How to keep OH happy - should I sell her?

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Sunny08

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I have a 4 year old mare, who is an absolute sweetie and really lovely to own. she is AA X ISH so can be a bit flighty at times and on her toes. She is never really naughty or nasty but she is 4 so she will leap about if something scares her or put the odd buck in, and she can be a handful.
Anyway riding her at the moment is proving a nightmare as if she isn't rideen at least every other day she gets very excitable and weather is meaning that I only ride her maybe every 3 or 4 days so she is handful.
Now my OH adores her aswell but is trying to persuade me she is a competition bred horse and needs to be out doing more than I can now do due to work commitments. He thinks I should sell her and buy an older happy hacker as in all honesty I just want to have a bit of fun now. Also we plan on starting a family next year and he has outrightly said he would not want me riding her when pregnant or with a young baby but he would be happier if I had something less scatty.
He has seen her be a handful quite a few times and is just being protective. He would never 'force' me to sell her but I think he is genuinely worried, so how do I handle this situation?
 
What do you want to do? You're the one who sits in the saddle, not your OH. If you feel she's too much then there's no shame in selling her on and getting something steadier.
 
Agreed, you are the one that sits in the saddle.

Do you think she’ll grow out of being a handful? Is it youthful exuberance or is she just bred like that?

Is she getting enough turnout? My horse can have two weeks off and be a saint to ride if he’s been chucked out. If he’s been in for a few days and has an evening off he can be quite feisty!

I think it’s quite nice that he cares about you and your family.

Also what do you want to do with her? Would you be happy with a happy hacker?
 
Do you enjoy riding her or would you prefer something a bit steadier?

tbh, from that post it sounds like you might enjoy something you can just get on and ride without worrying so i can see his point.
 
I used to compete a lot and brought her as a yearling to take on to compete - she is bred to event.
But now I don't really know, I think I just want to saunter around country lanes and riding club type level - nothing more than that.
Sometimes I wish she was less complicated. She isn't horrible at all just needs consistency and when she is going well, my god, she is amazing!
smile.gif

I think I have to take his views as much as mine into account. I know if I asked the same of him he would do it as he wouldn't want me worrying.
But at the same time each time I go up the yard and see her I fall in love with her all over again...
 
You have to do what you are happy with and what you feel is right, as she is only 4 she will grow up and mature and probbaly become much easier to ride as she gets older.

Personally, if she is a sweetie in every other way, and sound! I imagine she would be hard to replace. While she may well have potential for competitions, she won't be bothered in the slightest what she does - they are just grazing animals when it comes down to it.

As for having a baby and being pregnant, well this will be me in a few years and while I have a daft spooky mare, no one and I mean no one will keep me from riding and owning her - OH or other!

It is you that owns her, rides her and I imagine get a lot of enjoyment from being around her. Personally, if it was me I would tell my OH to get stuffed, I am quite capable of making my own decisions
 

I think I have to take his views as much as mine into account. I know if I asked the same of him he would do it as he wouldn't want me worrying.
But at the same time each time I go up the yard and see her I fall in love with her all over again...

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If my OH really loved something no matter how much I worried I would not ask him to give it up - our hobbies and our loves make us what we are, it is not for someone else to expect you to give up something that is such a part of who you are - only my opinion of course!
 
Agreed, BUT if you can only ride her 3 or 4 days a week, when are you going to find the time when your pregnant and have a wee baby in tow? Me and my partner have a toddler and my partner mucks out while I ride as we have no1 else to watch the baby while we both hack out.
The ONLY time we can both hack out together is when our wee girl is in nursery 2 mornings a week! Apart from that my partner has NOT had time to ride a horse for over 3 years due to work and baby!
I would have to agree with your OH and really consider something that you can drag out of the field as and when you can find time.
Also since my partner has had a baby she is now nervous about getting on anything that isn't 110% to ride (and she was a very competent rider!)
(I know other people have kids and horses and would probably disagree with me BUT this is how it's turned out for us, it's not easy. And I produce other peoples and my own horses for a living)
Hope it works out for you.
 
To OP
Oh dear, what a difficult one. Does your husband ride her too? If not, where does he get his perceptions from about if she is "scatty"? If its from you, then you don't sound happy. If it's from himself, then is he correct? If not, ignore him.
I think we all change as we get older and what we want "now" might be difficult to what we wanted "then". There's nothing wrong with that. Trouble with some men, is that they will confuse the issue with logic (lol) and sometimes don't fully appreciate that our attachments to our animals have exceedingly powerful emotional ties. Emotional decisions have their place too and can also make you happy.
Personally, a challenging horse keeps me passionate about riding - now - but I may feel differently in the future. Plodders bore me. The ideal, for some, is a happy medium.
How about putting her out as a sharer to reduce some pressure on you?
So difficult for you.
Hth's
 
O dear - thats a hard one! I can understand where your OH is coming from - he loves you and wants to keep you safe.

I have the same from my OH - i fell off my 4yr last year and broke my ribs and now recovering from a back operation and i know he is not happy about me getting on her again in the spring!
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However, i have said i could have had exactly the same fall off a 10yr old! She sounds a bit like yours, not nasty just on her toes sometimes....
blush.gif


Such a hard one. Could you maybe pay someone to ride her on the days you can't?

