How long to keep going with loan

[I don’t like mondays]

My daughter is loaning at the moment, we’ve had the pony a good while but I don’t think it’s working. Not sure whether to keep making her persevere or just return the pony. She loves the pony on the ground but doesn’t love riding her. Pony was spooky at first (but was just settling in) and is now pretty good, fine to hack (walking usually), can be too speedy/unbalanced in canter (which isn’t ideal). Daughter just hasn’t clicked with her under saddle, she says the pony is too much for her (even though she doesn’t do anything bad), every small thing pony does is a big deal and results in tears.

Part of me thinks that’s just horses and my teen needs to suck it up and learn they aren’t machines but on the other hand horses are bloody expensive and she’s miserable when she rides (but she’ll also be more miserable if she’s horse-less). I can’t afford to buy so it’s loan or nothing and I don’t hold out much hope of finding a replacement if I send this one back. Daughter is a nervous rider but also has unrealistic expectations of horses at times.

Help!!

Please be kind. Thanks

 

[Icedance]

Has she been having lessons with pony? I would start with that first, see if they can built a partnership before calling it a day

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Has she been having lessons with pony? I would start with that first, see if they can built a partnership before calling it a day

Thanks Ricedance. Yes she’s had lessons (not every week as I can’t afford that but 1-2 per month). She’s improved with lessons but still can’t/won’t canter after months

 

[I don’t like mondays]

She’s probably cried/been miserable 75% of the rides she’s had (after 8months). But on one hand I don’t think the perfect pony exists

 

[9tails]

Does she want to ride or is it your dream that she rides? The pony doesn't sound like a bad pony, but it'd be less stressful on the pocket if she had a weekly riding lesson rather than full loaning.

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Does she want to ride or is it your dream that she rides? The pony doesn't sound like a bad pony, but it'd be less stressful on the pocket if she had a weekly riding lesson rather than full loaning.

My dream is that she gives horses up lol but sadly she desperately wants to ride. Eve though she doesn’t click with this one she still keeps wanting to ride (then she’s miserable- it’s a frustrating cycle!!), I’ve suggested lessons but she loves the daily looking after (rain or shine). Had her own pony before but sadly had to be PTS

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Regular lessons with a sympathetic trainer would be a start and take a few steps back, when your confidence has gone you can't possibly do the same things you did when you had confidence.

This is where people struggle strip everything back even if you just get on for 5 minutes and walk around, set achievable realistic goals and don't push too hard, I really needed to be almost babied when my confidence went I needed sympathy and couldn't be pushed.

Failing that if she is still struggling it might be worth giving the pony back and going back to a riding school for a while.

 

[AmyMay]

She’s probably cried/been miserable 75% of the rides she’s had (after 8months). But on one hand I don’t think the perfect pony exists

8 months is a long time to slog away on the wrong pony. Send it back.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

See 2 lessons a month is not enough when you are struggling I had 2 or 3 a week of half hour lessons, I also arranged to ride with friends even in the school it really helps you take your mind off feeling scared.

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Regular lessons with a sympathetic trainer would be a start and take a few steps back, when your confidence has gone you can't possibly do the same things you did when you had confidence.

This is where people struggle strip everything back even if you just get on for 5 minutes and walk around, set achievable realistic goals and don't push too hard, I really needed to be almost babied when my confidence went I needed sympathy and couldn't be pushed.

Failing that if she is still struggling it might be worth giving the pony back and going back to a riding school for a while.

I agree. Her instructor has been great. She was so nervous at first and was on lead rein. She can now walk and trot fine but can’t canter. Pony is strong to canter and daughter is nervous so I’m wondering if that’s not a good combination

 

[ester]

Where do you keep the pony?

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I agree. Her instructor has been great. She was so nervous at first and was on lead rein. She can now walk and trot fine but can’t canter. Pony is strong to canter and daughter is nervous so I’m wondering if that’s not a good combination

Maybe just give the canter time if she is happy just walking and trotting, took me ages to canter because my horse fell on me in canter and I had a mental block with it, I still don't always canter and my accident was 4 years ago.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

What triggers the tears? All riding or just when cantering? Or anticipation of being asked to canter. Or pressure she puts on herself/others put on her?

