know you will be ok xxx hugs and thinking of you xx

 

[oldie48]

I think you are both brave and caring to make the decision before it is made for you. I wish I'd been able to do that for my old boy. TBH you can't avoid being upset, just make sure you have a supportive friend with you and for me a bottle of red wine and some chocolate helped whilst I binged on photos and memories whilst having a good cry. However, I did take comfort in the fact that he'd had a good life, had been well cared for in his old age and was much loved. He was somewhat older than your boy so I'd prepared myself to some degree but it's still really painful but I've got over it and I'm sure you will too. Sending a big hug.

 

[outdoor girl]

It's a huge decision but one you must not feel guilty about. We had a horse with cushings which was under control, but the laminitis which came with it wasn't. We felt having her pts was the last kind thing we could do for her. We made the arrangements with the vet, dosed her up with 3 Danilon and, after 6 weeks box rest, she went out into the field with her pals for one final morning of being a horse again. Huge hugs to you.

 

[ycbm]

What a wonderful owner you are. I find it helps to focus on how you are removing him from any possibility of him being in pain in future.

But take a HUGE pat on the back for putting your horse's needs before your own heartache.

 

[SadKen]

It is incredibly hard.

For me, my girl was 13, cushings, lami, probably more. I tried to get her right with every ounce of my being and lots of cash. One night when I turned her out, she walked slowly past me as she was too spent to do anything else, looked towards the gathering thunder clouds then back at me, she quite clearly told me I needed to let her go. I'll remember that moment forever. I thought on it for a couple of days, spoke to a few people to check I wasn't just reacting to seeing her deteriorate. Then I booked the vet for a couple of days' time, and had a long chat with her about what I had decided to do and why. And I told her I was sorry, and dressed her up in all the ribbons and sashes she had ever won for me and took photos. On the day we had a golden hour of grazing with no muzzle. There were rainbows everywhere, I think she thought she was already in heaven. In the event she went quickly and peacefully, and I have no regrets. It was her decision, not mine, I just sorted it out as the human with a phone. One of the hardest things I have ever done (I have left out the buckets of tears for brevity), and yet she made it so easy for me.

We know when it is time. It is just a matter of coming to terms with it. I am absolutely convinced I will see my girl again. I'm hoping she will come to fetch me when it's my time. Making a massive assumption, I'm too lazy to walk uphill to heaven.

 

[Winters100]

I am so sorry that you are facing this. It is never easy, but in choosing to spare your lovely horse a life of pain you are showing him the greatest love and respect of all.

You don't need to question your decision, you know him, and he has shown you that he is in pain. He is truly lucky to have an owner who listens and acts in his best interests.

From experience I can say that however painful it is there will come a time when you will remember your boy not with a tear, but with a smile. In the meantime be kind to yourself, and I take my hat off to you for choosing the unselfish path and putting his needs first x

 

[Jules111]

Heartbreaking decision, but the last true kindness we can do for them. I had to make that call for my beautiful girl a year ago. Some very kind posters on here reminded me that it's better a day too soon rather than a day too late, we owe them our best efforts to provide a comfortable life as pain free as possible to the very end. Once your decision is made I advise you to make a plan for the final day ensuring you have plenty of support for you.

 

[windand rain]

How is quietly and quickly waiting is torture for you and a few days or weeks for him are irrelevant as he has no sense of future. For you you should take care of yourself and remember the great times. By all means collect momentos like hair and special photos It may well help in future to let you grieve properly He will be at peace never having pain or torment and if you, "believe", he will be there to meet you a long time in the future. He will live forever in your heart.

 

[SEL]

There's no escaping the fact that organising the practicalities is awful, the wait is awful and your tears will flow. Just plan for a location that's as least stressful for you and your horse as possible. Tonnes of grass, buckets of food and if there's someone who can deal with the collection for you then that's better.

It's the worst part of owning animals and i hate it. Thinking of you xxx

 

[vmac66]

It's the hardest decision to make but be assured that you're doing the right thing for your boy not to let him carry on in pain. I found the days leading up to it were worse, after there was a sense of calm and relief. My gelding went very peacefully with a mouthful of grass.
Give yourself time to greive, eventually you'll remember the good times you had.

