How to give a cat a pill - update!!!

Box_Of_Frogs

Box_Of_Frogs

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Re the above, I've just had a scathingly brilliant idea that I might try to patent. Maybe get the Parelli's to market it. Forum users can have it for free:

METHOD A:
1. Go to pet shop and buy a mouse or trap one on yard
2. Come home and stun mouse with toffee hammer
3. Make small slit in mouse's belly with sharp knife
4. Put worming pill in mouse's abdominal cavity
5. Casually chuck mouse onto floor in front of cat
6. TA DA! Cat worms itself!

METHOD B:
1. Go to pet shop and buy a mouse or trap one on yard
2. Shove worming pill down MOUSE'S throat
3. Casually chuck mouse onto floor in front of cat
4. TA DA! Cat worms itself!
 
My cat would turn up her nose at a mouse, she only eats the finest cat food (fussy little monster :rolleyes:) and the cats at the yard would probably eat the mouse and still manage to avoid the pill :p
 
Hmmmmm, yes Montyforever, I'd forgotten the dedication that a yard cat brings to the worming issue. Yes. Would likely eat entire mouse then spit tablet out. Hmmmm. Back to the drawing board. Bugger, had already planned long cruise to the Caribbean, minus yard cat of course. Ah, wait a minute. Ooooh yes, got it got it got it. Right, ok, new plan:

1. By YOUNG mouse from pet shop or trap one at yard
2. Start feeding young mouse on ground up worming tablets
3. As mouse matures, it will be one huge worming tablet
4. Stun mature mouse with toffee hammer
5. Chuck stunned mouse to cat
6. Even one tiny bite-and-swallow will worm cat for a year!
7. TA DA!
 
Box_Of_Frogs said:
Hmmmmm, yes Montyforever, I'd forgotten the dedication that a yard cat brings to the worming issue. Yes. Would likely eat entire mouse then spit tablet out. Hmmmm. Back to the drawing board. Bugger, had already planned long cruise to the Caribbean, minus yard cat of course. Ah, wait a minute. Ooooh yes, got it got it got it. Right, ok, new plan:

1. By YOUNG mouse from pet shop or trap one at yard
2. Start feeding young mouse on ground up worming tablets
3. As mouse matures, it will be one huge worming tablet
4. Stun mature mouse with toffee hammer
5. Chuck stunned mouse to cat
6. Even one tiny bite-and-swallow will worm cat for a year!
7. TA DA!
Click to expand...

Can I add an extra point?
4a Stun cat, force stunned cat to swallow stunned mouse.
 
Welllll, you could try my farm cat method, have ready an appropriate sized carboard box with cat neck sized cut out in top flap, a pencil and a large rubber band; catch cat and stuff into box, fold down top flaps, the cats angry head ALWAYS pops up lol!! tape down flaps around cats neck. Put finger near cats mouth when it opens pop in the pencil between back teeth and secure with rubber band. Lick little finger and stick pill on finger, stuff finger down cats throat until it gags. Once you're sure pill is gone remove pencil, DON'T take cat out of box for 10 minutes, if they can crouch over they will try to be sick to get rid of it.
Alternatively you can now get a combined pour on flea and worm treatment, but the box is fun and interactive for you and cat.
 
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the dang thing's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from **** and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How to Give a Dog a Pill 1. Wrap it in bacon
 
Oh dearie me Misterjay, after Id picked myself up off the floor laughing, I can see that your 4a is a brilliant addition. But maybe we could prune the instructions further by using your idea, as follows:

1. Stun cat with toffee hammer
2. Shove worming tablet down cat's throat whilst still stunned

What do you think? Can a stunned cat choke on a worming tablet? Could there be claims by disgruntled owners, for veterinary fees?
 
Maybe a large toffee hammer, or a brick, would work better for stunning purposes.

We could crush tablet to a fine dust and then if the cat chokes, at least some will have gone down it's throat!

Note to self - must overdose cat on tabs, due to any unforeseen swallowing hindrances!
 
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