How to cope after euthanasia?? Help!

[myprincess]

I have made the hardest decision to have my thoroughbred put to sleep. She is permanently lame due to navicular and other foot related problems. I cannot rehome her as a companion as she is far too high maintenance and expensive to keep, she cannot winter out as she will get abscesses when its wet and needs to be shod every 6 weeks as she cant even cope in the field without shoes and is fed unlimited hay to keep weight on. She will not be an ideal broodmare either has her feet will not cope with the weight of carrying a foal so I have decided it is the kindest thing to her to be put to sleep, it is the only way I can guarantee she wont be passed from pillar to post and end up in a uncaring home and a few years down the line when she is really really lame who is going to look after her? She wasn't in the best condition when I got her and no one had ever really loved her I cant risk her ending up like that again.
I feel so guilty about this and I don't know how I am going to cope after she's gone and feel like an awful person, has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

[tikino]

i have lost 3 of my lovely horses in a space of 17 months the youngest being 14 months old then my 4 yr old 4 weeks ago. It is heartbreaking loosing them and very hard on you but it does get easier. in your case u are thinking of the horse and to be honest i think from what u have said you are doing the right think time is a great healer

 

[AmyMay]

I've had three horses put down. Each one leaves a terrible hole in your heart. But like every loss, time heals.

((( )))

 

[Dizzleton]

I haven't been through this myself so I can't begin to imagine the heartache your going through; but to me, it really does sound like her best option given her condition.

You'll have to think of how happy she is to be cared for in her final stages and how lucky she is to of found you.

The next months will be hard, but after the mourning you'll realise how you made the right decision for her sake and not yours.

Again, I'm sorry your going through something so difficult. x

 

[Clare85]

So sorry to hear what you are going through. It is always such a horrible decision to have to make. Honestly, it really is the last kindness we can do for our animals, to end their suffering with dignity. As you say, you have weighed up all the options and this really does sound like the most sensible outcome. You should try to take comfort in the fact that you have taken care of the horse during the last years of her life and that she is ending her days in a loving home. That is more than some could ever hope for. Afterwards, it will obviously be very sad and difficult but in time it does get easier and you will be able to look back and smile at the memories, which are yours always. Thinking of you

 

[turkana]

As amymay says, it will leave a huge hole in your heart but you just have to get on with it, you know in heart that you are doing the right thing.

All you can do is do what you feel is right (& it does sound like you're doing the right thing), take no notice of those who disagree & live with being heart broken for a while.

 

[wallykissmas]

Yep, I had a tb that had been passed from pillar to post because she was quirky and old. When she became lame I had her pts , I couldnt face seeing her passed around. It was hard but in a way relieving as I knew she was safe and not being mistreated, starved or in pain.

 

[Enfys]

It is a crappy decision to make

You are doing the right/responsible/humane thing for your horse, so do not feel guilty.

You are not a murderer.

How do people cope? Everyone copes with things differently, we are not emotional clones, and there are so many variables - whether things are planned, whether it was accidental, old, young, emotional attachment etc.

My philosophy on the whole is cry if you want to, but I don't inflict it on other people - occasionally I go somewhere by myself and absolutely howl, rant, rage, yell about the injustice etc and get it all over and done with in one go. Do not allow grief to take you over though, life is for living.

I make the decision to have horses pts for what I believe is best for them, I never feel remorseful. Sadness, sometimes, for what could have been perhaps, most often relief though.

I miss each and every horse I have had pts (some to a greater degree than others) but life goes on and I have others to look after.

