Pictures How to improve loss of confidence?

[Ben2684]

As thread title really. I would never say I was an experienced equestrian or did anything to exciting but I am getting really angry with myself recently. I used to enjoy a wide range of activities with my horse, but after a winter of various minor medical issues, short periods of box rest/and my horse not settling at a yard I moved to (which resulted in him being VERY reactive whilst out hacking amongst other issues) I have completely lost my bottle and confidence in my ability to ride my horse. I am now at the point where I question my ability pretty much every time I ride, despite moving to anew yes and horse settling perfectly. After a really rough 8/9 months I need to learn how to trust my lad again-as I did before. On a super yard now with really supportive YO and fellow liveries but I can’t shift this nagging feeling that I’m just a tad shit really

any advice? Pics are of happier (and more confident!!) times

 

[Ben2684]

Ps, thought I’d been clever in uploading a photo from my iPhone-clearly not!! ?

 

[Sossigpoker]

I'm in the same boat. I broke my back 9 months ago being thrown off a horse and now with my new horse I'm like a novice rider again. I feel like I just can't ride and therefore I'm at my horse's mercy and if anything happens I won't be able to control it.

I've decided to massively lower my goals. At the moment my goal is to be able to hack around the block with my instructor without panicking. But I feel pathetic even having such a pathetic goal. So clearly some work to do there!

I've also ordered Karl Greenwood's book and am looking into hypnotherapy.

What have you tried so far?

 

[Cob Life]

A good instructor who believed in me worked wonders for my confidence!

 

[Ceriann]

Start small and build up. I didn’t like hacking but rehabbing my mare meant I had to hand walk her out, building up to 45 mins twice a day, then riding for small parts of it building that up to. Desensitised her to everything and I got to know her so well. I also had to do this every day, which I think helps a lot. We now hack loads - I’m still not the most confident rider overall but I am perfectly happy hacking her out. I have just found a new instructor to help with schooling and just one session had me much more confident.

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

Lower your expectations. You can do loads of schooling in walk. Slowly build it up. Confidence building takes a long time so take the pressure off yourself and just enjoy your horse.

 

[Coblover63]

I think you have to trust your horse. Having the right one is absolutely fundamental. I have had major losses of confidence over the years. The worst was being thrown off a new mare, resulting in a hospital stay and months of recovery. The accident shattered my confidence even more than my body but I knew I still wanted to ride. A cob was sent to me from a friend on a two-week trial "he's too quiet for me", she said - which boded well. Still healing, being scared AND a new horse did not - on paper - make a good combination but my husband stepped up and in that trial period he would actually clip a lead rope on and lead us out on hacks! Confidence really WAS at an all time low!! Then I'd ask to be unclipped and we'd ride along a bit with him as foot soldier. Then I'd ask him to walk ahead and we'd trot to him.... or nerves would kick back in and I'd ask him to clip the rope back on. In the school he'd set up different pole combinations and set us simple tasks, which made me think about what we were doing rather than the actual riding. Having a stiff-as-a-board, stressed rider, the cob never put a hoof wrong so he sailed through his two week trial. My confidence in him grew and as it did, so he unfurled like a flower for me, finding faster gears and showing me the fun part of riding again.

That was 8 years ago now and I'm forever grateful to that boy for "nursing" me through a tough time. I don't have him any more.... I moved on to a much more challenging mare! And he went off to another lovely lady who needed some confidence, where he remains, much-loved, semi-retired and living the life of Riley!

Thank you, Joey

 

[tda]

Agree with others, start small. I haven't ridden regularly for a few years now, aged parents, my medical issues and a variety of other reasons.
Decided I didn't want to ride any more, but actually I do!
My sister came up and walked with us, me on pony a couple of times, then I hacked half a mile on my own to meet friends. It's helping that pony is a superstar

A friend who had a tricky mare used to tack up get on, walk to the gate, turn round come back and dismount. Small steps xx

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

I think you have to trust your horse. Having the right one is absolutely fundamental. I have had major losses of confidence over the years. The worst was being thrown off a new mare, resulting in a hospital stay and months of recovery. The accident shattered my confidence even more than my body but I knew I still wanted to ride. A cob was sent to me from a friend on a two-week trial "he's too quiet for me", she said - which boded well. Still healing, being scared AND a new horse did not - on paper - make a good combination but my husband stepped up and in that trial period he would actually clip a lead rope on and lead us out on hacks! Confidence really WAS at an all time low!! Then I'd ask to be unclipped and we'd ride along a bit with him as foot soldier. Then I'd ask him to walk ahead and we'd trot to him.... or nerves would kick back in and I'd ask him to clip the rope back on. In the school he'd set up different pole combinations and set us simple tasks, which made me think about what we were doing rather than the actual riding. Having a stiff-as-a-board, stressed rider, the cob never put a hoof wrong so he sailed through his two week trial. My confidence in him grew and as it did, so he unfurled like a flower for me, finding faster gears and showing me the fun part of riding again.

That was 8 years ago now and I'm forever grateful to that boy for "nursing" me through a tough time. I don't have him any more.... I moved on to a much more challenging mare! And he went off to another lovely lady who needed some confidence, where he remains, much-loved, semi-retired and living the life of Riley!

