How long did it take you to 'gel' with your new horse?

Zirach

Zirach

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After sadly losing our boy in Aug last year, we rushed ahead (good idea or not I don't know but it seemed right at the time) and went on a hunt for another horse. We bought our beautiful girl in nov of last year. We dud all the right things, trying her several times, exp rider tried her, vetted etc and her owners were simply lovely and well respected so no worries there.

It's just that we are not the most confident of riders and have gone from a 15h irish cob x reliable but cheeky gelding to a 16h ish x wb mare dare I say it chestnut mare ! We both adore her and she is a dream to handle but we are finding her quite strong to canter and out and a bit more than we are used to, full of herself etc. We are not bold riders and the prev owners were v confident, bold hunters and this is the way she is used to being ridden.

I am having lessons ( but have not been able to do a vast amount due the the prev weather), we are worried (mum and I share her) that maybe she might be a bit much for us. My Instructress has agreed she is strong but that we just need to get used to each other, my friends say that we shouldn't beat ourselves up as we haven't had her long. She has a home for life so we won't sell her on but would appreciate your stories of how you finally 'clicked' with your horse and some reassurance. Apologies for the long waffle!!
 
I bought my mare in October (my first horse - had a couple of shares previously) and I would say i'm still getting there. I adore her, she's an absolute star but I lost my confidence so much on the last horse I rode it takes me a long time to build the trust. and after a rodeo session at christmas (entirely forgivable - she hadn't been ridden for 2 months due to no saddle and now found out she needs quite a long course of physio as she's been in a lot of discomfort, probably due to having been ridden in a far too small saddle for 5 years) I am a lot more nervous on her again. Other than that she hasn't really put a foot wrong but I'm still not confident enough to canter her out and about, and won't ride out on my own yet. Would say keep on as you are, lots of lessons, take time to build a bond and that trust and understanding will come :)
 
I understand where you are coming from. I bought my new lad in Nov and am only now starting to feel confident with him. He is also a lot stronger than my previous horse but have now realised that he is never going to take off with me, and that coupled with better bitting, am gaining confidence everyday. I have even started to hunt him and that has made me realise he is safe and sensible, and although strong, that is just him and nothing to be frightened of.
This winter has been royal pain in the backside as it has been very hard to get new horses going - as you said you have a lesson and all goes well, then have to have another break due to weather so are constantly re-starting the relationship, but hang in there. I have found lots of long gentle hacks have helped me, so that we can relax and get to know each other with no pressure, with all out canter work done up hill so I can practice stopping and starting to make sure he listens to me!
Building a relationship with a horse takes time, but maybe if you feel the same a year down the line, then it is time then to question whether the horse is right for you or not, and vice versa.
 
It's taken me prett much a year to gel with mine. Soon after buying him he bucked a friend off so it made me worry about cantering, but about a month ago we had an amazing day out hunting which involved a lot of cantering and just having to go with the flow. My next lesson I was really keen to canter him - I have just accepted the fact I can't do everything on him straight away and will take it steady. We have jumped but that is something else to work on! I was petrified on him at one point and he knew, but due to moving I had a break and came back more determined than ever!
 
In answer to your question... nearly 2 years! I've had my boy comming up two years now and I only just feel like we're becoming a team... which is quite good really considering I am backing him in a few months time.

I got mine straight after loosing my filly and at first I resented him. It wasn't straighforward circumstances at all but basically it was him or nothing. It has taken us a long time as basically, although a nice horse, he is nothing like his half sister and it took me a long time to recognise that.

You have only had your girl a VERY short time and for about half of that, have been unable to ride her. Give her time. work on transitions and slowing her within the gait etc and I'm sure she'll respond. She's just been used to doing things at high speed by the sounds of it and needs to learn to take things a bit slower and for a while that may mean only walk and trot! also look at what you are feeding and make sure she isn't getting anything that will fiz her up more than neccesary.
 
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hugs It is never easy with a new horse never mind when you have lost one.

