How to end another disaster loan

TuscanBunnyGirl said:
Sorry, I have no advice to offer, very naive of these situations. But I do hope you manage to sort something out. Tbh I'm seeing it from both sides. OP, you say she isn't spending much time with him anymore...? So why not just take him back anyway? Could you not just find a cheap, nice livery to keep him in retirement perhaps?
And just because I'm interested, why did loaner buy him a new saddle?
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I'm hoping the loaner will care enough about the horse to sell the new saddle and get a vet out to him, asap:( Can't ride him at the moment anyway...
 
Arizahn said:
I'm hoping the loaner will care enough about the horse to sell the new saddle and get a vet out to him, asap:( Can't ride him at the moment anyway...
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didn't think about that pathway.. :)
Was just wondering why there was a need to get a new saddle...could his behaviour/lameness be related to this new saddle?..just a suggestion.
 
Kallibear said:
Actually, I feel sorry for the OP too. She's got herself into a difficult situation where there's no happy or easy way out. She's also dealt civil-y with some of the very harsh replies and not a flounce in sight....... ;)

Some very contradictory replies: eithers she's cruel for not taking control and telling the loaner what to do, or she's interefering and not giving the loan a minutes peace. Can't be both!

As I see it, she had a horse she couldn't keep anymore more (for whatever reason : having to give up your horse is not uncommon or unreasonable). She tried to sell it but couldn't. She tried to loan it out and ended up being returned a messed up horse (a fate told many times on here, esp for quirky horses). Her other option would have been to abandon him or PTS! Yet now she's been called cruel and heartless for considering PTS. :rolleyes:

For this most recent loan, she was unable to keep the horse at the time (the whole reason she tried to sell him in the first place!) and therefore needed a good loaner for him ASA and very sensibly attempted to loan him close to home where she can keep an eye on him. That too has gone wrong.

Those on small livery yards may well not understand how you could manage not to see the horse for ages but having been a a huge yard, it's fairly easy! Many acres, multiple schools: I only met about 20 of the 100+ people on the large yard I was at for 6 months!! And only saw a 1/4 of the horses.

The loaner 'wrecking' the horse's behaviour through bad riding is more contentious: does it really matter if the loan is going to keep the horse? But if the OP is going to end up with the horse back one day I too would be well P'd off if a very well schooled, talented horse of mine was ruined! I'd then have to spend forever trying to undo it!

However letting the horse become lame and very fat without doing anything about it is neglectful on the loaners part. The OP sounds like she's been trying to fix it but, if the loaner won't listen, there's little the OP can do other than take the horse back. And then what does she do with him?! We've been over that already! From what I've read, the only thing the OP is guilt of is not being more forceful about making the loaner comply. As for 5months of 'not doing anything', if the grass is anything like mine, it'll only have been in the last month he'll have started to balloon: any 'fat warnings' before that I suspect were pre-emptive.

OP: you need to talk to this girl. And poss get the YO involved as he/she will have more control over grazing. To be honest, if the girl is happy to just keep him as a pet, there's no harm in that. Being fat and unfit isn't great but not the end of the world if he's not obese and laminitic.

If she wants to return him, I would prob have him PTS: he's lame and older and a difficult horse. He's been passed about loan horses that haven't worked for him and will prob just continue on the same vane. PTS may be the kindest option for him.
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I think this is a good post and that some others are being very harsh.

Lets all hope that we're never in a situation where something has gone wrong and we don't know what to do for the best. If you can't cope with a horse, can't sell it, can't loan it, can't turn it away as it gets too fat - what are you meant to do?? I can see why the worry of what to do, not the actual horse would become a noose in your mind, especially if not always thinking clearly with depression.

And as for all these depression experts, who know all about it because they're on medication too, surely you of all people can recognise that depression is not "one size fits all, one tablet cures all". There are so many levels and until you find the balance it can be destroying. My own mum ended up in a mental hospital with depression for a month many years ago, and probably would have killed herself if not. I learned during that time, that mental illness is just that, an illness. Different people get flu, some end up in hospital with it, others don't.. Depression is the same.

