How long to wait before looking for a new horse?

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JoJo_

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As you all know my beautiful mare Tia was pts on Wednesday. I miss her dearly already. No horse will ever take her place, she was one in a million. But I feel so lost and dont know what to do with myself.

I moved back up to Aberdeenshire as I quit my job in Warwickshire and decided on moving back in with my mum and making a new start with Tia up here. This was before I had any idea how seriously ill she was. The yard we moved to has fab facilities and hacking and the yard manager has been very good and is letting me keep my stable free of charge.

So I am looking for a job but other than that I have very little to do and I feel like I should focus on trying to find a new horse. But is it too soon? How long have you waited before looking for a new one? I have enquired about a coloured in the area that sounds perfect for me and looks ready to start competing on but the owner is abroad till monday.
 
i think it is a very personal thing.

some people i know have lost horses and bought new ones the next day as they had to have something to occupy them.

some people take weeks/months to decide the time is right.
 
So sorry to hear about Tia, as for how long you should wait there is only you that can answer that question. If it feels right for you to look now, then look, there is no right or wrong in these situations. My only comment would be to take somebody along with you, just in case you are looking at the horse with rose coloured spectacles if you are desperate to fill the void that the loss of Tia has left. It is the greatest compliment to Tia that you want to have another horse to love and care for. Good luck and I hope you find your new equine companion soon.
 
Was so sad to read your post the other day she really was a lovely mare.

I have never been in this situation before but i dont think anyone would blame you for wanting to find annother horse, i dont know what i would do without horses in my life and cant imagine what it is like.
I dont think anyone can tell you when the time is right, its down to you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and im sure people on this forum will be more than willing to help you through this tough time
 
Personally I'd be straight into looking for a new horse, as the gap in my life would be unbearable without a ned. I also am a firm believer that a new horsey helps with the healing process of losing one. Same as if it were a dog too.
However, I have always said that Meg is my horse of a lifetime and wouldn't get another horse after, but I think thats a lie on my part, as even a companion/feild ornament/friend is worth having for the love and companionship you get in return.
Good luck, and loads of hugs. You are very brave.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s such a heartbreaking thing to go through ((hugs))

My old mare was PTS in November at the age of 28 after breaking her leg, I’d owned her for 14 years. At first I wasn’t even sure I wanted another horse, it was such a horrendous experience and I took a few weeks out from it all.

I then started to help a friend with her horse and realised I missed it more than I thought I would, but it had been a huge part of my life for the last 25 years.

My new pony found me in the end. I said all along that I wasn’t going to start considering another until the summer and I had a clear idea in my head of what I wanted which was definitely not a mare, something sensible that wasn’t sensitive and didn’t need mollycoddling (my previous horse had been a TBx) and definitely not a youngster. So why then did I end up with a 3yr old filly (Welsh Section D)??!!

I met her in February on the coldest, wettest day you could imagine but there was something about her and I fell in love. I don’t regret that decision for a minute and she has helped me, not to get over it totally I don’t think I ever will, but certainly given me something else to focus on and I love every minute I spend with her.

So in a roundabout way I suppose what I’m trying to say is that you’ll know when the time is right. You have to allow yourself to grieve the loss you’ve had and it will eventually become clear.

Sarah
xx
 
millitiger said:
i think it is a very personal thing.

some people i know have lost horses and bought new ones the next day as they had to have something to occupy them.

some people take weeks/months to decide the time is right.
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Totally agree. Everyone will have different timescales. If you feel ready, then go for it! :)
 
I was so sad to read your post and sorry for your pain, I am just coming up to a year since I lost my novice event mare and her foal that lived for 12 hours after getting Metritis laminitus 1 month before her due date, I had loads of support from h&hers as it was a drawn out process. I could not bear the huge gap that was left when I lost them both and decided to look for a new one 1 1/2 weeks later. I wouldn't say I was ready for one but more really needed one, and it helped me get through it. I did take my mum and a friend with me to look at the few horses I found as I didn't trut myself to make the right decision, and also found myself comaping them all to my mare.
But almost 12 months on Reo the new one I bought has turned out to truly be a gift I beleive sent from god that helped me through one of the worst times of my life. I still miss Sorenna and her foal Patience but he brings a little sunshime into my life on those worst days.
All I will say is you will know when the time is right for you, and your reasons for doing so, even though not everyone will agree with your timing which I found.
I hope the sun shines in your life soon and you will always have your memories
 
Sorry for your loss. It is a personal thing, and depends on how you are feeling about it all.