I had my previous horse 8yrs. Retired him then had 2 unsuccessful horses

I knew I needed one that was more sensitive as I no long have the strength to 'kick' I suffer from Rheumatoid arthritis and just not as strong as most

I got a young WB who is sensitive and like yours in the canter feels strong and fast.

I got him Nov 09 and it took me a long time(6 to 8 months) to gel with him. He is very forward going and has on the odd occasion threatened to rear and had the odd huge buck.
I was a little nervous of insisting he did what i said as last one would argue til the cows come home but never threatened to rear. However I soon realised that if I 'insisted' on what I wanted he would just oblige (so not like my last one) Since then my confidence in him has grown and grown.

He is a little fizzy and silly sometimes, gets excited fairly easily and typical WB can get bouncy and the things he can do with his head and neck defy nature lol
BUT and here is the big BUT there is no malice, he is just playing, it is always something that only lasts a brief second then he carries on as normal


However I do still occasionally feel a little intimidated by his canter, I know it will get better as he gets more balanced and up hill

Don't worry but remember the more you do it the more you will get used to it.

Would a change in bit help, even if only for a short while

When I was jumping mine I was not confident so put him in a Tom Thumb for a few times then when back to the happy mouth snaffle, worked a treat and he now knows what I want without me struggling
 
I've got no idea of the exact time scale but it did take a good few months. I bought mine 6th Feb 2010 and work on our bond everyday.

The first month he was an absolute angel and then must have sensed he could take the mick after that! It would take 2 hours each night to catch him during summer and after about 2 months he completely gave in and understood that I wasn't giving in. He can still be funny about being caught if its a sunny day but he knows that I never leave till I've caught him so it does literally take 5 mins. He used to try and drag me around when being led. As soon as I learnt to challenge him back he stopped.

I lost my confidence a few times with him and have cried out of frustration. My horse napped quite bad so was sent for reschooling - it helped break the habit but didn't help me as I still doubted my own abilities.

It's odd - It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't trust myself at times to give him the confidence that he needs.

I practiced riding him away from the yard today and managed to avoid him napping. I also rode him over the haylage wrapping - totally random but I vowed to myself that I wasn't getting off him until I felt relaxed! To some, this may appear as baby steps but to me it's massive leaps.
 
Um 2 1/2 years for ridden work. 2 of those were in the shadow of my old boy and when he went and we had 1:1 things really started to come together.
 
Normally takes me at least 2 years to gel with a horse to the point that I can trust them to behave. My horses have had to be 100% in Central London traffic yet also be controllable on the hunting field and also on pleasure rides.
 
It took me more than a year to gel with my mare. In the beginning she frightened me half to death, and she knew it and took advantage of it! I came off more times than I can remember and she would always gallop off back to her stable, no matter how far we were from home. She was a real monkey. She is still a real monkey but we have 'clicked' and now she is a monkey that looks after me. She has a heart of gold and will love her til the end of her days. If you had told me this six months into our relationship I'd have thought you were mad, but it is true. So give it time because you don't know what you might be losing if you give up too soon.
 
I have had my horse for 6 1/2 years now and it took a good 3 years or so before he trusted me - nothing I was doing wrong, he is just a very wary little horse, I knew I had cracked it when I was at a show and he turned around to see me when he heard my voice and that happened several times so I know it was not a one off, :D
 
Ive had my ginger tb mare nearly 7 months. Shes my first horse, and i can say its taken till now for her to reliase what my aids are & to push her buttons shall i say. She is still a scaredy cat out hacking, which we are getting there, just this winter is a pain as she hasnt been out for months!. But as weve gel'd more she trusts me when i say walk on etc, opposed to before she would spin & run backwards!
 
