How long did it take you to 'bond' with your new horse?

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nikkianddave

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Exactly what it says on the tin :)

Just after other people's experiences as I know a few people that have taken over a year to get a real connection with their horse following bringing them home

I have had my youngster for 2 months now and we are getting there :)
 
At least a couple of years. I already had a riding horse, second horse was bought as a 50:50 share with a friend. First horse fab, quirky, brave, sensitive - but ultimately unsound for much of the time due to old injuries. First horse was steep learning curve, much loved, and destined to be a field ornament (and still is). Friend lost interest and I bought her out so I'd have something sound to ride.

But....I never 100% gelled in the same way somehow. It took a good couple of years, and even 9 years on, and after thousands of miles on this willing, amenable, fun pony who I love to pieces I'm still not sure I have the bond I do/did with first horse. On the rare occasion first horse is sat on it feels: 1. Like sitting on a box of frogs and 2. Like coming home.

I guess the bond with second horse is just different. And if there's ever a third horse that'll be different again.
 
He He he... I hear gorilla glue is good.

There are mixed views about a "bond" with a horse. That's a horse. We are human (mostly). I do think there are horses with which you achieve a greater connection than others. But we cannot impute human emotions to an animal. They don't bond with us - they may come to trust us. They may look to us for leadership. They do look to us for food. But they can't love us the way we love them. Tempting though it is to think they do!
 
Landcruiser said:
At least a couple of years. I already had a riding horse, second horse was bought as a 50:50 share with a friend. First horse fab, quirky, brave, sensitive - but ultimately unsound for much of the time due to old injuries. First horse was steep learning curve, much loved, and destined to be a field ornament (and still is). Friend lost interest and I bought her out so I'd have something sound to ride.

But....I never 100% gelled in the same way somehow. It took a good couple of years, and even 9 years on, and after thousands of miles on this willing, amenable, fun pony who I love to pieces I'm still not sure I have the bond I do/did with first horse. On the rare occasion first horse is sat on it feels: 1. Like sitting on a box of frogs and 2. Like coming home.

I guess the bond with second horse is just different. And if there's ever a third horse that'll be different again.
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I am thinking this is the way it goes for many people. I will always remember my first horse, I loved her dearly and we had such a great bond. When she moved to a new home as I was then 17 and she was only 13hh it felt like losing my best friend, it was awful!
now 10 years on, I have another horse and although he is only 2, and I love him to bits, we still haven't gelled yet and I don't know if we ever will in the same way, although I am hoping!
At the moment he is very much an expensive pet/field ornament :) maybe when we start doing more next summer we might gel a bit more!
Some days I go up and we get along great, other days, like last night, he is a little sod and hates me lol xx
 
Shay said:
He He he... I hear gorilla glue is good.

There are mixed views about a "bond" with a horse. That's a horse. We are human (mostly). I do think there are horses with which you achieve a greater connection than others. But we cannot impute human emotions to an animal. They don't bond with us - they may come to trust us. They may look to us for leadership. They do look to us for food. But they can't love us the way we love them. Tempting though it is to think they do!
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Very good logic there :) it is true, they look at us and think food time, hack time, (or bath time and run the opposite way). My pony is like a mind reader!!
 
fburton said:
It helps if you make sure both surfaces are clean first.
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Thanks, that's where I've gone wrong then!To answer the OPs question, I don't think of it as a "bond" which seems a rather fixed thing but as a relationship which develops over time. A trainer once said to me, you can buy the horse but you can't buy the relationship, you have to build that yourself and it takes time.
 
oldie48 said:
Thanks, that's where I've gone wrong then!To answer the OPs question, I don't think of it as a "bond" which seems a rather fixed thing but as a relationship which develops over time. A trainer once said to me, you can buy the horse but you can't buy the relationship, you have to build that yourself and it takes time.
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very good advice :) I will remember this when I feel like chucking the towel in! x
 
OH in the first 5 minutes he is not an animal lover in the true sense of the words but as soon as he met his new (first) pony I knew he would buy her if at all possible. We went to the stud and didnt know any prices at that point I had visions of it being a real disappointment for him if she was more money than he had which is always been my experience in the past. Happily she was well under budget and very local. It took me a day or two to like her but she is very sweet. I am a pragmatic animal lover though and although they get everything they need I am not an over the top indulgent owner My bond comes from mutual respect funnily enough the old girl who has lived with us from a baby I think does love us in her own way. If you fall over in the field or one of the others is naughty she leaves what she is doing to make sure we are ok, and help you up, so it may not be human love but she is certainly able to treat us as part of her herd but still respect us
 
fburton said:
It helps if you make sure both surfaces are clean first.
Click to expand...

