How to tactfully...

FlyingCircus

FlyingCircus

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...tell someone you don't want them to ride your horse anymore!?

Person in question is quite abit younger than me. I've let them have a sit on my horse a few times and a small jump (my god it was terrifying to watch, never again).

Do I need to say something? They're not loaning/sharing him. I guess I feel like I have to since other teens on the yard have ridden (and am happy for them to continue occasionally) him when their horses are off it etc...
 
If you need to say something, then maybe say that you don't think the horse and this rider are suited to each other. If it isn't a regular arrangement, then I doubt that I would say anything, unless and until the person asks to ride your horse.
 
They're typical horsey teen in that they hang around always keen to ride whatever is going.
I just feel bad since I'm effectively stopping one of them but not the others :/
 
I think you need more lessons and I can't teach you; thus it would not be safe for you to keep riding (insert name of horse) - here's the name and number of several local stables/riding schools who can teach you.



The latter part is key; don't just say no, give them some options to continue on from.
 
Try and give some constructive feedback and suggest they seek tuition to improve. It might go down like a sack of poop but hey ho.
Out of interest, what is it about the riding that you don't like?
 
Thanks everyone.

LHIS said:
Try and give some constructive feedback and suggest they seek tuition to improve. It might go down like a sack of poop but hey ho.
Out of interest, what is it about the riding that you don't like?
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My horse isn't a novice ride and he took the pee when he realised she wasn't going to pull him up. He went off on a hooley around the school and at one point I thought he was going to jump OUT of the school. Arguably, the fact he went off on a hooley isn't really their fault but they were more novicey when jumping than I was lead to believe. He has been ridden by a few of the teens at the yard and they've handled him fine, but lesson learned I suppose!
 
Safety's sake then too for both horse and rider. Maybe use that example if you need to, though you're absolutely in the right in saying who can and can't ride your horse.
 
To be honest you are setting a dangerous precedent letting a bunch of teens ride your horse anyway. The type of situation you describe is pretty predictable.
I'm not against horses being ridden by others, or giving keen teens some experience - but it does need to be stage managed in advance!
 
ihatework said:
To be honest you are setting a dangerous precedent letting a bunch of teens ride your horse anyway. The type of situation you describe is pretty predictable.
I'm not against horses being ridden by others, or giving keen teens some experience - but it does need to be stage managed in advance!
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The problem I'm having is I'm struggling with not wanting to leave people out. Which may be daft, but I'm sure a lot of us have been there where our friends have gotten to ride some nice horses whereas we have been sidelined. Most of the teens on the yard are very capable and compete at higher levels than I do, but there's a couple that don't have as much experience who I'm trying not to discourage. But equally, I don't want them or my horse to get hurt.
 
But presumably you aren't a free riding school?!!! You can be nice to everyone without turning your horse into a free for all. TBH if you want him exercised Id just pick one person. That way all bar one are excluded!!
 
Hmm. I've been that desperate for something to ride teen, so I can kind of see both sides. However, you shouldn't feel obliged to let any of them ride, if you have one that is particularly good and you want to keep them maybe discuss some sort of sharer arrangement with her/him. Then the rest should understand from that that they no longer ride the horse.

Do these kids just hang around the yard hoping for a ride? Or do they have their own horses too? Seems a bit odd to me.
 
ihatework said:
But presumably you aren't a free riding school?!!! You can be nice to everyone without turning your horse into a free for all. TBH if you want him exercised Id just pick one person. That way all bar one are excluded!!
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Of course not :) I also may have made it sound like they ride regularly but really it has been a handful of times over the last year! Probably no more than 5 times between them all. I suppose I'm just worrying too much over excluding just one person. It seems a shame, but maybe it would make life easier to just not let any of them ride him! As it isn't for my benefit that they ride.
 
LHIS said:
Hmm. I've been that desperate for something to ride teen, so I can kind of see both sides. However, you shouldn't feel obliged to let any of them ride, if you have one that is particularly good and you want to keep them maybe discuss some sort of sharer arrangement with her/him. Then the rest should understand from that that they no longer ride the horse.

Do these kids just hang around the yard hoping for a ride? Or do they have their own horses too? Seems a bit odd to me.
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They have their own horses, but as with most teens (and generally all riders?) they're always eager to ride others! There seems to be some kind of jealousy/competition going on between them of who gets asked to ride (by others and me).

On reflection, it would be a lot easier to just not let any of them on him :')
 
FlyingCircus said:
They have their own horses, but as with most teens (and generally all riders?) they're always eager to ride others! There seems to be some kind of jealousy/competition going on between them of who gets asked to ride (by others and me).

On reflection, it would be a lot easier to just not let any of them on him :')
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I agree don't let any of them ride stay out of teenage yard politics and keep your horse for you:)
 
To be honest I wouldn't be pimping my horse out to anyone who "wanted a go" when theirs is out of action.

I have a lot more respect for him than letting someone hop on when their own steed is wonky - god knows what they think is appropriate to do on someone elses horse if the owners is not there. Makes me cringe. Deserve a lot more than just being a pass-around horse because it;s owner doesn't want to disappoint anyone not getting a go.
 