My old boy I felt I bonded with very quickly, within a few weeks. But my new lad I have found its taking a bit longer. I've had him since the end of Oct and I feel it has only been in the last couple of weeks that I am starting to trust him and bond with him. I think its partly because there was only 4 weeks between having my old lad PTS and then Buds coming home and at some points, even though he has never put a hoof wrong, I just longed for my other lad :(
 
i have had mine since august last year - took me about 2 months to trust her - i dont trust her fully in certain situations but enough to know when i go riding i will come back in one piece :)

i think (hope?) we have a good understanding now.... and she knows how to push my buttons... but not enough so i snap and she gets a poke :D (anymore...)lol!
 
sounds just like how i was with my pony!

it took me 2 years to gel with her, now i can do anything on her! :D

wasn't easy though, but i'm glad now that i stuck with her!!
 
It usually takes me about 6 months and thats with riding 4+ times a week and having the horses stabled so I have as much contact as possible.

Although I do seem to be gelling more quickly but maybe that's becasue he's my only horse where as- pre-babies- i had 3 at a time
 
I'd allow a year - you then get to see them in all seasons too, as my mare tends to vary from onth to month pretty much......
Still - 3 and a half years on and we have each other sussed!! :D
 
Thanks guys, this has made me feel so much better. She is such a sweet girl and hasnt really done anything wrong apart from being stronger than I am used to.

It doesnt help that there is an 'experienced' person at our yard who keeps telling me I need to get on with it and canter her here there and everywhere and that we will never make anything of her, not really what you want to hear!

Got some lessons lined up now my instructress is back from hols and I think a bitting review is prob called for (for the short term anway) as she was pretty much unstoppable in a hanging cheek snaffle!.

Mum and I have read through the replies and you have cheered us up and given us hope. Perseverance and time and we have got lots of that
 
I got my chestnut mare in August last year, she's my first horse, and we are still working on our bond! She is a sweet girl, lovely to handle on the yard but can be spooky in the wind. At first everything was good then she jumped out her field and caught her leg in barbed wire which resulted in her having some time off after that she became nappy when out hacking on our own. Nothing too bad and never made me feel unsafe but just generaly scared of things in the trees and fallen trees especialy.

She has been off since November due to the weather, and having no school to ride in just a field, brought her back into work this weekend and she was fab! We are still working on our ridden partnership think that will take time and better weather lol. But we have bonded, a few weeks ago she refused to leave her field for some reason but after a half hour fight with her going mainly backwards I got her out! She continued to fight the next few days but by the end of the week was fine and since then our bond has been fab, I feel she trusts me more and I know I can get her to do what I want her too now. I think you always have to work on it its an ongoing thing.
 
When I first rode my new horse he would nap even if he was a few feet away from the stables and the other horses, he would plant himself and set his neck - then rear if you pushed him, so I put a market harbourgh on him - it just gave me the confidence to push him forward, as soon as he knew I was stronger than him, he gave up and was fine.

It took me about 3 or 4 months of doing that and then we gelled, he is the best horse I have ever had now, he will do anything for me :)

So, I would say use something (ie: a stronger bit or a market harbourgh) to get over the fear of being tanked off with - you will soon know which buttons you can and can't use - good luck
 
To proper gel, I would say 12 months for our Pheebs, although we are bonding more and more, nearly 3yrs later! Baby Emma seemed to bond faster and we are learning from each other more and more as the days go by, she will be six in May and have owned her since she was 2. x
 
Zirach said:
It doesnt help that there is an 'experienced' person at our yard who keeps telling me I need to get on with it and canter her here there and everywhere and that we will never make anything of her, not really what you want to hear!
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Please ignore it! Its not going to help! Just do what you want when you feel ready for it, if you start cantering her everywhere when you're not comfortable all you're going to do is worry about it and dent your confidence. Take it at your own pace and don't worry about other peoples opinions!

The day after I brought my new purchase home, a guy at work (his grown up daughter has her own horses) commented on my very proud picture of me trying my girl out "that rider is far too big for that horse" and made me paranoid for ages! :o She's a 14.3 stocky cob and i'm only 5'5" with diddy legs! Ignore people who come out with unhelpful comments - difficult to do but they get you nowhere!
 