Thank you, Joey

View attachment 55650

What a lovely story (the Joey bit, not the being thrown off bit!) and picture

I have also found having someone to lead me out on hacks and accompany on foot has helped my confidence. It felt a bit embarrassing at the time to say I was that nervous but it paid off in the end and I feel like I'm gaining momentum in building confidence. The people around me are very supportive and each has their own experience of nerves with riding at different levels so there's no unhelpful/critical comments or attitudes about it.

It also helps having a hacking buddy on a horse that is also calm and having someone to chat to helps stop my mind from wandering onto 'what if...' thoughts. I also invested in a body protector - I know this won't keep me from coming off but psychologically it helps me, like having 'lucky pants' or something

 

[LEC]

You need to live in the moment and get really good at training yourself to think in the present. By adding in past or worrying about the future you are doing yourself an injustice and not actually getting on with what you need to do or take any enjoyment out of the simple things. You are too busy worrying about what might or might not happen.
Next time you have a negative thought (this needs to be done for EVERYTHING) count down from 5 and then go with it. Counting down from 5 switches you away from the negative thought and will help you make the decision positively.

Other things you can do are get yourself as fit/strong as possible. So many people have confidence issues and do nothing to sort out small issues that might have an impact. When I am fat, I fall off more. When I am fit and strong I stay on more. Kettlercise, pilates etc is excellent. You will find yourself then handling situations better because you are physically able to. People don't like to talk about this aspect, but the fitter you are the better you will ride because your balance and reactions will be better. You will also feel better.

Far too many people also worry about other people. Just stop doing that. I know I make it sound easy, but just ask yourself, does grooming my horse and not riding that day make me happy? then cool. Who cares?

Finally one thing I have been looking at and considering especially for women lately is the impact of hormones. I would track your mood with your cycle. There is a lot of work going on this at the moment. Women are more likely to be suicidal at certain times of the month if already struggling with depression etc. So if you can see on your notes that there is an impact through hormones then do something easy. When you are more boyant do something harder and push yourself. Don't make it an excuse for things but you need to be aware of it as it will impact how you feel before, during and after.

 

[Sossigpoker]

LEC excellent advice, thank you.
Staying in the present is a struggle for me, my mind tends to leap forward to a vision of the horse bolting and launching me into the atmosphere if he as much as twitches.
Do you have any tips for how you can try and stay in the present?

 

[scats]

A good horse. I thank Diva for getting my confidence back after it was knocked by several very bad falls and super sharp horses. Millie is trickier and I don’t 100% trust her like I did Diva, but I have absolutely no problems dealing with her silly behaviour. Same with Polly, who is certainly not for the faint hearted!
Diva got my confidence back up, not quite to the level it was (though I think age plays a part in that!), but I’m happy as Larry again on anything sharp and a bit daft.

 

[LEC]

LEC excellent advice, thank you.
Staying in the present is a struggle for me, my mind tends to leap forward to a vision of the horse bolting and launching me into the atmosphere if he as much as twitches.
Do you have any tips for how you can try and stay in the present?

No, its something I am currently working on myself. I compete at an ok level and showjumping is my Bete Noire. But I am trying really really hard to stop thinking of all the parameters that I cannot control and to focus on what I can - which is riding the horse. I concentrate on making much better plans. So I really actively make a plan and say it out loud. By saying it out loud your brain is much more likely to make it happen. I also try and stop the negative thoughts and just concentrate on the present - how I am going to do things? What do I want to improve that day? What is my focus? It could be something so small as looking up over jumps but if I manage that then win.

The other aspect I have worked really hard on is failure. I let myself fail now without wanting to beat myself up for days. By trying to be better at failing, I now take the lessons, think about why it has happened and try fail better next time. You cannot push yourself out of your comfort zone without failing. Sometimes those fails are small minor things and sometimes they are big, expensive, horrible mistakes. What you need to try and do is to fail personally without it being at the expense of the horse.

 

[paddy555]

I'm in the same boat. I broke my back 9 months ago being thrown off a horse and now with my new horse I'm like a novice rider again. I feel like I just can't ride and therefore I'm at my horse's mercy and if anything happens I won't be able to control it.

I've decided to massively lower my goals. At the moment my goal is to be able to hack around the block with my instructor without panicking. But I feel pathetic even having such a pathetic goal. So clearly some work to do there!

I've also ordered Karl Greenwood's book and am looking into hypnotherapy.

What have you tried so far?

have either of you tried KG's videos on U tube? I have watched a couple. They take a LONG time to watch. He is very fond of talking and there is a lot of waffle. However if you can manage half an hour of waffle a good point comes out of it. I found that the good point in one had subconsciously weirdly implanted itself in my brain.
I have no problems riding but am not too perfect in the stirrup department. Never totally even, I didn't lose a stirrup but there was a lot of room for improvement and conventional riding instructor methods didn't work.