Whoopit said:
To be honest I wouldn't be pimping my horse out to anyone who "wanted a go" when theirs is out of action.

I have a lot more respect for him than letting someone hop on when their own steed is wonky - god knows what they think is appropriate to do on someone elses horse if the owners is not there. Makes me cringe. Deserve a lot more than just being a pass-around horse because it;s owner doesn't want to disappoint anyone not getting a go.
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Oh! I don't do this at all :)
They have ridden him only a handful of times (around 5 in the last year!) and I've been there every time.
I absolutely adore my horse and wouldn't put him in harms way at all. Hence why I don't want this girl riding him again.
 
I just wouldn't mention/offer it to her again. Presumably you're there when they ride?

If she asks, then tell her that she's not quite experienced enough - away from/not in front of the others if possible!
 
FlyingCircus said:
The problem I'm having is I'm struggling with not wanting to leave people out. Which may be daft, but I'm sure a lot of us have been there where our friends have gotten to ride some nice horses whereas we have been sidelined. Most of the teens on the yard are very capable and compete at higher levels than I do, but there's a couple that don't have as much experience who I'm trying not to discourage. But equally, I don't want them or my horse to get hurt.
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I would stop offering rides to anyone - that way no-one gets left out!
 
You sound like its your problem to solve when they haven't got a horse to ride. It's not. Tell them all to ****** off. If I am ever asked I simply say "if you have to ask to ride my horse its always going to be a no" ... which basically says if I want you to ride my horse I will ask you, simple :)
 
I can understand why you let the other teens ride your horse, as a teen I loved to ride different horses, no matter how insane they were :p that was always my fave bit at camp, swapping horses & learning how to ride a different type :)

What about just saying that your horse was acting out of character with them and that you are going to ride him and let others have a sit on him to see if it was just a one off or not.

Otherwise I'd probably be more direct, and just say that unfortunately she hasn't developed the skills just yet to be able to control a tricky horse like yours, but hopefully if she keeps up her riding lessons she will be able to handle him soon :)
 
Mine isn't particularly difficult but is spooky. However I haven't let anyone ride him despite the fact both he and me are insured. The only exception is my instructor who got on him in a lesson once when he was being a complete goat.
Could you maybe say something about insurance not covering anyone else to ride him unless they have their own. A blanket ban would perhaps leave you a bit less guilty as you're not leaving anyone out?
 
Whoopit said:
To be honest I wouldn't be pimping my horse out to anyone who "wanted a go" when theirs is out of action.

I have a lot more respect for him than letting someone hop on when their own steed is wonky - god knows what they think is appropriate to do on someone elses horse if the owners is not there. Makes me cringe. Deserve a lot more than just being a pass-around horse because it;s owner doesn't want to disappoint anyone not getting a go.
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I disagree, I think that it is good for a horse to be used to having a variety of riders on him.
 
I think you are being incredibly generous letting any of them ride him, but you have got yourself between a rock and a hard place now.

If she asks again, and she may not, just say "Sorry, no, not today" you don't need to justify your decision and chances are that she won't ask why anyhow.
 
If you say things like
"Sorry not today"
"He's a bit out of sorts"
"I might be riding him later so no"

etc... what you are saying is
"Not now, but maybe later"

That isn't what you want to be saying in this situation and to continually pass someone off with the "not now later" when what you mean is "no" is very hurting to the person. Especially because it often takes a long while for them to realise and then it really hurts far more.


All you have to be is honest that your horse is not a training/teaching horse and that the person in question is not safe to ride him with her current level of experience. That's all

It's not hard; it shouldn't induce drama or anything else and if they are any sane sensible type of horsey person they should respect that choice. They should also respect that if you allow others to ride etc...


By all means I would say allow others who are safe to to ride your horse; its your horse and your choice and you are under no obligation to say yes nor no. Simply be honest in your dealings.
 
I also was that teen, with a pony but desperate to ride horses. I think the difference was that I would do work for my riding on horses. For instance, when on holiday I would have 5 to turn out and stables to do. I would pull manes, clip heels, clean tack.

Invariably once I had proved myself I would be asked to ride, and then I would be careful to treat the horse with the utmost respect. To be honest, if one had run off with me round the school, and nearly jumped out, I would not have expected to ride that one again. I would have asked what I could have done different, and asked for help.

By doing this I was the preferred teen, but unlike the ones you have it did not become a boast point. I would quietly go about my business.

If I had done as these do, hang round asking for rides, boast to friends about which ones I had ridden etc I think the offers would have ceased.

As an adult I was back at that yard, and was able to pay back (or is it pay it forwards) and allow the keen teens to rind my horse. Again, if they were hanging round doing no help, boasting etc, then rides would have stopped.
 
Just say it's for safety reasons as he almost hurt her last time. It's not fair on the horse or her as they may both get hurt.

I let a teen school my horse and I pay him for it but the teen is bloody good. He handles bad behaviour well and he is firm enough with my horse to make him realise he needs to pay attention which is what my horse needs. He doesn't need extra lessons like what the kid does in your situation other than from professionals to perfect what he already knows.

Be careful though with too many people riding your horse. Mine gets confused easily if too many people ride him frequently and he gets irritable about it. Yours might not be as weird as mine though.
 
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