(Not commenting on the OP's depression in particular).
 
Honey08 said:
And as for all these depression experts, who know all about it because they're on medication too, surely you of all people can recognise that depression is not "one size fits all, one tablet cures all". There are so many levels and until you find the balance it can be destroying. My own mum ended up in a mental hospital with depression for a month many years ago, and probably would have killed herself if not. I learned during that time, that mental illness is just that, an illness. Different people get flu, some end up in hospital with it, others don't.. Depression is the same.

(Not commenting on the OP's depression in particular).
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I cant really comment on horse or loan, but would say trust your gut. I do totaly agree with Honey08 about depression, i had depression for 6 years coming out the other side now. I know the tablets did effect me didnt others i know. When i was on a strong dose i would struggle to make a hot drink and cant remeber alot of the last few years. I took myself off the tablets as gp wouldnt listen and i knew i needed to be off them. I think people should think before they judge when it comes to mental illness as you will never know the whole truth of what is happening in a persons head therefore will not realise the damage you can do.
 
I haven't had time to read through all of this but the gist is you don't want the horse and can't afford to keep it? The horse is fat and lame but has been lame before and probably fat because not being worked and is over fed? No vet has been called out for the benefit of the horse either by you or by the loaner? Your loaner pays how much contribution including vet bills and your horse didn't come with tack, rugs etc?

Bit out of the park but have you thought about offering your horse to her for sale after you get the vet out to see what the lameness is about?

if there is an underlying problem that is causing re-occurring lameness then it needs sorting out or horse being retired as a companion and not a riding horse doesn't matter what it was bred for obviously not fit for purpose and is getting on.

If you explain that you can no longer keep him so will be selling him on not much she can argue with you ending her loan and if she does buy he will no longer be your problem. I have to say though to end a loan only to PTS because of potential vet bills is pretty unthinkable to me. Even oldies can be nice companion horses for someone.

Hope you get a nice outcome for the horse and that the vet finds its nothing sinister.
 
I know nothing about mental illness of any sort, but I know that you don't need to be depressed to be feeling the way the OP is.
I actually cannot believe how judgemental and frankly unhelpful some of the replies here are! I bet you bottom dollar that a lot of us here feel our horses to be a burden and a ''noose'' at times, even if we aren't brave or honest enough to say it.
Of course, we can only see one side of the story, but it really, really doesn't sound to me such a great to leave the horse with the loaner. It's fat and getting fatter, being high risk for laminitis and other obesity related problems, it already is unsound, thus in pain...
Yes, somebody should have called the vet, yes somebody should have prevented him getting fat... well, nobody did and he is as he is. Is there really any point in having a pop at the owner? And if you must have a pop, why don't you suggest a solution, too?

If he was mine, I would call the vet out to assess before tackling the loaner, find out what the problem is and the prognosis, get a clear (or as clear as possible) picture in my head of my preferred outcome and go from there.
If he is fixable within reasonable timescale and budget, with decent mid to long term prognosis, I would give it a go, possibly even keeping the current loaner although under stricter supervision.
If above does not sound feasible, I would terminate the loan and put the horse down.
 
After reading some of these responses it proves why i no longer want to post on this forum!

So none of you have ever had a fat/lame/naughty horse?

You all have bags of money to treat vets bills?

And none of you have tried to do the right thing by loaning a horse out?

Wow.
 
I think you need to sit down and have a serious chat to the loaner, if she is prepared to and wants to keep him on loan you need to draw up an action plan that she agrees to adhere to.

You will have to make a concerted effort to check on the horse at least twice weekly & loaner will have to have him insured (cant believe he is not already) once he is back being ridden perhaps it would be prudent for the loaner to have a weekly lesson & I don’t know if perhaps you could help her by riding your other horse in the school with her while she rides the big lad.