The day after I brought my new purchase home, a guy at work (his grown up daughter has her own horses) commented on my very proud picture of me trying my girl out "that rider is far too big for that horse" and made me paranoid for ages! :o She's a 14.3 stocky cob and i'm only 5'5" with diddy legs! Ignore people who come out with unhelpful comments - difficult to do but they get you nowhere![/QUOTE]

(soz not quite got the hang of cutting and pasting on here lol!)


-God knows what he would have thought about me a few years back, I had a 14.2h welsh x connie and I am 5ft 7!!! Poor you!. There is always someone who thinks they know best I guess and as you say, best to just ignore. V difficult at times however :-)
 
It took 5 years with my pony Jess (middle in my sig). She had been severely beaten with a whip around her face, driven so hard by gypsies that even a carriage in sight would scare the hell out of her. She was terrified of everyone but especially men. I've now owned her for 9 years this year and she's not going anywhere. But I really felt we started to 'gel' after about 5 years. She's now obviously a completely different pony, still quite headshy with anyone she doesn't know but with me she's fine.

With my tb mare (right in my sig) it took about 3 years. She hadn't done anything for years before I bought her, just stood in a stable doing nothing as everybody was scared of her. She would lunge at you over the door, and it wasn't a threat.. If she managed to bite you she meant it. She also used to kick, rear, nap.. I've now owned her for 6 years and again, she's a completely different horse. Her trust is amazing now with me, she doesn't bite, kick, nap, rear or barge anymore whatsoever, and she's always happy to see you over the stable door now :)

And last but not least, my rising 3yo colt (left in my sig). He's very trusting of people he knows. I've owned him for a year at the end of April. The day I went to view him it was love at first sight! He didn't trust me and I could see it in him, he got a bit defensive when I went to pick up his rear feet. Two days after I got him home he was more than happy for me to pick out his hind feet and has shown me loads of affection and trust since then so that didn't take long lol!

For some horses it can take years, others pretty much instantly so just take your time and don't give up yet. A couple of months for some horses is nothing and to get a good bond and understanding can take years :)
 
D'sMum said:
Please ignore it! Its not going to help! Just do what you want when you feel ready for it, if you start cantering her everywhere when you're not comfortable all you're going to do is worry about it and dent your confidence. Take it at your own pace and don't worry about other peoples opinions!

The day after I brought my new purchase home, a guy at work (his grown up daughter has her own horses) commented on my very proud picture of me trying my girl out "that rider is far too big for that horse" and made me paranoid for ages! :o She's a 14.3 stocky cob and i'm only 5'5" with diddy legs! Ignore people who come out with unhelpful comments - difficult to do but they get you nowhere!
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Agree with this OP, she's probably jealous! Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Get your instructor to help you, you will be fine. Adored my lad from the moment I sat on him, couldn't ride one side of him. You've had a BIG change, so did I, but now I can ride him it's just awesome (I can forget how if I have too much port out hunting I have discovered but that's easily remedied ;)). Your horse sounds lovely, stick with her and ignore the fence chickens and also get the "chestnut mare" thing out of your head, and enjoy what she has to give you! xx
 
I bought Java late September 2010 and he is my first horse for 5 years and made even more difficult that my last was a 13.2hh JC showjumper who if im honest sometimes I could be terrified of!!!! I never sold all my ponies so havent had a 5 year no horse break just no competition horsey


I have had him 4 months now and when I got him I was quite nervous. but im like that with every horse/pony!

When I first got him I will be honest I would wonder if he was going to take off, buck,rear, be fizzy as all most of my ponies used to do one of those!

But I have had lessons every week on him since the first week I had him and I am so confident on him now, when I got him I would just jump cross poles in the field as he got quite fast at jumps but now Im jumping 1m and its mainly down to the massive confidence boost Java has given me

, I havent competed him yet but im going jumping in three weeks and have a working hunter in 4 weeks so cant wait for that!!
 
Fence chickens, I like it!

There is no way she is going anywhere, it is nice to hear from you guys that it takes time as I always felt this but when you do have the negative comments (which you know you shouldnt listen to but still somehow manage to let them get to you) you do start to let the doubts and lack if confidence nip in.

I will try and ignore the fence chickens!!
 
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