How soon is too soon do you think?

Moggy in Manolos

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As some of you will know I lost my beautiful mare just over a week ago. I have to be honest, it does not seem real still, that she is just gone :(
She was a beautiful soul and I miss her dearly.

After having horses for over 20yrs I do feel at a loss. I would like to get another, that was always the plan, I had hoped Seren would be a good nanny but sadly she is gone so it would just be me.

I know I am emotionally strained with it all, but this week I have looked online a little, nothing serious. I am just out of the loop really as to what is out there for my budget. Though part of me feels odd and guilty about it.

Do you think you can do these things too soon?

How long was it for you before you got another?

I know a fair few people may have had more than one horse initially and thus had no break as such.

I just don't know. I am interested to hear about your experiences with this and how you moved forward. I know its a sad subject but I am just conscious of doing things too soon. I just don't know. I would appreciate hearing from you, sorry if I don't reply, I am off soon for the night but will catch up on my return if you have something to share on the subject
Thanks
Astra
 

welsh_mare

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Second star to the right and straight on till morn
I bought my mare Tilly, in may this year, Harvey my 6 year old had been pts the previous September. The only reason I waited that amount of time was lack of money, I felt really lost without Harvey, only you know when your ready and everyone is different.

I did feel guilty once I got Tilly, but I came on here and let everyone know my feelings and had brilliant support and felt so much better when I realised I didn't need to feel guilty.

I guess what I'm saying is listen to yourself, you will know, good luck in whatever you decide, and I am sorry about your mare xxxxx
 
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I had my boy PTS on the 2nd January this year. I'd only had him for 4 years and I was gutted. I sat at the yard that night with my friends and turned to them, and said what do i do now my world had just collapsed. I looked on the Internet the next day looking for Taz lookalikes, when i came across Murphy a big Hairy cob, the opposite to Taz. He was local to me so the day after i went to see him. Had him on a 2 week trial & brought him. I had comments of that was quick etc etc. But Taz left a very big hole in my life. Now it is complete again, I've not replaced Taz, he will always be with me in my heart, but Murphy has helped me come to terms with my loss. You do what you feel is right for you. And I'm sorry for your loss xx
 

touchstone

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I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mare. I also think that there is no right or wrong in how long you wait, it depends entirely on you. Personally I find the loss easier to bear when I have another animal to focus on.

The only thing to watch is that the new horse is the right one for you, if your head isn't in the right place then you risk choosing something that may not be suitable. You've also got to go with no expectations of the new horse being like your mare, it will have it's own personality that you need to bond with and I think some people struggle with wanting a replica of their lost horse.

There is no disrespect or disloyalty in getting a new horse straight away as some people sometimes might suggest, in fact I think it is the greatest compliment to your lost horse that you want to repeat the experience.:)

I hope you find your new equine friend soon when it is right for you.
 

Silmarillion

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We lost our beloved mare in September to colic. My mum lasted four hours before buying another. Maybe a bit different as the week before we were told our mare's companion was going to have to be sold, but we knew it would be very difficult for her owner to do it, and my family had fallen for her so Mum paid £1 for her and that was that. It's not like she went looking. But it kept my mum going, kept her horsey, gave her something to occupy herself. She won't be getting Maiden's successor for a while yet, but helping out by taking the pony really helped her.

If you feel you could cope with looking, then go for it.
 

Moggy in Manolos

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Thanks you guys, I really appreciate you sharing your experiences, it is a tough subject and it must be so hard to not compare your old best friend with your new one.
It is really interesting and comforting though to hear from you. Thanks so much to all your replies
Astra
 

merrymeasure

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I guess I was fortunate as when I lost my dear old Bob back in May, I still had Murphy my cob. Though losing Bob broke my heart, Murphy was my rock. I had to go to the yard to care for him, and he has been so good in helping me come to terms with losing my beautiful boy. I still miss my old boy terribly, but Murphy is always there for me to cry with, and listen to me.
I know when I have lost a dear dog, its never been long before I got another one. And thats not because of any disrespect to the dog I have lost, but because it helped me immensely to come to terms with the pain of losing such dear friends. I know they will always be in my heart, and always with me. So go with your heart, if you feel ready to get another do so. They never replace the one you lost, but they too become special. Take care x
 

MrsMozart

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Aw hunny. Hugs.

Mine was two years ago, so the exact details are a bit hazy.

I knew I was losing Tiggy. She was put to sleep at the end of October. Before she went I could not think of another horse. After she'd gone, I was lost. We have other horses, but they weren't Tiggy. I had Friend's horses to ride, but they weren't Tiggy. I cried. A lot. Friend and family did their best, so very kind, but I hated being at the yard, the gap was just too big, and I started looking on line. I then became like a possessed thing. Looking on-line, talking to friends who knew horses for sale, going to see horses. Must have seen upwards of fifty horses (can't remember the exact number, there were about twenty or thirty at one yard alone!), then saw Dizzy. She was the only horse I saw before I bought Tiggy twelve months beforehand; didn't like her then, fell in love with her the second time. I couldn't afford her straight away (almost double my budget), so I had to wait until mid-December.

A very long way round of saying it, but it was two months before I had another horse.

I think you have to do what is right for you. I either didn't get any off comments, or if I did they bounced off as I don't remember them. I did what was right for me.
 

Moggy in Manolos

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Thanks ladies, it is so good to hear from others. Well I will do what I feel is right without being silly I hope, and hopefully I will make the right choice.
The bill just came through from the vet, the OH opened it and just told me the figure, not sure I can stomach reading the words on paper tbh
 

Cluny

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I can totally empathise with you, I had my beloved horse PTS three days before yours, so am at the same stage as you, although I am lucky enough to have two other horses, I don't have the same relationship with them that I had with Yogi.

