how to afford horses & children?

Red-1 said:
I was not willing to compromise, so we did not have children.

Its great, Jay has whatever he needs.

Have plenty of time too.

But, of course, I may regret it later on. I guess that is the price you pay!
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Or more likely people who have had children often regret them but it is too late them. In a world being destroyed by the out of control human population it is better not to have any. Stick to your horses
 
I have two children, 4 and 13. I spent a lot of time engineering work hours to fit round kids and horse- am self employed. So I work part time hours during week which gives me time to ride while they are at school, and work from home a couple of evenings to catch up on the rest. ALWAYS skint but no one goes without- am an expert car booter/ebayer for the things we need, rarely buy anything new! Husband is very good but I do try to keep weekends free for family time unless theres a comp on. I love my horse and would never get rid of her- would go stir crazy if didnt have my 'me' time with her. Oh and we are on a fab yard where she can live in or out all year round!
 
I have worked full time all my life have a family pets and horses. Get organised and be three steps ahead for the next day with money and everything else. It's only doable if your on top of everything. Also remember you need a backup plan for sick children who you can't send to childcare for sometimes a week. You need time flexible job preferably. It makes a big difference. The plus side is your children will spend a lot of time outside and get plenty of exercise.
 
I can see where your OH is coming from, and tbh it's fair enough. We run our own business and probably like your OH's it has quiet times, and I can assure there is nothing worse than stressing out over money. We have 4 kids, all grown up now and I have had ALOT of sleepless nights when things are tight and I can assure you funding a horse on top of all the other 'family' things would not have gone down well.
Babies/young children are incredibly time consuming and believe me the thought of turning out to work in the evening as well as having young children and a horse would be tough. Children are mutual in a marriage, horses generally aren't and are a major luxury.
I guess I am old fashioned and believe in compromise, maybe have a break from the horses until the kids are school age, it is only 4 yrs, your OH would also curb the spending and time on the bike. You are a team and it is working as a team that makes a partnership work.
 
thanks for all the replies, like I said, we don't want kids right now, but we definitely both want them within the next 5 years.
I don't want to sound like a spoilt brat that my OH must pay so I can play with my ponies! But I have had my boy for 9 years and he helped me through a bad illness as a teenager and is now showing his age (ex racer, 17 years old) & my mare is quirky but has potential (12 years old) so both not easy to share or loan. I keep them as cheap as possible, renting fields on an old farm for a fraction of livery yards.
My OH does know how important the horses are to me, but does not know how much they cost! I realize to me they are much more than just a hobby, but to him he compares them to his bikes! we both have our own hobby and we pay for them ourselves.
Lets face it- really I wish he could earn enough money to financially support children and horses, but I don't want him to be run ragged trying to earn as much as possible to pay for everything. So although I know a few people have said he is not good enough if he wont support the horses, I do understand his point.
But at the same time, although I am sure children take over your life and most of your time and energy (but are of course worth it!), I don't want to have nothing for myself as my own 'me time'. Friends with children all say how they like going to work to be around grown ups! Or love going for a hack for some peace and quiet.
At the moment I am happy with just my fury 4 legged children any way!
 
I really wouldn't bother with kids if you want any 'me' time in the next couple of decades. I know people say it can be done, but I don't see how.
But then my sister had her first child while still living at home when I was 12, and it put me off for life, I practically moved out and lived at the yard to get away from the screaming (both baby and adult!) so perhaps I am not well placed to give advice.
 
Money is always a huge issue. Children are a joy but you do need time away from them preferably on a daily basis. Not sure why yours cost thousands if thye are barefoot and on rented land but that is a different issue. You need to have a very supported and family loving partner for it to be easy but single mums manage it too but I find that hard to contemplate. My kids are grown up and I have grandduaghters now but I did a degree, worked more than full time, and had three kids in nappies I did lose the ability to sleep and am now a life long insomniac but I had a wonderfu time doing it. I could never have done it without my OH we worked shifts he took over while I worked it made for a perfect relationship with his kids too. He cooks cleans and did the nappy changing bits. I did crappy jobs to fit round his shifts so the career went out the window but I do not resent that one bit. I even cleaned toilets to give the kids and ponies the best. We had 7 dogs, 7 ponies and various other pet animals including chickens and ducks. We rented a field for the ponies per acre rather than per head. I do agree that you both need a hobby but not each exclusive to the other. So ask him if he would give up his bikes entirely to care for his child although they dont nee day to day care I am sure he will realsie it works both ways. After all if he gave up his bike ride for you to ride your horse he would only be doing what he is asking you to do. The money question I cannot answer but with determination it can be done and quite easily every penny that goes in whould belong to both of you there should never be his money and my money it is a communal pot over which both of you should discuss every noticable expense whether that be for horses or bikes or .
 
