I can't understand him!!Behaviour issue?

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Juliameazza

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I've had my 6yrs old now for nearly a year, I've always kept him at home and I decided to bring him to a riding centre in 2 weeks time. During this year I've encountered a good few problems with him (misbehaving like a freak on a lounge, refusing to be led by hand) In the end I managed to sort most of them out by myself but one thing that I was never able to impose on him was full respect towards humans ( including me). (He always had a bit of a temper)
He actually has bitten me very few times but he always kinda of "tries" . He puts his mouth on my back/arm/leg, he starts moving his lips and then if I don't push him away or give out he actually would bite softly... I think it's a game for him.. I really don't know. He's been acting particularly hostile these last two months. It makes me very upset some days because I love him to bits and I care for him so much. My sister thinks I'm not firm enough with him and in a way I think she's right.2 months ago I went trough a very big loss in my family and since then he's been what keeps me going. What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel that he doesn't like me? Why doesn't he show affection? I feel like I'm going nowhere with this and it makes me feel bad that the animal that I love the most doesn't respect me. Thank you for reading ( excuse my English) Julia
 
Ummm, if you want affection, you are probabably better off with a dog. Horses, don't do what we call affection. You need to treat him like a horse and remember that is what he is.

There is nothing in your post that sounds really terrible. He's probably suggesting a scratch - try offering him the flat of your palm, I have one that likes to lick. As for the whole "respect" thing, what do you actually mean? And the same for "acting hostile" - what do you mean?
 
NZJenny said:
Ummm, if you want affection, you are probabably better off with a dog. Horses, don't do what we call affection. You need to treat him like a horse and remember that is what he is.

There is nothing in your post that sounds really terrible. He's probably suggesting a scratch - try offering him the flat of your palm, I have one that likes to lick. As for the whole "respect" thing, what do you actually mean? And the same for "acting hostile" - what do you mean?
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By affection I mean that I'd liketo be accepted by him, I'd like him to be relaxed when around me and not always on the guard with an expression saying "what is this weirdo going to do now?" He does enjoy his scratches on the back and neck and he gets plenty of them. I've been around horses a long time and he's the first one I own completely. I grew up thinking that one day I would have" a magical wonderful bond" with my own horse but probably that sort of thing does not happen often.. Maybe expecting affection from him is too much but at least I don't want to be afraid to get bitten while not paying attention to him... I want him to have manners, but how do I teach him that?
 
Juliameazza said:
I grew up thinking that one day I would have" a magical wonderful bond" with my own horse but probably that sort of thing does not happen often..
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I feel sad that you are not having what you had hoped for in your horse but it will come eventually. The horse needs to learn respect from you. My horse used to do the licking thing but every now and again he would start mouthing (on my hand for example.) It was him trying to tell me he wanted another mint. Then he would exert a little more pressure until suddenly it hurt but then I would growl at him loudly and he would back off. After a while he learnt that this behaviour wasn't acceptable and he would revert to licking and nibbling but without the pressure exerted previously. Consistency is what teaches horses. A typical horse learns a pattern of behaviour over a certain time but experts say it can take on average sixteen attempts to teach a horse something before it understands and is able to do what you ask it to.

I found that going out on my own on long hacks, having a bit of fun with my horse, sitting in the stable or field with him, going on fun rides just the two of us, - it all helped to build up the partnership. I could turn my horse out tommorow after six months of box rest and know that if I walked into the field after five minutes to go and get him back in he would walk towards me when he saw me coming. And that is a very lovely and special feeling.

Tonight he did the same thing; - I went down the field to check he was warm enough and as soon as he saw me coming he walked over to me, bless him.

My horse never used to let me 'hug' him or give him a 'cuddle' and it took me many years but now he is as gentle as anything, will come to call in the field or stable, will rest his nose in my hands or let me kiss his face or blow raspberries into his nostrils and not move. He still walks backwards if you stand in front of him and put your arms around his neck but I think that is because he likes to look at you more than any other reason.

It was wonderful when he started trusting me and returning the affection but I remember how painful if felt when I didn't feel accepted by him and felt that he didn't love me. It will come hun, just spend as much time as you can, one on one with him.
 
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It was wonderful when he started trusting me and returning the affection but I remember how painful if felt when I didn't feel accepted by him and felt that he didn't love me. It will come hun, just spend as much time as you can, one on one with him.[/QUOTE]

Thank you very much for you reply, your story got my hopes back up. I guess it's just a matter of time and patience, hopefully we'll get there too
 
It isn't a question of respect per se - he needs you to be a leader for him, and by that I mean a calm consistent leader, setting out his boundaries and letting him know without fear or force when he has crossed one. You could do worse than read Mark Rashid's books, or investing in an hour with an Intelligent Horsemanship Recommended Associate who will give you lots of ground work to establish a good relationship.
 
Okay, with a horse, they feel most relaxed and happy when you're a firm 'leader' - it means you're the one that's on the lookout for danger, so they don't have to!! Does that make you feel better about asserting boundaries with him? :)

I do actually have a good bond with my horse. I never thought I would because he was very reserved at the beginning, but I've had him three years now and he's really come out of his shell. He follows me around like a dog, whinnies when I arrive or leave, I can ride him without tack no troubles. I spend a lot of time cuddling and scritching him, which he loves, but he also knows that if he were to put his ears back at me, or try to kick or bite or anything really, there would be consequences! I think knowing where they stand gives a horse security.
 
