Husband says he wants to get a horse

[Bernster]

And I respond with nervous laughter. Ok, so maybe not the most supportive approach, so let me turn to the wisdom and experience of HHO members for a more constructive response!

He obv understands what’s involved in upkeep and care as he spends time with me and my horse. He’s got the money for full livery. He is a novice. He has mainly done western riding and I think he’d want a western trained horse (which is do able) We’ve done a few horse holidays and he’s actually got pretty good balance and has taken to it pretty well. Not sure he’d spend a lot of time in lessons but he could prove me wrong, and it will ofc be a bit harder if he wants to ride western. Can horses do both?

Is he just another victim of Covid madness? Is this a good or bad idea? Why do I feel like it’s a pipe dream, when he’s mentioned it a few times this last year?

He doesn’t drive and we have 1 car so he’d be reliant on me to get to the yard. I wonder if part of what I’m unsure about is that i wouldn’t then have ‘me’ time with the horse ?‍

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I would encourage him, before long he will want to keep the horses at home.

 

[Wishfilly]

There's some people I follow on social media in America who definitely do both. I'd imagine most horses in England that are ridden western style probably started out being ridden in the English way- so would be theoretically capable of both?

What does he want to achieve? If it's just happy hacking western style, would he need many lessons?

If he's planning to keep it on full livery, then maybe he wouldn't come up every day, and you'd still get "you time" with your horse.

It does feel like you're worried about something? Are you worried he would lose interest, and then you'd be left with another horse to look after? Or is it something else?

 

[Jenko109]

Tell him no! Horses are your thing. Get lost!

 

[canteron]

My husband used to ride, and it was great - he is sporty and fit and likes animals, so the riding bit was good. He loved the horses but didn't enjoy the daily grind! I confess, I did used to present him with a tacked up horse and untack it at the end .... but he paid the bills, so that was fair in my book!!!!!

 

[Bernster]

I think it’s partly the ‘me’ time (thinking selfishly!), partly that I think he may have a romantised view of what it involves (although he can’t really, as he does horse stuff with me).

 

[PapaverFollis]

My husband used to ride, and it was great - he is sporty and fit and likes animals, so the riding bit was good. He loved the horses but didn't enjoy the daily grind! I confess, I did used to present him with a tacked up horse and untack it at the end .... but he paid the bills, so that was fair in my book!!!!!

This is more or less how it goes here. He had a horse before we met though. Just seemed to have charmed a bunch of ladies at the yard to feed and muck out his horse half the time back then though. ?

 

[TPO]

Horses can definitely do both but, just my musings, not sure if trying to do both works with a novice.

If western is his thing (jeans over breeches any day!) then probably best to look for a western schoolmaster from a reputable trainer.

 

[Wishfilly]

I think it’s partly the ‘me’ time (thinking selfishly!), partly that I think he may have a romantised view of what it involves (although he can’t really, as he does horse stuff with me).

Could you find a way to work it so that you still get 'me' time? E.g. agree at least one day a week he won't come with you, agree that sometimes you'll ride by yourself?

Could you get him to look after yours without (much) help for a week?

Horses can definitely do both but, just my musings, not sure if trying to do both works with a novice.

If western is his thing (jeans over breeches any day!) then probably best to look for a western schoolmaster from a reputable trainer.

That's a good point about doing both- I sort of assumed OP wanted the horse to be able to be ridden English if she needed to exercise it, rather than the husband doing both!

 

[ROMANY 1959]

It’s a good idea, but I would ask him to help with your horse for a few months, doing the dirty jobs To see if he would stick to it. My Husband was like that, but he only wanted to ride on nice days. Come wet windy days. He would rather be in front of the TV

 

[Buster2020]

I would do it . plus you could ride his horse if you’re horse want lame.

 

[cobgoblin]

Surely it is entirely up to him.

 

[EmmaC78]

Is he able to learn to drive? I don't think I would like someone being reliant on me for lifts especially, if he is likely to want to tag along when sometimes you might just want a bit of peace and quiet.

 

[ihatework]

I think it would be a real shame to put barriers up if it’s something he really wants to do. Maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t but I think you should be supportive enough to try and make it work.

In a way it’s good if he wants to do a different discipline, it should take any potential competitive element away from it for you, seen that happen a few times ?

That said I understand fully the ‘me time’, so I’d suggest nothing other than full livery - don’t get lumped with doing his horse. Do you know his intentions on riding frequency, I’d tactfully broach the subject of at least getting a couple of days to yourself each week.

Id also encourage him to drive if that’s possible!!!

 

[Bernster]

All good points. And helping me to articulate my thoughts better.

I don’t think I’ve suggested it isn’t his decision cobgoblin but, ya know, we’re partners, so we discuss things ? And it does impact me. Same as I’d talk to him about stuff like this.

