How to approach proposing field swap?

It's unfortunate that the other livery did not pass PS message on so that's a lesson learned always do it yourself.
IBH I would have been miffed not to have been told.
Hope I would have been more grown up about it though.
Don't believe for one mo her horse is stiff though unless it's a permanent crock.
Mine seem to about to do wall of death galloping without ill effects.
 
Ok I will agree, maybe her duty to say something, but FFS, this is why I couldn't deal with livery. Always, always blame somebody else for the crap horses get up to in normal everyday life. Like I tried to explain this type of thing goes on all over the world e everyday with horses. Normal stuff horses get up to. The only difference is petty little girl crap getting in the way of common sense.

You wanna know what I would have done if I were the other girls? I would have asked OP if she would like an hour for her horse to go out on his own and then turn mine back out. These horses normally go out together and it's not hard to coordinate with one or both. But when two immature supposed women have it out for you, you'll never win. And for pete's sake, grow up these are horses. Like Goldenstar says, if they can't handle a gallop around then it sure isn't OP's fault. Said blown up horse might be better suited to a bubble wrap life. But I'm pretty sure it was a major over reaction by an attention seeking spoiled brat. I mean she's in her 30's and running to Facebook to cry foul? Please. Bet she clears her schedule at night when Made In Chelsea and Geordi Shore are on. Saddle up the drama llama and ride away please!

Terri
 
I am sure if the OP's field sharers had said - oh when so and so goes back out will you let me know please cause i want to be able to boot up - i am sure the OP would have done. And surely the other folk could have said how is so and so, do you know when so and so is going back out again,

She did not have to say anything to anyone - she pays to be in the field - why should she have to consult with the yard gestpo ?

If it were a new horse i would agree - but come on horses dont forget each other within 5 weeks - and give the OP a break - 5 weeks box rest is shear hard work - do you really think she would risk another injury straight off ? her horse was the one most likely to get a strain. FGS she stood and watched, and supervised - which is a darn sight more than lots of folk would do,

OP - print off face book - take it to your yo and leave them to sort out the crap - its not your job too.
 
LaurenBay said:
I'm going against the grain here *tin hat firmly on*

But I can understand the other liveries fustration about the latest incident (obviously I can't comment on past incidents as I have no idea of the ins and outs) as an owner of a very accident prone Horse, I always like to be around when a new Horse is introduced, or a Horse that has been on box rest comes back to the herd. It is not because I want to point fingers and place blame on anyone if my Horses injures herself. It is because I can then be around, to bring in/call vet/clean wounds if needed (which is a regular thing with mine :p)

You mentioned you had her number, it would have only taken 1 minute or so to send a text to let her know, you also said you knew the night before there was a good chance of him going out. So there was plenty of time to send a quick text. If she choose to turn out anyway and her Horse gets injured then so be it, but atleast then it was her choice.

It does not justify her slagging you off on fb/around the yard though. I think that is out of order, you apologised (more then once) and she carried on.

I can understand both points of view.
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I did have her number . . . in my phone, which is broken . . . which is why when T (other fieldmate) said she would tell S I agreed. Yes, I should have taken her number off the board and rung her from my home phone . . . or left her a note on the board . . . but I didn't. I trusted T (who is now denying all knowledge that any such conversation took place). Lesson learned. Still really object to the way S is a) treating me; and b) behaving, though . . . which is why I want to move fields ASAP.

P
 
marydoll said:
Sorry PS but id have been hacked off as well if after 5 weeks out of the field id not been forewarned about booting up when your horse was going back in or if someone was watching the re integration of the horse back into the herd.
That said i wouldnt have carried on the way this person seems to be doing, but i would have remarked about not being told, and thats where it went wrong imo.
I know you said you told the fieldmate, but in my experience some things are best not left to chance, and anything to do that could affect others horses is best done face to face or over the phone with all involved, texts can claim to be missed. Put yourself in her position, how would you feel if your horse who'd been fine then came in with 4 swollen legs and her horse going out was the only change ?
I must say she sounds like a real piece of work and the yo needs to rein her in, yards with no clear person in charge let people like this flourish, and while i do think she has a case to be aggrieved, whether her horse is swollen due to your horse going out or not, in her head, thats the variable she has in her mind that could have caused it, right or wrong, and tbh unless you were sat watching them for the full 4 hours, she might be right :(
It doesnt give her the right to be abusive to you and attempt to bully and intimidate you, hopefully itll settle down, but i think it unlikely until her horses swollen legs are down ...... Yo needs to nip it before it gets worse imo
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Yeah, I totally get WHY she's hacked off . . . it's how she is dealing with it (and me) that is upsetting.

P
 
From what you've said this person has been doing this sort of thing on an ongoing basis, for whatever reason she seems to have a problem with you/your horse. I don't blame you for not going out of your way to inform her, if she was that bothered she could have asked how your horse was doing and when it was likely to be off box rest.

If she wishes to be shown respect then she should learn to behave in a way that gains it !

