How to cope

[kc921]

Due to my boys health issues I am having him put down this week.
I am finding this extremely difficult to come to terms with as he is only 14 and I love him so much, I know I am doing what's best for him and this has been recommended by 2 different vets, due to his quality of life.

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant, I'm worried about stress levels, but I have been so extremely upset and stressed.

Is there anything that helped you through this time and what did you do after for memories or keepsakes?

I do plan on getting a tattoo once my baby is here, but wanted some other ideas as well

Thank you

 

[LaurenBay]

I am so sorry, I had to have my Horse of a lifetime PTS at only age 13. It is truly heartbreaking xx

There was nothing that made it easier, I felt guilty whenever I looked at her. However I had to keep reminding myself that she did not know what was going to happen, I also had to remind myself that it was the kindest thing for her and she deserved peace and a pain free life. On the day itself I cut some mane hair and some tail hair and I had a bracelet made. I took all her favourite treats and cuddled and kissed her constantly. It was very peaceful when she went. I was broken, but I knew it was the correct decision. It's the most selfess thing you can do for them and an incredibly hard decision. xx

 

[Ratface]

Deep condolences for the departure of your dear horse.
My mottos are "Do not strive to keep alive " and "Better a week too early, than a day too late". I have photos of my beloved animals - horses, ponies, dogs and cats. I have happy memories of all of them and that's my way of remembering them. Perhaps a special photo album, or a horse hair locket? I have the former, my YO has the latter. One of my friends has a long wooden planter with bush roses in it to remember her horse of a lifetime.

 

[Birker2020]

Is there anything that helped you through this time and what did you do after for memories or keepsakes?


Thank you

So sorry, 14 is no age really.

I know how you feel, although my horse was older. I had my darling horse Bailey pts last June at the age of 24 after 17 years of owning her, after x-rays showed nasty navicular bone changes and the fact I couldn't keep her paddock sound. Although heart breaking, I sought comfort in knowing I'd given her a smashing life, she'd wanted for nothing and she went peacefully and happily after a fabby last week of being spoilt rotten and an amazing hour before she was granted her angel wings indulging in knee high grass as we'd taken her strip grazing down.

My partner made this beautiful planter which is hung on the fence in our back garden with her name plate on. It doesn't contain ashes as I didn't want ashes back but it reminds us of her every time we see it.

I also have this amazing photo, one of many that I bought at shows of us jumping, that is hanging pride of place on my bedroom wall.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I'm sorry you are in this position, it's never easy, even when they have had a long, happy life. When they are young and ill, it's horrible, you can only tell yourself that it is the best decision, made for the right reason. I have had to pts 3 horses 'too young', so I do understand how you are feeling
We have various keepsakes, including a weather vane, a rose Bush and trees, as well as lots of photos.
The best way to get through the following few days, ime, is to have something g else to concentrate on. You will have the perfect distraction- your baby's imminent arrival.

 

[kc921]

Thank you for all your kind words, he is my heart horse and I'm going to miss so much

I love the idea of the stable nameplate with plants and the bracelet as well.

I have got some lovely photos of us together and some lovely ones of just him, so I will get them printed off and into a nice photo frame to hang up

 

[Birker2020]

The best way to get through the following few days, ime, is to have something g else to concentrate on. You will have the perfect distraction- your baby's imminent arrival.

Yes I agree. I threw myself into the gym, the day she was pts I went and then I can remember becoming very upset when part of the 'footage' of the The Trip virtual immersive thing for spin, showed horses with angel wings flying through the sky. It set me off. Had just been released and it was the first time I'd seen it too.

I went everyday and did a 40 minute HIIT spin class and lost 1.25 stone over four months. It gave me something to take my mind off losing her and it helped that the weight loss was helping me for when I eventually had another horse.

 

[teddy_]

Whilst this is an immensely painful decision for you, try and remember that ending your horses suffering is the final kindness you can give him.

Horses don't have any concept of the future - they live in the present, so just make him comfortable and ply him with his favourite treats.

I know it sounds morbid, but the last comfort for me was knowing that mine went with a mouthful of his favourite mix whilst the sun was shining on his back, he was none the wiser.

ETA: I plaited his tail, cut it off and keep it under my pillow.

