I’m so stupid

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Cammr

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For context, my area is super rural, completely agricultural with few horse owners. There are no livery centres, instructors, or lesson centres in the county. Zero. In. The. County.

I’ve always loved horses, and, had I lived anywhere else, but would have been connecting with horses and taking lessons and learning the proper way. I always thought it would never happen to me that I would actually get horses.

My friends have horses and are actually proper riders who know what they’re doing. They’d always exclude me from going out with the ponies and wouldn’t let me join them. It really got me down, as I’d been unable to be with horses all my life but wanted too.

At the same time my sister had a huge pony phase. So my dad went out and got 2 Shetland ponies to live on our land. Yay! Everything went great and we loved them. We cared for them and took them on walks. This should have been the happily ever after. It wasn’t.

We loved the ponies, but really wanted to ride. So, we thought we could get a super safe bigger pony and learn with it. We went out and got supposedly super safe mare. At first, everything went well, but well, we obviously suck and have no direction and that’s enough to test any horse.

she’s become disrespectful with bucking and not listening to the bridle. I’m now scared of my mare. On top of that, the two geldings started world war 3 together over her affections. They sorted it out, but now one of them is completely separated from the group and is pretty lonely.

I don’t get any of them are getting the attention that they deserve. We’re in school, and it’s winter, and with no indoor area we can’t see them a lot of the time.

Im so extremely stupid. I should never have gotten horses. I doesn’t matter how much research I did, I have no experience with them and zero operunities to learn. I ruined a ten year long bond between two shetlands. I have a mare that I’m scared off. I have a miserable gelding. I have 3 underexcersised animals.

I know I should sell them. But it’s just so freaking embarrassing and humiliating. Just another crazy horse girl who bought animals she wasn’t ready for. I’m such a complete freaking idiot, and it’s my animals who have to suffer for it.
 
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rextherobber

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I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. So long as you are looking after your ponies correctly, they really won't care if they are ridden or not. Is it possible that some of your horse owning friends could come over and give you a hand with your mare? Having a bit of moral support is a huge help. Or join something like Mary Wanless ride with your mind? You can send in videos and get advice, they do a groundwork course which may be just what you need, before you try riding your mare again? I sometimes feel like I'm doing everything wrong too, it's quite normal to have ups and downs in anything...Are your parents helpful at all?
 
Flame_

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Aw, this is sad. IIWY I'd sell the mare and try my luck with a quiet gelding to ride. The shetlands might get along fine with another boy. I sympathise, it's hard having to get by on your own. Have you got, or could you get, transport to travel out of the area for a bit of training sometimes?
 
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Cammr

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rextherobber said:
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. So long as you are looking after your ponies correctly, they really won't care if they are ridden or not. Is it possible that some of your horse owning friends could come over and give you a hand with your mare? Having a bit of moral support is a huge help. Or join something like Mary Wanless ride with your mind? You can send in videos and get advice, they do a groundwork course which may be just what you need, before you try riding your mare again? I sometimes feel like I'm doing everything wrong too, it's quite normal to have ups and downs in anything...Are your parents helpful at all?
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My parents help where they can. My dad does have experience with bovines so he kinda gets some horse behaviour, but they aren’t horsey people either and don’t know very much more than me and my sister. Ride with your mind and other virtual help sounds good.
 
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Cammr

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Flame_ said:
Aw, this is sad. IIWY I'd sell the mare and try my luck with a quiet gelding to ride. The shetlands might get along fine with another boy. I sympathise, it's hard having to get by on your own. Have you got, or could you get, transport to travel out of the area for a bit of training sometimes?
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Yeah my sister and I did speak about getting a quiet boy instead, still a possibility. Travel isn’t really all that possible for us, as it’s very expensive to leave the county and we have a lot of different animals to care for.
 
Palindrome

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Could an instructor come over to give you lessons in the Spring? Perhaps try asking on a horsey group on social media or a horsey forum.
I nearly sold my mare a few months after buying her as I couldn't ride one side of her and she was very sharp. I got some lessons with a great dressage instructor as a last resort and this transformed my riding and solved my problems.
Your horses sound fine, even if one the geldings isn't as happy, it is how herd hierarchy works. I wouldn't worry about the lost bond.
 
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Cammr

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Palindrome said:
Could an instructor come over to give you lessons in the Spring? Perhaps try asking on a horsey group on social media or a horsey forum.
I nearly sold my mare a few months after buying her as I couldn't ride one side of her and she was very sharp. I got some lessons with a great dressage instructor as a last resort and this transformed my riding and solved my problems.
Your horses sound fine, even if one the geldings isn't as happy, it is how herd hierarchy works. I wouldn't worry about the lost bond.
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I could see about trying that
 
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Bonnie Allie

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You are not stupid and your desire and tenacity to succeed stands out.

The benefit of lockdowns through COVID is we have all become so much more resourceful and personalised learning is now front and centre.

Have a look at TRT Training. Strong methodology and framework creating relaxed horses. Lots of groundwork which will be great to get you back on track again whilst you are limited with daylight hours.

My absolute go to book is “The Fearless Horse”. Lots of simple groundwork and under saddle exercises to educate your horse. Well written with clear instructions.

Resilience is a behavioural competency lacking in our society but I can see in the way you write you have it in spades. Use it. You have a high probability of success.
 
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Ownedby4horses

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OP, where are you based? (County only, don’t reveal where you are exactly please), I bet someone one here will be able to suggest someone nearby who may be able to help Get you on the right track.
 
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Cammr

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Bonnie Allie said:
You are not stupid and your desire and tenacity to succeed stands out.

The benefit of lockdowns through COVID is we have all become so much more resourceful and personalised learning is now front and centre.

Have a look at TRT Training. Strong methodology and framework creating relaxed horses. Lots of groundwork which will be great to get you back on track again whilst you are limited with daylight hours.

My absolute go to book is “The Fearless Horse”. Lots of simple groundwork and under saddle exercises to educate your horse. Well written with clear instructions.

Resilience is a behavioural competency lacking in our society but I can see in the way you write you have it in spades. Use it. You have a high probability of success.
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Thank you! I will definitely give TRT a try.
 
MissTyc

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The lady who sold me my last horsebox moved to Orkney and she took two horses with her (but didn't think the box would make it!). She definitely had horsie plans so there must be some activity up there!

OP, you sound quite young and I think it's fantastic that you're recognising where you need help. We all started somewhere and often the best equestrians come out of the biggest challenges. So chin up and maybe start on Youtube. Loads of options there! I'd personally start with Warwick Schiller videos ;)
 
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Fred66

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You sound relatively young and Orkney does have Pony Club so maybe contact them they should be able to point you to some one that can help
 
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