If owner said pony is coming back from injury so needs to stay in walk for 6 weeks then just walk/trot for another 6 so all pressure and expectation was off, how would she feel?

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Where do you keep the pony?

Pony lives out with others

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Maybe just give the canter time if she is happy just walking and trotting, took me ages to canter because my horse fell on me in canter and I had a mental block with it, I still don't always canter and my accident was 4 years ago.

Thanks Pinkvboots. She’s stuck with walk and trot for many months but is now getting frustrated. Seeing how strong in canter (esp in transitions) pony is when others ride her I’m wondering if this isn’t a good combination. Tricky to know if this issue is confidence/pony and rider miss match/my teen being unreasonable

 

[ester]

Pony lives out with others

I was more wondering who else was about people/friends wise

 

[9tails]

My dream is that she gives horses up lol but sadly she desperately wants to ride. Eve though she doesn’t click with this one she still keeps wanting to ride (then she’s miserable- it’s a frustrating cycle!!), I’ve suggested lessons but she loves the daily looking after (rain or shine). Had her own pony before but sadly had to be PTS

How long ago did she lose her pony? I've witnessed somebody who couldn't get the same type of relationship with another pony after losing the "heart" horse. I also really like the looking after aspect, maybe she will find her mojo with this pony if the pressure is taken off? Worth a try.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Thanks Pinkvboots. She’s stuck with walk and trot for many months but is now getting frustrated. Seeing how strong in canter (esp in transitions) pony is when others ride her I’m wondering if this isn’t a good combination. Tricky to know if this issue is confidence/pony and rider miss match/my teen being unreasonable

It is difficult I get frustrated with myself when I literally so want to do something but can't, I often feel like crying so totally understand.

Maybe she needs something that is not strong perhaps it is a case of wrong pony.

Will she canter on a different pony?

 

[I don’t like mondays]

What triggers the tears? All riding or just when cantering? Or anticipation of being asked to canter. Or pressure she puts on herself/others put on her?

If owner said pony is coming back from injury so needs to stay in walk for 6 weeks then just walk/trot for another 6 so all pressure and expectation was off, how would she feel?

Tears are a number of things. Frustration at not being where she wants to be (she’s doing walk/trot but wants to be at pony club/shows), upset/fear that the pony looked at something/tripped/spooked, frustration that it’s not going her way or that her riding isn’t as she’d like it

 

[I don’t like mondays]

It is difficult I get frustrated with myself when I literally so want to do something but can't, I often feel like crying so totally understand.

Maybe she needs something that is not strong perhaps it is a case of wrong pony.

Will she canter on a different pony?

Yes she’ll canter at a riding school even if she doesn’t know pony and has no fear (obv riding school isn’t real life). She desperately wants to be out there doing stuff but being a teen isn’t realistic. I keep thinking it’s the wrong pony but don’t think I’ll find a replacement

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

How long ago did she lose her pony? I've witnessed somebody who couldn't get the same type of relationship with another pony after losing the "heart" horse. I also really like the looking after aspect, maybe she will find her mojo with this pony if the pressure is taken off? Worth a try.

My friends daughter was similar her pony was pts when she was 13 and although she was riding a different horse at the time,cshe refused to ride anything once he was pts and it took along time for her to ride again.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

If she’s happy at the riding school, and you can see pony is strong, it sounds like the wrong pony. But at the moment she’s only being presented with this pony or no pony options. And she’s desperate to ride so is persevering, despite her obvious fear .

I’d maybe have a slightly different conversation - focus on riding lessons while looking out for a new loan pony. If she gains confidence then her choice of pony may be wider, or the right pony may turn up. The pony may be more or less fine, but if he scares her then that’s not something she can choose to override by ‘being realistic’. And not all ponies are strong. Some feel like wearing a pair of slippers!

