skint1
Well-Known Member
Both my horses came to me from friends/friends of friends so contact is just something that occurs. In both cases, there's been no interference
How much involvement should an old owner have?
- Thread starter EQUIDAE
- Start date
WandaMare
Well-Known Member
I think it depends on the situation of the sale too. If someone is selling through choice rather than being forced to sell through unfortunate circumstances then I would feel less obliged to keep them involved, however if they asked for updates then I'd be happy to provide them. I think its different if someone is forced to sell due to financial difficulties or something like that and they quite obviously care hugely for the horse, in that case I would do whatever I could to make the situation easier for them. I bought a pony from a family who quite obviously loved her but she turned out to be the wrong sort of pony for children and it was a difficult decision for them to sell her on and get something more suitable. Since I have owned her the children have been to visit and I'm only too happy for them to feel welcome because I want them to know she is ok and not to worry or feel bad about their decision to sell her.
EQUIDAE
Well-Known Member
Ok so here's what is happening - I was going to update the owner quite frequently but she isn't on Facebook so the girl who used to ride him for her is passing on photos. First hack on the roads - brilliant. Dressage only a week after getting him - 3rd. First time turned out - uneventful. The owner doesn't seem particularly interested - I've heard nothing back from her at all. The girl who used to ride him however keeps telling me what I am and am not allowed to do with him ie I shouldn't turn him out with others as he's vicious with other horses. I turned him out with my stallion after they had been grooming each other over the fence for a week - there was a bit of squealing but they settled down to graze pretty quickly. Apparently I am an idiot and must keep him on his own. Then there was the dressage - a young guy (a very good rider) rode him for me. After riding him for all of 5 minutes he placed third. Also my instructor has schooled him to get a feel for his buttons. Girl is now saying I am letting any tom, dick and harry ride him. She kicked off that I had his back shoes taken off too.
The worst thing is - the girl is my cousin
I have my horses at home so am pretty clued up about management, unlike his previous owner who had him on full livery and was managed according to the yard rules.
I've told her to mind her own business and blocked her on Facebook after she was patronising one too many times - oops
The worst thing is - the girl is my cousin
I have my horses at home so am pretty clued up about management, unlike his previous owner who had him on full livery and was managed according to the yard rules.
I've told her to mind her own business and blocked her on Facebook after she was patronising one too many times - oops
be positive
Well-Known Member
It sounds as if she is jealous that you now own the horse, as just a previous rider she definitely has no right to expect contact or have a say in what you do, not that the previous owner has rights but it is nice to be kept in the picture if they want to remain in contact, being your cousin means she probably feels entitled in some way and it will be far more tricky to avoid all contact, blocking her on FB may make her back off and get over herself.
laura_nash
Well-Known Member
This is the right thing to do, keep ignoring her and eventually she will move on. It sounds like she hasn't really accepted yet that the horse has been sold.
As someone who does their own thing (barefoot, herd turnout, no routine stabling, treeless, worm counts rather than routine worming etc) I've pretty much had it all from people who know better than me and got pretty good at smiling and nodding vaguely and then doing what I want anyway.
WandaMare
Well-Known Member
Another approach would be to see if you could resolve this by being totally open and honest with her, you haven't really got anything to lose. You could say that you would like to have a chat with her because she seems to have so many concerns about how you are managing the horse. I would work my way round to asking her if the underlying issue is that she is upset that the horse has been sold. Some people show their distress in weird ways and she might be more gutted about losing the ride than she would care to admit. As it is your cousin I think it would be worth trying to get to the bottom of it and if she does open up to you about feeling upset about the whole thing it might bring you closer together. Its a shame when things like this break down relationships, especially when its family.
Pearlsacarolsinger
Up in the clouds
The only previous owner I have ever kept in touch with only sold the horse because she lost her confidence on her, it was a very sad sale.
I certain!y wouldn't take any notice of a previous rider's opinions, cousin or no, and I would have done exactly what you have done. Fingers crossed she gets the message sooner rather than later!