He’d get his own horse, which I could ride western (badly) If needed, as I suspect it’s easier for a horse to stick with one set of tack and way of going. I think he’d need more lessons for the basics, to make sure he was safe. Not everyone‘s idea of horse ownership but seems like he’d ride 1-2 times a week (would need a sharer or yard exercise arrangement). A riding school would make much more sense ofc but don’t think that would work for various reasons, not least of which is I don’t think there are any close enough to us to go regularly enough.

I‘m a bit ‘glass half full‘ (I’d argue realistic!) - concerned about whether he’s considered the downsides/what it means. The positives are obvious, if you know what I mean.

Finnegan would actually be spot on for him, safe and sensible with easy paces (not western trained though).

 

[Goldenstar]

I would encourage him, before long he will want to keep the horses at home.

This , I got MrGS riding and then hunting long before we where married and that’s exactly how it went .

 

[Roxylola]

Supercob rides western - well his owner does. Now I will say I dont know that shes super strict about neck reining or his way of going that way etc. But hes also working elementary with me and breezing round 80 courses. He can literally do western on friday and a test on Saturday do it's not caused us any issues

 

[DabDab]

I love having my OH more involved in the horses since he took an interest, and it has made a massive difference to him too. I still get lots of me time with the horses because a)he doesn't want to ride every day, and b)he is not remotely interested in doing anything other than hacking. I actually ended up giving him my horse because it was easier than trying to find something to buy that I could 100% trust out hacking with OH, and it was a good fit because horse is of the same opinion as OH on the pointlessness of going round in circles in a school.

In practice though OH is not a particularly committed rider, he likes riding 1-2 times a week, which means I do have to top up the horse's workload myself to keep him fittish. That's no hardship for me, afterall he was my horse and is a very easy hack, but might be annoying if it wasn't a horse I already knew well and could just switch off on.

 

[Bernster]

Roxy, supercob is even more super than I thought already. I reckon you should sell him (to me) haha hah.

Dab, interesting, that sounds like a very similar situation to me. Although in this case OH wants his own, even though mine is a bloody good horse for him.

 

[DabDab]

Has he ridden Fin?

 

[Gloi]

I am so jealous of friends whose partners ride and spend their time boxing off to places and riding the hills together.

 

[Bernster]

Has he ridden Fin?

No although I have offered a few times. You thinking maybe he’d be keener if he did? Or might be put off haha.

Gloi, that’s exactly what he’s thinking about ?

 

[The Xmas Furry]

Could you get him to take regular weekly lessons till xmas? This would help him improve a bit and also see if he is happy to go in rubbish weather too, could then look for horse in new year?
That's only 16 lessons if he starts next weekend and finishes weekend before xmas.
I would suggest this as a good starting point x

 

[Bernster]

I’ll suggest it. We’d need to find a western riding place (not out of the question but won’t be close) and I’d need to give him a lift there and back. Could do it but just a bit tricksy to do it very regularly.

 

[SBJT]

It’d be fine switching between saddled easily. I prefer trail riding western but I school English so I usually switch at least twice a week between. If you get an English trained horse he might never learn to neckrein but the basics would still be the same. It just depends if your husband wants to learn to work cows or just trail ride. I’d say it’d be fine, my guy was a hunter originally and we just figured it out.

 

[The Xmas Furry]

I’ll suggest it. We’d need to find a western riding place (not out of the question but won’t be close) and I’d need to give him a lift there and back. Could do it but just a bit tricksy to do it very regularly.

Wildwoods in Tadworth do Western lessons as far as I know. There is a good place in Suffolk, perhaps a week intensive course for him? Then you have a few days to horse about on your own.....

 

[TPO]

Where about are you? There are a few good western places about in England

 

[Bernster]

Where about are you? There are a few good western places about in England

North London. Spend horses time in Herts. I’ve found Suffolk and think there’s one in Cambs. I fear a whole new world of horsiness is about to be opened!

 

[TPO]

Geography is not my strong point!

Theres Sovereign QHs in Cambridge. @Alibear goes there and has bought horses from them.

There is Burwood Western UK in Surrey

Sterling QHs in East Sussex

Oakridge QHs is in Nottingham so I think too far away but they have a massive arena, do training and have horses for sale.

You/he could also look up Western Equestrian Society (WES) and AQHA UK online

One Stop Western is a helpful FB page
If you do get a horse and need a saddle fitter then Jennifer Sheerin (western tack Trader on FB).

The UK western magazine (Western Horse & Horsemanship Journal - 2 magazines in one) has lots of businesses and stables listed as well as training articles. They are running a special subscription offer just now too if that appeals.

 

[buddylove]

Pro

It’s a good idea, but I would ask him to help with your horse for a few months, doing the dirty jobs To see if he would stick to it. My Husband was like that, but he only wanted to ride on nice days. Come wet windy days. He would rather be in front of the TV

Proof positive that they are just like having another kid!!!