I’ve found my perfect horse (after a horrible few years), and I'm terrified! HELP!!

[grhands]

Hi everyone.

I’ve been on a bit of a journey!

So I’m 42 and had horses all my life up until three years ago. My beautiful Dutch warmblood was killed in a freak accident and then shortly after I bought a horse from a dealer that was horribly missold. She passed the vetting, and was fine for two weeks. Then she started napping, broncing and rearing. She ended up rearing over on to me, and £20k’s worth of veterinary investigations found nothing wrong with her: psychological trauma was the diagnosis, so I kept her to save her from a life of misery.

I then considered getting another to be my ‘horse of a lifetime’ and started looking, but became sick. I was diagnosed with Addisons disease and then cancer. This was two years ago.

I’ve done so well over the last two years. I thought I was going to die at one point and had even written books and recorded videos for my three children. However I couldn’t give up for their sake and eventually I got the all clear. Well, stable disease! I’ll take that! I was only 7st but gained weight and a year ago I started to entertain the idea of finding a small, easy, quiet horse to enjoy life with! I’d lost so much of my identity already as I was a nurse and medically retired. I missed being me and missed being around horses. I started lessons and actually wasn’t too bad which was surprising.

Two days ago I found the perfect horse. So perfect I felt comfortable bombing around on him like I’ve never done since my return from poorliness! He’s an angel. A little 15.3hh Connie and I adore him. I didn’t want to get off. He even had a pheasant fly up infront of his nose on a hack and barely batted an eyelid. I immediately paid the deposit.

However for some reason I am now struggling with massive anxiety. I am scared. What if I become sick again? What if this perfect horse behaves like Lucy did? Should I be spending this much money on myself (11.5k) from my retirement money?! What if something goes wrong and I run out of cash? I’m torturing myself with the “what if’s”!! To the point I’ve lost two nights of sleep!

But at the same time if I let this little horse slip through my fingers I’ll be devastated… and lose my deposit.

I’m so torn and I’m in a bit of a pickle. I also have Addisons which is a stress triggered disease and I’m stupidly making myself ill.

Is it normal to feel this way after paying a deposit? I’ve had ‘big purchase’ anxieties before after buying cars etc… but nothing like this. I’m wondering if it’s a bit of trauma catching up with me.

I know this little horse could make me a very happy lady, he wants to please and look after his rider and he’s as gentle as a lamb (even with my ten year old daughter). So why am I stalling so?

I have to make a decision soon as the seller will get fed up with me. I paid the deposit on Monday.

Please tell me I’m not alone! I’m feeling like a crazy lady!! Has anyone been through similar? What did you do and how did it turn out?! My heart says yes but my head is messing things up!!

Thank-you,

Gemma

 

[Peglo]

So sorry for all the health issues and horse stress you’ve gone through. What a hard time you’ve had.

I do think some stress is normal but it’s no wonder you are struggling after all you’ve been through.

Could you go and see the horse again, even if it’s just to groom. Hopefully seeing him again will ease the stress and anxiety as you’ll just want to take him home and remind you the reasons you put the deposit down.

Wishing you much health and happiness with your new horse. You do look lovely together.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

It is perfectly normal to wonder 'what have I done?' You have had a dreadful few years and might well benefit from some talking therapy to help you deal with it all but, although there are no guarantees, it sounds as if you might have just found the best form of therapy- a horse that you can enjoy.
Being pragmatic, you better than most, know that saving for tomorrow isn't always the sensible thing to do. If your family are on board with your new purchase, my advice is to go ahead and make sure you post to tell us in a few months how we'll your Connie is doing.

 

[maya2008]

If he's lovely, and will pass a vetting, you can always sell on if you ever need to. Does that help?

 

[Abacus]

No wonder you are wobbly, but as others have said he sounds absolutely lovely and could always be sold again.

I can't say I have been in your situation but have always felt a bit anxious when buying a new horse or a new lorry or whatever. Once it arrives, that goes away - it really is just stage fright. My belief, without knowing you at all, is that when you have him home and sit on him again, you'll be fine.

I also believe in taking the odd risk. Here you are gambling 11.5k against the possibility of having a lot of fun, regaining something of yourself from before, and maybe also seeing your daughter ride a lovely horse too when she's a bit older. Does that sound worth it?

 

[catkin]

Same as has been said above.

I always think that horses choose us to some extent, they certainly size us up!
If he's making you smile and feel so much 'at home' with him he's pretty happy about you too

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

Life is short and joy fleeting..buy the horse

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Buy the horse! If anyone deserves to follow their dreams it is you. I am a seasoned old horse buyer and almost every horse I have bought has caused a few 'What have I done' moments in the initial purchasing and settling in time that soon goes as the horse settles in, I realise I have bought a good 'un and start having fun.

What is the very worse thing that could happen? It doesn't work out for you and you decide it is not for you. Well you will have what sounds like a very desirable horse and in the current horse buying climate I doubt very much you would struggle to sell and recoup your purchase price. But that is very much an unlikely scenario IMHO. Buy it (with full vetting of course) and be sure to post pics as soon as your new best friend arrives with you. Good luck OP.