This struck a chord with me as I took on a 17yo WB (he was a professionals horse in his younger days) 17.2 just over 4 years ago now & I couldn’t ride one side of him (he had been left in the field for a few years as he would just dump people) now with lessons and time we became very bonded (Big ginge in my sig) I love the old fellow and yes he is still on loan to me even though he is now retired and if the owner is still happy in years to come he will be with me till the end of his days.

This ^^^ is really just to say It can work if the loaner wants it to work & gets support and guidance from the owner.

I hope for everyone’s sake this can be sorted out
 
Hi op,

I think that the best option for this horse would be to help loaner improve her knowledge.
The horse for a few reasons will not be happiest with you/ you are not happiest with horse.
Loaner from what you have said seems to enjoy and love the horse-albeit she needs to learn how to be cruel to be kind-I.e get it on a diet etc. If she is happy with it as a big pet, the main thing is she is looking after him ok? Is he seen daily? Brushed? Cared for apart from being overweight which let's face it many horses are... The first issue is to address why he Is lame... Get vet out, pay for it yourself as you are the owner.... Then depending on what the lameness is there will be different avenues you will need to address. If loaner is happy to keep as a pet albeit a bit fat I would prob prefer that to pts if I was that horse....:)
 
Maybe some of us are coming across as being hard on the op. I can honestly say that I have been skint before but I have never failed in my responsibility to a horse in my care so I'm no hypocrite. I think a lot of you are being hard on the loaner who isn't even able to defend herself. Why should the loaner sell her saddle to cover the vet bills for someone else's horse? Why no suggestions that the op sells something to fund it? A fair outcome is for a novice loaner to fund the vet bills for a horse with previous soundness issues that the owner had difficulty loaning or selling beforehand, while the op keeps her other horse? I can kind of sympathise with being desperate enough to loan to someone lacking the experience for that horse, but then I would accept the responsibility for improving their knowledge & keeping a close eye on them.
 
littlelegs said:
Maybe some of us are coming across as being hard on the op. I can honestly say that I have been skint before but I have never failed in my responsibility to a horse in my care so I'm no hypocrite. I think a lot of you are being hard on the loaner who isn't even able to defend herself. Why should the loaner sell her saddle to cover the vet bills for someone else's horse? Why no suggestions that the op sells something to fund it? A fair outcome is for a novice loaner to fund the vet bills for a horse with previous soundness issues that the owner had difficulty loaning or selling beforehand, while the op keeps her other horse? I can kind of sympathise with being desperate enough to loan to someone lacking the experience for that horse, but then I would accept the responsibility for improving their knowledge & keeping a close eye on them.
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^^this.
 
I agree with littlelegs, I can say there are days when, I postponed the farrier for a week because I was so low an tired i just couldn't be bothered, and days when my horse had 4 legs, wasn't injured and had grass and water and that was all I was able to do... Check the basics, but my god she was checked and if there was a problem, the vet would have been called, this would have absolutely been the case if she'd have been on loan to someone else at my yard, but then I can also say that there is no way under any circumstances I would have let a loan that for whatever reason wasn't working go on for so long if I wasn't happy with the type of care my horse was receiving unless I micro managed the situation. I'm afraid none of us are perfect, the loaner can not be faulted for inexperience... Unfortunately the owner can be faulted for her lack of action, sometimes you have to take a more active role in things, it is not good enough to lay the blame with the loaner
 
I wasn't going to reply any more as I have decided what to do next from some of the helpful replies on here.

But I have a question. How do you educate someone who already sees themselves as an expert?

She enjoys giving others advice even if they didn't ask for it. Once she advised someone how to use a rugby pelham. She fitted it by threading the one rein through the loose snaffle ring and straight onto the lower pelham ring. So effectively they were riding off the bottom pelham ring with no snaffle at all. They were all really pleased with her advice and thought the horse was going lovely and so did she, even though it was now badly behind the bit. She was selling it to them as I had caught her doing the same with my horse even though we'd agreed that there would be no tack changes apart from if agreed beforehand.