 

[Widgeon]

If she’s happy at the riding school, and you can see pony is strong, it sounds like the wrong pony. But at the moment she’s only being presented with this pony or no pony options. And she’s desperate to ride so is persevering, despite her obvious fear .

I'd come to the same conclusion - if she's a nervous rider she probably needs plenty of fun hacking on a "more woah than go" type, rather than something that's strong and probably quite forward. It sounds like a really fun pony, but not for a nervous rider.

How big is your daughter? If she's slim / light, you could probably find a 13hh-something lazy cob* for her to tootle around on, there seem to be a fair few of them about (round here anyway). A year or so of that should give her much more confidence.

*I know not all cobs are lazy! But some of them are.

 

[Upthecreek]

The pony hasn’t done anything wrong, but is the wrong pony for your daughter. That is nobody’s fault. You’ve given it 8 months and your daughter is upset after every ride? It’s a no brainer. Send the pony back and go back to having lessons at a riding school while you search for another pony because if you allow this to continue she will completely lose her confidence. Horses are far too expensive to make you miserable.

 

[nagblagger]

I'm also concerned the pony is going to be ruined if they haven't clicked. Please send back and use the money for lessons etc until she decides what she wants to do.

 

[honetpot]

Have you ridden or do you ride, because understanding that riding can be fun how ever little you do, and not over thinking it and trying to be perfect is the way to that.
Confidence comes from repetition, and with ponies you load the situation so the adult is really in control, most ponies are predictably naughty, so you avoid those situations until the child has some control. I spent hours walking around the village and down the lanes, from my daughters being about four, unfortuately its not like learning to ride a bike, they not only have to learn to control their own body, to process that there is a lag between their thought, action, the pony hopefully undertstanding the action and hopefully if the pony is cooperative it being done, usually sort of.
Over the years I have seen some really naughty ponies that the kid has struggled with, so you despair, but they loved, and some nice ponies that for some reason the child just doesn't click with and has no confidence in. My youngest daughter was tall and ungainly, so at eight she rode a 14.2, she just felt safer and therefore was more confident, but he would walk all over her on he ground.
This time of year its going to be hard to replace the pony, the good ones will be needed in the school holidays, and if you send it back will your daughter see it as her fault, if she has struggled for eight months and now has more time what are you going to do?
I would do the things they are both good at, and avoid the things she finds scary, don't practice failure. If she is getting something out of the lessons that is obviously good but sometimes riding another pony and not your own is better. PC is great for children as they see that everyone has a bad day, and every pony will sometimes be an a**hole.

 

[Winters100]

Personally I would send the pony back and look for some other arrangement. There might be someone with a nice schoolmaster/mistress who would like to share for example, or someone like me who has a safe as houses saint who they prefer to be ridden by children as they are lighter. It is a hard decision to have on the shoulders of a child, as it is hard for them to think with their head rather than their heart. In your shoes I would just explain to her kindly that it is not a failure, just not a good match between pony and rider, and that you have made the decsion that the pony will go back. Of course you will have some tears, but it will allow you to go forward and to look for a solution that works. Good luck!

 

[maya2008]

Send pony back and find a nice steady share locally.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Get another pony! We had similar issues with ours for a good 6 months...they were perfect together for a year then he started bucking her off in canter, not often but intermittently...had everything checked, weekly lessons...she was terrified of riding him but refused to admit it. We spent months trying to rebuild confidence...you name it we tried it. It was so depressing considering how good they were before. And she was adamant she wanted to ride and had zero fear on riding school ponies...it was just her own. She got to the point she'd cry in trot in case he took off or bucked...it was miserable.

In the end I made the decision for her, we sold him through sales livery. We now have a new pony and the difference is unbelievable. She's gone from refusing to canter on him or even trot jumps to cantering 55cm courses on the new pony. She's a different child compared to how she was on her last one. We do have a different yard too which has helped her confidence massively too, other kids to ride with.

100% get her a different pony or try lessons or a share for a while x