How to not be a timewaster or daytripper / what do you define as a time waster

[coblets]

Me again, with yet another thread

I've been trying horses pretty regularly recently, and it's been going abysmally. Sometimes, a tiny quirky "can be marish" is actually spinning her hindquarters towards you and kicking out when you do up the girth, and a "more woah than go" horse described as "would make good second pony" turns out to have no breaks even when in a Dutch gag. Now I'm someone who really struggles with confrontation and as much as I'd like to say "you're a liar" or "your horse has a very high chance of having ulcers", I usually end up replying that said horse was "not quite right for what I'm looking for, sorry for having wasted your time".

But sometimes, I ride a horse who's exactly as seller described, and who I enjoy riding, but in the same way that I enjoy riding a friend's horse as a one off time - they don't feel like they could be 'my horse' if that makes sense. This makes explaining why I'm not interested even harder. Me personally I feel like writing "we didn't click" just comes off as timewaster-y, even though I try to reply max a day or two after trying the horse, ask lots and lots of questions whilst trying them, and I usually only send a couple messages back and forth before I try it.

Also all my horsey friends are away on holiday at the moment which means I've been showing up to try a horse alone, often have to ask seller to film me ride, which I presume makes me look like an absolute day-tripper.

What I'm trying to say is, if you were selling a horse, what response would you want from a no longer interested potential buyer? Would something like "his/her attitude wasn't quite what I"m looking for" offend you? Would someone showing up alone and telling you afterwards "I don't think he's quite my type" make you think that I'm a day-tripper?

 

[ihatework]

I’d rather a ‘thanks for your time, he’s lovely but not quite what I’m looking for’ rather than a made up excuse that doesn’t quite fit.

 

[splashgirl45]

have you decided on what you are looking for, and thoroughly investigating before going to try.....if you arent sure why not try making a list of what you do and dont want to get a clearer idea. also if you are going on your own you may feel less confident to buy so wait until there is someone who is experienced to go with you. its a big commitment to buy a horse and you may just need your hand holding...

 

[Cutgrass]

I'd just be honest. Anyone who rides will have experienced that feeling of a horse being 'right' for them and one that isn't. I'm sure you'd thank them for their time anyway, and I think if your ring rather than just drop them a message it will feel a lot more sincere.

As for horses not being as described, I think sellers get a bit too much stick for this sometimes. A lot of privately owned horses aren't used to being ridden by more than one or two people, and can behave quite differently if suddenly ridden by someone else.

 

[Cutgrass]

I'd just be honest. Anyone who rides will have experienced that feeling of a horse being 'right' for them and one that isn't. I'm sure you'd thank them for their time anyway, and I think if your ring rather than just drop them a message it will feel a lot more sincere.

As for horses not being as described, I think sellers get a bit too much stick for this sometimes. A lot of privately owned horses aren't used to being ridden by more than one or two people, and can behave quite differently if suddenly ridden by someone else.

 

[Wheresthehoofpick]

I'd just be honest. Anyone who rides will have experienced that feeling of a horse being 'right' for them and one that isn't. I'm sure you'd thank them for their time anyway, and I think if your ring rather than just drop them a message it will feel a lot more sincere.

As for horses not being as described, I think sellers get a bit too much stick for this sometimes. A lot of privately owned horses aren't used to being ridden by more than one or two people, and can behave quite differently if suddenly ridden by someone else.

Oh yes!!! See my thread.
The number of people who also just don't get back to you after making positive noises at a viewing is just nuts. (Not my horses but yards I have been on). It's just rude. It takes no time to send a quick message even if it's to say I am thinking I'll let you know on "x"day then do it.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I would expect a prospective buyer to know when they get off the horse whether they 'clicked' or not and to be able to say 'I'm sorry I don't think he is quite what I am looking for' before leaving the yard. I would wonder if you were wasting my/your time by going away to email instead of being upfront about it.

I'm never sure why people don't weed out unsuitable horses at the advert stage, especially when videos are available. Obviously if when you get there the horse is not the size/ability/temperament described then you would turn it down but usually you shouldn't view a horse that you are not looking forward to taking home, if all goes well.

 

[bouncing_ball]

I would expect a prospective buyer to know when they get off the horse whether they 'clicked' or not and to be able to say 'I'm sorry I don't think he is quite what I am looking for' before leaving the yard. I would wonder if you were wasting my/your time by going away to email instead of being upfront about it.

I'm never sure why people don't weed out unsuitable horses at the advert stage, especially when videos are available. Obviously if when you get there the horse is not the size/ability/temperament described then you would turn it down but usually you shouldn't view a horse that you are not looking forward to taking home, if all goes well.