hahah well if this is the case, I came flying off on Sunday and I've had my horse for 5 years, so I'm obviously not well bonded with him yet!

but I'd say it depends on the horse, my mare was very independent and even after 5 years I felt like she wasn't really that bothered by me!! but after that I think she started to realise that I was her human and she started to like me more!! but if my friends ever tried to go near here, even with an apple in hand, she would have her ears flat back at them!

Sam, the one I came flying off on sunday, give him a treat and his your friend for life!! I got him as an 18 month old and I would say that we bonded quickly, within a few days, he would come over to be caught, and since those days he's physically put his nose into his head collar to be caught!

Jezza the Shetland, I've had him for 5 years too and even to this day I have to get him into a corner of the field shelter to catch him!! and the only time he's okay with being caught is when we go for a walk or if I'm scratching him tummy!! he's so random, he comes trotting/cantering over neighing when he sees me, but try and catch him and you'd think he'd been abused in the past, but I find that very unlikely!! maybe its something to do with being a stallion until 10 then being gelded before coming to me?
 
nikkianddave said:
Exactly what it says on the tin :)

Just after other people's experiences as I know a few people that have taken over a year to get a real connection with their horse following bringing them home

I have had my youngster for 2 months now and we are getting there :)
Click to expand...

I am still not fully bonded with my mare and it has been 2 years, it takes different times for different people and horses.
 
Shay said:
He He he... I hear gorilla glue is good.

There are mixed views about a "bond" with a horse. That's a horse. We are human (mostly). I do think there are horses with which you achieve a greater connection than others. But we cannot impute human emotions to an animal. They don't bond with us - they may come to trust us. They may look to us for leadership. They do look to us for food. But they can't love us the way we love them. Tempting though it is to think they do!
Click to expand...

My horses love me. I don't see how their emotions should be different to ours
 
took me months with Diva. :P didn't help that the 2nd day I had her, she pawed the air out of impatience for her food, with me little about a foot away from her chest lol, it terrified me. :(
 
I don't fall for horses quickly. Mostly it's over a few months. However, with the Diva, I was besotted with her from the moment I brought her home. We have a fabulous relationship and I genuinely think that she is very fond of me.

The hooligan took a bit of time, but probably because we encountered so many setbacks in the first 12 months that we didn't get much chance to get going. But now I am the only human he really wants anything to do with and the last two years, I was the only one who could get on him. We now know he had kissing spines, but he clearly trusted and liked me enough to let me on board, whereas if anyone else tried he turned himself inside out.

Polly, we have bonded really well just in 3 weeks. This is a horse who hated her back feet picking up after her injury and all the fussing and now she happily picks them up for me and allowed the phsio to pick her legs up high the other day. Under saddle she is quirky and has her little evasions, but I'm sussing her out and she doesn't worry me at all. I feel like I have clicked with her in such a short space of time and I'm excited to see how our relationship will develop over the next 12 months.

My Dales pony, who ended up being amazing fun and giving me so much joy, I really didn't gel with him for about 12 months. We irritated each other intensely!
 
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I'll let you know in a few months - I'm currently only 8 days into ownership of my new guy and we have well matched temperaments so I don't think it will take long for us to develop an understanding of each other.

My last horse I bought as a foal and it took a while to gain his trust but now he is my shadow.

The one before that I never really bonded with (or whatever you want to call it) and I sold him after a year.

Others before that were a bit hit and miss too but now I've worked out the types of temperament that I know I get on with and try to stick to those
 
Landcruiser said:
At least a couple of years. I already had a riding horse, second horse was bought as a 50:50 share with a friend. First horse fab, quirky, brave, sensitive - but ultimately unsound for much of the time due to old injuries. First horse was steep learning curve, much loved, and destined to be a field ornament (and still is). Friend lost interest and I bought her out so I'd have something sound to ride.

But....I never 100% gelled in the same way somehow. It took a good couple of years, and even 9 years on, and after thousands of miles on this willing, amenable, fun pony who I love to pieces I'm still not sure I have the bond I do/did with first horse. On the rare occasion first horse is sat on it feels: 1. Like sitting on a box of frogs and 2. Like coming home.

