Hurtful remarks from instructor

I think you're doing the right thing. Is the instructor linked to your yard? Have a look on the BHS register of instructors to help find a new one in your area. Ask in your local saddlery for recommendations.

I'm an instructor and I hardly ever get on someones horse. The only times I will is if they actually ask me to school it or if I can see they are doing everything I am telling them to and the horse is not responding. (and I absolutely make sure that they know that I think they are doing everything I have said and that I'm only doing it because there must be something else I can't see. I make it sound like my fault) I feel it can really belittle people to see their instructor just doing it for them, and a half decent instructor should be able to see 99% of things from the ground. That's only my opinion. I have lessons with Robert Pickles and he has never got on any horse I have ever taken! (but gets incredible results and makes me feel like I'm walking on air afterwards)
 
Hi Mushroom - please change instructor - you should end each lesson on a good note - not some one putting you down. I had a lesson on Saturday and my instructor rides my horse for me if Im feeling nervous or worried and she makes him look a dream - BUT she always praise the things we do correct. Ok we have a laugh together when I get things wrong but she always gives construtive critisum (sorry for the spelling) :rolleyes:
 
I don't agree with instructors getting on horses as I don't think either the owner or the horse learn to overcome the particular problem to be tackled that way. I've had an excellent instructor for 5 years who've never once felt the need to get on mine though we have endless challenges believe me and I know sometimes if I'm not getting something I'm being taught that a better rider would be able to give the horse the clearer aids or instruction that it needs but the learning and journey should surely be between the rider and horse. We have endless little exercises which my instructor builds in to help us if we get blocked or hit a bit we just can't seem to make progress on. He is great at understanding individual riders and the nature of their horses so works out what will help you brilliantly.

I can feel pants after a lesson but just down to my poor riding or communication with the horse but never felt rubbish from something my instructor said though sometimes he has to be firm with me as I can be very negative.

If you have the choice locally of finding another instructor more suited to you I'd try some lessons with others and see how you get on. No one should make you feel that you're not good enough for anything apart from hacking unless that is the only thing you really want to do.
 
amymay said:
Not all of us can be brilliant in the school, but it can be such fun trying.

What a very hurtful thing for her to have said. She's not better than you deserve - quite the opposite.

Don't use her again.
Click to expand...

Exactly - I quite enjoy huffing and puffing rouns the school trying to improve, not sure the old girl does. This instructor may have good horse skills but clearly her communication is lacking - vote with your feet & purse and find someone else.
 
Has to be said, I've been riding for 15 years give or take, and most of that has been in lesson form since I've never had my own horse, and in all that time I've only ever had an instructor get on once when I was being completely dim about getting the horse to leg yield (:o).

Your instructor should not be getting frustrated, she is there to teach you for goodness sake, and if you aren't getting it, that means she isn't teaching it right. :cool:

As I'm sure we all know, the horsey world can be great at building people up who really aren't all that at times, so just because everyone says this instructor is great doesn't actually mean that she is:p
 
She might be a good rider but she's a dreadful teacher! Don't pay her a penny more, unless for some strange reason you decide to ask her to school your horse for you!
There are plenty of good instructors out there, who will encourage you as well as helping you to improve your skills. Ask around locally for recommendations, or someone on here might be able to suggest someone. The first rule of teaching any subject is to develop the pupil's self-esteem!
 
I don't object to my instructor sitting on board from time to time because I think its important that they fully feel what you are feeling. I have also had an instructor who did say it was a waste of time teaching me on my mare. However in her favour, 1. she was polite about it 2. My mare was a challenge - obviously had something going on which vets/physio could not fathom and my instructor said that my mare had 20 mins in her (test included) before she would explode and that said mare was being a saint to keep going that long!. 3. I had another horse who was a stressage horse, so she said my money would be better off focusing on him and using that knowledge to keep my mare ticking over! But end analysis - she wasn't rude, didn't make me feel bad and was trying to help.

Change your instructor.
 
I think thats absolutely terrible! i used to teach and would never have said something like that to on of the clients no matter if i did think it or not.. Everyone is at different stages of learning so you are not rubbish she should take you as you are and try to help you to progress. Sounds like she is just being a b***h when she gets on your horse..I dont think she needs to get on your horse at all.x
 
Absolutely agree that it sounds as though your instructor is not helping you to achieve what you want to achieve with your horse.
With regard to instructors riding horses, my instructor will very occasionally get on my horse and get him going really beautifully. She will then get me on board so I can get exactly the feel of how he should be going, so I can aim for that feel when I'm schooling him myself. I must add that she only does that after one particular session when I wailed 'but I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling...' and she hopped on board and showed me! But these sessions are very few and far between!
 
