Husband horse jealousy

[Vicky Arabian]

Hiya

I'm sure most of us horsewomen have this issue in the beginning. I too married my hubby and was always around until i got horses a few years later. We definitely went through a rough patch, especially as my horse was a 45 minute drive away, which added to the time away from home. Now I have moved him to a yard only 5 mins away which has helped.

I do have to make some sacrifices to my horsey time and be aware that the man needs me sometimes as much as the horse, its so easy to just get so absorbed into the equine world that its all you can think and talk about. Its all a juggling act. My OH likes a lie in on the weekend but I'm an early riser so this works perfectly as I pop out early go for a couple of hours hacking, I then come home (via the shops) with hot breakfast and he is usually vegged on the sofa and is happy to have food delivered to him.

Winter is always a tougher one as you do need more time at the yard to deal with all the extra tasks. Again i get up before work and do the main bulk of the chores so I can ensure im hope at a decent time in the evening to spend some time together (like your husband mines idea of quality time is vegging on the sofa watching tv shows).

I also took him to Burghley to watch the cross country, he is not horsey at all but became fascinated with the sheer size of the jumps and the power of the horses. I also got a power washer to do the stable mats, at which pointed he advised me it was a man's tool and took great delight in cleaning the mats for me! lol

It has taken a few years but he has got used to the horsey side of me and I have managed to get a good balance. The OH has also now got into golfing which has helped as now he has his own hobby to go off and do.

 

[LHIS]

Thank you ladies
I had another discussion with hubby this weekend - we have agreed to both make an effort, I will try not to spend hours and hours at the yard, have 2 horse-free evenings and plan our meals better around my horsey evenings. Hubby has said he will come and watch me ride (a major breakthrough - my idea being he will see me in my element and it will help him understand) and be more helpful with prepping/making dinner.
This weekend hubby went on duty for 10 hour shifts both Saturday and today, so I have had two wonderful horsey days.

Re.those of you who have asked about his hobbies - he's what I call a sofa bear, he's just not an active busybody person so no chance of gym/golf unfortunately. He does have his volunteer role with the police though and enjoys that.

The man shed is also going to be ordered quite soon. I'm also making a list of jobs that need doing..manly jobs that only he could do of course first stop - jet wash the drive! That should buy me a few hours horse-ing! He's also expressed an interest in driving the tractor at the yard (after I spent a day driving it spreading a new surface in the school) so maybe that's my tempting carrot.

 

[EQUIDAE]

Him preparing dinner a few times a week (ie pulling his weight) should keep him busy and stop him clock watching

I've found the men who get jealous are the ones who don't have a hobby - too much time on their hands to stew

 

[mirage]

My husband is non horsey and actually allergic to them. He enjoys shooting and likes to buy new guns,which I always encourage, because then he can't moan about how much I spend on the girl's ponies. He does moan that our weekends are nearly always spent 'horsing' so I try and make sure that we do other stuff too. It could be worse, at least I don't ride,otherwise he'd be well and truely outnumbered.

 

[Gixxernic]

This made me laugh 😂😂.. My husband is the same, although we both race motorbikes too as a hobby together but he has the idea that horses are stinky smelly pointless money wasters 😂😂 yes every single one of my horses previous hated him! Even my rabbit used to attack and growl and bite him ..But my new boy loves him and i think although he doesn't want to ride he will help me if i want, and i will have a couple of nights off per week or do everything i need to do before he gets home so we can have our family time, its finding a balance, men are quite sensitive, and finding a good one is quite hard these days so if he is worth it explain that the horse isnt more important and you will even out your time between them ❤️

 

[electric_circus]

My husband used to be jealous. He took up an expensive and time-consuming sport which I heartily encouraged as it left me stacks of time to enjoy with my horse and no basis to complain about the ££ or the time. He can actually ride, so eventually we got him a horse of his own. Not a complaint has passed his lips since!

 

[LHIS]

This made me laugh ����.. My husband is the same, although we both race motorbikes too as a hobby together but he has the idea that horses are stinky smelly pointless money wasters ���� yes every single one of my horses previous hated him! Even my rabbit used to attack and growl and bite him ..But my new boy loves him and i think although he doesn't want to ride he will help me if i want, and i will have a couple of nights off per week or do everything i need to do before he gets home so we can have our family time, its finding a balance, men are quite sensitive, and finding a good one is quite hard these days so if he is worth it explain that the horse isnt more important and you will even out your time between them ❤️

He is worth it, and I have said to him that he is more important to me than the horse, bless him. He's yet to come to the yard, but it should hopefully happen soon. He even agreed (well, he didn't say NO!) to me taking my pony on a full loan (currently I pay for a part loan) to see how we get on with that, and prepare us (him - I'm ready!) for ownership.

 

[Gixxernic]

Thats great! Buy him a pair of mucker boots and say to him you really need his help tonight, and hopefully that will bond them ❤️

 

[LHIS]

Thats great! Buy him a pair of mucker boots and say to him you really need his help tonight, and hopefully that will bond them ❤️

I'm waiting for a suitably manly job I can allocate to him - maybe something that involves driving the tractor or jet washing some mats maybe
If he actually gave my pony a chance I'm pretty sure he'd like him, he's just like a big dog and will lick him to death - hasn't got a nasty bone in his body, I just need to work out what my temptation carrot will be to get him there!

 

[shadeofshyness]

I can completely relate to this - and I'm in Cheshire too

My OH didn't know much about the horsey side of me at first because I didn't drive so couldn't have a horse, so stuck to a lesson every few weeks. After a few years together I passed my test and we got a car. The first thing I did was get a share horse! I think it was a big shock for him as we went from being home at the same time every night and spending the evening together, and always going away for the weekend or having a day out, or a lie in etc.. to me being at the yard after work and not getting in till late (and not able to do anything till after a shower because of me being a sweaty mess!) and one weekend day being taken up with horsey stuff so we could never go shopping or have days out or weekends away without planning.

It kind of ruins any impulsive/spontaneous things, which we used to do a lot. And as we don't live in a very horsey area I have always had about half an hour's drive to get to the yards I've been on, so an hour round trip... it does all add up and take its toll on quality time together, especially if you both work 9-5 and have commutes, friends, family time and other commitments around this. There aren't enough hours in the day!

So I can understand the resentment. A share/loan really is a bind - perhaps more so than owning to them, because then you could decide to have full livery yourself and have full control of your time off from it all etc, whereas when someone else owns it you're more tied down as you are responsible for someone else's beloved animal and have to fit in with their routine.

Anyway after several years mine has got used to it! The deal is I make sure I do a Sunday instead of a Saturday now and then so we can do stuff when things are open at the weekend, and for week nights - I only do one night now because of work - he's made sure he plans his stuff around this so we're both busy at the same time. Having a flexible owner has really helped - if I let her know a few weeks in advance, she is fine with me changing days, and we tend to book holidays/weekends away in more advance now too and find the fun in the planning and research for them rather than dropping everything and jetting off. It's all give and take.

Horses are a big shock to anyone outside of our world

 

[Micropony]

Gosh, this all sounds rather exhausting, makes me feel lucky to be single!

 

[paddy555]

Gosh, this all sounds rather exhausting, makes me feel lucky to be single!

I'm totally worn out reading it all! Much easier to find a man that likes horses and rides in the first place than try to train one.

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

I'm totally worn out reading it all! Much easier to find a man that likes horses and rides in the first place than try to train one.

All men need training regardless of whether it's horse related or not!