I’ve a track record of liking almost everything I see and ride.
But I’ve researched extensively, decent video and results checked before I ride etc.

Both my last two purchases were the only horse I viewed. Though I looked at 100s of adverts.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I’ve a track record of liking almost everything I see and ride.
But I’ve researched extensively, decent video and results checked before I ride etc.

Both my last two purchases were the only horse I viewed. Though I looked at 100s of adverts.

Me too, I rarely view more than one or two, unless they are not as described. Before I bought the young cob, I viewed 2 others, one had an umbilical hernia and looked to be doped, the other was shorter than advertised.

 

[Ambers Echo]

I think people get labelled timewaster too easily. Buying a horse is a huge commitment and it’s fine to want to be sure. People can say thing like ‘he’s a bit too small’ and get accused of being a time waster. But a horse can ride small. Or a horse could be bit smaller than you ideally wanted but if he’s perfect in every other way you might overlook that so it’s still worth a view.

I think IHW’s phrase is good. And end the viewing quickly if you know you won’t buy. Don’t string it out.

 

[Orangehorse]

For some, anyone coming to look and then not buy is called a timewaster, which is silly. Agree totally with Ambers Echo about this.

 

[Kaylum]

Also when you have ridden the horse and you look back at the video and the horse isn't happy even when the owner has ridden it. Videos are edited before they are sent so it's hard to judge sometimes.

 

[greenbean10]

IMO many dealers and producers will label anyone who doesn’t buy the horse a timewaster so I wouldn’t dwell on it.

My trainer once called a woman a timewaster who showed up at the yard, watched the horse be ridden and then said it wasn’t for her - surely that’s the opposite of a timewaster!

 

[Jellymoon]

I’m just wondering why you wouldn’t consider buying the horse that is exactly as the seller describes and you enjoy riding? Sounds like a winner to me.
I know you say you just don’t feel like this could be ‘my horse’ but surely that happens when you get them home and build a relationship with them?

 

[Lady Jane]

I could be described as a time waster as I need a lengthy/detailed conversation and good video before I even get in the car. The last time I was buying I only went to view 3 before I found one. I have no idea how many people I called......
On one call they said they had had timewasters. I said I may be as I couldn't be sure I would buy the horse - their response was if you arrange to view and turn up your're not a time waster. How rude that people would behave like that. I did view but didn't buy. I think you know the 'one'

 

[Lady Jane]

I’m just wondering why you wouldn’t consider buying the horse that is exactly as the seller describes and you enjoy riding? Sounds like a winner to me.
I know you say you just don’t feel like this could be ‘my horse’ but surely that happens when you get them home and build a relationship with them?

I think you need the feeling 'this is the one' and be desperate to have it

 

[coblets]

I'm never sure why people don't weed out unsuitable horses at the advert stage, especially when videos are available. Obviously if when you get there the horse is not the size/ability/temperament described then you would turn it down but usually you shouldn't view a horse that you are not looking forward to taking home, if all goes well.

I try to weed them out, and sometimes it’s obvious, but often a profession riding in the videos, with very subtle movements, makes it hard to see how forward/slow it really is.

 

[Jellymoon]

I think you need the feeling 'this is the one' and be desperate to have it

But is that not a bit like relationships?! A bit of a fantasy, meeting ‘the one’ and not everyone has that feeling when they first meet what could end up being your most loved and long lasting partner?

 

[Ambers Echo]

I think that it is totally individual. My girls have bought ponies that ticked boxes and they’ve been fine. But for Dolly and Jenny it was a totally different reaction: an ‘I don’t want to get off/ can we buy her now before anyone else views/ please cancel any other viewing PLEEEEEESE’ reaction. And those ponies were/are their absolute ponies of a lifetime.

On the other hand, I have never had that reaction to a new horse. I really didn’t like Amber much when she arrived and she turned out to be absolutely mega.

 

[Jellymoon]

I think that reaction doesn’t happen every time, and it doesn’t mean the horse isn’t right for you, you kind of have to think with your head a bit too. If you really want a horse and want to crack on with your riding, then I’d just got for the one that ticks most of the boxes, is as the seller describes and you enjoy riding it. That’s pretty much job done as far as I’m concerned. If you keep going round trying endless horses and never buying one because you’re not getting the thunderbolt and lightening, then perhaps there is something else holding you back? Perhaps you are not ready for a relationship??!!!