Yes you can do it all. But it sure ain't easy!!

The horses should be fine so long as you scale down your operations, realise and fully accept that for a few years you won't be able to do so much riding and competing etc. it's all common sense and you will know yourself deep down what to do.

We have 2 kids, horses and jobs. Horses on DIY. It is massively challenging especially over winter. My horses are well cared for BUT no where near as fussed over as pre family. There simply is not the time to do things the way I would have done before Nd that is hard to accept.

However my two beautiful, funny, cheeky and amazing young girls are worth it .. The horses can have an enforced holiday or more leisurely time for a while! I will get back to the eventually.

It's not so much the £ , it's the time and comprimises etc that you need to work out. I don't go out or shop for expensive clothes or the latest whatever, but I do have the horses! It's all relative. You need. Supportive other half defo, i am luck I do have a wonderful Mr that truly understands.

Oh and there is never the 'right' time to have a family either, if you wait to have enough money or big enough house you will never do it. You have to have kids because you truly want a family and ultimately they do and should come first.

I won't lie, there pare moments I think I should jack in the horses for a few years as it would make everything so much easier, but still have them :-)
 
I have 6 kids, and never gave up my ponies. BUT, my OH took the baby from my breast as I mounted, and 'held the fort' when I went riding / looked after them / fixed fences.

If he's not up for that, you'll struggle, regardless of finances.
 
I was pretty stressed out when my husband divorced me, leaving me to pay for everything at a time when I wasn't finding much work (I'm a computer programmer). At first, it seems like the world is desperate to make you pay every kind of bill there is but eventually you get used to it. My husband also had to pay for child support which helped and I soon found out that my mother was shopping for me behind my back. I also had plenty of friends who helped me out with babysitting, exercising my horse etc. so that I could do some dog-walking and babysitting myself.

All in all, don't worry. Everything will work out in the end and if you do need money, the solution will come to you at the right time.
 
I've paid for my horse since I was 15. Weekend job back then. I've been through a divorce and now a single mum and I still have my horse. His on DIY, and I work extremely hard but by hook or by crock I have always managed. He is my sanity! If you want something you will find a way!
 
OH and I don't have kids. We can afford them, but neither of us has ever been that way inclined. We have one joint account and everything comes into and out of that account, including my horsey spending and his Land Rover spending. We earn similar gross amounts but OH's pension contributions are much bigger than mine so I bring home more. We don't see it as a problem. I'm paying for us now, he's paying for our future. To me, marriage is about sharing EVERYTHING and trusting the other person to a) not spend too much on non-essentials and b) not to do a runner with the contents of the account. This becomes even more important when you have children, especially if one of you gives up work to care for them. You have to have the "what's mine is yours and yours is mine" attitude - for the kids and the money. He's wrong to expect you to give up everything unless he too is going to give up his bikes. If you don't take that approach and you don't work at all, at the very least he should "pay" you half the cost of childcare and that money should be yours to do what you want with.

However if you are going to struggle financially then you both need to give up at least something. Unfortunately having children does mean making some sacrifices (which I'm not prepared to make, hence the no kids) and it's probably more about time than money to be honest. That doesn't mean sacrificng everything though. There are options, you could put one out on loan or find sharers for them to help with both costs and time.

I'd also try to find a better paid job in the mean time. If you're already working as a learning support assistant and a play leader could you work towards becoming a teacher, or at the very least apply for more senior roles in that field. I find it so sad that someone doing a job as important as yours isn't valued enough to be paid more than minimum wage.
 
