I am so disappointed with myself, I hate this!

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nikkiportia

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I was back on Ellis at the weekend for a potter about, but haven't been on in the week as he'd lost a shoe.

Today, I decided I'd just go for it, and asked someone to walk out with me so I could go down the road on him.
My sister came down, I got on, starting wlking through the paddock I fell off in, then sister had to run back and lock the door up. Well, I just freaked as soon as she left me. My heart rate went through the roof, the sweat was pouring off me, and I had to jump off straight away and bawl my eyes out at how pathetic I am.
I can't beleive how much I panicked! So this is what it's like to lose your confidence?
After the tears had dried, and Ellis looks at me like I'm a complete twit, I decide to walk him iin hand down the road and back. He was good as gold, so I went to get on again, but the fear was unreal! Ellis picked up on it, which just made things worse.

So decided to walk him up to my bro-in-laws house, and made him get on and hack him, whilst i walked alongside. Ellis was a star, really good and well behaved.
We were nearly home by the time I felt happy enough to get back on, but I did! Mike walked alongside, grabbing the rein whenever I asked him too. After a few mins I felt ok, put both reins in one hand and tried to relax.
Got back to the yard in one peice, but walking back through the 'falling' off paddock sent my heart rate soaring again.
It is going to be a long slow road to recovery
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I am proud of myself for getting back on, but this is just so pathetic!
I've been around horses all my adult life, worked and still work with them full time, on the ground I've got bags of confidence, in fact I love handling youngsters and racehorses. They can mess about however they like, it doesn't bother me. But put me in a saddle now and I freak!
I've had horses for yrs, brought on a green youngster, taught him to jump and sold him on, and he did much worse than Ellis will ever do. But this accident was so painful, it has totally destroyed me
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I am so upset now, I was stupid to think it was going to be easy. Gutted
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Would love to hear of people overcoming the fear, I need spurring on guys!
Cookies for getting to the end
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I had a similar problem in the end I couldn't go through it anymore so sold the horse.

I have now bought a lovely new one and although it has taken a few weeks I am back hacking out on my own and in company and have enven been for a lesson or two. I know don't get that horrible sick feeling everytime I think about riding and am really enjoying myself again.

I don't know the history to this one but you may have to accept that you may never get it back on this horse.

Keep trying and good luck
 
I lost my nerve really badly a few years ago. I don't know about your accident but I admit I did sell the horse that hospitaklised me. Even with a new horse I used to throw up and sit on the loo for hours before I got on. My legs used to dangle like wet spaghetti and I was so stiff if she shied I lurched.
Thank heavens I then bought a lovely young horse who I trust implicitily and that and gallons of rescue remedy did the trick.
Give yourself time.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I had a similar problem in the end I couldn't go through it anymore so sold the horse.

I have now bought a lovely new one and although it has taken a few weeks I am back hacking out on my own and in company and have enven been for a lesson or two. I know don't get that horrible sick feeling everytime I think about riding and am really enjoying myself again.

I don't know the history to this one but you may have to accept that you may never get it back on this horse.

Keep trying and good luck

[/ QUOTE ]

I actually disagee with this and think it is important for the OP (for her) to persevere.

Nikkiportia - I cannot imagine how this must feel for you but please don't be too hard on yourself. Ok so you freaked out a little when you were on your own, but if you are not feeling confident this is not unusual. Well done for getting back on him. You DID finally do it and you DID walk through the paddock. Keep trying and try to keep focussing on the positives - I am sure you will get through this - you just need to take it one step at a time.

((((((((((hugs))))))))
 
You know Ellis is a total sweetie, so don't you go giving up on him yet. I think you just need to focus on the positive, take small steps you will get there! You will have totally sh*t days, but tomorrow will be much better if today is your lowest point. If you have ppl who can help you (your brother-inlaw and sister) then use them. I think rescue remedy is good aswell!!!
 
Arwen, thankyou, yes I do have to persevere. It is not the horse, as I felt the same when I got on my friends bombproof cob! Getting rid of him is not an option to me really, he IS a sweetie, like Inders says, and I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON HIM!
Luckily mike is keeping him ticking over for me, and watching him ride really helps too.
Thankyou guys for being supportive, and not making me feel even more pathetic
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I will get a lunge lesson, I will also buy some rescue remedy (and a big bottle of whisky
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) Am also looking into renting a school and taking him there.
It really is baby steps isn't it? At least I did get back on and walk him down the road and paddock.
I just hate it so much, the sun is out and I wanna go out and have some fun!
xxx
 
aww chin up, you'll get there in the end, as said small steps. try to get on every day even if its only for a minute, slowly your brain will start to associate positive feelings with sitting on a horse again.
 
