Husband wants to leave... advice needed

Spyda

Spyda

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I have 4 children under 10, currently HE my eldest son with Asperger's so do not work and my husband told me last night he wants to leave the marriage.

I haven't a clue what to do or where to go for advice. With no income I will not be able to pay the bills, mortgage, standing orders, DD's or anything else. What do I do?
 
First off, so sorry to hear your bad news.

Your OH can not just walk away without supporting his children or you. See a solicitor.

Jane
 
The sad thing is he can leave and walk away. I really feel for you and know how hard it must be for you. Well done for facing up to the practicalities of the situation when you must be feeling emotionally wrecked.

You need to get onto your local benefits office and ask for advice. They will be able to help you claim the benefits you will be entitled to. If he has said he will not pay the mortgage or maintenance - then get on the the Child Support Agency - despite their terrible reputation they might be able to help.

I hope you have supportive friends and family around you. I wish you all the best.
 
Spyda, you need to contact a solicitor - one that specialises in family law. Ask around and, if no-one can recommend one, go to Law Society website. Do it straight away!
 
Oh no poor you, I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now!

You may be better off putting this is Soapbox, there are a lot of caring people there that may be able to give you advice.

All I can say is that I am sure you cannot be left on your own, he cannot just walk out on his children and not pay anything.
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Firstly, have a hug ((((((()))))). I don't know how you feel about this on a personal relationship level, but it's none of my business. As you say, first you need to secure things for you and your children.

Go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They are a good place to start because they generally know all the various areas like benefits, rights etc. Not only that but they will do all the phoning and contacting for you, which is very important when you feel like you don't even know how to get through the next hour. They have phone numbers to councils, benefit offices etc that you and I would never get hold of. They will almost certainly suggest you get a solicitor as well but go to them FIRST . They are free and will help you.

Go as soon as you can.
 
You need to see a solicitor or Citizens advice bureau who will be able to advise you on what to do. Your husband will have certain financial responsibilities towards you & the children. Additionally you may be entitled for various allowances. Citizens advice should be able to fill you in on most of this & that is definately a free service......good luck.
 
A friend of mine was in a similar situation and a solicitor friend of hers advised that she should immediately take copies of any necessary paperwork as often these mysteriously go 'missing'. This is particularly important if the husband's income is complex - ie includes bonuses, commission etc.

Are you sure it is too late to save the marriage? Can you presuade your husband to go to Relate to try and work through your problems, particularly as you have children.
 
Thats very harsh JM07. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing!
I really feel for your situation with hubby leaving. Go to citizen advice bureau. You will not be left penniless. Pop this in soapbox too as other ppl will have advice on there.
Good luck and keep us posted. X
 
im so sorry to hear that... i work with children with aspergers and i dont think people realise how much strain that puts on relationships. he has to leave you with some money coming in for bills etc, he cant just walk away. going to citizens advice is a good idea, but can you not sit and talk to him abou the financial implications??? he has to realise that you cant all live on fresh air and he has responsibilities.
good luck and huge hugs for all of you
 
Sorry I have no advice other than what the others have suggested but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear this and wish you all the best in picking things up and managing your family without him, I hope you have a good family that can also help you out. x (((hugs)))
 
It's not harsh. It should be in Soapbox, apart from anything else it would probably get more views in there.

Spyda - just post this in SB too and put *also in NL in error* sorted.
 
get as much money out of your bank accounts as you can. before he goes to tied you over. Go to citizens advice for free or get an interview with a solcitor, think they charge a flat fee of around £75 theres a scheme they do. Ring your local benefits office and the csa. Tell him to sod off if he doesnt want to stay, he will have to keep you and your children until the last one leaves college etc, you will manage financially so dont worry, after the initial form filling and getting used to being on your own, you will find life is better for you and your children.
 
Spyda so sorry to hear your news
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Agree with the others - find a GOOD solicitor - word of mouth is the best way so ask around and get a recommendation. The Citizens advice is also another good place for information - basically take a deep breath and start making phone calls - the council, local benefits office etc etc. I would also suggest you open a seperate bank account immediately and put some money in it, if you don't already have one - joint bank accounts get emptied suddenly. Also agree with the other comment about copying any relevant financial documents - bank accounts, contract of employment, mortgage statements, credit cards bills etc - really important as they tend to go missing as time goes on.
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Good luck and I hope you have good friends and family nearby. Hugs to you all.
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It's not harsh. It should be in Soapbox, apart from anything else it would probably get more views in there.