Hmmm, how to afford horses and children. I don't think it's some thing you can decide over one or two conversations, I think it is some thing you both decide over time( a lot of time). I met my husband when I was 19, married at 22 and I think if the circumstances were different at the time we would of had a child straight away. We got the opportunity to build our own house and did it as we could afford so that took about 6 years. I stopped working when I was 31 to run the house, horses, dogs and help a little with my husbands business and as time has gone on I know that neither my husband or myself want children at all. We have become accustomed to having time and money to do what we want when we want with horses, motorcycle racing and socialising and are not prepared to give any of it up. I hope you can decide over time together exactly what you both want and you achieve that goal together but let life happen as well.x
 
I'm pregnant with my first child. We discussed it in great detail but I couldn't bear the thought of selling my horse, so he's out on full loan. When things settle, I can re-evaluate what is going on and either have him back indefinitely, or perhaps look to sell if I can't see horses back in my life for a while.

I think it's one of those million dollar questions - you don't know how you'll cope until it happens. Our baby wasn't particularly planned (medicine contraindication) and we've had to make the best of our situation. OH has given up a lot too, having children is about sacrifice.

In regards to sharing costs, we have it so it is all relative. When baby is here, we've pretty much sorted that I will cover the child expenses and a certain percentage of bills, and OH will cover the rest as his pay is far higher than my mat pay.
 
pippixox said:
So I am not planning on children for a few more years, but we are getting married this year and hopefully buying a house next year, so I can't help but think about the future......
I honestly just don't know how we will ever afford children.
I have 2 horses, kept as cheap as possible on rented land and barn, but they still cost thousands a year of course! My OH runs his own tree surgery business & I work 2 jobs, as a support assistant at a SEN school & play leader at a special needs charity. I work 50 hours a week, but only earn a low hourly wage. Currently we split everything down the middle, except I pay 100% for my horses, & he spends plenty on bikes!
basically, I would earn less or almost equal to how much nursery charges, so it would not make financial sense to work. Although I love my jobs. But my OH has said he wont pay for the horses, as they are my hobby & also he would be paying for all our living costs if we had a child, so really would not have the money after that.
There must be other people in my boat? what do you do?
My only thought is that I can work evenings, so I look after child in the day while OH works and then he looks after child in the evenings while I work. But I know he would like some evenings after work to cycle and then we would hardly see each other as we would only really have weekends.
It is really playing on my mind. I know I want children but could not part with my horses

thanks for reading my long post!
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Would you have someone to look after the child during the day whilst you ride/do the horses? Otherwise you will find it fairly impossible to ride IMO. I wouldn't be able to unless my mum didn't look after my daughter (6mth old) a few times per week. I'm fairly lucky in that Mini Moomin is a placid baby generally and she sits in my car whilst I muck out etc, but many babies would be a nightmare in that situation and it really is quite stressful when they do kick off and you are trying to deal with your horse/mucking out etc.

Secondly, having a baby puts an immense strain on even the strongest relationships. I think you would be asking for trouble by taking an evening job and never spending time with your OH. Babies cost an absolute fortune and it's possible your OH would feel a bit resentful if he is paying for living costs for you, him and the baby, whilst you go out and earn money to keep horses, when he never gets to see you. But obviously I don't know your OH so may be completely wrong there (I am just going off what my OH would feel).

The other thing, babies are completely exhausting. I am absolutely shattered by the time dinner time arrives and would find it pretty gruelling to head out to work in the evenings. You also need to take into account that many babies don't sleep through until they are 1-2 years old even, sometimes waking numerous times through the night. So you would have to decide whether being up most of the night, followed by a day looking after the child, and then an evening of work, is something which you could do. Personally, I don't think it would be physically or emotionally possible.
 
If you question it too much, it'll never work!
My first child came slightly too early in our lives, but we managed. We managed because we had to. Had help with baby-sitting, and lots of 'baby things' from family and friends.
The horse stayed. She lived out, and I had helpers check her if I couldn't. Baby sat in the pram while I schooled around her. I didn't work, and OH had a new job in I.T, which paid for our rent.
Wouldn't/couldn't have done it any other way.
 
PollyP99 said:
Personally I think some responses are a little harsh on the OPs OH, imagine having a husband with a hobby costs £400+ per month and you want to have kids but can't afford them, would you just suck it up?

We all know horses are expensive and we have to be flexible, I earn double my Oh and still I feel slight guilt at how much things cost.

For the Op I think you should take stock and prioritise, you may not be able to afford two horses, deal with it if you want kids, you are making this situation, your OH is not!