As for being a time-waster, I don’t think so, and people are so quick to bandy that around. People
should be allowed to take their time over a big decision and they should be allowed to get cold feet if something worries them. I’m sure very few people set out with the intention of wasting time. The not turning up to viewings, not reading ads properly, they are the time-wasters. Ones that turn up and just don’t like your horse, or come for a couple of viewings to be sure it is right for them and then decide for the right reasons that it isn’t, I don’t think are time-wasters. IMO, sellers should be encouraging multiple viewings and allow buyers to try horses in different scenarios to ensure the right match either to protect their reputation if they are a dealer, or if a private seller, make sure their horse ends up in the right home.
I can’t stand all this pressure sellers put buyers under, it’s makes what should be a really exciting journey a horrible experience.

 

[Ambers Echo]

Time wasters are out there but they are the ones who turn up with the entire family, all ride multiple times then leave and never get in touch again! Or as above and then say ‘how much was she again. Oh sorry that’s far too expensive!’ Not people who just don’t want to buy your horse.

 

[Fluffypiglet]

When I was buying I was quite quick at identifying when I wasn't liking the horse and just got off and said so as quickly as possible! One on particular was a 'no' as soon as it moved as it was incredibly green. I did one lap of the school and half a 20m circle in trot and got off! No point in riding the horse if I know it's not going to suit. One occasion the seller tried to get me to keep riding as I was riding him 'so well' (quite quirky and took a long time to sell I think! ). She sort of gave me a lesson but I still said no. Didn't feel bad as I'd told her not for me already! I think she was hoping she could persuade me.

Last two horses I ldid buy I liked enough and they did what I needed them to. I don't believe you know the horse properly for at least a year so I don't get caught up with loving it immediately. They end up being loved once I get to know them. A bit like a first date really ... ?

 

[Ambers Echo]

I can’t stand all this pressure sellers put buyers under, it’s makes what should be a really exciting journey a horrible experience.

I totally agree. We viewed a pony once and the family were AWFUL. Pony actually seemed quite sweet but the family were so awful that we just couldn't carry on. Pony was a bit spooky when Katie was on board. Izzy glanced at me, pulling an 'oh help' expression because she is nervous riding in front of others and the pony looked a bit whizzy. The mum saw it and shouted at us both: "Oh for god sake you're complete timewasters aren't you. You aren't going to buy it I can tell already. You might as well just leave. I don't want you riding anyway now'. I said 'we have driven over 2 hours to get here and the pony looks nice. We want to ride him please'. My daughter was in tears by this point so I got on and I found out afterwards that the whole time I was riding the mum and daughter slagged me off in front of the twins. "She can't even ride. look at her. She's only walking. What an idiot' etc I was walking because the pony was ridden by a pretty awful teenage rider who just galloped everywhere hanging on with hard hands. She didn't show any flatwork, just immediately started jumping to show the pony's scope - all from a fast canter. I asked her if she could trot a cross-pole and she couldn't. Pony seemed tense and was rushing. So I was slowing everything down and got the pony on the aids and listening. And relaxing. Pony was actually very nice and I felt we could work with him. But when I came back after about 10 minutes thinking 'this might work' the girls were shaking. The sellers were fuming. I read the room and said 'ok this does not seem a good match really'. They then shouted 'we should have gone hacking what a total waste of time' and left us alone on the fields shouting TIMEWASTERS over their shoulder as they marched off. I have never know anything like it. And the weird thing was we had had a long conversation the day before and she had seemed quite sane and normal. She was a fruit-loop. I wonder if they ever sold!

 

[Widgeon]

But is that not a bit like relationships?! A bit of a fantasy, meeting ‘the one’ and not everyone has that feeling when they first meet what could end up being your most loved and long lasting partner?

Mmm I'd be inclined to agree with this - I didn't "click" at all with mine when I first tried him. But he was safe, kind and went well for me despite my average riding. And I didn't *dis*like him. So my friend talked me into buying him and it was a very good decision. I also tried another horse who was an asolute delight to ride - it was like floating - but in the back of my head I knew he had the potential to be a bit much for me without enough work. So I didn't really pursue that one despite how wonderful he felt at the viewing.

ETA - yes this, what JM says!

If you really want a horse and want to crack on with your riding, then I’d just got for the one that ticks most of the boxes, is as the seller describes and you enjoy riding it. That’s pretty much job done as far as I’m concerned. If you keep going round trying endless horses and never buying one because you’re not getting the thunderbolt and lightening, then perhaps there is something else holding you back?

 

[Widgeon]

we had had a long conversation the day before and she had seemed quite sane and normal. She was a fruit-loop.