 

[pistolpete]

God the shoppers remorse thing when buying horses is so real. I felt physically sick after I’d paid for mine! It passes. You’ll have the best time. You deserve some good luck!

 

[KittenInTheTree]

I tend to find that the more I question my purchase of a horse, the happier I end up being with them. Buy the horse and enjoy your life!

 

[MickeyFinn22]

If you have the good feeling being around the horse, go for it. Maybe do as the first reply suggested and go just for a pat and a groom. If the horse makes you happy, go for it. The fun times will all make it worth it.

 

[irishdraft]

No it's completely normal to feel like this, I certainly did, he sounds a lovely fellow so just go for it before someone else sees him xx

 

[I'm Dun]

Every single time I buy a horse, or a dog, I get the "OMG what have I done?!?!" Every time, without fail. Its always fine. I think for some people its normal to worry about a big purchase like this, and that can trigger anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

Enjoy your new horse!

 

[Bradsmum]

Well I think you have your answer - unanimous! Time for some fun and something good to focus on. Agree with the idea of going to visit and spend some time with him. Good luck.

 

[NinjaPony]

Just to reassure you, I found my perfect Connie after a horrible time where my mare destroyed my confidence and her DDFT and had to be pts. I just knew when I sat on him that he was the one. I had 9 and a half years of joy and happiness with him and remain convinced he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I really wish you joy and happiness after all that you’ve been through and hope that this is a fresh start for you.

 

[grhands]

No wonder you are wobbly, but as others have said he sounds absolutely lovely and could always be sold again.

I can't say I have been in your situation but have always felt a bit anxious when buying a new horse or a new lorry or whatever. Once it arrives, that goes away - it really is just stage fright. My belief, without knowing you at all, is that when you have him home and sit on him again, you'll be fine.

I also believe in taking the odd risk. Here you are gambling 11.5k against the possibility of having a lot of fun, regaining something of yourself from before, and maybe also seeing your daughter ride a lovely horse too when she's a bit older. Does that sound worth it?

Totally. That was a surprise bonus actually. He was wonderful with my little girl and she even led him out in to the field. She’s super excited about being involved and the grooms on the yard said she’d be fine to have a little walk around on him even now, as he’s so very quiet.

I know I’d be devastated to let him go, but I am also going to have to get over this horrible feeling now. I wasn’t like this when I bought the bay on my profile picture, however he was half the price back then! These ‘five figure’ price tags these days are terrifying enough on their own!

Thank-you for your perspective on this, I do really appreciate it xx

 

[grhands]

Same as has been said above.

I always think that horses choose us to some extent, they certainly size us up!
If he's making you smile and feel so much 'at home' with him he's pretty happy about you too

Honestly, he was so chilled and didn’t put a hoof out of place. He stood like an angel whilst I chatted because I didn’t want get off! Then he was so quiet and loving with my ten year old daughter who fussed around with him in the stable. I nearly always have some elements of a horse that I’m ‘worried’ about after riding them for the first time, however on this Connie I had my first proper canter on the test ride… I hadn’t cantered since before my diagnosis. He made me feel that safe in twenty minutes.

He is perfect. I think it’s the money more than anything. As I said to the other lovely lady above, these five figure price tags are scary enough on their own without all the other things I’ll need like new tack, vetting fees, transport etc etc… I’m wondering if I should be spending this money on my family. It’s my medical retirement payout and I’m only 43. In my head though I’m not ready to be written off yet. I still want to live a little. But not broke!

 

[Arzada]

He is perfect. I think it’s the money more than anything. As I said to the other lovely lady above, these five figure price tags are scary enough on their own without all the other things I’ll need like new tack, vetting fees, transport etc etc… I’m wondering if I should be spending this money on my family. It’s my medical retirement payout and I’m only 43. In my head though I’m not ready to be written off yet. I still want to live a little. But not broke!

But at the same time if I let this little horse slip through my fingers I’ll be devastated…

It is hard to just do something/spend alot of money. Not as easy as when I was younger! However the deciding factor is how I would feel if I didn't do it. In your case, devastated.

It sounds as though he won't just be for you. Your daughter is already keen. It also doesn't sound as though your family would begrudge you buying him. I can't see his age but lets say he gives you and your daughter 10 years of confidence, pleasure and shared fun then everything he gives you costs a bargain £1150 pa. £575 each pa. Unfortunately you have to make a big outlay now rather than pay pa. At least have him vetted and then make your decision. I hope that the vetting goes well and that you buy him.

 

[Sealine]

Gosh you have had a hard time. It sounds like you need to buy yourself a nice connemara shaped present.

A couple of years ago a close friend (in her 40s) bought a connemara after losing her horse. As much as she loved her old horse he had completely ruined her confidence over the years. Watching her confidence increase and seeing how much fun she is having on her new horse has been an absolute pleasure. He's easy to handle, a perfect hack, does fun rides, low level XC, show jumping, working hunter etc etc and never puts a foot wrong. He wasn't cheap but he was worth every penny to her. I also know two other super Connemaras. All three of them are grey geldings.