I certain!y wouldn't take any notice of a previous rider's opinions, cousin or no, and I would have done exactly what you have done. Fingers crossed she gets the message sooner rather than later!
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
I believe old owners have no "rights" to anything, but personally I have always kept in touch.
The only time that was awkward was with a mare I bought, who was quirky, and we initially took a while to sort out what was what. Out of the blue I got a phone call from the old owner, informing me that he had now retired and was therefore available to hack the mare, when could he come up?
I sid we were doing fine, and that I did not want anyone to ride her, but that was not the end of it, he said how he could ride her as he used to, and she was fine with him (by then she was fine with me too), and he wanted to make an appointment to come for the first time.
I had to have the awkward conversation that he had sold the mare, I had bought her, and so he had forfeited any rights to ride.
It was OK, I still gave a Xmas update, and an update when we went CCI*, and Intermediate, as they were landmarks for me. I also contacted him when I sold, in case he was interested.
In your case, I would stop any communication through a third party, and only update to the actual old owner. That could be a Xmas cars with a few photos printed off, or by email if you have her email address.
The old rider I would think needs the awkward conversation, just like I had to do!
The only time that was awkward was with a mare I bought, who was quirky, and we initially took a while to sort out what was what. Out of the blue I got a phone call from the old owner, informing me that he had now retired and was therefore available to hack the mare, when could he come up?
I sid we were doing fine, and that I did not want anyone to ride her, but that was not the end of it, he said how he could ride her as he used to, and she was fine with him (by then she was fine with me too), and he wanted to make an appointment to come for the first time.
I had to have the awkward conversation that he had sold the mare, I had bought her, and so he had forfeited any rights to ride.
It was OK, I still gave a Xmas update, and an update when we went CCI*, and Intermediate, as they were landmarks for me. I also contacted him when I sold, in case he was interested.
In your case, I would stop any communication through a third party, and only update to the actual old owner. That could be a Xmas cars with a few photos printed off, or by email if you have her email address.
The old rider I would think needs the awkward conversation, just like I had to do!
X
xspiralx
Guest
Sounds like she's jealous if she used to ride the horse but it went to you for £2 - maybe she feels like she should have been offered the horse instead? I assume there are good reasons why not.
Blocking her on FB and telling her to back off is the right thing to do. She has no rights to tell you what to do or have an opinion on how you manage the horse.
In your poll I voted other - because I think it depends on the circumstances. But generally speaking, it's up to the new owner how much or little contact they want to keep. That said, I do think it's courteous to drop them an email every now and then with an update if they've said they want to keep in touch.
Blocking her on FB and telling her to back off is the right thing to do. She has no rights to tell you what to do or have an opinion on how you manage the horse.
In your poll I voted other - because I think it depends on the circumstances. But generally speaking, it's up to the new owner how much or little contact they want to keep. That said, I do think it's courteous to drop them an email every now and then with an update if they've said they want to keep in touch.
EQUIDAE
Well-Known Member
I don't think it's jealous as she was offered the horse first and it was her who suggested to the owner that I bought him. She already has a competition horse who is far better than my new boy too. She's just a bit set in her ways on how things should be done - which is very different to how I do things.
I've not got in touch since but I think it is a good idea to write to the old owner and enclose some pics - she will only have heard my cousin's side of the story and will think she has made a dreadful decision.
I've not got in touch since but I think it is a good idea to write to the old owner and enclose some pics - she will only have heard my cousin's side of the story and will think she has made a dreadful decision.
JanetGeorge
Well-Known Member
I'd certainly do that - I'd hate it if horses I had sold I got 'bad news' 2nd hand. I'm in a different position, of course, because I breed horses to sell - but thankfully most of my buyers become friends on Facebook through my Indigo Irish Draughts page, some become friends with other owners either because they're in the same area - or because they have bought siblings or half siblings. It's great hearing good news (which it usually is!) Not so good if it's bad news - recently one of my nicest fillies was sold TWICE in a few months - but thankfully she now appears to be setling into her new home and the new owner is being great about updating me (and the owners of Tinkerbelle's full sisters) on her progress and happiness!