I have started looking at horses for sale ads, but I just keep comparing them to Yogi and they come up short, but I think that is more about where I'm at, than the horses themselves.

I'm also two thirds the way through my second pregnancy, so I've decided to wait for a year until I start looking for another horse, this way I'm not putting any pressure on myself, can concentrate on my children and put aside enough money to buy a really nice horse (hopefully).

Although having said all that, if I didn't have my other horses, I think I would be climbing the walls and suffering from horse withdrawal symptoms, and if I wasn't pregnant, I'd be out seeing other horses!!!!

Only you will know when your ready, and of course it can take ages to find the right one.
 

attheponies

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I lost my wonderful Dazzle at the beginning of the week and just miss her so much. We do have another and so I've had to keep going to the yard for him but it hasn't been easy to go down and see her empty stable. I have started looking around , I think partly because I've always loved "window shopping" for horses, partly because our other horse needs a friend and partly because my son would really like to share a horse with me. This does mean that I'm looking for something very different to Dazzle although my heart leaps everytime I see a 14.2 dapple grey connie type and I know deep down I really just want my Dazzle back.
 

Holly Hocks

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Hi Moggy.

Don't feel guilty. I know that last Friday we both lost our horses two hours apart. I was lucky in that when my mare came home from hospital in the middle of the week I had to devote all my time to her. This weekend I'm looking after one of the other horses on the yard and I rode him out this morning. He is lovely - exactly the sort of horse for me. Safe but a bit spooky. And he's for sale. Unfortunately he will be well out of my price range, but I know that if I had the money I would definitely be seriously considering him.

If you get another, you may find you feel guilty initially, but it will give you something to focus on and move forwards.

K x
 

badgerdog

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I lost a horse suddenly some years ago. I was traumatised but I started looking straight away as not only had I lost my horse, I'd lost my lifestyle. I'd only had the one horse which took up all of my time and then suddenly I had nothing at all, with nothing to do.

I had another horse within three weeks, which looking back was probably far too quick but it did help. He in no way replaced my old horse but it was good to have something else to look after, care for and ride. He turned out not to be 'the one' but I had fun on him and kept him for three years before I sold him on.

I have since lost another horse but I already had a youngster so I didn't need something to fill the gap, I just concentrated on her which was enough at the time, even though she was too young to ride.

I now only have one, and if anything happened I think I would start looking quite quickly. Having a horse is too much of who I am not to have one. Sharing and loaning just isn't the same unless you have something on long term loan and you have them as your own.

I'm so sorry you've lost your horse. I know how numb you must be feeling. Everyone is different so I can't advise on what to do. Please don't feel guilty for looking though. You owe it to yourself to consider having another horse, they give so much pleasure and I'm sure you deserve some of that.
 

marmalade76

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So sorry for your loss :(

I lost my last horse just over a year ago and I found another within a week. Although I still had the little pone, I still felt lost and empty without a horse. One difference for me, though, was that I had been looking for another anyway as I knew my old horse was on borrowed time and he had retired from ridden work some months before.

If you feel you need to look for another right now, go ahead, some of us need to fill the void straight away.

ETA, my new one is just perfect for me, far more suitable than the one I lost.
 
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Tammytoo

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So sorry for your loss - it's physically painful, but you will always have your lovely memories. There's no reason to feel guilty about looking for another horse, you loved riding and your horse so it's a credit to her that you want to carry on.

Don't try and find a replica of your beloved horse though, be open minded, look at lots and the right one will find you.
 

Pearlsasinger

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The first time sis and I lost a horse, he was the only one we had and we waited abut 2 years before getting another. Every time since then we've had more than 1 so it has been a bit different but no matter how many you have, they're all individuals and IME leave a huge gap. When I lost Pearl very suddenly, I started looking for another straight-away and got Sasha within 2 months (can't remember exactly but Pearl
was PTS at Easter and Sasha came in May).
When Sasha died in July this year, I don't honestly think l would have got another riding horse (I might have started showing Shetlands or something) but I had bought a Westphalian as a birthday present to myself at the end of January and am I glad I had. I have been solo hacking over the summer, which I hadn't done for 20 years.
Only you know when it is the right time for you to get another horse. The problem is that if you only have one, you don't only lose a horse, you also lose a way of life.
Good luck, what ever you decide to do.
 

Magnetic Sparrow

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Sorry for the loss of Seren.

I agree with the posters that have said only you can decide when you are ready to get another horse. When I lost my first horse I had already taken another one on loan while I waited to see if my own horse would come right, so I had another horse already, and subsequently bought the loan horse when mine was put down. However, I was really surprised at myself because at times I hated my 'new' horse for not being my old horse. Stupid, I know, but grief gets you like that. In retrospect I realise that it was probably a bit too soon for me.

You may not feel that way - hopefully not - and good luck whatever you decide.
 

MrsMozart

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Thanks ladies, it is so good to hear from others. Well I will do what I feel is right without being silly I hope, and hopefully I will make the right choice.
The bill just came through from the vet, the OH opened it and just told me the figure, not sure I can stomach reading the words on paper tbh

Leave it for a while hunny. I got a letter a week to the day that I lost Tigs. I opened it, expecting it to be a short note (I had donated Tiggy due to the damage/her age, trying to help others). It was a bill. It hurt, a lot.
 

Moggy in Manolos

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Thanks everyone for your replies, it really makes me feel more normal about how I am feeling right now.
I am going up the yard around 1pm and am starting to feel a bit sick but my mate is taking me, I need to sort my stuff out.
I did see a lovely little mare online on friday, but she was sold the next day no surprise, but that was not meant to be, the right one will turn up.

Thanks again to you all x
 
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