Personally I would never put myself in a situation where someone has to pick up the bill for my own indulgence because Im not able to, that's just something I've always felt, so if I want to spend a large portion of our joint income in horses I make sure I'm working to cover it.

when we planned children of course that was a joint thing which we covered equally, if having kids meant I couldn't pay for my own personal hobby the. I would have given it up, simple.
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Completely agree. I find the attitudes of some people a bit shocking TBH.

If we were struggling for money and my boyfriend had a £300+ month hobby, then I would absolutely expect him to call it a day until we were back on our feet again.

It's 100% expectable and normal that you pull your weight in a relationship, emotionally and financially. If you're not prepared to do that that I don't think you're ready to be in one, let alone have children.
 
It is doable but it isn't easy. I have an 18 month old daughter and an 18 year old pony. Pony is kept out in a rented field and is very low maintenance, he had the best part of a year off while I was pregnant and then recovering from the birth. My husband and i used to split all house/bills/food costs 50/50 then paid for our own stuff out of our individual earnings, in my case my horse, car, clothes etc. Our earnings were near enough equal. Since I had the baby and have gone back to work part time my husband pays more than me, our earnings are pooled.
We had many discussions about selling my pony but my husband insisted that he stay, he is part of the family. We are lucky that he is so low maintenance as some days all I have time for is to check him over the fence and throw some food in! My sister helps out too as her pony shares the field too. Money isn't so much an issue, you just make it work, time is harder to find. And babysitters.These light evenings are brilliant, I have ridden 3 days in a row, almost unheard of!
I have plans for this to be a pony filled summer as we are talking about having another baby next winter.
 
I think the OP has haad lots of good advice and the ones about unsupporting OHs are all well and good I would say that regardless of how many children horses or other expensive hobbies people have if you are in a partnership if is just that a partnership equal in all ways. Equal in finances, equal in childcare, equal in housework if both work and equal in paid hours if not. If a woman or man stays at home for the household they should be paid in the same way as the one going to paid work even if it is just financial support for an affordable lifestyle which includes some form of release from the home. Maybe I am old fashioned but I find this separate accounts and his and my money odd. I am not saying the surplus to necessities money shouldnt be divided equally into individual savings accounts but reall if it is a two account household then they should be equal the better paid giving money to the lower paid and then things divided equally. Equal partnerships are that
 
pippixox said:
So I am not planning on children for a few more years, but we are getting married this year and hopefully buying a house next year, so I can't help but think about the future......
I honestly just don't know how we will ever afford children.
I have 2 horses, kept as cheap as possible on rented land and barn, but they still cost thousands a year of course! My OH runs his own tree surgery business & I work 2 jobs, as a support assistant at a SEN school & play leader at a special needs charity. I work 50 hours a week, but only earn a low hourly wage. Currently we split everything down the middle, except I pay 100% for my horses, & he spends plenty on bikes!
basically, I would earn less or almost equal to how much nursery charges, so it would not make financial sense to work. Although I love my jobs. But my OH has said he wont pay for the horses, as they are my hobby & also he would be paying for all our living costs if we had a child, so really would not have the money after that.
There must be other people in my boat? what do you do?
My only thought is that I can work evenings, so I look after child in the day while OH works and then he looks after child in the evenings while I work. But I know he would like some evenings after work to cycle and then we would hardly see each other as we would only really have weekends.
It is really playing on my mind. I know I want children but could not part with my horses

thanks for reading my long post!
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Sorry can't help you I chose horses over children and don't regret it any day. Horses will be in my life where as kids will not.
 
I appreciate that lots of people don't want or have children I'm just a bit confused as to why they are answering this post?!
 
BentleyBelly said:
It is doable but it isn't easy. I have an 18 month old daughter and an 18 year old pony. Pony is kept out in a rented field and is very low maintenance, he had the best part of a year off while I was pregnant and then recovering from the birth. My husband and i used to split all house/bills/food costs 50/50 then paid for our own stuff out of our individual earnings, in my case my horse, car, clothes etc. Our earnings were near enough equal. Since I had the baby and have gone back to work part time my husband pays more than me, our earnings are pooled.
We had many discussions about selling my pony but my husband insisted that he stay, he is part of the family. We are lucky that he is so low maintenance as some days all I have time for is to check him over the fence and throw some food in! My sister helps out too as her pony shares the field too. Money isn't so much an issue, you just make it work, time is harder to find. And babysitters.These light evenings are brilliant, I have ridden 3 days in a row, almost unheard of!
I have plans for this to be a pony filled summer as we are talking about having another baby next winter.
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Exactly that :), we have a 19 month old bundle of joy (and destruction) here and mare is out at grass enjoying some sunshine.
I would add full time childcare is very expensive (nearly amount to one salary) but babies not so particularly if you are breastfeeding and can source second hand clothing and a few essentials. Another thing to take into consideration is if you choose to breastfeed, an evening job might not work as your baby might refuse to take a bottle. It would be extremely tiring too.
At first I wasn't too fussed about having a baby but it completely changed my outlook when my son was born and so it did to my OH. It is so much hard work (particularly as we don't have any family locally), we had to make it work together.
 