I'd suggest taking a little teddy or a dummy with you and if she has another temper tantrum then offer it to her saying "I think you dropped this" humour tends to irritate them but makes everyone else laugh and they then take what she is saying with a pinch of salt !
 
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PolarSkye said:
Yeah, I totally get WHY she's hacked off . . . it's how she is dealing with it (and me) that is upsetting.

P
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Fwiw i agree, she sounds like a prize Rover !! :eek:
Youve apologised, nothing else really you can do, she should now be told to wind her neck in if she keeps going, but its up to the yo to deal with this if she's not going to be grown up about it :)
 
Update: spoke to friend and she said that if there is no other option, she'll swap with me. I now need to speak to owner of gelding in the mare's field to see if she'll switch and then speak to my fieldmates to let them know. I doubt they'll be surprised.

S is still slagging me off on FB . . . and insisting that I didn't tell either of them that he was going out - which is a lie. Apparently her horse's leg is huge and he's lame, which is a real shame and I feel awful about . . . but I don't feel I can shoulder all of the blame. I DID tell T, and they're horses.

I had no idea that people really behaved like this . . . real (and rather painful) eye opener for me.

P
 
PolarSkye said:
Yeah, I totally get WHY she's hacked off . . . it's how she is dealing with it (and me) that is upsetting.

P
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Yup she being childish in the extreme it was a good idea that someone mentained about printing out the offending page on FB just in case in the meantime try to rise above it .
Have a glass of wine on me.
 
Goldenstar said:
Yup she being childish in the extreme it was a good idea that someone mentained about printing out the offending page on FB just in case in the meantime try to rise above it .
Have a glass of wine on me.
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Glass of wine in hand - thank you. So wish I hadn't read that last FB slag-off fest . . . doing my head in. Honestly, the last time I encountered this much girly drama I was in the sixth form.

I need to find a way to park this and give my brain a rest . . . I take things like this too much to heart.

Ah well, onwards and upwards eh?

P
 
. . . aaaaaand the FB bashing continues. I'm wide awake at 5.30 and physically shaking. This woman is being so unpleasant about me on FB that my friend now doesn't want to switch fields - and I don't blame her. The owner of the gelding isn't too keen either. Now I don't know what to do . . . I just want all of this to stop and this woman to leave me alone. I honestly can't believe how stressed this is making me.

Any ideas?

P
 
Sorry I have only read the first and last page, but, if she is such a cow on FB, would she be so bold face to face?

How would she react if you printed it all off, approached her and handed the pages to her?

Would she be mortified or would she just shrug it off?

I really do think this is now a job for the YO to tackle, no matter how much he doesn't want to get involved
 
Print it out now and drop it with the yard owner, dont say anything else to him, let him make his own mind up.

Then report her for bullying, its not allowed on facebook any more than real life. Not sure how you do that but someone else will.

No excuses for anyone making someones life hell. Even if you made a mistake it wasn't deliberate and you have apologised.
 
Agree with Rockysmum, but if the yo won't sort it out you should move yards. Horses are meant to be enjoyable, and any yard that is making you this miserable isn't worth it. You are paying good money to be bullied.

Whatever happens you will find a way to move forwards and this will become a distant memory x
 
guido16 said:
Sorry I have only read the first and last page, but, if she is such a cow on FB, would she be so bold face to face?

How would she react if you printed it all off, approached her and handed the pages to her?

Would she be mortified or would she just shrug it off?

I really do think this is now a job for the YO to tackle, no matter how much he doesn't want to get involved
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I have no idea how she would react . . . I had no idea she could behave like this, so your guess is as good as mine. You are right that I need to talk to the YO, but my focus is solely on moving fields, not on slagging anyone off.

Also, I need to put this into perspective. This is a bunch of people reacting to someone having a tantrum over a mistake I may or may not have made, depending on your perspective. I'm going to the funeral of a friend on Friday . . . that's worth getting upset about. This WILL blow over. She can talk about asking me to pay her vets bills, slapping me in the face, how I have no class, how I'm stupid/an idiot, etc., all she likes, but there's nothing she can actually DO to me so it's all just words . . . nasty words, hurtful words to be sure . . . but just words nonetheless.

Somehow I need to find a way to stiffen my spine and walk tall onto the yard for the next couple of weeks until everything calms down. And I need to move fields.

P

P.S. Did I mention that I'm 47? I'm too old for this nonsense.
 
ghostie said:
Agree with Rockysmum, but if the yo won't sort it out you should move yards. Horses are meant to be enjoyable, and any yard that is making you this miserable isn't worth it. You are paying good money to be bullied.

Whatever happens you will find a way to move forwards and this will become a distant memory x
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Oh the yard owner will sort it out . . . I will move fields, and I have no intention of moving yards. I am not the first person to be "encouraged" out of this field.

P
 
rockysmum said:
Print it out now and drop it with the yard owner, dont say anything else to him, let him make his own mind up.

Then report her for bullying, its not allowed on facebook any more than real life. Not sure how you do that but someone else will.