All i would say is that if you do decide to sell you will fall in love again! I thought i wouldn't after i lost my last mare but i have!!
grin.gif


Good luck

xx
 
OP you might find that you don't want to ride *any* horse when pregnant. There are loads of people on here who do but also loads who don't. One of my old RI's gave up when she had a baby (her OH was in the army and she thought it wouldn't be responsible to reproduce with two parents in high-risk situations).

So, getting rid of a horse you love and taking on a new one (with its own potential set of issues) at this time might not be for the best.

Totally agree on her not caring abt competing and on turnout - Unsuitable Chestnut Arab share horsey is a terror (and unhappy) if kept in. But ridden after a few days in the field is usually fine. As long as she isn't bored either in stable or when ridden I don't think you need to worry abt her. With firends in a field she'll probably be fine :-)

Maybe wait and see how you feel when and if you do get preggers? (Will be better time to sell or put her up for loan/share anyway if not mid winter!) Or perhaps try a few 'ploddy' types in the interim? If you find one you 'click' with then you can bond before it gets critical that it is super-confident with you? Hmm... tricky...
 
[ QUOTE ]

I think I have to take his views as much as mine into account. I know if I asked the same of him he would do it as he wouldn't want me worrying.
But at the same time each time I go up the yard and see her I fall in love with her all over again...

[/ QUOTE ]

If my OH really loved something no matter how much I worried I would not ask him to give it up - our hobbies and our loves make us what we are, it is not for someone else to expect you to give up something that is such a part of who you are - only my opinion of course!

[/ QUOTE ]
Ahh,but he is not asking OP to give up horses,just oen he thinks is a potential risk to OP when they decide to start a family.

FWIW,I gave up riding when I was pregnant.
I had no issue with continuing,but OH was genuinly frightened something awfull would happen to baby and me,so to stop him worrying I was allright about packing it in for a few months and would do again.

Your mare may well grow up and stop the silly bits,she is still a baby herself,but if you plan to start trying for a baby in the near future it would be sensable to sell her and buy something a bit more steady.
Another thing to consider is how would she be if you felt uncomftable in later pregnancy and stopped riding for the last couple of months?
Would you be able to get a sharer? If so,this might be worth looking into now if work calms her.
If not,the last thing you want is a stupidly fresh horse to start working again after a couple of months off for both of you!

Having said that,nothing to do with horses is ever a decision made by our heads,and you have to do what is right for you,your OH and your mare.
 
I think an experienced sharer might be the answer as well. They would need to be 100% clear that you want her ridden calmly for hacking (so she doesn't pick up bad habits), but that they can have some fun bringing her on, and maybe competing her.
 
Thanks everyone
I have been considering a sharer on and off for a while now and swing between the pro's and con's.
My OH doesn't ride and the main times he has come out with me and my Mare she hasn't been at her best.
I love her and don't want to sell her but equally I now long for something I can drag in off the field and ride around the farm on. I keep hoping she will get easier and like I said she is never nasty you just have to have your wits about you. She is a sweet mare who always wants to please.
I know his suggestions come from the fact he loves me, he will always respect my decision in the end, just as I will respect his opinion.
I have made a deal with him that as she is moving this week to our farn she will have 24hr turnout if wanted and a big stable. If by spring I haven't got her more settled we will have to look at other options - sharer/ selling...
 
Of course the ideal would be someone who got themselves an older safe ride but now needs something more demanding to work with but can't afford 2 & doesn't want to get rid of 'old faithful' so a dual sharing could be the answer & if you have your own place could you offer livery to the 'right' person?
 
If you weren't planning a family I would say keep her. However YOU have said yourself she is a handful if not exercised every other day. This is hardly likely to be possible when you are starting a family.
To be honest you need something that can have a few days/weeks off and just pop on and be safe. Not something that you would have to plan for days and days to ride ie lunging her for a few days if she hasn't done anything. You want something that you will be able to just ride and enjoy not something that is going to be serious hard work, your new baby will be enough hard work

All my friends who have had babies feel so much more nervous about riding even steady eddies once the baby comes, as you suddenly realize you have this tiny baby that needs YOU!

Hope I am not too blunt
 
Sounds abit insulting to your next horse as something I can drag in and ride about the farm and how long will the poor animal last until you feel you need a bit more exciting ride baby or not.
 
I had sort of the same problem, I have owned ponies and horses and competed since I was 5 but when I moved across to Northern Ireland to live with OH I was a year with just 2 shetlands. Now OH only likes the horses on TV that you can bet on! We bought a place with 4 stables and a paddock and school and I had great plans for once I'd settled in but when I came home with a 16.hh TB he nearly s*** himself!
I weighed up the pros and cons same as you're doing. My son is 11 and when OH is away working it's just J and me so I figured maybe a flighty TB wasn't the answer. I have now got a gorgeous icelandic who is all of 13hh!! Now if you'd asked me a year ago if I would have one I'd have laughed at you but really she is amazing and SAFE.
I have every intention of getting an irish draught and getting back into competing but at the end of the day there is no rush and I'm going to spend a couple of years dotting about doing forest rides and the likes with no pressure.
Plus she's a great height for if J decides he wants to ride as she's not to tall to intimidate him. It's a happy compromise.
I only work one week of the month but for that week she isn't worked and she loves it! As long as she's getting attention and cuddles she doesn't care what work she gets.
They're a fantastic breed to be owned by!!
Also, I rode my favourite mare up to the day I was taken in to be induced BUT becoming a mother does gives you the 'what ifs' whether you like it or not!!
 
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