GO FOR IT!

 

[Abacus]

Gosh you have had a hard time. It sounds like you need to buy yourself a nice connemara shaped present.

A couple of years ago a close friend (in her 40s) bought a connemara after losing her horse. As much as she loved her old horse he had completely ruined her confidence over the years. Watching her confidence increase and seeing how much fun she is having on her new horse has been an absolute pleasure. He's easy to handle, a perfect hack, does fun rides, low level XC, show jumping, working hunter etc etc and never puts a foot wrong. He wasn't cheap but he was worth every penny to her. I also know two other super Connemaras. All three of them are grey geldings.

GO FOR IT!

Even though I have already commented, I would add a vote for connemaras as the most pleasurable and easy horses to just enjoy. I bought a lovely dun chap for my son, only 15.1 but with the heart of a lion, and the sweetest little horse, as well as being very pretty. I have totally stolen him, I take him hunting and feel tiny compared with the big flashy things, but he looks after me all day. Having said I would sell him when outgrown, my son is now 6'2 and the little horse isn't going anywhere.

 

[Michen]

So sorry for everything you've been through. I've never bought a horse and not thought WTF and felt anxious etc, I think that is totally normal.

 

[AppyLover1996]

Hi grhands,

I totally relate to you and the feeling of "Oh my God what have I done?!".

I took the plunge late last year and brought my yearling Appaloosa gelding. When I went to see him, I felt that spark and connection (I even bawled like a baby when I set eyes on him) and I knew in that instant he would be the one to take over from my current veteran who although is showing no signs of slowing down, I'd like to take things a little easier with him as he's not had the best start to life.

About 2 weeks in, after I'd paid the initial deposit and was arranging payment for him, I had the sudden feeling of feeling violently ill, shaking, couldn't keep anything down - it got so bad my parents drove me to A&E! Whilst we were on the way home after I'd been discharged, we pieced it together - what I paid for my yearling is easily the largest and most expensive purchase I've ever made, coupled that with knowing I'm responsible for everything from day dot and how I'm finally realising my dream - and voila you have the perfect concoction for sudden doubts and feeling guilty etc (especially as I kinda promised my parents I'd buy a car before another horse - ah well!! ).

Fast forward several months - I've realised that I'd happily fork out the money for him time and time again, he makes me feel so safe and confident (and that's just on the ground!), he is a complete and utter lovable chappy and is so quick to learn, he truly is my perfect not so little bubba (clocking in at 15 hands at just a year old - T Rex seems more applicable aha) and I often wonder why I felt the way I did when I was going through the first steps. But then I remind myself of the large financial cost and how at the time I didn't know what would happen once I got him home.

The fact that you've said the little Connie has made you feel so confident from one viewing, how you cantered on him when you hadn't cantered for ages, and add that your daughter is safe as houses with him - I'd say go for it my lovely! The 5 figure price tag is rather "OMG" inducing, but he will be worth every single penny and after the rough few years you've had - you deserve him

​

 

[gallopingby]

I agree with the others, just buy the horse! A couple of years ago l was the second person to try a fantastic horse, made me feel really safe but the first viewer wanted her. She then came back on the market and l considered buying her but had found another by then. Two years down the line with a horse who is lovely and well mannered l am comparing the two and thinking ‘what if’. Absolutely nothing wrong with my current horse except horse one was so lovely to ride. I think you know as soon as you get on. Some need work, others although they may need work are immediately just right. If you don’t buy you’ll probably regret it and it’ll likely take ages to find another. The weather if finally improving, the summer is ahead. Go buy the horse - subject to vetting and enjoy yourself.

 

[ArklePig]

Buy the horse. If anyone deserves it you do and he sounds an angel.

 

[Jacksie]

Try turning those negative what ifs into positive ones - it’s what I do when I wobble over things

 

[Lauraback]

You look a perfect match please don’t delay go for it subject to vetting etc. when it’s right it’s right and we all get the wobbles with big decisions. You so deserve to have some fun! Please can we have more photos once he is home with you?

 

[meleeka]

From your description OP, it sounds like he’s worth every penny . Just buy the horse!

 

[SpotsandBays]

Take a deep breath. You’ve GOT this!!!
You’ve come so far, you deserve this. You really do!

 

[Floofball]

I always think ‘if it’s meant to be’ it will happen. Have you arranged a vetting yet? No point getting in a tiz until that has happened, then hopefully if he passes your anxieties will turn into excitement, which incidentally use the same hormone maybe your just super excited and trying to keep your expectations down
He sounds and looks fab - go for it!

 

[Sprogladite01]

It sounds like the stars aligned to bring him into your path - go for it! If it doesn't work out, you can always sell him on - connies are so popular and always in demand. He sounds like he's your reward for making it through all the cr*p you've been through - you deserve more than a little fun and enjoyment after the last couple of years. Best of luck to you both and keep us updated - pics when he arrives please!