Humans are :( - a big whinge

saltpetres

saltpetres

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Warning - this is a very long whiney whingey post :(

So I went out to ride my old lad today, he's a 19yo TBx lease and I've only had him about two months. We've had some stuff to work through, so we haven't done a whole heap so far (his condition for one, he was in a poor state when I got him, and we've had saddle fit issues, but we're getting there with his fitness/fatness regime and saddle hopefully sorted).

I agist him on the property of a man who is 65 years old, had a lot to do with horses, and tells me stories of when he used to run a riding school. He invites us in for a cuppa sometimes, we've got to know him a bit. Nice, friendly sort of fellow. He clearly has had a good deal of experience with horses. He's been asking if he could have a little hop on and walk around on my horse for weeks, and he asked again today. So after I'd had a really good day doing some groundwork and having a lovely ride on my boy, I thought, why not, I guess he can hop on and have a little walk. He's a flyweight of a thing, tiny little man, and he seems like a sensible guy. He's been riding since he was a kid but he hasn't ridden for a few years so I'm sure he'll take it slow.

Well. First off, and I'm aware that this story should have ended here...he refused to wear a helmet. I asked him four times and he said he's fine, he never rides with a helmet. Three days ago I'd actually discussed with him how adamant I feel about people riding in helmets. So I didn't feel great about that, but I didn't want to have an argument with a 65 year old man who I'm also renting paddocks from, if he kicks us out I don't have anywhere to put my horse. Stupid. I'm an idiot.

So he's already on the horse. I tell him this horse is a TB, he's very sensitive, he's got a VERY very soft mouth so be gentle, and he might be 19 but just squeeze his sides, no need to kick. Sit light as he's got muscle wastage across his back that we're working on. I've also discussed how soft and light this horse is on many occasions with this man over the past two months. Okay, he agrees - be gentle.

I've still got hold of the bridle because I'm not happy about the helmet situation so I ask him again to wear a helmet. He says no, he doesn't need one, yanks the horse's mouth around hard and out of my hands and kicks him off up the paddock. He's just walking and I immediately see how unbalanced he is, then he keeps kicking into trot, dreadful yanky hands...at this point I'm thinking WHAT. What's he doing. Why is he doing this. He KEEPS KICKING after about three strides of trot into canter, he's bouncing around like a sack and I'm running up the paddock chasing them thinking oh my god???? I thought he was going to walk??? Why is this happening????
kick kick and he's galloping and flopping on the back of the saddle with his hands up near his chin - poor horse is baffled and zots off into a bolt, guy can't pull him up, he falls off and cracks his head and there's blood and I'm thinking...oh my god, how did we get here...poor horse is shaking like a leaf and snuggling up to me to protect him from the mean man.

I'm???? I'm utterly shocked. Good lord. So mum and I do first aid on the guy, get him back in his house and he's covered in blood but is so stubborn he won't let us call an ambulance or take him to the hospital, he just needs a scotch and a cigarette. With a profusely bleeding head wound. Good idea, buddy. We sat with him for a few hours, the bleeding had stopped and he felt okay, but would not let us call for help.

So I'm freaked out thinking this is all my fault, he's alone, what if he passes out on the floor and dies or something overnight (I'm sure it's not that serious but I'm so worried, he's older and he's had cancer for goodness' sake) I cannot believe I even let him NEAR a horse without a helmet...but also, what on earth did he expect? I'm truly sorry he got hurt but I'm also extremely angry that he treated my horse like that. I've spent a long time earning his trust and he's a good boy, he DOES trust me, he loves me, and now I've gone and shown him I'm not worthy of his trust by putting some dreadful man on his back. And when I took him out a couple of weeks ago, we nearly got run down by a truck and terrified the poor baby. This is not how I wanted our relationship to go!

I feel so bad and guilty about both horse and man, and very, very angry. I just don't understand what this man was thinking. I guess his advice afterwards was telling, though, he told me to get a stronger bit and tie Charleston's head down with a martingale :/ So now I'm worried he's going to be angry at the horse and treat him badly when I'm not there. I'm angry at myself for being such a poor judge of character, and for being an absolute idiot. I need you all to yell at me for being so silly :(
 
Oh dear my sympathy :( I can see how difficult it is to refuse and it's not much help saying now oh you should have.

Just learn from it, and hopefully all us on here will too.
 
And breathe. No one died. The horse is fine.

I guess you learned that this man is not suitable to ride your horse.

You now need to find if he is suitable to still rent land from. Does he do anything with him? If he is just the landowner and the place is suitable I would go about my business, and keep an eye out for anything untoward. Probably the old man will just not want to go near your horse. He probably thinks he is worthless.