I think this is why she ignores my attempts at intervention as she thinks she knows far more than me, despite never having had her own horse or worked with them.

The five month thing is just a misinterpretation. I had been warning her about weight etc to try and prevent what has now happened because she ignored me (and yes I agree I should have been more forceful but I have been trying to let her get on and enjoy him as if he was her own without me interfering). The problem of the weight has ballooned over the last 1 1/2 months. This is when I have been messed up by the effect of the tablets I was on.

If you read my original post, I was never just blaming my loanee I did take responsibility and say that yes it is down to me to sort it out.

She bought rugs because my rambo rugs were not deemed good enough. The saddle was due to me having sold mine to pay for sorting him out after a previous loan. I told her she couldn't use my bridle after she wrecked my really nice Kieffer one.

I cannot sell my other horse as she was a rescue who I am rehabilitating and I have already sold things to pay for the horses.
 
JammieJames said:
But I have a question. How do you educate someone who already sees themselves as an expert?
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I think when it's your horse it's easy. I.e, it's either your way or the highway.

Good luck with whatever you decide. And if you feel able, give us an update.
 
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amymay said:
I think when it's your horse it's easy. I.e, it's either your way or the highway.

Good luck with whatever you decide. And if you feel able, give us an update.
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^^this^^

Id have my horse back, for all the reasons you have given us, as its unnaceptable (in my eyes) for her to keep ignoring all the advice your giving and find someone else, yes it may take a few months, but there will be someone wanting to properly look after him and also be prepared to listen and do ask youv asked.

That way your horse is being properly cared for and YOU can relax knowing things have settled down.
 
Cor this forum is going down the *****ter. You nasty people! I feel very sorry for op, having suffered with depression myself. Half of you aren't reading the posts properly and are jumping down op's throat for things she hasn't said. And a lot of you have misinterpreted half the story.
Op, you need to sit this woman down again and explain that his weight is a continuous issue, sort out who is liable for his vet fees and go from there. It may be better all together to just cut your losses and sign his horse over to her, then at least the blame does not fall on you and he is her responsibility to sort out. Though I would not blame you at all if you chose to take the animal back and pts.
I never thought I'd see the day when I agreed that this forum was going to the dogs....
 
Right, despite standing by what I said, I will apologies for the tone and pretty awful way it was written, that apology is for the OP.

So, to be constructive.

Have a formal meeting with the loaner. Take a witness to make it formall
Write down what you want to achieve from this beforehand and stick to your guns. A list will help you keep on track and stop her from deviating you away.

AFterwards, write up a formal agreement of what was agreed, make both of you sign it, with a witness signature as well.
Make a plan, by the day, the week, the month.
ref her unwanted advise to others. Not your problem, they either tell her to take a hike or take it on the chin, or, get YO to say something.

One thing, I would make it my top priority to ride out with her, either hack or in school.

And please stop messing with your medication. It will not help you one bit
 
Kallibear said:
Actually, I feel sorry for the OP too. She's got herself into a difficult situation where there's no happy or easy way out. She's also dealt civil-y with some of the very harsh replies and not a flounce in sight....... ;)

Some very contradictory replies: eithers she's cruel for not taking control and telling the loaner what to do, or she's interefering and not giving the loan a minutes peace. Can't be both!

As I see it, she had a horse she couldn't keep anymore more (for whatever reason : having to give up your horse is not uncommon or unreasonable). She tried to sell it but couldn't. She tried to loan it out and ended up being returned a messed up horse (a fate told many times on here, esp for quirky horses). Her other option would have been to abandon him or PTS! Yet now she's been called cruel and heartless for considering PTS. :rolleyes:

For this most recent loan, she was unable to keep the horse at the time (the whole reason she tried to sell him in the first place!) and therefore needed a good loaner for him ASA and very sensibly attempted to loan him close to home where she can keep an eye on him. That too has gone wrong.