Thank you everyone for such wonderful support.

There can be absolutely no argument that she is a fabulous rider and she is trained by the best. My horse melts when ridden by her.

I felt I had to justify why I wanted to continue trying to school and told her that I thought it was good for my horse's suppleness and also to ensure she remains well mannered/listening, and besides I was rather hoping that I might do the odd Prelim dressage test.

The problem is probably that she is just not used to teaching someone at my level and I suspect finds me frustrating/boring.
 
If she's happy to take your money, she needs to treat you with the same respect that she treats all her clients with. Some aspects of my job are 'boring' (I am sure you are not 'boring'!) but I still do them to the best of my ability and don't get snippy when I have to do them.
Sounds like she's a bit up herself too, great rider or not.
 
mushroom said:
Thank you everyone for such wonderful support.

There can be absolutely no argument that she is a fabulous rider and she is trained by the best. My horse melts when ridden by her.
Click to expand...

The fact that she is a fabulous rider and is trained by the best doesn't always mean that they are a good teacher

mushroom said:
I felt I had to justify why I wanted to continue trying to school and told her that I thought it was good for my horse's suppleness and also to ensure she remains well mannered/listening, and besides I was rather hoping that I might do the odd Prelim dressage test.
Click to expand...

It is your horse and you don't need to justify a thing.

mushroom said:
The problem is probably that she is just not used to teaching someone at my level and I suspect finds me frustrating/boring.
Click to expand...

This is by far her problem and not yours. If this is really the case then they seriously need to retrain in tact and diplomacy. As someone pointed out on here somewhere a lesson should work at the pupils pace and not the instructors
 
I haven't read the other replies, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said.

WHY on earth are you PAYING this woman to put you down and make you feel like you're useless? An instructor who makes you feel like you aren't good enough to ride your own horse is a waste of time and money. She may be a good rider, as you say your horse goes beautifully for her, but she does not sound like a good teacher if she can't explain to you exactly what you need to be doing to get the same results she does. Personally, I think that is her failure as a teacher, not your failure as a rider - even though she's trying to make you feel that way.

I'd find a new instructor, one who will work with YOU as well as your horse and help you both to progress.
 
She is being paid by you. If she is that good then she should be able to teach at whatever level you are at. She had to start somewhere too!
TBH I would find someone who will be a lot more supportive & help you become a better rider, not just one who belittles you. You won't learn from her if that is the way she treats you. You deserve better
x
 
If you don't feel that you're progressing then there's clearly something wrong with your instructor's way of teaching - so the problem is with her and not with you. She's wasting both your time and money. I'd find someone who actually helps you towards your goals rather than one who tells you that you can't achieve them.
 
QR, if my OH spoke to his clients like that I would expect him to not have any lessons to teach! Yes he will get a clients horse, but only when he needs to, or if asked by the client, he does it to clarify in his own mind the best way to assist his client to get the best possible tune out of their horse in the easiest and nicest way.

Yes he will have a laugh and a joke with clients, and he can be very sarcastic, BUT only when everyone knows its a joke, so it is not done in a hurtful way.

Time to find someone else to instruct you, who will appreciate you, your horse and the fact that you are willing to spend your hard earned money on lessons with them. Good luck.
 
Get rid of her hun. She isn't a competent instructor if she make you feel this way, Find someone who can help you and nag progress little by little and enjoy yourself.
 
Definately get a new instructor!! Mine tells me I ride like a fanny sometimes!! (She means I ride defensively) and as soon as she says this we have a laugh, I relax and lesson carries on great. After your lesson you should feel on a high as you should always end on a good note no matter how the rest of the lesson has gone!! Good luck in finding someone else x
 
mushroom said:
It's due to a combination of my embarrassment at not getting it right and her impatience as she knows how well my horse can go when ridden properly.
Click to expand...

And it's her job to teach you how to ride her properly. If she can't do that without being nasty, she's not much of an instructor. And expecting her student to be as capable as the instructor is absurd.

She sounds like a very nasty person and not worth the time. I love constructive criticism but the operative word is "constructive." Do yourself a favor and find another instructor.
 