My really old boy was PTS at the end of May. He'd been with me for 24 years, so it's left a big gap. I do have another horse, but it seems strange just having one horse to look after, as I've always budgeted and managed my routine to look after 2 for such a long time.

I think if I only had him when he was PTS I would have started looking straight away as I can't imagine life horseless.

I want to start looking another (2nd) horse, which will be suitable for my OH to ride as well, but the weird thing is, because this other horse will obviously be a younger and rideable horse I almost feel guilty about getting it. I know it is a completely irrational feeling, but that is just how I feel at the moment.
 
I agree it is totally down to you. Some people so head of and get a new horse immediately, others wait. When our old dog dies, I got my dog within a few months - my mum preferred to wait several years before looking for a puppy (which she still doesn't have). It is a completely personal decision.

The only advice I would have - which of course you might want to ignore as it is a personal thing and maybe this will not apply to you- is to look for something different to your old girl, as otherwise you might find yourself always comparing the new horse to your old one - so maybe a gelding, different breed, or different colour.

Huge hugs whatever you decide.
 
For me I would wait as i don't deal with loss well at all, but as everyone has said people deal with things differently and when you feel ready you will know the right time, dont let people affect your choice if you do it now or later it has to be right for you,

I lost my jumping pony 10 years ago and it took me a good 6 months before i was ready to look for another coinsidently (sp) she was also called Tia.
So so sorry for you loss.
 
Omg I didn't know she had been pts!! I thought she was young and healthy???

When my darling Vay was pts last November I waited a couple of weeks before going to see my boy and then I picked him up 5 weeks after Vay died. He helped me to focus and give my love to something. I got him on lwvtb as I couldn't risk getting the wrong horse after Vay, that would have been heartbreaking!
Luckily my boy is the polar opposite of Vay and he's perfect, I adore him. He has never filled the gap in my heart the Vay left, that will always be for her. J has his very own space in my heart.

If you do start looking now PLEASE don't rush into buying something. Take your time to make sure it's the right one. It would b awful to get something new that isn't right and makes you miss tia even more xx
 
Hiya Jojo,

I agree with the sentiment on here that it varies from person to person- but I will stick my neck on the line and suggest that if you're asking the question you are probably ready :)

Best of luck with your search x x x
 
Very sorry for you.

I lost Catembi (in avatar) in the same week that I was made redundant in 2007. Our mortgage is vast because the horses live at home, so I waited until I had a new job confirmed before I started looking 'seriously'. However, I was poking around on Horsemart etc within a week or two.

Cat was PTS on 26 Feb & I had Adrian by mid April At first, I thought I was being disrespectful to Cat by replacing him so quickly, but then I realised that I had done it because losing him had left such a vast hole in my heart that I simply couldn't bear it.
 
firewell said:
Omg I didn't know she had been pts!! I thought she was young and healthy???

When my darling Vay was pts last November I waited a couple of weeks before going to see my boy and then I picked him up 5 weeks after Vay died. He helped me to focus and give my love to something. I got him on lwvtb as I couldn't risk getting the wrong horse after Vay, that would have been heartbreaking!
Luckily my boy is the polar opposite of Vay and he's perfect, I adore him. He has never filled the gap in my heart the Vay left, that will always be for her. J has his very own space in my heart.

If you do start looking now PLEASE don't rush into buying something. Take your time to make sure it's the right one. It would b awful to get something new that isn't right and makes you miss tia even more xx
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Yes she was only 9 and she was healthy till a few months ago then she had a bunch of issues especially the last few weeks which turned out to be all connected to a tumor in her chest. Nothing could be done to prevent it or treat it so I had to let her go :( Such a shock but I think I do feel like I need a new one to focus on. I'll just try not to rush my decisions.
 