Spyda - just post this in SB too and put *also in NL in error* sorted.

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Thank You......

it is the type of post that would get a decent reponse in SB....

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Why is it your business to tell people what to do on here? People can post where they like within reason it is a free country.
This poor lady must be extremely distressed and at a time like this people need support and not just be told where to go.
 
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It's not harsh. It should be in Soapbox, apart from anything else it would probably get more views in there.

Spyda - just post this in SB too and put *also in NL in error* sorted.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank You......

it is the type of post that would get a decent reponse in SB....

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is it your business to tell people what to do on here? People can post where they like within reason it is a free country.
This poor lady must be extremely distressed and at a time like this people need support and not just be told where to go.

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Can we let this go and just help Spyda?
 
I am REALLY SORRY to hear your bad news.
I would chat to him to find out first of all why but in the mean time see a family solicitor, I have done some research for you and found a really good one they speclise in all family law matters, I do not know where you are based but here is their website

www.goodwinsfamilylaw.co.uk

Keep you chine up and be strong!
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Hi Spyda

I have been where you are hun and would just like to let you know I feel for you. Trust me on this though you will get through it just take one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself and don't blame yourself for what is happening. The advice given about getting a solicitor is good and I would also look at talking to Citizens Advice.

If you need to talk at all feel free to pm me.

Sending you all the love in the world.

Bessieboo x
 
So sorry to hear this.......my heart goes out to you.

Go to citizens advice in the first instance and find out your rights rather than paying out for a solicitor in the first instance.... x
 
Very sorry to hear your news, so stressful thinking about the kids as well as the horses and trying to deal with your own emotions.

On the support side, I would find a good family lawyer - you can find one on the Law Society's website.

Secondly dont worry - your husband cannot just leave you to look after 4 kids on your own. Even if he doesnt want to pay, the state will make him pay. They will garnish his salary if they need to.

Also, make an appointment with your local social services to find out if you are claiming all the benefits you can now that you are separated - they are very good at telling you what you are entitled to in terms of child support (which they then claim back from your husband) but it can take a while to get allt he forms etc so best to do it sooner rather than later.

ETA: JM07 you have said your bit - this thread is supposed to be about helping someone. She has probably just posted in here by mistake - it happens and its clear she is distraught.
 
The CAB were very helpful to Mum when Dad decided to go. As other have said, he cannot just walk off and leave you financially screwed - he will have to support his children. The CAB will be able to advise you on this, they may also be able to point you towards a good solicitor.

I am really sorry to hear about your situation.

Please don't concern yourself about which bit of the forum you have posted this on. I am sure that you have far more important things on your mind right now.

Huge hugs sweetheart.

ETA - that was a QR
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So sorry to hear this.......my heart goes out to you.

Go to citizens advice in the first instance and find out your rights rather than paying out for a solicitor in the first instance.... x

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and before you do any of these speak to your husband, this may have been an outburst resulting from the stress of having several young children, give him the chance to step back from it before you burn too many bridges. If he is set on that course then between you it can be discussed how both of you can best manage the future with least impact on the children.
 
That is just awful. The Citizens Advice Bureau may be a good place to talk to initially.They may be able to point you in the right direction to get any benefits etc. Also as an ex-primary school teacher my advice would be to go to the Headteacher of your childrens school and talk things through. This is so the staff can be alerted and understand if the childrens behaviour changes as they try to come to terms with things. Big, big hugs. I am sure you can pm anyone (including me) if you need to talk. X
 
Qr

Just to add - my brother also has Aspergers, you may be eligible for some benefits or support for your son. You might know this already, but thought I'd flag it up just in case.

I hope things work out one way or another.
 
............................not sure what to put, i just want to offer support and say i'm thinking of you, what a dreadful time for you.

As others have said really, initially get an appointment with a solicitor ASAP that deals with family and matrimonial cases to establish where you stand and a course of action if it does end up with him leaving.

But try and sit down and talk with him, you live a very stressful life and it may, may, have just been an outburst and his cry for HELP.
Best of luck, keep us posted. x
 
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