How to politely tell people to keep advice to themselves?

Cobcuddler said:
Hello

I posted a wee while back about how I've just bought a sensible horse after a break of 20 odd years from horse ownership. My mare is at a nice yard where we have received invaluable advice from the people there. I didn't realise how much I had forgotten!

However, I am now beginning to get a bit fed up with being in the school doing my own thing, when suddenly another livery appears and starts shouting instructions at me.

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Any tips for saying "Thanks but no thanks, and I'll ask for advice when I want it" without causing huge offence please?!:D
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What you're experiencing is a common condition on livery yards called 'handhold-the-new-owner-and-forget-to-let-go-once-up-and-running.'
What you need is a couple of new owners to arrive and then your mentors will be busy offering help to them and you'll be seen as the 'been here for ever' person who can crack on unaided.

If that doesn't happen, pick your schooling time when they aren't around or come straight out and say, ' you've been such a lifeline but although I probably still need your input at times, I really feel I need to mess about, and make a few mistakes. Don't watch when I'm in the school because you'll see a better way of doing stuff but I need to find this out myself'.

3rd, more drastic option is to move yards where you won't be known as the new owner but will be on a more equal footing with other liveries. This sometimes gives people a confidence boost too.
 
ha the wonderful world of the livery yard!! TBH I'm very lucky to be on the yard I'm on, but I've been on some shockers! I found that the 'that's nice dear' and 'hmmm' response, then carry on what you're doing exactly how you were doing it works just fine! As for letting someone on your horse...forget it! (Although no one ever offers to get on mine!! Bless him he's actually really sweet just novice, and has the odd 'quirk' that can catch you unawares!!)
 
Can't offer advice, but I wish I had read this thread last year.
I am extremely shy and retiring in person and I find it very hard to say no.
Because of my silly inability to say no, my trailer training with Ned was ruined!! Thankfully we're back on track now and I hope to get him out next year!
 
Fimbacob said:
I had similar problems when having a schooling issue with my pony and so and so wanted to get on and sort it out. I just said thanks but I need to sort it myself or I will never learn. Tell them you have an instructor and would prefer to practise the way s/he is telling you to do it and dont want to gey confused/confuse your horse. Polite but firm should work. Its annoying but give them the benefit of the doubt that their heart is in the right place. Good luck!
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I think that's about the right balance of assertive but polite. If people are nice, and genuinely want to help, why be rude to them? Just gently explain, as Fimbacob says. :)
 
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