Don't even get me started on this. It's completely remarkable, and (I now think) terrifying how well some people hide the fact that they are complete fruitcakes.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I try to weed them out, and sometimes it’s obvious, but often a profession riding in the videos, with very subtle movements, makes it hard to see how forward/slow it really is.

TBH I have never watched a video of a horse I was thinking of buying, that has only become a 'thing' very recently. Most of my horses were bought from a newspaper ad of a few lines.

 

[Gamebird]

Every horse I've sold in the last 5+ years I think every prospective purchaser has had it filmed, so don't worry about that.

I would class a timewaster as someone who comes to try the horse then says they don't want to buy it because of something that was obvious before they came. Eg. I don't want a mare/I'm looking for something smaller/older/different colour/more competition experience when all those things were on the advert. Or whose budget is vastly lower than the asking price and who didn't mention that until after trying: "I love him, but I can only go to £3500"... for a £6k horse.

I would also class some people who don't actually try the horse as timewasters. eg. the lady who rang to cancel 15mins before she was due. She was coming from 3.5hrs away, so she must have known at least 3.5hrs ago that she wasn't coming, which would have saved me an hour scrubbing the sparkling white horse and cleaning the tack for nothing!

If people ride, and don't click, I have absolutely no issue with that. I want the horse to go the absolutely right person. I thank them for riding the horse for me for that day and saving me a job!

 

[MrsCentaur]

I totally agree. We viewed a pony once and the family were AWFUL. Pony actually seemed quite sweet but the family were so awful that we just couldn't carry on. Pony was a bit spooky when Katie was on board. Izzy glanced at me, pulling an 'oh help' expression because she is nervous riding in front of others and the pony looked a bit whizzy. The mum saw it and shouted at us both: "Oh for god sake you're complete timewasters aren't you. You aren't going to buy it I can tell already. You might as well just leave. I don't want you riding anyway now'. I said 'we have driven over 2 hours to get here and the pony looks nice. We want to ride him please'. My daughter was in tears by this point so I got on and I found out afterwards that the whole time I was riding the mum and daughter slagged me off in front of the twins. "She can't even ride. look at her. She's only walking. What an idiot' etc I was walking because the pony was ridden by a pretty awful teenage rider who just galloped everywhere hanging on with hard hands. She didn't show any flatwork, just immediately started jumping to show the pony's scope - all from a fast canter. I asked her if she could trot a cross-pole and she couldn't. Pony seemed tense and was rushing. So I was slowing everything down and got the pony on the aids and listening. And relaxing. Pony was actually very nice and I felt we could work with him. But when I came back after about 10 minutes thinking 'this might work' the girls were shaking. The sellers were fuming. I read the room and said 'ok this does not seem a good match really'. They then shouted 'we should have gone hacking what a total waste of time' and left us alone on the fields shouting TIMEWASTERS over their shoulder as they marched off. I have never know anything like it. And the weird thing was we had had a long conversation the day before and she had seemed quite sane and normal. She was a fruit-loop. I wonder if they ever sold!

This is awful to read. Your poor girls - what a horrible experience for them. I'm so sorry that the three of you encountered such odd people and that they found it appropriate to be so unkind to children.

As an aside, and as a parent who would LOVE to get her children into ponies, I'd love to read more about your experiences with your girls.

 

[Snowfilly]

I think that it is totally individual. My girls have bought ponies that ticked boxes and they’ve been fine. But for Dolly and Jenny it was a totally different reaction: an ‘I don’t want to get off/ can we buy her now before anyone else views/ please cancel any other viewing PLEEEEEESE’ reaction. And those ponies were/are their absolute ponies of a lifetime.

On the other hand, I have never had that reaction to a new horse. I really didn’t like Amber much when she arrived and she turned out to be absolutely mega.

I’ve brought a lot of horses and I did the falling in love at first sight thing once. I walked into the yard, looked at him and it was the weirdest feeling of deja vu or something, like I knew him already and we’d just been waiting for each other. He turned out to be the best and most loved animal I’ve ever had in my life; he was my heart horse.

Everything else, I have to like it - I’ve ridden plenty that tick the boxes but don’t make my heart sing, and if they don’t give me that joy from right from the start, I don’t bother. It’s like a relationship I think - you have to fancy them at the start, else it’s going nowhere!

I think it helps that I’ve ridden lots of different horses for work so I can tell between ‘this is ok’ and ‘oh, this is really good for me.’

 

[coblets]

But is that not a bit like relationships?! A bit of a fantasy, meeting ‘the one’ and not everyone has that feeling when they first meet what could end up being your most loved and long lasting partner?

Possibly why I'm still single