I cant cope anymore...(long)

You Wont Forget Me

You Wont Forget Me

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Hi all, bit of background first. Ive been riding since i was 4 got my first proper pony when i was 10 and had her for 3 years while schooling other ponies and brining on youngsters, then got my 14.2 when i was 13 to do a bit of showjumping with and stopped schooling other ponies for a while then decided it was time for a horse when i turned 15, after spending about 4years schooling naughty ponies and youngsters i decided to go for a young horse and did! Started off great everything felt as though it was coming along quickly until now! My boy is 5 almost 6 and latley i feel like im getting no where with him have done no shows/training shows with him yet he has only been out twice for a lesson. i am currently doing my highers (a levels) at school and am finding it really difficult to cope with the horse too as he is so much hard work, he was bought with potential to be a showjumper but i really dont think he will be able to do what we want at this rate. i dont have the time to ride him everyday and i have cosidered selling until i finish school but have got such a great bond with him i dont think i could go through with it, and i also dont want to loan him out after hearing some terrible stories of loaning. I just really dont know what to do as i dont want him to go to waste but i also know that i cant cope anymore! The other problem is we cant afford to have lessons as YO wont allow outside instructors on the yard and we cant pay to hire somewhere. i am right now giving up all hope of getting anywhere with this horse!!


Thanks to anyone who read the whole lot, just really needed to get it off my chest. Advice appreciated!
 
Your YO is very unreasonable not letting you have an instructor up to the yard, something like that would make me leave a yard.

Keep you chin up, horses test us greatly but they are worth all the heartache they cause.
 
Why dont you let him have an easy life for a while? just hacking and playing around. He doesnt have to be a big showjumper right now, you can do all of that at a later date. Why dont you just ride a couple of times a week when you need a break from your highers. Its all about time management
 
can you find somewhere else to keep him? i have NEVER understood the mentality of YO's who won't allow outside instructors, or of liveries who put up with such a chuffing ridiculous, selfish and greedy rule. is there really any instructor on the planet who thinks they know it all and that their liveries don't deserve to benefit from someone else's experience? seriously?
you could look for a sharer, then you can vet who else would be riding him, and share costs, and wouldn't need to try to ride/visit him every day.
 
Don't be so hard on yourself! You've got the basics established, if you let him down for an extended holiday or just keep him ticking over is that such a big deal? Be kind to yourself, get your grades, and then go back to him. He's not fretting because he's not out at competitions every weekend.
 
Hi, sorry you are feeling like this.
Don't make any sudden descions, give yourself time to consider all your options.
Have you considered getting a sharer? Someone who could help financially and also help you to train and bring him on?
It sounds as though your YO is a bit unreasonable. Is there anyone onsite to give you lessons?
 
You're only 19 (I think from the details in your post), you have your whole life ahead of you with Lots and Lots of horses in it. At this stage of your life, perhaps you are not the right person to be in his life at the moment? Don't stress yourself, don't beat yourself up, don't judge yourself too harshly.

If you're going to keep with him, then stop beating yourself up about what you can't do with him at the moment - he's not complaining is he?! You'll have time in the future to bring him on and sitting out in the field is not going to do him ANY harm at all.

If you're going to decide that your life is too busy to have him in it at the moment, then he won't feel betrayed, he won't judge you harshly, and you won't be betraying the bond you have. If you decide that you can't do him justice, focus on finding him a home where he will be loved. I'm sure there are plenty out there.

Whatever you do with horses, you should be enjoying being with them - not stressing about what you can't do. Step back, and decide what you WANT right now. And good luck with it :)
 
Your education MUST come first, without decent qualifications the current job market is bleak.

Leave your horse for a year or two - just enjoy him - You are both very young yet. Give yourselves both time to mature and then when your education is complete then throw yourself back into his education. xx
 
We unfortunatly cant move just now although it would make things a bit better. I have thought about just keeping him ticking over but i was worried about getting him to do what i want when he's older, will it not be harder to teach him new things as just now he really does only know the basics, ughh who wants horses!!!
 
If you are doing a levels-these are more important. @Horses come and go, if you are not enjoying it, don't h ave the time and it's impacting on school work-sell him. Take your time and find him a nice home,it honestly is doable.
 
Mine wasn't even backed until she was nine - spent the first half of her life hanging out in a field being a broodie - now she does dressage, jumps, xc, sponsored rides, a right little schoolmistress. If you just enjoy each other's company for now and use him as a way to relax away from school/college, I don't think that will harm his education at all. There is plenty of time to move yards and take lessons and work hard on his SJ when you finish your exams and have the time and the summer job to pay for it! For now, your education has to come first. Good luck.
 
You Wont Forget Me said:
We unfortunatly cant move just now although it would make things a bit better. I have thought about just keeping him ticking over but i was worried about getting him to do what i want when he's older, will it not be harder to teach him new things as just now he really does only know the basics, ughh who wants horses!!!
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Not really - i think the only barriers here in this situation are the ones you are creating. He is still a baby - he will have plenty of time to develop and mature and learn.
 