 

[Bennions Field]

i know exactly how you feel, ive made the decision to let my old girlie go the end of this summer, shes 30 this year and has really got very old this last 6 months (she's got cushings ) its a very hard decision to make but it is one we have to make if we love them, i owe her this at least after 27 years.

i lost a dear little shetland pony a couple of years ago, i tried so hard to keep him happy and enjoying life and in the end i had to also decide what was right for him. i would have loved to still have him but he was starting to be in pain and wouldnt get better - he'd had one too many bouts of laminitus due to cushings and as he was only 12 it was way too young. but i can look back now and feel it was the right time, if he'd carried on it would have been for me and not him, and he had to be the priority.

it sounds like your mare has been extreamly well cared for and loved, so you owe her one last kindness to allow her to rest in peace. its horrible on the day, but your vets will try and help you as much as possible. it does get easier with time, and you have to keep thinking about the good times you had

 

[Gloi]

Do have a talk to Nic at Rockley to see if she could help you before you have her pts. http://rockleyfarm.co.uk/

 

[AmyMay]

OP I think it's the BHS who have a scheme designed to buddy you up with someone to help you through the process.

 

[Orthe's Daystars]

Do NOT beat yourself up - you are doing the right thing for your mare after careful thought and consideration. If only more owners would be brave enough to put their horse's needs first so much suffering could be avoided.

You are putting her needs where they should be - at the top of your list. I'm so sorry you are facing this awful time, but as a good, caring owner its the last (and the most important) thing you can do for her. Do you have good friends you can lean on for support?

Iv'e been there too, sometimes, and I know how you must be feeling. It is a great big black hole & grief will arrive when you least expect it BUT it will slowly get easier provided you are kind to yourself, allow yourself time to cry and remember what a lovely girl she was and how brave you were to do the right thing when your girlie needed you most. (I'm blubbing as I type - still mourning my last precious boy)

Be proud of yourself - we are.

 

[HelenPassfield]

Having never experienced this until a few years ago despite having owned horses almost my whole life I have now lost 2 in the past few months.

The first was my first pony who I had owned and looked after for 30 years, it was a very sad day but he had a life and a long, happy, healthy retirement so I can now look back at all the times we had together with fond memories.

Last weekend I lost a young, fit eventer in a tragic accident, he was fit, healthy and about to compete. It is still very raw but I don't think it will ever be ok because his life was cut short and there is so much unanswered and unfinished.

They are two very different scenarios that feel very different.

You sound like you have thought long and hard and come to all the right decisions for the right reasons. Saying goodbye will be hard and it will hurt for a while, i expect you will always miss her a bit but time will help. Take comfort in that fact that you have done the very best you can for your old friend.

 

[TPO]

I wish more people would take the responsible, although heart breaking, decision to pts. There are MUCH worse fates than to be pts peacefully at home.

I lost 3 (& a fourth died in the field two months after I sold him) horses from 2008-2010. It was devastating...

Only because you mentioned navic/ feet issues. I had two of my mares pts because of this and I have to live with the guilt and regret daily. Please read the navic/shoeing thread in vet & care and the threads I linked to in it.

I fully respect your decision but I know given my time over I'd want someone to point the options out to me so that I could have at least tried to save two of them.

Best wishes whatever you decide

 

[Pearlsasinger]

It is always a hard decision but if you have made it after considering all the options *for the horse*, rather than for yourself, there is no need for regret/guilt.
We had our 31 yr old pts a few weeks ago and even the farrier commented that it seemed quiet without her, it takes time to get used to the absence of what seems like a part of the family, but you will get used to it, in time.
If, like us, you have others to look after, I think that helps. If you only have the one horse, you not only lose the horse but a large part of your daily routine/way of life, so that you have a double loss to contend with. But again, like any loss, you do get used to it, sometimes the support of friends can help.
I find it easiest to concentrate on the horse, make the last weeks/days/minutes (depending on the circumstances) the best you can, choose a pts method in the interests of the horse, rather than of the onlookers and save your expressions of grief until afterwards. I have found that it can help to ask someone else to deal with some of the practicalities, such as removal of the body.