Ditto what other people have said - if you are paying her to instruct you, that is what she should be doing. getting on yur horse to prove how great she is shouldn;t be what you are paying her for. She can obviously ride well, but can't teach! Find yourself a new NICE instructor!!

I'm a school teacher and have met lots of very intelligent, experts in their subject type teachers who are just appaling in the classroom. Thats what she sounds like to me.

Also, no instructor should make you feel bad about yourself. x
 
Haven't read half the replies so I guess I'm singing from a different hymn sheet but have you ever thought she said what she did because she knows you can do better but just can't seem to work it out? If it was me, I'd be trying to prove I can do it, not look for someone else who makes kinder comments but then I'm a cussed old cow and hate to be proved wrong!
Good luck with it and persevere, I do sympathise, really.
 
OMG what a lot of wimps you are! What's the point in this woman telling you how good you are if it's not true? Get real, bit the bullet and start riding the way she wants you to, isn't THAT what you're paying her for? Try someone like Yogi Bresner, he's not going to tell you how good you are, he's going to MAKE you good - but only if you are prepared to break sweat to get there!
 
that was a bit harsh you just need to learn, i was like that when i got my pony but wheni go a good instructor i came on miles (not bragging)
you should try a differnet instructor might help you a bit more :)
 
intouch said:
OMG what a lot of wimps you are! What's the point in this woman telling you how good you are if it's not true? Get real, bit the bullet and start riding the way she wants you to, isn't THAT what you're paying her for? Try someone like Yogi Bresner, he's not going to tell you how good you are, he's going to MAKE you good - but only if you are prepared to break sweat to get there!
Click to expand...

My god, you're right. How silly of people here to think hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable! It's so much better to be much better to hand over all your spare cash to someone that makes you feel like rubbish. What a deluded fool I was to expect to actually enjoy riding. Tut!:rolleyes:
 
So if you just want to be a hobby rider, why go to an instructor who is too good for you? Sorry if I thought some people want to be the best they can be, I was wrong.
 
intouch said:
OMG what a lot of wimps you are! What's the point in this woman telling you how good you are if it's not true? Get real, bit the bullet and start riding the way she wants you to, isn't THAT what you're paying her for? Try someone like Yogi Bresner, he's not going to tell you how good you are, he's going to MAKE you good - but only if you are prepared to break sweat to get there!
Click to expand...

This is another view point, but a good instructor will know not only how to get the best from their pupils in actions but with words too. Not all words have to be positive, or wrapped in sugar but if the critisim is contructive the pupil still learns. The words in this case made the OP feel useless and demoralized, if the instructor ment it this way is another thing, but this is how it was taken. You should never have to pluck up courage to have a lesson no matter who it is with.

You are right about trying to be the best you can be, but there are times when people can hold others back without realising. People have different aspirations, none of which are wrong, but no one can attain this if they are working off totally different pages - which is what it sounds like.
 
Last edited:
intouch said:
OMG what a lot of wimps you are! What's the point in this woman telling you how good you are if it's not true? Get real, bit the bullet and start riding the way she wants you to, isn't THAT what you're paying her for? Try someone like Yogi Bresner, he's not going to tell you how good you are, he's going to MAKE you good - but only if you are prepared to break sweat to get there!
Click to expand...

Don't see how any instructor, however good they are can make you better if they are sat on your horse.
Surely the owner needs to ride it to improve, otherwise we'd all be Mary King just by watching her go round Badminton :rolleyes::eek::D.
 
quirky said:
Don't see how any instructor, however good they are can make you better if they are sat on your horse.QUOTE]

I do agree with this - the horse will either make an eejit of the coach, or of his owner. But if you can see what your horse CAN do, it can give you the confidence to get there yourself.
Click to expand...
 
intouch said:
quirky said:
Don't see how any instructor, however good they are can make you better if they are sat on your horse.QUOTE]

I do agree with this - the horse will either make an eejit of the coach, or of his owner. But if you can see what your horse CAN do, it can give you the confidence to get there yourself.
Click to expand...

True, but this approach only ever works if your instructor can translate what they do for the owner, if they can't it does become a demoralising excercise -almost a "look what I can do and you can't" without realising it.
Click to expand...
 
I am actually horrified at this persons manner and disgusted- she is the instructor its her job to help and encourage you.
Get rid of her NOW before she wrecks your confidence which she is already doing.
There are so many fab instructors out there you dont need to be paying for a bad one and this is exactly what she is.

ooohhhh my god - I'm really cross for you! have a big cyber hug and ask around for recommendations xxx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top