Again, I think it's entirely dependent on each individual. I am always devastated when we have lost any of our dogs but we have generally then gone fairly quickly afterwards to a rescue place to look at others - as we generally always have 2 dogs at a time so do it also to give the remaining dog another companion.

As far as horses are concerned I would imagine it's similar - I have never lost a horse and been left totally without one to concentrate my efforts on so i imagine you do feel rather lost without a horse about.

I would probably though give it a little while longer more so just to deal with the shock of what has happned, as you may well still be in a bit of shock and your emotions will be over the place. Ultimately only you will know when the time's right but don't pressurise yourself into thinking you have to start looking.
 
I think as soon as you feel able. only you know. YOu might find that when you go to try another it is too much. Or you may find another one that suits you straight away.
Take it at your own pace.
When mine hit 22 i got a youngster so i didn't have this hole to fill. But when at 9 my replacement could not longer be ridden i was bereft. sadly due to family circs 3 years down the line i am still horseless & it hurts like hell for me. I can't wait until we are in a financial position to be able to get anotehr one. There is not a day that goes by without me missing the contact.
So go with the flow.....
 
I just had a nosey on your posts. I'm so so sorry, what a horrible time you have had :( :( I know how you feel, Vaya was 9 too and she had to have loads of investigations and things and they couldn't find what was wrong. She ended up dying on the operating table. There's nothing worse than loosing them so young.

I will say one thing though. As humans we have a huge capacity for love. Giving love to another horse will not diminish your love for Tia.

Good luck, you will find something that deserves your time and attention as much as Tia did.
 
Like others have said - dont rush out and buy the first one you see, and I would def say take someone else with you.

Another option would be to get one on loan perhaps, or share someones horse - you would defininatly know then if you were ready or not.
 
I think its up to the individual person, I know of a girl that had a horse PTS in the afternoon and less than 24 hours later there was another horse in stable which she had gone to view and picked up that morning, nothing is wrong with that if that is how she coped good for her :) Myself I had 2 horses pts in the space of 2 years my other mare then got cast and knocked the tendon off the hock so was lying on side and then staff at yard TO in field and she got kicked in the hock so went as a broodmare lady was happy to have her untill she was ready to use as vet said that would not cause a problem. 8 years later I still can not get the motivation for horses, I bought one love him to bits but is now on loan with view to buy, that is due to change in circumstances but even so I have not got my spark back :(
 
I am so sorry for what has happened.
I agree with others on here, its such a personal choice.
When we lost Benson and Charlie, as soon as I was out of hospital I felt I wanted another straight away. But I found that I kept changing my mind, and am still without a horse at the mo.
The one most important piece of advise was given to me on here, and that wasnot to hurry, and remember to allow yourself to grieve. xx
 
I had to retire my horse a few months before I had to have him PTS so I was looking for another anyway. I knew he was ill but I didn't know how long he would last - all of a sudden he went down hill, much sooner than I was expecting.

I just did not feel right without a horse. I found another within a week and he was delivered two weeks after my horse was PTS, spookily, on the day that would have been my old horse's birthday! I've had him four weeks now and am really pleased with him.

So, for me, it was best to go straight out and find another.
 
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its just a personal thing if you feel ready to look then I think you should.

When my first pony beau was pts I all ready had my second pony jack (i had only had jack 10 days when beau got a kick in the field and had to be pts) then when jack was pts i was already looking for another horse so i just carried on looking and didnt give it another thought and got mojo, then mojo was pts beggining of may this year and i already had lara my mini shetland and my mum was looking the next day after mojo for another one but im not really fussed at getting another one if something comes along i will look at it but im not in a hurry.
 
Definitely look around, but choose carefully. Tia was a tough act to folllow and I would steer clear of any lookalikes, for both your sakes.

It is never too soon - well, inappropriate - and it's a personal thing. I wouldn't condemn you for it, that's for sure!
 