A couple of sentences in the video mentioned stirrups, something about being a lot wider apart than the seat bones and they helped you balance from side to side. (that was more or less it I think from memory)
The next day I rode, just wandering along my mind drifted to what I was going to do next, what had happened yesterday etc and I remembered the video. Then I realised my stirrups were no longer a problem. I had not consciously done anything to improve the problem, hadn't even thought about it but what I had in the past tried to do by conventional methods had just corrected themselves . It was sort of like he had talked to my mind watching the video and it had taken it on board.
I have never been hypnotised but I reckon hypnosis from someone like him could be interesting and may work.

 

[paddy555]

LEC excellent advice, thank you.
Staying in the present is a struggle for me, my mind tends to leap forward to a vision of the horse bolting and launching me into the atmosphere if he as much as twitches.
Do you have any tips for how you can try and stay in the present?

sorry, me again. Have you read the book "Horse, follow closely" by Pony Boy?

That was the one book that changed my entire life overnight with one horse. One day I was struggling the next we are a partnership much to his total horror I bought it because it had lovely pics, never dreamt I would even read it. It is basically about riding by focus.

Someone has to be the herd leader and if it is not you it is your horse. So if you are not riding in the present and by focus then yes, your horse could well bolt and launch you into the atmosphere. Riding by focus you are totally locked into the horse. Your body follows your mind. There are no outside influences. You are so locked in together you don't notice anything, nothing runs through your mind. You are riding every step of the way.

I was hooked because I had an ex stud stallion, small, chesnut and extremely hot. He was exactly like the old Crunchie advert (for those oldies like me) "I'm about to lose control and I think I like it" He was not a dominant stallion who claimed his place by force. He was a benevolent one who only had to flick one ear and every horse we had, plus cows we used to drive and anything else was expected to do as instructed, and they did. It took a long while before I realised that we were also part of his herd and doing as we were told without realising it. That meant out riding you ended up doing what he wanted and going in his direction. He had taken over, his focus was so strong that he was the herd leader out riding. He was not dangerous in fact very safe as long as you just stayed on board and let him get on with it. I was stuck how to change things.
After reading I rebalanced my mind. I realised my error. Next day I tried the focus idea and worked very hard at it. We got to a turning in the forest where he decided which way we were going. I focussed, my position fell into line with my mind and he was in shock horror. No one was using the reins, legs or anything else. This was mind games and I won. All I had to do to ride well was focus. Of course I moved on and tried it with other horses.

I am mentioning it as it keeps you totally in the present, your mind has no room to wander. You are locked into what you are both doing.

 

[Wizpop]

Some excellent advice from posters- and “being in the moment” as explained by paddy 555 is definitely a really useful tool, to have in your tool box! I have helped myself and others using NLP techniques and am a firm believer in the strategies I use to the point where I now teach it to others. I would recommend looking into NLP as an addirional way to help yourself - it is used in a lot of Sports Psychology coaching and you don’t need to be on your horse to practice - you can learn the strategies in the comfort of tour own home!

 

[Canterbury Cait]

So much great advice from others already.

one thing that has helped me (your comment about the nagging feeling that you’re a bit shit really resonated!) is to keep a very brief journal of what I do each time I ride. E.G. “Lesson, 2nd Sept, focus on transitions. Nervous as horse rushing everywhere. Better after twenty minutes”.
It is very helpful when I get that shit feeling, and feel that I am getting nowhere, to be able to look back and see that actually progress HAS been made, but the demons won’t let me see it!
Just don’t rush, don’t compare yourself to others, and do what you enjoy. I wish you all the best with it.

 

[HazuraJane]

So much good advice here. Only thing I would add is look for podcasts, audio books/cd's, and YouTube videos that address a crisis of horse-related confidence.

Naming what you are experiencing does help; it allows you to accept the reality in which your mind is existing at the moment.
That also allows you to introduce to your mind the idea that the baby steps your are taking have a purpose in the grand scheme of your riding.
Baby steps are what we do with our horses - so return that kindness to yourself.

PS - no need to make a big explanation to anyone who doesn't need to know that you're suffering a crisis of confidence. Just go about your business.

 

[paddy555]

https://completeconfidenceblog.wordpress.com/blog-index-3/


this is another tool. Not everything works for every person. This is from Cathy Sirrett's work. Hopefully some part of it may resonate with you.

 

[timefort]

Really interesting thread and a lot of good advice already. One thing re: being in the moment, I went on one of Karl Greenwood's confidence courses and a little thing that really resonated with me was when he told a story of someone who reported back that they'd "had a good ride, nothing happened". He pointed out that lots of things has happened, they'd ridden past a lovely view, the sun was just so shining through the ears etc. Now when I start to wobble I think back to that comment, look at the view, appreciate the birdsong etc and find it really helps.

 

[Ben2684]

Thank you for your replies everyone-I have only just caught up after being away for a week on holiday. I have spoken at length with my instructor and we are going to try an intensive few days of lessons to try and get to the bottom of why I feel like this and work out some strategies to deal with it-I think being candid about how I felt was very much a part of it. I have also ordered the book as suggested above. I really want to crack this and get back to enjoying my horse and get back to having fun. Thank you all also for your other suggestions, I will be researching over the weekend!