I wonder if it would help you to have someone else ride him for a while? Then you could see that he isn't going to do anything and then maybe in a month's time, you could get back on again and see how you feel then?
 
Thanks Tia, someone else is already riding him. And he has been really good. I tack him up and untack him, and just let Mike do the riding bit. I have also lunged him myself with no problems, and have been doing in hand work as well.
Ellis hasn't really done anything to 'worry' me, and works calmly and nicely.
I am so annoyed that it was just one buck that unseated me, and we were practically at a standstill at the time. I just wish I hadn't have landed in the way that I did, otherwise I'd have been straight back on and got on with it. Just like I have so many times before
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I agree sometimes you need to take time out so that you feel like i am going to get on and i am going to ride in the paddock or whatever, i feel like that when other people are riding my horse i feel like thats MY horse and i will not let the nerves beat me!

It will take time but im sure you will get it sorted
 
Have you heard of Jo Cooper? Google her name and see what you think of her website. Lots of people on here are very positive about her work.
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aww dont be too hard on yourself.
even though you know in yourself, the horse is a real sweetie and not nasty at all, sometimes the fear can be so strong.
i knew someone who lost their confidence and they threw up and hyperventiliated they were to fearful
she took it really slowly and even wehn back to working the horse from the ground in the same situation as she fell off, to reassure herself the horse was fine in that place and then she got on with a lead and got led round for a few weeks.
best to take things slowly and make sure you are happ with each step than over face yourself with a huge step or doing things too quickly.
you will get there
 
Hey don't worry, you will get there. I'm in the same boat as you at the moment have completely lost my nerve
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and I haven't fallen off yet. Horse I was riding has decided that he doesn't like halting anymore on the road, so rears vertical and leaps forward and does this on the main road, well he has put me off basically
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on the ground I am fine and will handle anything but at the moment I have a mental block about riding, think I need to find an old plod to ride to get my confidence back.
 
Irrational fear is terrible, I came of my horse later year (completely my own fault) and started to become so frightened of stupid things I'd cry, shake etc. With the help of a friend and also a good instructor I'm probably more confident than I've been since I was a teenager. It was hard and so few people understood how I was feeling and that I couldn't just get over it
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which made things harder. I took months and lots of rescue remedy to get over it. Do as much as you feel able to, it doesn't matter if you need someone to walk next to you, think about having some lessons on another horse (this really helped me regain confidence in myself), I'm sure you'll get your confidence back eventually. (If I did anyone can
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I sympathise completely and I too have suffered the sweats, racing heart and feeling you'll die if you have to ride again! That was a couple of years ago now and I had a couple of session with Jo Cooper and she sorted me out.. in fact she 'cured' things that I had just accepted were a normal part of riding I'd had them so long
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I would say I'm now more confident than I can remember ever being! Dont get me wrong I do still have 'wibble' moments but I can work through them on my own
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Good luck and I promise, if you get help, it does work!
 
well, you could ride before without a problem yeah?
just think to yourself 'just because i fell off doesn't mean i lost the ability to ride like i did before'
just be determined, but be relaxed and take it one step at a time. maybe get a couple of lessons to get you back on track?

=]

xx
 
Hi
I lost my nerve for no particular reason last year. Just try not to put any pressure (at all) on yourself and just do what your confortable with, you will find eventually that you will think
'to hell with it' and go for a bloody good gallop. I would stick with the horse you usually ride as well, other wise it could develop into an issue with him.

BTW I'm back to riding with a vengance and took my not very quiet horse on a busy road to nanny a youngster today. This time last year I was s****ing bricks been led about on my quiet gypsy cob!
 
Everyone goes through this at some point in their riding career. Have you tried looking at the psychological side of things, rather than just 'steeling yourself' to deal with it?
There are quite a lot of books available to help coach sportspeople through this - and now some equine ones.
'That Winning Feeling' by Jane Savoie is an old one, but quite good, and looking into NLP might also help you.
S
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I agree with Shilasdair - a psycological approach could be the answer. Cognative behaviour therapy can work very well with people suffering from panic attacks and in some ways what you are experiencing is similar to a panic attack as you have physical and mental symptoms. Get yourself off to your GP. It may not necessarily be best to say you get these attacks when riding, so you may have to make up a bit of a cover story to get a psycologist referal. A low dose of a sedative like diazapam may also help as it would keep your muscles relaxed so you wouldn't transmit tension to the horse making things worse.


You WILL get better. As others have said it happens to us all at some point.
 
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