 

[Trouper]

Now you have made the decision please get on with it quickly. That may sound harsh but, as others have said, the waiting is agony. I gave my vet specific instructions on how I wanted it done - even down to the time of day so that he could have one last day out with his friends and come in with them as usual. He had his normal feed and then the vet came. I also ensured that the transporter came with the vet so there was no hanging around afterwards - but, yes, don't stay to see them loaded.
Honestly - this is the worst time - the waiting. I think you will feel some sense of relief when it is done even if you are still having to make arrangements for his companion.
Just know that you are not alone - so many of us on here have had to go through this. There is no wrong or right way to do it - just what feels best for him and you.
Take care.

 

[scats]

So sorry you are going through this. I think many of us have been there.
I find the hardest part is the bit between making the decision and the actual deed, so I wouldn’t drag that out.

I’ve always felt an odd relief after they’ve gone, even when it has been completely heartbreaking to make that decision. Unfortunately I have had to put a few younger horses to sleep over the years.
I always try to have a coffee with a friend afterwards. We sit on the patio at the yard and have a chat and remember all the good times. I’m very grateful to my friend that she does that for me.
Take care of yourself xx

 

[JesterandPatch]

Thank you all for such encouraging replies, had a real breakdown last night when I turned him out and he went cantering off down the track, but felt a sense of acceptance this morning when I saw how stiff he was coming in.
Will be organising everything as soon as possible, luckily I have a fabulous friend who has offered to be there at the end, also my partner is happy to assist.
Having watched a pony both being shot and removed I never want to see that again, it broke me and I've never gotten over it, even some 30 odd years later so will make sure I've got chance to say goodbye, will let him have a belly full of grass and lots of treats then close that chapter of my life

 

[Spotherisk]

Thank you all for such encouraging replies, had a real breakdown last night when I turned him out and he went cantering off down the track, but felt a sense of acceptance this morning when I saw how stiff he was coming in.
Will be organising everything as soon as possible, luckily I have a fabulous friend who has offered to be there at the end, also my partner is happy to assist.
Having watched a pony both being shot and removed I never want to see that again, it broke me and I've never gotten over it, even some 30 odd years later so will make sure I've got chance to say goodbye, will let him have a belly full of grass and lots of treats then close that chapter of my life

I’ve had two half brothers put down, both by the same vet and both by injection, they were both calm, relaxed, no drama, very quick. Do whatever is best for the both of you.

 

[Orangehorse]

That is very sad, but I think you have got to the right place now.

I look at my lovely horse, and he is lovely, such a beautiful head and a kind expression, and just wonder how will I ever be able to say goodbye, but I realise that we are on the downward slope now, even though it might be a couple of years yet.

So I know where you are coming from. But as everyone else says, it is the last good thing we can do for them. Thinking about it is the hard bit, but once they have gone it's over, they are no longer suffering and you don't have to keep worrying about them.

Thinking of you.

 

[nikkimariet]

You’re putting his needs first and giving him a dignified end. He’s lucky to have had you as an owner.

 

[littleshetland]

He knows you love him and always will. Sending you a hug.

 

[brighteyes]

Nothing to add, but I have been where you are now more times than enough. Don't feel guilty as it really is the most responsible (and difficult) call to make. Far too many are not half as lucky as him to have his welfare as the priority and a kind and caring goodbye.

 

[eahotson]

It is incredibly hard.

For me, my girl was 13, cushings, lami, probably more. I tried to get her right with every ounce of my being and lots of cash. One night when I turned her out, she walked slowly past me as she was too spent to do anything else, looked towards the gathering thunder clouds then back at me, she quite clearly told me I needed to let her go. I'll remember that moment forever. I thought on it for a couple of days, spoke to a few people to check I wasn't just reacting to seeing her deteriorate. Then I booked the vet for a couple of days' time, and had a long chat with her about what I had decided to do and why. And I told her I was sorry, and dressed her up in all the ribbons and sashes she had ever won for me and took photos. On the day we had a golden hour of grazing with no muzzle. There were rainbows everywhere, I think she thought she was already in heaven. In the event she went quickly and peacefully, and I have no regrets. It was her decision, not mine, I just sorted it out as the human with a phone. One of the hardest things I have ever done (I have left out the buckets of tears for brevity), and yet she made it so easy for me.

We know when it is time. It is just a matter of coming to terms with it. I am absolutely convinced I will see my girl again. I'm hoping she will come to fetch me when it's my time. Making a massive assumption, I'm too lazy to walk uphill to heaven.

What a lovely post.

 

[eahotson]

I have nothing to add other than to say how sorry I am.You are doing the right thing but I know how hard it is and how hard grief is.

 

[meleeka]

I wasn’t really brave enough to plan it in advance so I came to the decision one morning when I could see my mare wasn’t happy, phoned the vet and it was all over a couple of hours later.