Those on small livery yards may well not understand how you could manage not to see the horse for ages but having been a a huge yard, it's fairly easy! Many acres, multiple schools: I only met about 20 of the 100+ people on the large yard I was at for 6 months!! And only saw a 1/4 of the horses.

The loaner 'wrecking' the horse's behaviour through bad riding is more contentious: does it really matter if the loan is going to keep the horse? But if the OP is going to end up with the horse back one day I too would be well P'd off if a very well schooled, talented horse of mine was ruined! I'd then have to spend forever trying to undo it!

However letting the horse become lame and very fat without doing anything about it is neglectful on the loaners part. The OP sounds like she's been trying to fix it but, if the loaner won't listen, there's little the OP can do other than take the horse back. And then what does she do with him?! We've been over that already! From what I've read, the only thing the OP is guilt of is not being more forceful about making the loaner comply. As for 5months of 'not doing anything', if the grass is anything like mine, it'll only have been in the last month he'll have started to balloon: any 'fat warnings' before that I suspect were pre-emptive.

OP: you need to talk to this girl. And poss get the YO involved as he/she will have more control over grazing. To be honest, if the girl is happy to just keep him as a pet, there's no harm in that. Being fat and unfit isn't great but not the end of the world if he's not obese and laminitic.

If she wants to return him, I would prob have him PTS: he's lame and older and a difficult horse. He's been passed about loan horses that haven't worked for him and will prob just continue on the same vane. PTS may be the kindest option for him.
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i acutally agree with this. Sometimes situations get out of hand quite quickly and unless you have personally been in op position then i dont see how you can be so judgemental.
 
As an aside from everything on this thread, and I need to be careful about how I word this because I'm not insensitive to the issue, I have lived through it and continue to struggle myself on days, but I do find it hard when people come on here saying that they have depression and are excused for their choices or behaviour, the attitude 'it's ok, because he/she has depression' or moreover 'it's not ok, but we can't say that because he/she has depression' really gets me.

Op 1 1/2 months is still a disgrace in my opinion, especially since you state you already had serious concerns. Whatever you choose to do, I sincerely hope that the outcome is the best possible one for your horse including general management, care, handling and hopefully riding, thorough vet exam and weight management.
 
Queenbee said:
As an aside from everything on this thread, and I need to be careful about how I word this because I'm not insensitive to the issue, I have lived through it and continue to struggle myself on days, but I do find it hard when people come on here saying that they have depression and are excused for their choices or behaviour, the attitude 'it's ok, because he/she has depression' or moreover 'it's not ok, but we can't say that because he/she has depression' really gets me.

Op 1 1/2 months is still a disgrace in my opinion, especially since you state you already had serious concerns. Whatever you choose to do, I sincerely hope that the outcome is the best possible one for your horse including general management, care, handling and hopefully riding, thorough vet exam and weight management.
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Agreed. Unfortunately if the welfare of a horse is called into question, a long term illness should not be used as an excuse. If you are not capable, you call on friends, parents, hire a groom or you don't take on such a huge responsibility. The welfare of the animal which you have chosen to take on should be priority.

A loan is not someone elses problem, you are still the owner and on the same yard.

I hope it gets sorted out, for you, the loanee and most importantly the horses sake.

Pan
 
OP - having lived with a depressive I understand the effect that anti-depressants can have and I sympathise whole-heartedly. It's a side issue, but please, for your own sake, see the doctor about your medication if you haven't already - taking it into your own hands is potentially very damaging.

Re the loan, if I'm right, this girl has trashed your stuff and obesified your horse despite your repeated requests for her to watch his weight. Now, we all know from numerous 'how's he/she looking' threads on here that weight is subjective, but if you're worried you need to take this into your own hands.

If I were you, and I know it's easy to say when you're battling with the drugs etc, I would sit her down and say it's not working and that you're not happy with the horse's weight and his general demeanour. And, if neither improves in a month, then she's going to have to give up the loan.

