Husband Avice - Please Help cont......

Once again thanks for all your post/suggestions/encouragement/support. Dont know where i'd be without the forum at time!

Yes, you see this is the point that non-horsey people dont seem to be able to get their head around (amongst many other things). This is not about VIENNA (I hate how he doesn't even use her name - just the HORSE!) anyway this is about him asking me to give up something i love, is part of who i am and bring so much joy to my life. Being controlling, needy and down right jealous of Vienna although he denies this proviously!

Non-horsey peple would simply say well sell the f8cking thing! Well f8ck them! (please excuse the french)!

I DO NOT want to sell or even put Vienna out on loan no matter what. But i have suggested this plus the suck it and see ie when/if this baby comes we see how we get on, his answer no, he doesn't want to be having this conversation when we have new born. I also suggested that we put off having children for a few years, NO again, he wants them sooner rather than later. Feel like it's all coming from me, opening the communication, coming up with options/suggestions/compromises.

I also suggested going away for the weekend, time away, relax, talk but again that was left up to me to look into!

I suggested not trying for a baby at this said time and he went in a huff about that.

Yes, there may be something underlying but i dont know what - i'm not a bloody mind reader.

Expense is an issue but my parents help out a hell of alot but that doesn't help as he doesn't think i should have a hobby my parents have to subsidise. My parents love the horse as much as i do.

Put him down, yes, i think that would be the perfect solution, do you think that could be done? could drug him up and dress him in one of those pantomine horse suits and get a vet in!!??
: ) : )

Leave him - well this may be the other solution, if we cant come to some sort of comprise as i am not prepared to give up Vienna, i'm sorry if that makes me selfish but she's for life! He knew i have a horse when he married me but he "presumed" that when we had a family i would get rid of her. Presumtion is a dangerous thing!

Sorry if i've not answered everything but feel i've said enough and actually sick fed up thinking/talking about the whole situation. Although or your posts are very much apprecaited and if/when i have the time i may PM you.

Again thanks again for everything x
 
Stick to your guns Blueberry .
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I also have a non horsey husband ...but fortunately for me he knows how much horses means to be and he wouldn't dare come between them .

I have 2 boys 8 and 4 years old .... I have a 3 year old filly whom I have had since she was 6 months old . I cope perfectly well and even when the kids where younger I had my horses .

If he can't expect that horses are a big part of your life well then it is about time he either came to terms with that or fecked off .

Hope you can sort things out for your sake .
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Lovely name for your mare
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Col x
 
I'm sure you will have done this, but have you asked him 'WHY?'? My husband was very similar, and I asked. It turned out that close friend's of the family split up because he was fed up with saddles in the livingroom, boots all over the house etc. That was his experience of having a horse in the family.

So basically, I've ignored his 'No Horses' ultimatum......... and sneaked Star in through the back door so to speak. I make sure that the only horsey things in the house are my show clothes - and my rosettes! (evidence of sucess) and I never involve him financially in her upkeep.
In return, he has accepted that compromise and the fact that I love her - and bought me a new trailer and offered to help with the money when it looked as though she would need to have her eye removed. He does occasionally ask how long horses live for............................ ;D

However - I did not have a horse when we met, and having said all of that - I think your OH is being very demanding and childish. Exactly what is he planning on giving up to have a family?
 
You won't be the first or the last that is faced with this problem - for some reason people (especially inlaws) feel that we can't ride/cope with/have (!) horses whilst pregnant and with a young family - I know my inlaws expected me to give up when I found out I was expecting - I didn't I rode til 8 months and was back in the saddle after 3 wks - It's a juggle but it is doable - and it's YOUR decision at the end of the day.

The crunch comes down to how much you love your husband and how much he loves you - It's unfair and childish of him to put down an ultimatum - but only you know him and how far he would take things - I wish you all the best and hope for a happy end to all this for you
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Kate x
 
Basically is he worth fighting for and is he the right person to have babies with maybe he needs to tell you what he wants not what he wants you to give up but what he wants and what he would give up in return. Perhaps he wants a Stepford Wife?

Unhappily the only two people who really can answer your questions are you and your OH.
 
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For me theres more to it than the horse, its the fact someone is trying to run your life for you.

[/ QUOTE ]
I agree with this - I read your original post but didn't comment, but then, and now, this strikes me as controlling behaviour. What is he like to you outside of this issue?

I do feel for you and I hope you can resolve it soon xx
 
Hello BlueberryPocket. I'm sorry you married such a control freak. You aren't even pregnant - who knows, you might not even fall pregnant with this guy.

Try and picture yourself a year on from now - pregnant, a smug selfish husband who still does his hobbies, no horse and miserable as sin, resentful, angry and cheated. Then make your decision and go and enjoy your horse - you married a partner - not a blinkin parent. If he can't see how much your hobby means to you (or does and wants to take it away), then is that what marriage is all about..I think not.
 
I take it you can pay for both? I have no kids and 3 horses, but if we were to have one, and money was an issue, We would have to look seriously as to if I could keep the horses. They are the major drain on funds- I've heard golf is cheaper!
then again I am a bloke so what do I know?
 
I have to say I have a great, fully supportive (almost) partner. I am now 35 and the subject of sprogs lies on the "will they wont they agenda", if it were the "will they" agenda, I have made it perfectly clear to my OH that horses ARE and WILL be in my life no matter what. I think he has come to accept that now, and if they really love you (warts and all) then there should be no question.

My OH is from a totally alien non horsey background, but I can honestly say that now, there is nothing he would not do for me as a rider or the nags.

Its a hard call, especially as you are married, but I would stick to my sentiments exactly-"Love me love my horse". I do hope you can reach some kind of compromise, and I feel that offering to put your horse on loan, if you did get PG is a great idea, very sensible, at least this is a compromise and respecting your OH wishes too. I know of someone that rode up to 8 months PG, despite her OH voicing his opinion!!!!

Its a personal choice at the end of the day, and I wish you well.
Tough call
xxxxxx
 
Thanks again for all your comments.

Things came to a head last night and i'll not bore you with the details, i left, my dad called him and spoke to him "man to man" as he put it and has managed to put OH's mind at rest re other issuses (Vienna being in foal and me keeping the foal, me going into business - horse wise) and has manaed to get OH to LET/allow/(whatever you want to call it) me keep Vienna and for her to be a part of our childrens life if i am actually blessed with children. Do not ask how my dad managed to do this as i have been trying for weeks. OH and i haven't actually spoken about this yet so i dont know what the actual outcome is............But thank god for daddy's!

I'm not even sure how i feel any more, just feel emotionally drained and totally fed up this has affected every part of my life including my work, had to leave on Thur & never went in on Fri which was fine but slept in and didn't call work by allocated time so in trouble about that, not looking forward to going back on Tuesday!!

Thanks again xxx
 
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