How many mums live their dreams through their kids?

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zoeshiloh

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23 January 2006
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Suffolk
www.stowmarketanddistrictridingclub.com
At the South Suffolk Show yesterday we were parked alongside a very nice horsebox, loaded up with some gorgeous show ponies. Anyway, whilst putting ours back "to bed" after their class, the mother and daughter arrived back at their lorry, daughter aboard pony with a 2nd place rosette. The mum was absolutely screaming and shouting at poor daughter, about how she had let everyone down, how she was a rubbish rider, and it was her fault the pony had not won. She went on and on at her, threatening to sell the ponies, telling the daughter (who was about ten) how rubbish she was, and how she just wastes all the entry fees as she will never win because she lets the ponies down etc. The mum proceeded to untack the pony, tie him up and climb into the lorry where she slammed the door on the poor kid (not literally, kid was sobbing her heart out on the grass). I have seen this sort of thing before, but not quite to that scale, the poor kid was absolutely heartbroken.
 
That is just utterly shiteful........my daughter loves going to shows, being placed is brilliant for her, it breaks my heart if she doesnt ...I always prep her up to do her best, have fun and not worry about winning/being placed.......its about having fun, not making your kid feel like crap.

And if she didnt want to do it, then I'd get to take my horse again.....
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That's terrible.
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I got my daughter a pony, and want her to go to shows and PC, etc when she's a bit older, and do all the things I never got to do, but I won't push her and I certainly won't get upset if she doesn't win!
Poor thing will be scarred for life.
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Did you get the reg number of the lorry or the competitors number? I'd report her tbh if it really was that bad.
 
I saw a man nearly knock his 12 year old daughter off her feet for making a mistake in the show jumping ring.Nothing was said.They (girl and her brother) were top juniors in their day.Lots of pics in various magazines of them but none of things like that.
 
Sadly, there's a lot of it about. I've seen people take their disappointment out on the poor ponies too. I've often wondered if its the same in the world of Ballet/Tennis etc etc or its just peculiar to the horse world.
 
Believe me, it's not confined to the horse world, it's exactly the same in tennis, that's why I gave up many, many years ago.
 
When I saw the title of your post I was going to reply, "me, me, me". but reading the content I can tell you that is so NOT me.

I am living a dream through my duaghter in that she has her own pony, a trailer, and goes out to shows and enjoys hacking. SHe now has a 2nd horse which she is training and is going to hunt next season.

I didn't have my own pony until I was 18 - always begging a ride from a 'luckier' friend with their own pony.

My daughter competes in BSJA, but it's not the be all and end all if she doesn't get a rosette or get her double clear. There will always be another day.

She has her pony for FUN primarily.

The behaviour of that mother was appalling. I think I would have said something if I were you, but sometimes in the heat of the moemnt you are too shocked to do so. That poor girl, she will grow up thinking she is 'rubbish', and nothing will change that.

Yes, sometimes I'm disappointed if my daughter doesn't get placed, but I keep it to myself and tell her there is always another day, and as long as she does her best when she competes, I can't ask for anymore. Her pony is not a machine and neither is my daughter.
 
My sister in law lives her dreams through her children, to the extent that my 18 year old niece no longer rides, her brother now competes her horse, they are never happy with just getting placed they must win all the time. I have often wonderred why they don't affiliate but I know the answer , they would be a small fish in a big pond, at the moment they are a big fish in a little pond and win everything!
 
aaawww the poor little girl! Its not fair to put that kind of pressure on a child. Competing should be fun.

I want my kids to be the best at everything, I think most parents do.
I must admit that my husband keeps tellng our youngest that he must be a gamekeeper when he leaves school and I keep telling my eldest that he wants a career with horses! but we are only ever joking with them and they know it.
 
How Many? TOO MANY!!

I saw a mentally disabled girl being berated by mum and aunty for being eliminated as she jumped the course in the wrong order. They were extremely annoyed it was a "wasted entry fee". Even the best of us can struggle sometimes to remember our courses, and this is something she particularly finds difficult - she goes over and over it out loud before she goes in. It really took me all my time not to have a go at them.
 
I have seen a mother tell her 8 (ish) year old daughter that her performance had "let the whole family down". She then chastised the elder daughter for not having her pony warmed in and ready.

The perfect ending would have been someone to walk up and say "Excuse me, I am from Social Services and I need to come to your home and assess your fitness as a parent to these children."
 
Me. I do.
I turn the ponies out, we wander about, we ride bareback, we seldom go to shows, and never, never, never as long as I live, will I push my daughters as hard as my dad pushed me.

So yes, I live my dream, of wanting to be Dora at Follyfoot, not Marion Blooming Mould.

Will they thank me for it .......
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The perfect ending would have been someone to walk up and say "Excuse me, I am from Social Services and I need to come to your home and assess your fitness as a parent to these children."

[/ QUOTE ]

No, that wouldn't. Don't even joke about it. It is closer than you think, and it's alright until they come for you. The day their idea of 'fit parent' doesn't quite tally with yours.

The perfect ending would have been someone to come along and help everyone see who was letting who down. The perfect beginning would have been the mum's mum didn't leave her feeling so inadequate.

The state laying claim to our children will never, never be a good ending.
 
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