I would not get into discussions re martingales or anything, I would just keep myself to myself. Still have a social cup of coffee, but not discuss the horse's schooling except in general terms.

Good luck, and I am sure your horse will have forgiven you if you go out and treat him as normal next time.
 
Not your fault at all. At 65, this man is quite old enough to use his own judgement about what/how he rides/whether he wears a hat.

You now know that he isn't capable of riding your horse, so learn from that and don't allow any-one else that you haven't seen ride get on him. I doubt very much that he will hold this, or the traffic incident, against you, so long as your handling/riding of him is consistent.

As for the landlord, I doubt that he will want to go near your horse again. As above, don't get into a discussion about schooling etc with him except in very general terms but if all else fails, a good fall back is "the terms of my lease won't allow me to........".

And finally, your landlord is not alone in his idiocy. I know a breeder of Arabs who hadn't ridden for years who decided to get on a pony that a relative was having trouble with, didn't bother with a hat "because I never used to ". The pony bucked with him as it had with its owner, he landed on his head and spent several days in hospital recovering. Silly men!
 
Oh dear :( You have my sympathies

I nearly had a situation like this that happened with me. Luckily I didn't rent the land off this 60something man, he was just part of a team who taught my son fishing

He was struggling with alcoholism (although was never drunk when he taught or chatted with him) but found out he had liver cancer. His long term girlfriend left him and he became incredibly depressed. One day he approached me and asked if he could just have a pootle on my little old man (who was about 21 at the time) as he used to have horses, broke them in etc etc and he needed that again to feel better and alive again. I said sure of course anytime and left it at that. A couple of weeks passed and he wanted to meet up to ride a few days later. Again I said sure no worries. Then he told me that in no circumstances was he going to wear a helmet and he was hoping to give my horse a good thrash in gallop across the fields to get rid of all his depression and stress

Absolutely horrified, I told him I'd call him when suitable but avoided like the plague after. Not a chance he was getting on my old boy with dreams of doing that to him

I was lucky enough to have found out all this before he got near my lad, unfortunately renting off his land you had no such luck. And hindsight is always a great thing

I'm sure your horse will be fine. Id just keep to conversations away from horses in future and make excuses for him not to ride again. Hopefully the fall had knocked some sense into him and he won't ask again!!
 
Rapidash said:
Oh dear my sympathy :( I can see how difficult it is to refuse and it's not much help saying now oh you should have.

Just learn from it, and hopefully all us on here will too.
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Thank you :) It's certainly strengthened my helmet policy!

Red-1 said:
And breathe. No one died. The horse is fine.

I guess you learned that this man is not suitable to ride your horse.

You now need to find if he is suitable to still rent land from. Does he do anything with him? If he is just the landowner and the place is suitable I would go about my business, and keep an eye out for anything untoward. Probably the old man will just not want to go near your horse. He probably thinks he is worthless.

I would not get into discussions re martingales or anything, I would just keep myself to myself. Still have a social cup of coffee, but not discuss the horse's schooling except in general terms.

Good luck, and I am sure your horse will have forgiven you if you go out and treat him as normal next time.
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I hope nobody's died, I'm going to check on him first thing tomorrow just in case! Heh. Yeah he's just the landowner, should never have to go near the horse really. I've got a good deal, several acres and a stable and 100+ acres to ride in. I really don't want to have to move! I don't think he's the vindictive sort, but then again, I didn't think he was the sort to do what he did today! Thanks, Red.

Pearlsasinger said:
Not your fault at all. At 65, this man is quite old enough to use his own judgement about what/how he rides/whether he wears a hat.

You now know that he isn't capable of riding your horse, so learn from that and don't allow any-one else that you haven't seen ride get on him. I doubt very much that he will hold this, or the traffic incident, against you, so long as your handling/riding of him is consistent.

As for the landlord, I doubt that he will want to go near your horse again. As above, don't get into a discussion about schooling etc with him except in very general terms but if all else fails, a good fall back is "the terms of my lease won't allow me to........".

And finally, your landlord is not alone in his idiocy. I know a breeder of Arabs who hadn't ridden for years who decided to get on a pony that a relative was having trouble with, didn't bother with a hat "because I never used to ". The pony bucked with him as it had with its owner, he landed on his head and spent several days in hospital recovering. Silly men!
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Thanks :) That's what dad said too, he's responsible for his own actions. For some reason, the only people I know who are silly about helmets are all men! Must be a macho thing? Gotta say, they don't look too macho shaking and covered in blood...dad also thought maybe he was trying to "show me how it's done" or something of the sort, like galloping off top speed flapping about is somehow more of an achievement than getting a horse going round calm and happy...what a goose. You guys are all so nice, bless your hearts.
 