 

[Pipkin]

I don't think anyone can tell you how to cope. I had my mare PTS 2 months ago after 6 months of problem after problem. Diagnosed with EVH-1 in Dec, dropped a staggering amount of weight and when she kicked that in the butt along came Uveitis and lymphangitis and more weightloss through stress, even though uveitis is treatable I didn't want to risk triggering EVH-1 again through stress of travelling to horsepital etc.

I didn't cry the day it happened ( I have done every day since) I handled everything myself, I held her while vet done his job, I stayed with her while she fell, I stayed with her whilst being loaded onto box to be cremated and I was the one to pick her up in a much smaller box. Honestly? it is quite possibly the worst thing I have ever had to do but I had to do it, she was my horse (arrgggh crying now) she was my life and she looked after me, I felt I owed it to her to stay with her through every little thing, I'm not saying you should do this, i must have been crazy to put myself through it because it haunts me now.
If you don't think you'll be strong enough to actually stay with your horse whilst PTS I strongly advise ask someone else to.

Don't scour the internet and think about the what ifs, i've done it since my girl left me and it tortures me thinking of all the "what if I tried that", it doesn't help at all.

The most important thing is to not beat yourself up about it, you are doing the right thing by your horse, it's your decision, you know your horse.
think of the good times

 

[AmyMay]

Pipkin (((((((((( ))))))))))

 

[Loulou2002]

I have a mare who is 24, she came through winter looking like a hat rack.....but cost me a fortune in feed. She had sinusitis 2 years ago which she was operated on for and the two holes that were drilled in her head have never healed over so she gets snot coming out of one hole which i have to flush through every other day. She hasn't been ridden for 7 years as she had a suspensory ligament injury and is lame behind. But now thanks to being on grass she looks amazing and is very happy, eats fine wants to go out every day etc. My vet has advised me to see how she is at the end of autumn re PTS as we thought it was unfair to put her through another winter. I really feel for you now you have decided what is best for your horse as i am struggling to make a decision!

 

[Spangie]

Sorry to hear this. I recently lost my boy he went suddenly blind and we had to make the heartbreaking decision. 6 weeks later I got married, it's only now I have time to mourn him and its tough. Time will heal. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Merrymoles]

You will miss her desperately but take comfort from the fact that you are putting her before your own needs. When I lost my boy, I spent time with other peoples horses which flagged up why I loved him so much but also gave me a horse 'fix' now and again. Three years on I have a new boy who I frequently call by the old lads name but they are very different 'people' and I love him dearly already. You will never forget her but you are doing the right thing valet yourself grieve in whatever way is best for you. Hugs

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

I couldn't leave this before saying how sorry I am........ echoing what others have said really about not beating yourself up. You are doing the most humane, loving, kind thing that you can EVER do for your horse; you are NOT passing the problem on to someone else you are making a humane choice based on the circumstances which YOU are faced with, with your horse, right now.

As someone else has said; don't trawl on-line because sure as eggs you'll find someone with an identical situation to yours and they went to this-or-that vet,.expert or place, and their horse was miraculously "cured". Particularly, do not do this after the event because you will only make yourself feel awful.

Its YOUR horse, the condition is happening NOW and you are dealing with it in the very best way that you can.

Afterwards? You will feel like you would feel after any other "death" I'm afraid...... hollow, empty, gutted, and a horrible cold feeling in your guts that you get when you've just lost someone very close. You will need to give yourself time to go through the grieving process - a lot of veterinary practices nowadays have someone attached to the practice that could help you through this.... plus of course, horsey friends.

Please don't be rushed into getting another horse. When you ride another horse, after losing your own, it will feel like you're being disloyal - for me, it was almost like being in a loving relationship but having a dalliance with someone else basically...... I hope I'm not being flippant here, but when I did hop up on another horse after I'd lost my old boy, this is exactly what it felt like TBH, I felt incredibly disloyal and estranged. People will probably offer you rides, horses, the lot - and won't understand that you might not want to, initially. Give yourself time, if you are looking for another horse - and the best advice concerning this was given to me by my farrier, it is essentially, don't look for something similar to what you had, look for something completely different. Good advice.