 

[Peglo]

I also cut some of my mares mane and tail before she went over the rainbow earlier in the year. and hoping to do something with it yet. I had a photo shoot done the year before in preparation for when my old girls left.

I’m so very sorry for the early loss of your horse. I’m sure he will help you from above look after your new baby. As hard as it is to lose them, it’s worse seeing them in pain. He’s very lucky to have had you. Take care.

 

[SEL]

I am so sorry. Its such an awful time when we say goodbye to one of our animals.

A friend lost her mare not long before she welcomed her daughter and said whilst it was the distraction she needed she really didn't allow herself to grieve and the sense of loss hits her out of the blue at times. She's about to move house and I know she's planning to plant a little memory garden for her.

The stress in the run up is horrendous. Have you got anyone around you who can support you?

 

[Goldenstar]

The run up to PTS is extremely difficult afterwards has always been except once easier for me .
You just have focus on the fact it’s something you are doing for him not to him .
he has no for thought he remains happy and confident in you up to the end it’s a huge gift you are giving him .
Be kind to yourself .

 

[TheChestnutThing]

I am so sorry to read this.

Strongs

 

[maya2008]

As said above, the wait is the worst. You will feel a measure of relief once it is done - the only one left hurting then is you. I would recommend doing the tidying up/selling of anything you want to BEFORE he is pts. Doing it afterwards is heart wrenching.

 

[scats]

So sorry to hear about your horse. I lost the love of my life 4 years ago this week. She was only 10.
Take care x

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

There are some companies who turn your horses ashes into beautiful jewellery.Rings,pendants etc.That way you can wear them and feel so close to your deceased horse.A part of them are always with you.

 

[Cortez]

It's always immeasurably sad one when of our beloved animals has to leave us, but leave us they must. It is all part of the circle of life, something I am sure you are particularly aware of right now. One of the hardest parts of growing older is having to say goodbye to so many friends, I wish animals lived longer.

 

[Equi]

So sorry you’re having to do this. As others have said the run up to it is sometimes worse than after. Just keep reminding yourself why you’re doing this and it’s to help your horse, and after you’ll have the excitment of your little bundle to keep your mind occupied. Big hugs.

 

[Snow Falcon]

I am so sorry. I had my beautiful homebred 12yo mare PTS a few months ago. Absolutely heartbroken but she wasn't going to suffer anymore with repeated colics. I have some of her tail. I haven't yet been able to go through her pictures, it's too raw. When I lost her old boy last year my friend took some of his hair and had a locket made for me. I will eventually get something done with Roanie, Flicka and Benji's hair all entwinned. I've also got a lovely picture of Benji framed by my bedside.

 

[SO1]

So sorry I had to say goodbye to my best friend Homey on 29 July.

I had 4 days between the vet giving me the bad news and having to let him go.

What was of comfort was friends reminding it was the right thing to do and the kindest and it was on vets advice.

One of my friends told me I would become a member of a club that nobody wants to join but which all loving and responsible horse owners will in time be part of. Saying goodbye to a pet is something many of us on here will have done or will have to do in future. It is harder when they are younger my Homey was only 20 and I felt cheated out of another 10 years that he could possibly have had.

In the lead up I made sure I spent lots of time with him in those last days I was off work. I also made sure I didn't cry or act sadly around him as I didn’t want him to pick up on it. I cried endlessly at home but never when with him. He gave me the strength right to the end.

I chose a Friday so I didn't have to go to work the day after and my sister was with me when it happened and as was my YO I stayed with my sister her over the weekend. Some yard budies came to the yard in the lead up to and on the day to provide moral support and reminding me that this was a loving final act of kindness.

The worst bit after having to make the decision was choosing his casket before he was gone.

I have not tidied up his things as I plan to get another forester in due time and his things will probably fit. YO is letting me store everything at the yard.

The aftermath for me was awful and still is as I miss him so much and had him 15 years but I live on my own worst times for me are evenings and mornings. You have a baby coming so you will not be alone. Not everybody deals with grief and loss the same there is no right way.

I already had keepsakes such his shoes decorated and a photo pillow with us both on it given to me as gifts in the past, so I have not got any new stuff yet.

I put together a thread below on grief on loss of horse it may help you.

https://forums.horseandhound.co.uk/threads/grief-due-to-loss-of-horse.820812/#post-14970733