I am SUCH a MUG!! Very looooooong :)

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HaffiesRock

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This may be long but I want your opinions on if I am being seriously taken advantage of.
I am on a small yard. There are YO’s 4 horses, my pony, my friends horse and another livery. All but my pony and the YO youngster are stabled at night.
My friend and I have a winter agreement that we take it in turn to do the horses. This is because friend works late 2 nights a week, so I do them on a Monday and Thursday when she’s working and she does Tuesday and Wednesday and we do Friday ourselves. This has always been this way. I am already disadvantaged as her horse is stabled (I go up in the morning on my days) so I turn horse out and muck out etc and YO brings in at night. Friend only has to bring my horse in for a little feed, hoof pick and check over but my horse isn’t her biggest fan so most days she cant even catch him…). I don’t mind this at all as I like mucking out and its good exercise and shes my friend.
Anyway, started this in October and the first day all the YO’s horses who were in kicked off as they wanted to go out. So I turned them all out. Spoke to YO (who lives 20 miles from the yard so her elderly in laws turn out at around lunch time) I offered to turn her 3 out on my 2 days a week to save the poor oldies. My thinking was ill get some browny points and favours in the bag :D
This is fine to start with until the other livery brings in. So now I have my own horse to do, 5 extra to feed, rug and turn out and a stable to muck out. I have to leave the yard at 7.15am to get to work on time so It’s starting to get a bit much. Now one of the ponies is lame and on box rest so that’s extra to add and the youngster who lives out has become very attached to my gelding so she makes life harder when trying to bring him in, so I end up doing her too! So 7 horses!
Anyway, my friend tells me that her livery has gone up £20 a month to cover the turn out the Father in law provides. I’m a tad miffed as I’m doing it twice a week for her and the other livery and I don’t get a livery reduction.
Final straw and my point of this post is I ride on a Saturday morning. Everyone who is in a stable is on a rota of weekend turnout. My friends turn is tomorrow so she has asked if I will do it. Normally I’d say no due to time, but my other friend is borrowing her mare in the morning. So it will mean my yard friend coming up to turn out everyone else’s horses or I do it for her with mugged written on my forhead.
My options are these:
1) Stop with all the help and just sort my pony. I am not getting to spend any time with him during the week as I’m too busy with everyone else’s. Friend ends up unable to catch my pony on her days so he is left alone (at my request as he hoons around avoiding being caught) This makes him a bit difficult and rude when I see him. Problem with this is when I take him on the yard which is unavoidable, the stabled horses kick off and door kick etc.
2) Carry on with mine and friends original agreement which will free up my time for my pony, but will still have the door kicking to put up with and a small chance YO and other livery will be offended (She’s lovely so I doubt she will be if I explain what I have to you)
3) Carry on as I am and ask for a reduction in livery for the extra jobs I do?
It’s the Saturday that really gets me as I normally ride, but like to chill out with a coffee and my boy. I hate then leaving the yard to ride with a stable block full of agitated horses. Other liveries horse hates the stable and tries to jump out. I tend to put friends horse out to keep the youngster happy, but then I’m back to the “I may as well do them all” Sometime I like to stay in bed so don’t want added pressure of that either!
I know you are all going to tell me I am being soft and I should say no to the others. I honestly didn’t have an issue until I found out others livery had gone up for the services that I am partly supplying. Writing it all down has put into perspective what I actually do for everyone; with no return for myself what so ever! I am such a mug and need to learn to stop being so nice!
I think my mind is made up, but go ahead and give your opinions! xx
 
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SpottyFalula said:
I know you are all going to tell me I am being soft and I should say no to the others. I honestly didn’t have an issue until I found out others livery had gone up for the services that I am partly supplying. Writing it all down has put into perspective what I actually do for everyone; with no return for myself what so ever! I am such a mug and need to learn to stop being so nice!
I think my mind is made up, but go ahead and give your opinions! xx
Click to expand...

No, am not going to give you a hard time, but I do think (if this were me) that I'd either just be doing mine & paying YO for the odd times I cannot go

or

Get a reduced bill - but this latter won't work for all year round.

Or, another suggestion - if you ARE happy doing the work, then ask to be paid the going rate that a groom would be getting, & not have reduced livery bill. (this would be my choice)

This means that if ever you stop the extra, your livery will be unchanged

Hope you find a way that suits YOU :)
 
Oh how this sounds like how I was in the summer... But I started to ask for favours back, and the others soon started to get their finger out when my requests came in... For example I one was asked to take a mates horse to new yard that she said was 15 mile away ok so I thought take an hour top... Noooooo no no... 2 hour to load the horse, then in transit it tried to climb over partition. Scratched all insiders , pawed the matting to bits.. Whole thing took 4 hours and left me with 100 of damage that I was never paid for... Now if someone wants a favour I have one needed in return.. V strange I don't get asked often now!!!!
 
I think you really need to go back to your original arrangement with your friend, the YO should actually be doing more, if they offer services they must provide those services not rely on your good nature. Turning out in the morning is one thing but feeding and changing rugs for 7 takes plenty of time.

Who does them the days you dont go or do they all wait until lunchtime for feed and turning out? Not good enough in my view if that is what happens.

You are being taken advantage of, a part time groom with no benefit to you, have a talk to the YO and see what can be done, either you get paid, reduced livery or stop doing it and learn to ignore stressed horses however hard it is, the YO needs to make some changes if she is going to keep her liveries.
 
Goodness me Spotty your good nature has got the better of you I think! I would just go back to the original plan with you friend IF you are happy with that, and I would be rather ticked off with the YO for charging when you don't get a penny, so I would definitely stop doing that, either say you don't have time or actually say its not very fair... Time is precious in the winter especially!
 
Problem is if you start being paid then you leave a difficult situation if ever you want to stop.

For me i would stop everything with everyone - the only thing i would do is feed the yo's youngster at the same time as mine in the winter, and i would feed the yard if they were banging and i assume the feeds are left outside the stables/

It will mean that you will have to go to the yard every day, but i think this is a small price to pay.

You could give everyone warning and say you will continue till Christmas week, but during that week and there after you just cant do it anymore
 
You are not being taken advantage of you volunteered. Time to withdraw your services I think . You offered to do it not surprisingly they said yes. You need to speak candidly to the YO, your friend and the other livery and say you are finding it all too much and need to do your own pony only. Difficult I know, but necessary for your own peaceof mind.
 
Thanks everyone. I prefer to be up everyday as my pony goes down hill with manners very quickly when left to his own devices so can use that as part of my reasoning.

I did volunteer originally when it was just chucking 3 out. Then the extra horses, feeds and many many rugs came into the equation! Ha ha and it all got out of hand! Can only take 1 out at a time too so its takes a good 1.5 hours to sort them all, that means getting up at 5am! And I still only get a quick check over and cuddle with my own pony.

Ill speak to everyone tomorrow about it all. Ill be honest and explain im missing out on pony time with my own. Ill stick with doing my friends as I have been doing that for a while, or give her the option to let the yard do it as thats what her extra livery is for (Im sure she said she gets 2 muck outs a week too??) Cant remember! xx
 
All done. Sent a message to the YO this morning as my phone has broken :( Told her id speak to her when I see her this afternoon, but explained I am missing out on my pony time so would have to stop doing all the horses. I spoke to my friend also and we have come to the agreement that she will do one of the days as she can get to the yard, just later than normal and I would continue to do her Thursday as she cant get up at all. So I now have just my pony to do on all but 1 day :O)

YO hasnt gotten back to me yet, but I will see her later on.

Thanks for letting me get everything off my chest. Writing it all done made me see sense! xx
 
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