Aw, bless you OP. Hope everything goes OK for you, you're being very brave.

 

[honetpot]

I lost a horse suddenly just after Christmas, in the space of 4hours he went from looking well and eating to being very unwell. In my mind I always knew if any were seriously ill they would be PTS, its not just the cost but for me putting a horse through a trauma that could be avoided and they have no understanding of especially when the prognosis is not good is just human selfishness.
I miss my horse but all things must die and its better that they die with no pain and respect their needs not ours and that is how you learn to accept death. You can not avoid it you can only make the process as stress free as possible.
We have the choice on when to end a horses life to prevent suffering, having looked after people who that did not have that choice but wished they had I think its a not only a responsibility but a gift and that's how I cope with it.

 

[dalesponydiva]

It's a hard decision doing "the right thing". We did it a couple of months ago with my friend's two horses. It was very hard and upsetting but after a few weeks we can now say "we did it right". It's so easy to let them go somewhere else but that salves our conscience. BUT the right decision for the horse is a quick painless move into the next world. Thinking of you ((hugs)). This will eventually give you some comfort in that you know where your horse is and no-one can hurt him/her.

 

[GMR]

I'm desperate to know what you have done...I feel I am in exactly the same position as you , with my navicular boy ...but haven't been brave enough yet to go through with it,
In the end it just gets so expensive even though you love them to keep going ...I have had mine for just over 15 years so very attached ...but it it costing me so much for the same reasons...at the mo I just give him 2 danilon a day and let him limp around, He seems happy but couldn't turn away to retire as needs a stable for a rest each day too.

 

[hardtimes]

I had my old pony pts last summer because he had similar problems to yours, and I knew he would struggle with the winter. I struggled to come to the decision, but when I did my vet came the same day. She had been treating him for years, and she was the one in tears after the deed was done. He went very peacefully, and honestly I can say that I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that it was all over for him, which surprised me as I thought I would be hysterical. I did cry later, but for me because I knew I would miss him. I loved him dearly but have never regretted my decision, it was the last kind thing I could do for him.
Be strong, and accept that you are going to have some really sad days, but know that you have done the best thing for your horse. ((( )))

 

[BlackRider]

You deal with it, because you are doing the right thing, and deep down you - and you alone, know what is right for your horse.

its the greatest gift you can give that is suffering / loosing quality of life.

x

 

[Farma]

I had my horse of 20 years pts due to navicular, i cant lie it was the most awful decision and 6 months on i still sob at the thought, it has been so tough not having her in my life but i do not regret my decision and i know i did the best thing for her.

My heart goes out to you.

 

[babymare]

Please please OP be kind to yourself. you are a loving mum. i like you face this a month tomorrow and though i have had dogs & cats pts and held horses for friends i have never had to make the descision with someone as special as baby. whilst i know im doing right like you i feel guilt . my comfort is my baby as known nothing but love and understanding from day i bought her and her final moments will be with me by her side proud to have been her mum. stay strong hun but such a big big hug for you x x

 

[mrsh2010]

Firstly can I send you massive hugs )))))))))((((((((

Secondly can I say I made what was the hardest decision of my life 11 months ago, not a day goes by where I don't miss him, but I know I made the right choice for my lad, I couldn't face seeing him suffer anymore. It was the kindest thing to do.
I was in absolute pieces making the phonecall and in the hours wait on the day waiting for the vet, especially as my boy looked so happy eating on the grass, but I stayed with him until the end, I promised I would.
Afterwards I sat with him and I looked him in the eye and I could see he wasn't there anymore, I knew he was at piece and no longer suffering, and it's that memory I hold, knowing he was no longer suffering, and he was running free.

I'm sorry if I've made anyone cry reading this please feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I feel your pain, I really do. I must say I take my hat off to you telling people, because it's the one thing I couldn't do, I couldn't face people telling me I should try this, do that...