No excuses for anyone making someones life hell. Even if you made a mistake it wasn't deliberate and you have apologised.
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But she hasn't named me on FB . . . she's given enough identifying information that our mutual friends will easily work it out . . . but she hasn't mentioned me by name. Surely that makes a difference?

P
 
PolarSkye said:
. . . aaaaaand the FB bashing continues. I'm wide awake at 5.30 and physically shaking. This woman is being so unpleasant about me on FB that my friend now doesn't want to switch fields - and I don't blame her. The owner of the gelding isn't too keen either. Now I don't know what to do . . . I just want all of this to stop and this woman to leave me alone. I honestly can't believe how stressed this is making me.
Any ideas?P
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You need to talk to her about this - because she could be putting you in a position where legal action was your only recourse.

I still can't see the reason for moving fields (other than the b*tchy woman). She is a bully, and needs to be put firmly in her place.

You must also speak to your YO and ask them to sort this issue out once and for all.

If none of that can be done - move to a professionally run livery yard.

PolarSkye said:
Oh the yard owner will sort it out . . . I will move fields, and I have no intention of moving yards. I am not the first person to be "encouraged" out of this field.P
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Even more reason to stay in it - and for your YO to pull their head out of their arse!
 
PS bad luck , stand firm the thing I dont get is how this type of people gather supporters round them because you would think logic would dictate that while I can understand why you can be taken in by someone once you realise what's going on is nothing short of nasty bulling why don't they just bow out because this short of behaviour is really only worth it with an audience .
I agree this is not blowing over continue turning your horse out ignore her completely only communicate if necessary and I would really consider showing the YOer the FB pages I know it seems a bit kids in school but to do something they really need to see what's going on .
I think there is something in fact that the happiest yards are run by benign dictators the let them sort it out model does seem to lead to trouble.
Poor you I am sorry about your friend and you are right it puts it in perspective .
Try to have a good day.
 
I've not read all the thread so sorry if I'm repeating a point or this isn't relevant.

Put a fence across a third of the field. Put your horse in its own section. Do your own thing.
 
PS....print off her FB page and take it straight to your YO and demand she do something.
I would also print another copy off and pin it to the tackroom door with a note saying if it continues you will seek legal recourse.
Infact I would be so livid I would have to have it out with her, the woman sounds like an out and out bully.
Your YO really does need to extract his/her head out of backside and get ontop of this before it really blows up and starts causing liveries to leave!
 
It is hard though if she hasn't named you she'll just deny it. but you don't deserve to be spoken to like that and yo needs to sort it it's their job. sounds like she's trying to get a little network of henchmen too by going slagging you off so that needs nipping in the bud. how awful for you the only thing that ruins horses is livery yards a lot of the time :(
 
If she has posted sufficient information for your identitiy to be known to others, ie someone at her yard, shares her horses field, their horse has been off lame etc then their should be sufficient information for the police to proceed.

If she has physically threatened you on facebook (said she'll slap your face) then the police should go and speak to her and ensure that she stops. If she won't stop then the police can take further action including supporting a restraining order.

Don't let her get away with this, you will make yourself ill and she will continue to think that this behaviour is acceptable. Hopefully your YO will see the light and send her on her way.
 
Many thanks all for the wonderful advice. I have asked TFC to remove this thread because it could be seen as degenerating into a bitch-fest and that's the last thing I want. As I have said, I just want to enjoy my beautiful horse. My yard is a lovely place and we've been very happy there and met some wonderful people, but I do think it might be time to move on.

For my sake, please don't comment further - if you want to discuss this with me, please do so on PM.

Thanks again.

P
 
Lizzie66 said:
If she has posted sufficient information for your identitiy to be known to others, ie someone at her yard, shares her horses field, their horse has been off lame etc then their should be sufficient information for the police to proceed.

If she has physically threatened you on facebook (said she'll slap your face) then the police should go and speak to her and ensure that she stops. If she won't stop then the police can take further action including supporting a restraining order.

Don't let her get away with this, you will make yourself ill and she will continue to think that this behaviour is acceptable. Hopefully your YO will see the light and send her on her way.
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This ^^ so you may have made a misjudgement about turning out your horse, you apologised that should have been the end of it.

If the three horses are happy in a herd together I would remain where you are.

How would you advise your children to deal with a bully?

It may be difficult for a short while but you know what - its better you stand firm than give into a bully - and that's what she now is a vindictive bully. It sounds like you have good friends on the yard, and you know what they are probably all looking at her OTT behaviour and wondering who she will pick on next.

Hugs for all you are going through right now, but one good thing we are missing here - PS is feeling well enough to go out after 5 weeks in :)
 
PolarSkye said:
Oh the yard owner will sort it out . . . I will move fields, and I have no intention of moving yards. I am not the first person to be "encouraged" out of this field.

P
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If you are not the first then the YO isn't one I'd want.

When we ran a yard anyone like that would be promptly given notice. She will lose herself a lot more revenue with people being put off by this livery than she will gain! People want to go to a yard and enjoy their horse, if one livery is upsetting the balance and it is not a new thing, they should be warned that the behaviour will not continue or they will get notice.

Hope this sorts out soon x
 
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