Juliameazza said:
I've had my 6yrs old now for nearly a year
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This is the other thing - if you've had your 6yr old horse for a year, then you got your horse when he was 5. Five year old horses are comparable to teenagers, and go through a similar teenage rebellion stage. It seems that he is testing you and seeing if he can get you to play something I call the 'bitey game'. A friends horse use to do this to the horses he was yarded next to. He would get them to come up to the fence, then he would start the whole mock-bitey thing, and try and get them to engage in the game. Yes, I think you do need to be firmer with him. And I also think that you have to establish yourself as the 'leader' in your relationship with him. A year is not that long to have established that. If you need help in establishing a leadership role with your horse, please find a very experienced horseman/woman who can help you.
 
Took my mare 1 year to decide I could be her friend you might need more patience you horse may just take longer. She used to hide in the far back corner when I arrived until she decided I could be her friend (with a little help from parelli and Buck videos).

Sounds like you need a few lessons.
 
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Some horses really enjoy human company, some don't. Current horse is akin to an overgrown dog, previous horse, worked and treated in exactly the same way was really not bothered. I expect to build a good relationship with my horses but don't assume I will have a Disney type relationship... My dogs do that!

A 6 year old is a young horse and he needs his boundaries confirmed. Get some proper help with sorting out his ground work and perhaps rethink your expectations. I would also suggest you "might" be expecting more because of the issues you referred to so if you have an issue or bereavement to deal with, look at getting support for that separately.
 
Some horses like fuss and time with their owners, some horses prefer to be worked and fed and left alone.

I also think you need to match your horse's personality like you would your best friend or your husband- you both need some sort of connection if you want that 'bond' with your horse. Just because you are right together on paper doesn't mean you are going to be Best Friends Forever in real life.

Obviously lots of people and horses co-exist together just fine without that bond and can be v.successful together but if you want a closer bond, you may have to accept it's not in your horse's personality.
 
some horses will never be your best mate and trying to force it will only make them more hostile.

my own horse is very very quirky, both to ride and handle and is happiest when im a very firm black/white leader. He enjoys working hard and is happier/easier afterwards but is never going to be a love bug in the stable and faffing over him just irritates him.

affection is on his terms and ive had to learn to accept that. he doesnt much enjoy just being rubbed or scratched but likes to play games with buckets and brushes and chew and mess with things so we compromise on playing with stuff like that.

by contrast my sisters horse adores the bones of her, would walk over fire for her and is generally the most loving and affectionate little chap ive ever met.

like people, they are all different.
 
Prince33Sp4rkle said:
some horses will never be your best mate and trying to force it will only make them more hostile.

my own horse is very very quirky, both to ride and handle and is happiest when im a very firm black/white leader. He enjoys working hard and is happier/easier afterwards but is never going to be a love bug in the stable and faffing over him just irritates him.

affection is on his terms and ive had to learn to accept that. he doesnt much enjoy just being rubbed or scratched but likes to play games with buckets and brushes and chew and mess with things so we compromise on playing with stuff like that.

by contrast my sisters horse adores the bones of her, would walk over fire for her and is generally the most loving and affectionate little chap ive ever met.

like people, they are all different.
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This post describes my last horse and my current horse. The last one really wasn't fussed about people at all. He was aloof and just about tolerated me, not much more. I adored him but he wasn't bothered about fuss and love really. Hated anyone being in his stable with him, again would tolerate me up to a point but never if there was food. Was just him.

The horse I have now is the way PS describes her sis' horse. He is the most loving, affectionate and cute little horse. He follows me around when I poo pick asking for scratches and fuss all the time - he grooms me, he goes into complete ecstasy when you brush him, he just loves being fussed and stroked. I often say he's like a big puppy dog, loves to see you, always greets you. He always feels like he would gladly go to the ends of the earth if I asked him to. However, I'm under no illusions about him - the way he is on the ground is how he is with everyone. He doesn't care who his fuss comes from as long as he gets it. He will accost people out hacking for a fuss and stroke! It really is like having an overly large dog.

They're all different and OP, you have to decide whether you are happy to have him do the job you want but without the affection as I think trying to change him will just pi££ him off!
 
I echo the other in that some horses are very affectionate, and some aren't.

What I have learnt over time though is that having a human friendly horse is something that is important to me. Having an affectionate horse makes the bad times easier to deal with!

The ones I haven't bonded with are the ones I've sold. The ones I have bonded with have stayed in my ownership and will for life.
 
The horse I had the greatest bond with was almost PTS as a 5 year old due to the horrendous napping/rearing/bucking he did. On his good days, riding him was almost like telepathy, on his bad days even trotting a 20m circle was out of the question.

His greatest show of affection was to tuck his head under my arm and have a little scratch and cuddle. This happened about twice a year, never to anyone else, and only if no-one was around to see.

It actually meant more than the constant attention seeking of some horses, and I never minded, it was just how he was.
 
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