And, I'm afraid, if your horse is that difficult that you can't ride him yourself and you can't find someone else to and you can't afford to keep him, it might be wise to consider PTS. Passing him round from pillar to post if he has behavioural problems is not fair on him or his potential owners. Regardless of what's happened in the past, and who's fault it all is, you are where you are and it's not looking like an improving situation. I know there are many people who won't agree, but in the long run it might be fairest for the horse. :(
 
Honey08 said:
I think this is a good post and that some others are being very harsh.

Lets all hope that we're never in a situation where something has gone wrong and we don't know what to do for the best. If you can't cope with a horse, can't sell it, can't loan it, can't turn it away as it gets too fat - what are you meant to do?? I can see why the worry of what to do, not the actual horse would become a noose in your mind, especially if not always thinking clearly with depression.

And as for all these depression experts, who know all about it because they're on medication too, surely you of all people can recognise that depression is not "one size fits all, one tablet cures all". There are so many levels and until you find the balance it can be destroying. My own mum ended up in a mental hospital with depression for a month many years ago, and probably would have killed herself if not. I learned during that time, that mental illness is just that, an illness. Different people get flu, some end up in hospital with it, others don't.. Depression is the same.

(Not commenting on the OP's depression in particular).
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Exactly what they said. I'm not excusing the OP but I do think that a lot of people have been quick to jump on the bandwagon and criticise. Sometimes things in your life happen which you can not foresee and which you have no control over. While it would be incredible to be able to promise a horse a home for life in every situation, sometimes that isn't possible.

As far as I see it, if the horse was going to be put down when the OP bought it and the OP has had it a number of years, then that horse gained x amount of years. I'll probably get flamed for this, but I'm not bothered. I know it's a very clinical thing for me to say, but I'm trying to look at this from an unemotional point of view. For me, the most important thing would be putting the situation to rights right now, which is what Welsh D (sorry if I got it wrong!) suggested, and proposed a very good plan for moving forwards. It's no good harking to what could have/ should have happened as the OP has said that they realise that they didn't make the right choices at the time, and is seeking to put them right.

I have depression, and anxiety and I'm surprised that others who have it are quick to mention how it didn't stop them doing x and y....we're all different and there's not a tablet which will solve the problem immediately. In fact I often think that there is a stigma and jumping on people and judging them won't help the situation.

Like I say, just my opinion :) Also, to the OP - please, please make sure that you see your GP to discuss your medication. It can cause so many different issues if you stop taking them completely and can make things so much worse /hug
 
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Starbucks said:
I'm another one for thinking he'd be better of being fat with the girl than being shot with you. :-(
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Sorry, I've been sitting on my hands but this takes the biscuit. If his (apparently manageable to anyone with half a brain) weight issues are not addressed, he will contract laminitis and/or joint issues and may need to be destroyed. It sounds like this horse is quirky and needs a firm, experienced hand . . . also sounds as though the OP has tried to find ways to rehome him - none of which have worked out. If this horse is irretrievably broken - or even if the OP can simply no longer afford to keep him (and can't sell or loan him out either) then PTS is the kindest option.

I simply cannot believe how quick so many have been to jump on the OP . . . nor how level headed and polite the OP has been in the face of blatant rudeness.

I have a quirky, difficult, older horse with a lifelong lameness condition - the day I can no longer afford to keep him will be the day I seriously consider having him PTS. The GreyDonkey is a nightmare in the field if he isn't getting enough work . . . he's most definitely NOT a novice ride (rears and spins out hacking, for example) . . . he has navicular and I'm still not convinced that he hasn't had laminitis at some point . . . and he's at least 12 years old. So . . . the nuttiness in the field, combined with the possible proclivity towards contracting laminitis would make retiring him difficult . . . his quirkiness means he needs someone knowledgeable to take him on . . . the navicular means that even if he IS sound, he can't do roadwork, must jump only on a decent surface and can't do fast hacking on hard ground . . . and anyone half decent wouldn't want an older, broken horse anyway!