Firstly, I am so sorry for what you have been through :(

As others have said, only you will know when the time is right. If you feel ready for another then that is perfectly ok and if you feel you need some more time, then take some more time. You will probably know when you start looking and trying other horses whether you are ready or not

I lost my dream horse last year. left me absolutely devastated and shell shocked. Like your horse, she was young, much too young :(

I got another one about two months after losing her. When I started looking my heart wasn't really in it but then I found my boy and took him home. We like to think of him as our silver lining. Nothing will ever fill the hole she left behind but he did help us through a very difficult time and continues to do so. I do think of my girl every day though and still find it very hard to look at photos of her :(

One thing I will say though is that I didn't want anything remotely like her as I knew I would compare them and it wouldn't be fair on the new one. You may feel differently though.

You don't have to stop feeling one emotion before you can start feeling another. You can be sad you have lost your beautiful girl but be happy you have another horse in your life who will have it's own special place in your heart.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x
 
It's up to you and how you feel. There is no right or wrong length of time, it's when ever you feel ready.
I've know people to have given up horses after losing their horse and there are people like me that looked and bought another one a week after having my wonderful horse PTS.
It also depends on what you feel like doing. I wanted a youngster so went and bought a yearling, you might what a horse you can ride straight away or you might want to take on a project? Have a think about what you want to do...this is an opportunity perhaps to try something new?
Just remember that there are 1000's of horses out there so no rush but only you will know when you have found the right one.
You will never forget Tia and even when/if you get another there will be days you compare them to her or you think about her but you just have to try and remember the good times and think about the good times your going to have with a new horse.
Good luck sweetie, i read your last posts with such a heavy heart i really hope you find another horse you can love.
 
Aw bless you, so sorry to hear about Tia.

The best advice I ever got, when I had my old plod put down 5 years ago this last week, bless him, was from my farrier, who said the best thing to do is to look for something completely different from what you had before, irrespective of whether its a dog you've lost, or a horse.

So, without really intending to - I've somehow landed up with a big piebald friend who I love to bits and can't imagine life without.

Give yourself some time, its like losing a friend and you need time to grieve your loss; then when you feel its time, "ask" your other horse to send out the right vibes for their next mate and see what happens! Yes, I know I'm dotty, but I believe horses do have the ability to "select" as it were, their pairbond & who they want to be with of their own kind.
 
Sorry your lovely horse had to be PTS.

If you are thinking of a new horse I think you might be ready to look.

Don't worry what anyone else thinks, horses fill hours of every day and without your horse you will have a lot of time on your hands, which for me made the grieving process all the harder to deal with.

We lost my daughter's pony (heartbreaking a really lovely pony we'd never have parted with, although she had outgrown him) and bought another two weeks later - a gorgeous horse. Buying her was fine and we were thrilled with her, she was far more than we ever hoped. A perfect mother / daughter share. We never compared her to the previous pony. Unfortunately within 3 months she had an accident and died too. I couldn't face looking for another and although people had rung suggesting a horse, I just didn't want to look at another horse. And it was a real problem to look after my own horse and I stopped riding - couldn't face it.

Anyway we went to look, I didn't like the horse at all. Not as smart or friendly as the one that had just died. He was awkward to ride, appeared unbalanced and unwilling. He was nowhere near the horse we had just lost. My husband persuaded me to buy him as a stop gap. My daughter didn't even go with me to collect him. He napped the first day I rode him.

Anyway 18 months on I have to say everyone who recommended him was right and I have thanked each and every one of them. He is a fantastic horse and to think I nearly walked away from him. My daughter adores him as I do, we all love his grumpy nature, never nasty just mildy fed up with having to be groomed and washed and plaited and stabled and fussed. He never naps and has taken my daughter from jumping 75cms to courses over 1m and into the pony club teams.

I guess what I'm saying is you can't compare horses at all, I didn't the first time but did the second time. Take the advice of someone you really trust, who knows you and what you'd want. I felt bullied into buying a horse I didn't like or want, but I obviously wasn't up to making a good decision and my husband and friends knew that.

Good luck.
 
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