Like people have said, just enjoy him! Stop putting pressure on yourself and him. Just have fun! He's only 5, won't hurt him to enjoy being a horse, lots of turnout and fun in the school with some hacking! Got years ahead of you both!
 
i am also currently doing my a-levels and i have 2 horses one youngster and taz my main riding horse

i have to spend alot of time with my youngster being only 2 years old teaching manners etc and it is hard work which is why taz who was once incredibly fit competition horse is now a rather fat looking field ornament! :) he doesnt mind he gets ridden 4 days a week but im not particularly aiming for anything and certainly not coming in to winter- no matter how much i would love to be out competing 1.10m bsja every weekend its just not gonna happen, no point stressing about it hes 6 years old his life doesnt end at 7! :) you have another 15-20 years to do what you want with him! calm down and stop over thinking the world wont end if your horse isnt as advanced as you would like! :) hope everything settles down soon! :)xxx
 
Are you going to Uni after doing your highers, or will you get a job?

If you're going to get a job, I would keep him - as people have said, a year is nothing. If you're going to go onto Uni after your highers, then you're not going to have him as your focus for the few years that follow your highers either, and so it becomes a bigger deal. In that case I would think about selling him. You won't have failed him or yourself, you'll just have made a sensible decision. Then you could get something less work that you can pick up and put down for the next few years (ie perhaps less talented, but hackable/able to do lower level stuff) that doesn't matter if its schooled etc.
 
He doesn't know he's supposed to be a show-jumper, he probably couldn't care less whether he's ridden or not as long as he's got plenty of turnout. My mare wasn't touched until she was six (lots of people said she would be too strong and mature to break in easily). However, she never had a day's lameness which I put down to being a late starter and she was ridden regularly including hunting and long-distance riding until she was PTS aged 27.

Your boy will come back quite easily, he has the basics and he will have avoided stress to those precious legs at an early age.

OR

You could look for an experienced rider to share.
 
The other problem is we cant afford to have lessons as YO wont allow outside instructors on the yard and we cant pay to hire somewhere. i am right now giving up all hope of getting anywhere with this horse!![/QUOTE said:
Can you not move yards?!

(that's my only thought!)

Also- I remember my A-levels and I don't know how I got through them! They are so stressful and so unreasonably demanding. You strike me as the sort of person who puts alot of pressure on your self. What I did was used hacking as a stress relief during my exams. No schooling, no show preparation. Just simple wondering around the place with my head full of Geography!

Why not take the pressure off yourself and enjoy having a lovely pony and just do fun relaxing things? Afterall- school's over in a few months time!
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I sold my horse when I did my a levels. It was the only way i could fully concentrate on my studies. When I went to uni I bought a new one as I stayed at home, I got a all rounder and just enjoyed having a horse without pressure to compete etc, kept him somewhere cheap but loved every minute if it! Now I'm older and have kids I'm now only just getting back into the competition stuff, horses will wait but education won't :)

I must say, the only disadvantage to me was that my mum always paid for my horse and then when I gave up she did say if you want another you are going to have to fund it yourself (don't blame her) so when a yr or 2 later I got another I had to have 2 jobs to afford it all, but definitely worth it!
 
MiCsarah said:
Why dont you let him have an easy life for a while? just hacking and playing around. He doesnt have to be a big showjumper right now, you can do all of that at a later date. Why dont you just ride a couple of times a week when you need a break from your highers. Its all about time management
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agree with this:) in all honesty the break might do him good! give him time being a happy hack and time to grow mentally and you may find he's not such hard work when you start with your serious training again:)
 
My daughter had this dilema a few years ago, she ended up putting her yound tb mare out on loan (disaster). We should have sold her instead of loaning as we did later). A few years later she has a job and a new youngster and is getting along marvelously.

In your situation I see you have 3 options

1 - Sell until you are in a position to give a horse the attention you feel comfortable with ( but you owe it to the horse to find a good home)
2 - Just let your horse mong and enjoy a bit of schooling/hacking once or twice a week - horse would be fine but would you be satisfied?
3 - Find a sharer at your yard (ok if you are not a control freak).

Good luck whatever you decide. I wouldnt be a teenager again for the world!
 
Thanks for that everyone gave me a bit of help, think im going to give him an easy life just now and just ride as often as i can even if it is just a few times a week. Couldnt sell, loan or share because as Magicmillbrook said i have to admit i am a bit of a control freak when it comes to my horse lol. But thanks again everyone
 
hun don't beat yourself up over this

My lad is now 7 and only just really starting to do correct work, before he was 6 he never did anything but hacking. so long as the basics are there the rest can wait

Personally I don' t like starting older horses as like you I don' t think it works as well. But that is not the case here so I don't think a year or 3 even of light work and or just hacking once or twice a fortnight will do him any harm at all. In fact may well do him the world of good
 
oh sweetheart stop battering yourself for god sake - your a young woman with a young horse so please sit and take a breath in- as someone said earlier why not have a year of chill out time for you and him - just turn him out and have a hack out on him - let yourself enjoy the experience of just plodding along and loving the peace and let him grow into the horse you want but just loving that time together :) hes a baby your young( cough cough im aged love) give yourself time and see what next year brings )))) big hugs as takes alot to post on here hun (((( and always a good shoulder and tissues and hey a glass of wine to :) be positive x
 
Your YO needs to get over herself. Not allowing external instructors is not acceptable. As long as they have insurance then that should be allowed.

Your horse - 5-6 is still a baby. His canter won't even be properly established in the corners and he's still a teenager. Take the pressure off him and you and just have some fun. You can work it when he is 7-8 and you'll get a better result.
 
Hun this may have already been said or you can tell me to zip it! But you are both young and have your whole life ahead of you, 8 months of chilling and playing no pressure will probably improve your relationship even more! Chill out and enjoy each others company :D
Oh and consider a new yard if YO wont allow instructors
And finally, good luck with your exams :D
 
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