russianhorse said:
Oh dear :( You have my sympathies

I nearly had a situation like this that happened with me. Luckily I didn't rent the land off this 60something man, he was just part of a team who taught my son fishing

He was struggling with alcoholism (although was never drunk when he taught or chatted with him) but found out he had liver cancer. His long term girlfriend left him and he became incredibly depressed. One day he approached me and asked if he could just have a pootle on my little old man (who was about 21 at the time) as he used to have horses, broke them in etc etc and he needed that again to feel better and alive again. I said sure of course anytime and left it at that. A couple of weeks passed and he wanted to meet up to ride a few days later. Again I said sure no worries. Then he told me that in no circumstances was he going to wear a helmet and he was hoping to give my horse a good thrash in gallop across the fields to get rid of all his depression and stress

Absolutely horrified, I told him I'd call him when suitable but avoided like the plague after. Not a chance he was getting on my old boy with dreams of doing that to him

I was lucky enough to have found out all this before he got near my lad, unfortunately renting off his land you had no such luck. And hindsight is always a great thing

I'm sure your horse will be fine. Id just keep to conversations away from horses in future and make excuses for him not to ride again. Hopefully the fall had knocked some sense into him and he won't ask again!!
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Good lord!

After the scotch, I wondered about that...then mum and dad said they've seen him drinking quite a few times :( Possibly he is struggling also. My uncle struggled with alcoholism a long time ago, he's been sober for about 30 years now, but it's real b*gger isn't it. I know this fellow lost his wife to cancer a few years back, and I know he's depressed, I guess maybe he feels the way your man did?!? Goodness! The no-helmet thing seems almost as if they wanted to get hurt?! That's quite terrifying.
 
saltpetres said:
The no-helmet thing seems almost as if they wanted to get hurt?! That's quite terrifying.
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No, he wasn't expecting to get hurt, as neither I expected your landowner did, but didn't want to wear a helmet as he never ever had and used to ride bareback and everything lolol. Just a stupid macho thing I think
 
Sounds like a dreadful situation - goodness knows what was going through his mind!
If he lives alone it might be a good idea to check on him this evening ( under pretence of checking on horse) just in case the crack on the head was worse than it seemed.
 
to be honest I bet the landowner feels more embarrassed that he fell off, he sounds kind of 'old school- his way is best' type. I just wouldn't mention it again or get into too much discussion about how you ride your horse and just forget it. I would have done the same thing as you because I am a soft touch and my pony had to ditch several people before I learnt my lesson. Kudos to the horses for being able to take care of themselves!
I have to admit I found the scotch remedy kind of amusing :P

Best thing I've learnt is always beware of people that claim they 'used to' do this/that/ were totally amazing at riding etc.....100 years ago. It means nothing!
 
I'm with Cobgoblin - could you give him a ring later to find out how he is? He is probably feels a right prawn but it would worry me that he has had a crack on the head and lives alone.
 
Archangel said:
I'm with Cobgoblin - could you give him a ring later to find out how he is? He is probably feels a right prawn but it would worry me that he has had a crack on the head and lives alone.
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Oops, I should've mentioned, I'm in Australia and we left him at about 8PM aus time and I'm checking on him first thing this morning when he wakes up. It's currently 5AM (can't sleep, I'm a bit worried and wound up!). My wording makes it seem like I wasn't going to check on him for a whole day! Oooops. I promise that's not the case :)
 
Just take as lesson learnt hopefully he will recover quickly and your boy will be alright just do some groundwork with him or something to just reinforce your bond? I never let anyone ride mine as my big boy likes to do bunny hops and has a sensitive mouth we fit well together but after having a horse ruined by someone riding her whilst I was away I'll never do it again lesson learnt the hard way
 
Oh dear poor horse! I wouldn't feel sorry for the man he should know better. At least he won't ask to ride your horse again and if he does you have a very good reason to say no. I am sure your horse will get overit, it wasn't you on him when it happened so I doubt the horse would associate you with the incident.
 
It just goes to show that wisdom doesn't always go with age. : )

Scary for you, but perhaps the old boy had fun. (Not to be repeated,though - if he asks again, I'd point out that there is less drama doings things your way, thank you).
 
Thanks, guys! His head is okay thankfully, that was the thing I was so worried about. Got him to go to hospital and they checked him out thoroughly...but he managed to break six ribs! SIX. He didn't even fall on or near his ribs, but I guess he's got really brittle bones??? Geez. Poor old fella. He's super apologetic about the whole thing today...so was I of course. Ugh. I get to look after his two magnificent border collies, though! :) Horse is also back to his old self I think, gave him lots of cuddles and apples with his dinner! I'd never seen a horse frown until yesterday, he looked so worried after the incident. Had a big furrowed brow, as much as a horse can. World champion frowny horse. Thanks all for your commiserations xx
 
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