It's very hard and I have only just bought myself another pony 5 months ago!! My daughter is nearly 4.

I decided to wait until recently for a number of reasons. One was money. I went back to work part time and childcare is very expensive. The money I was spending on a horse before I had my daughter we were now spending in 2 days at nursery. However once children turn 3 they get 15 hours a week (term time) free childcare so that halved the bill.

The other reason was time. My parents are not local and my in laws are not horsey at all and didn't get it. My OH works long hours although this has been a bit better recently. It's still really difficult I can't go for a hack with my daughter in tow.

Daughter goes to school in September snd I'm keeping my working hours the same so I'll get 2 days at home to do jobs and play ponies!!!

In contrast a friend kept her horse at her parents house. They helped with childcare and horse bills were cheaper. Her dad or her sister would perform childcare and her mum would do horses if she was stuck with the baby. It can work if you have help.
 
Both are expensive ;)

I did have a horse for a couple of years but have had to give that up and live with the reality that until one of my kids is riding something I can also fit on, all my spare time and money is taken up keeping their two ponies.

When I had my kids I'd been away from horses for a long while. I don't think I actually would have managed to balance having horses with having the kids while they were young. My kids are 2 years apart. I started them riding when they were 7 & 5 and not long after, bought them a pony.

I have always worked around the kids, mainly running my own thing. So I am fortunate that I have not had to rely heavily on childcare, even in the holidays. But that means my income hasn't been what it was pre-children so it's a balancing act.
 
Wizzkid said:
I appreciate that lots of people don't want or have children I'm just a bit confused as to why they are answering this post?!
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Eh?

Op starts a post about "How To Afford Horses and Children" and states "I know I want children but could not part with my horses"

People who have been in the same life-dilemma answer.

Some say "I have both, and it is difficult, but I manage"
Some say "I decided to not have children and keep the horses as I could not make both work"
Some say "I decided to give up my horses and have kids as I could not make both work"
Some even say "I would not marry this one OP".

To me we have had a very cordial discussion, with people who have shared this life dilemma, and everyone has a different point of view as to how they would make it work, given that OP stays the sums do not add up.

I am a bit at sea as to why those that suggest ditching the OH, and those that suggest ditching the horses are seen as valid contributors, whereas those who suggest not having the children are "confusing" to put forward their life experience?

It is just another life option, just as quitting the horses is.
 
Personally if it was a choice between giving up my horses and having kids, I'd choose my horses any day. That said Im biased as Im not maternal and am 99.99999...% sure I don't want kids.
OP I think youve been given some great advice. Have a serious think about what you really want. If youre wanting kids in the next 5 years you still have plenty of time.
I can't speak from my own experience but I've seen how friends have juggled horses and kids and while its not easy it can be done. Maybe look at putting your two out on loan for a year or two until your child is a bit older?
 
Think I've already said my stuff, but I would put the first necessity to do both as ..

..helpful, understanding, tireless other half.

You will struggle to manage otherwise.

...time you will always struggle for, but it gets easier as the kids get older. ...money, you can get by usually, but horse out as much as poss, low maintenance, no shoes, that sort of thing. Do consider some help with horses if you can find someone who is decent and wants to help in exchange for a bit of riding, a good helper could be your salvation!

Kids are not for everyone, I did not consider myself maternal, but now on my second! And I love it! You have to compromise seriously. I used to have all th decent, if expensive gear/riding wear for example. But not now lol! I haven't ridden for 8 months either. But time flies, it truly does and before you know it they will be at school, then older and not wanting to hang around with fuddy duddy mummy any more.

OP ... At least your horses are not 3 /4 year olds who need tons of input. I would seriously question having a youngster. As long as you don't mind letting them have a few easy years then you will be fine..!
 
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