I guess the bond with second horse is just different. And if there's ever a third horse that'll be different again.
Click to expand...

This almost exactly with me. First horse is the love of my life but allergic to life. Second horse bought to give me something sound (er) to ride, had her 14 months now and still unsure if I even like her most days, letalone feel bonded.
 
It takes time. My last mare was the horse love of my life and we had such a connection that it almost felt as though we were telepathic. It took around a year to get it and for us, it was mainly a trust thing. She was a nightmare to hack but once I stopped trying to force her past things and actually got off and led her, things changed. She started to trust me when I asked her to go past things without me having to dismount and soon I had a horse that would go anywhere and jump anything and generally try her heart out for me. When she died, I bought a 2 year old very quickly afterwards, as this is what I always do with animals. I have had her four years now and we are only just starting to 'connect'. I still don't feel as strongly for her as my last mare, but I am getting there. The chaange has come since I started hacking her out on the long reins. She has been an absolute star and never hesitated, whereas before she would rear and try to run off, plant, spin, run backwards etc. I was convinced she had a physical problem but then with the help of a good trainer who told me to stop worrying that there was something wrong with my girl because she was picking this up and it was reinforcing her behaviour, she has come on brilliantly. I just need to get my brave pants on now and get back on board. I used to be such a confident trainer myself before losing my old mare, and then something changed, I had a bad spell of health and my confidence just went. I'm feeling more confident again now.
 
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You don't. You learn to trust your horse and he/she learns to trust you, and allow you to take control. "Bonding" and "love" are anthropomorphisms and don't do any animal any favours - imagine if you were expected to display the behaviour of an entirely different species, such as herd or pack awareness? Let a horse be a horse, let it do what it does best and allow you to train it and use its innate inclination to do what you ask of it.
 
I'm really starting to build great foundations for what I hope will a long and v rewarding relationship with my newish mare (had her almost 5 months). She's absolutely the right horse for me - safe, forgiving and willing. I already feel like she looks after me, though I think this is just her sensibility as opposed to her genuinely caring about me. We are definitely starting to trust each other too, but a true bond is a way off. I do know I'm looking forward to working our way there!
 
Had the 2yo from 7 months old, I'd say we're well 'bonded', as in, she likes me, I like her, we both tolerate each others nonsense. Didn't take her long to warm up to me, as I was offering her guidance and structure in her itty bitty life. And food. Food is good.

13yo, been smacked around in previous home, so can be untrusting which comes off as rude, something which I let get to me when I first owned her, to the point where I sold her as 'we have no bond'. Bought her back again a year later, and am much more laid back about it now, it doesn't bother me when she acts like I'm out to kill her with a facebrush, that's just how she is. I doubt she'll ever be as fond of me, or people in general as my filly, but you do get the odd moments when she lets herself relax and enjoy your company. She's been back with me over a year now.
 
I've discovered that looking for a "bond" etc can lead to disappointment.
I had a completely unsuitable horse that I loved with all my heart but he was waaaayy too much horse for me.
The horse I have now is mainly more suitable but bores me to tears...she's also a mare which I struggle to get my head around after only having geldings. I've had her 18months. She's sweet and pretty reliable but if someone offered me the right money for her I'd sell her today.
I guess it really all depends on what you want from your horse...I like to have a horse that I enjoy being with on the ground as well as on board.
If you really like the horse you are part way there.
 
I'm 6 month into my project mare. Smacked around in her last home so still very wary of a lot of things. I've had a lot of moments where I'd love to sell her as she seems to hate me no matter what I do, but some days she comes over for a scratch in the field and I fall in love with her again. Time will tell if she's the right horse for me, she could turn out great but at the moment it feels like we're battling against each other.
I always bond with my horses through hours of just being together and grooming them, new mare hates being groomed so everything seems a little less fun :(
 
It took two minutes after meeting my latest horse. (Got two retirees). I met him in Spain, was utterly speechless while standing in his stable with him, and felt an instant connection. After two minutes in the saddle I bought him. He has been here with me for ten months now, and we are so bonded, our connection is very special and I have never owned a horse like him.
 
I always say it's like finding a boyfriend vs the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You can spend time with some horses, it's perfectly pleasant and you have fun, but it doesn't rock your world.

Some, you meet and can't imagine life without.

Nothing wrong with either sort, but you can have lots of fun with the first while waiting for the second!!



(PS Other genders are available)
 
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