I'm not saying I would definitely do it . . . and it would utterly, utterly break my heart because he saved my life . . . but I'd have to take a really hard look at all the options - and PTS would be one of them.

OP - I give you credit for your honest and good manners on this post. Good luck with whatever you decide to do for YOUR horse.

P
 
Yes the market is bad right now, but it makes me so cross when people say that nobody wants a certain type of horse.

I own a 17.2hh 28yr old Dutch Warmblood x who was a puissance horse in his day. He's an ex grade A showjumper and can be a complete arse. He's quirky, costs a bomb to feed and keep him looking well, and I've been offered frightening amounts of money for him on several occasions.

There are SO MANY people out there looking for a horse - quirky ex competition horses are still well schooled and lovely animals to own.

Anyone saying that he is better off staying fat with his current loaner is barmy. If you decide to put him to sleep then that is far kinder than leaving him to get laminitis etc.

As Polarskye said, you've been very level headed and polite in all your posts. Well done! I would have punched someone by now...
 
I thought troll also....

However - if not.....if neither you nor your loaner have the means to pay for vets if anything went wrong (which it now has) would you not have had her pay you money for insurance? Or insured yourself?

Although i understand you have problems, if the horse only needed 4 weeks of walk work when the girl took him on and you already knew the horse was quirky and needed an experienced, competant rider - could you not have waited 4 weeks or so until he was capable of more work to assess her ability roperly before agreeing the loan?

I think you need to be taking the horse back and either getting the vet out or making the hard decision to pts. Its your responsibility at the end of the day. I know fine well if i thought someone was mistreating my horse then rather than b*tching about them on a forum i'd be going and removing them from the situation instead!

Hope it works out for the horses sake. :(
 
I've been following this thread, but have refrained from posting until now. Quite frankly I am appalled at some of the replies people have given, a few have been abhorrent; downright despicable responses to someone who has replied with dignity and not once risen to the bait of the personal insults thrown at her.

I hope and pray none of you ever suffer from a mental illness and have someone shove it back in your face!! My father has been affected his whole life, with what people called moodiness, unsocialability or grumpiness. In fact he has only just, within the past 12 months, been diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome and BiPolar Type 1.
There were times I can recall that he couldnt bear to even get out bed to open the curtains, let alone worry about whether the family pets were fed - if it wasn't for my mum then absolutely nothing would have got done during his very worst episodes.

So all of you who jumped on the OP saying she is at fault for not making sure her horse was being adaquately cared for 24/7 have obviously not been afflicted by the sort of mental illness that renders you simply incapable of caring about anything at all!! It isn't that person's fault, they just cannot help it despite how much they may usually love their animals, at the time nothing matters and I am well aware of this through living with my father's illness for so many years.

To the OP - if I were you this is what I would do:

I would sit down with the Loaner (have somebody else present to reinforce your wishes if you feel the Loaner is one of these who won't listen to reason), with a written/signed contract stating who is responsible for what. Have clauses within the agreement to address issues such as weight management, veterinary issues and ridden rules. Have the YO present and make sure there are no grey areas when it comes to the horse's health and welfare. I believe any person taking a horse on loan should have it insured to cover eventualities such as this one - so I would make that a condition of the loan as well.

If any of these clauses are not adhered to, then you need to make it very clear to her that you will be needing to terminate the Loan without notice. This will need to be highlighted in the agreement.

Yes there have been failings on your part, which you have honestly admitted, but this isn't something which can't be rectified given some time and effort.
I am also of the mind that if all else fails then have the horse PTS - it's much kinder to end his life than have him passed from pillar to post with Loan homes who dont get on with him or sell him and have him end up god knows where.
I would always rather have any animal of mine PTS knowing I had exhausted all other viable avenues, than risk it suffering in any way/shape/form at the hands of others

Kim
 
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