I don't know what to do

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Hemirjtm

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I'm so confused at the moment, I won't even consider doing this until we have competed and i see what he can really do, but thoughts keep running around my head, and the thoughts have finally burst, leaving tears running down my cheeks
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they are 'horrible' thoughts, and thoughts that i thought would never come into my head again, but they have....

When i have said anything to my parents, and friends they have always encouraged me to put the thoughts out of my head...but i can't, they are there and probably always will be.

And i just want some outside opinions, as it's really getting me down, and i don't need it right now with all the other problems that seem to be coming up at the moment. I'm 16 for goodness sake, i shouldn't be crying all the time, I should be enjoying myself!

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I have been trying , and trying for ages to get Hemir to work properly, and maybe it's me not riding well enough, but we just don't seem to be getting anywhere...and it's getting me down, some days i get off and just feel like packing things in and never riding again, and others where I don't want to get off as things just seem so right, and i think to myself if i get off, what will go wrong next time. I know we can't always have perfect days, but normally you have more good days than bad, wheras at the moment i seem to be having more bad days than good, which is really getting me down
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I just feel that if i keep going with him I'm going to make myself more miserable, and keep putting myself down about my riding, which is what i do allready, hence why i probably have more bad days than good because i'm too critical of my own riding...

I keep thinking about selling him...and i hate having those thoughts, and this is possibly why i get myself so wound up about everything, because i know deep down i don't want to sell him, but then i think i'm being sensible and making a decision with my head and not following my heart...and then everything gets jumbled up in my head and i can't cope.

It got so bad last year that i nearly gave up then, and i'm not quite at that stage yet, but i'm close, although I've been feeling better in the past few days.

He's the most giving, wonderful horse ever. has an absolutly perfect persoanilty and i really couldn't wish more from him on the ground (now!), and if we're jumping, he will have a go at anything even if I get the striding completly wrong, he's gets me out of a pickle. My mum said to me that she see's such a difference in the way he is when someone else gets on top, which makes me happy but really worried at the same time. Last time i went away for 4 days, mum said he looked all depressed, and wasn't very active...which again makes me realise how special our bond is, and how much i love him, but i'm so distraught at how my riding is, and how he's going, i just don't know anymore...

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I'm not asking you to tell me what i should do, i just would like to know what you think, as you don't really know me or Hemir, so it's easier to take a step back.

I'm sorry if i sound like a drama queen...And if i doesn't make any sense then i'm really sorry, i can hardly see what i'm typing as my eyes are all cloudy and the keyboard is all wet..

thanks for reading
Lauren
 
I think sometimes it is possible to try too hard, and forget why we do this. Unless you are competing professionally it is supposed to be fun. I imagine you are being very hard on yourself and it is difficult to comment without knowing exactly what is going wrong.

So you don't always portray a perfect picture together, never mind. Other people ride better than you - there will always be those who ride better than you.

You are frustrated because you care, that is a good thing, but try to take a step back, relax and stop judging yourself
 
Oh you poor thing. Cry yourself out and then think about it in the morning when you are feeling less emotional.

Do you have an instructor to help you?
 
[ QUOTE ]
You are frustrated because you care, that is a good thing, but try to take a step back, relax and stop judging yourself

[/ QUOTE ]

Add to this the raging hormones of a 16 year old and there you have it. Chill out, horses are frustrating, even the ones that appear to do everything right
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I think being a teenager is absolutely the worse time ever. I People say that being young is the best time, but it isn't for some people. There's too much pressure, too many expectations, too many decisions to make about everything. I wouldn't swap being a teenager again for anything and I am old enough to be your mum. I used to have horrible thoughts go round my head, still do but I can make myself mentally put them in a little box now and shut the lid - try doing that sometimes. It works eventually.

As you get older you get so much less critical of yourself too. Some days my horse and I just don't get on. Some days he is a dream to ride. He would probably say much the same about me if he could. But on the bad days I just get off and have a cup of coffee and a chocolate (which is why I am overweight) and turn him out. I figure there is always tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up about the bad days. I am confused about what your mum means - is she saying that he goes better for you or better for someone else? He sounds like a lovely horse so stick with it and don't be so hard on yourself.

I
 
How about asking for a lesson with a group on a riding school horse for your christmas present from a family member. When you get there and discover how much better you are than the people who just have a lesson every week, then you can go back to your own horse and feel better about yourself. If you have such a good bond with your lad then the rest will come. Are you having problems in any other area of your life? The reaction you describe is a bit extreeme and |I wonder if there is anything else worrying you.
 
I know i'm too critical on myself but I have always been, and want to do well.

When he was off for a few months, i did ride in a group, and actually felt good about myself after every lesson!! I feel good after every lesson I have with Hemir too, but at the moment we don't have a car that can tow the trailer (broke down on the road last night!), so lessons with him are out! And i have only just recently started having private ones after not having lessons for about 5 months...And the RI didn't have anything to say about the way i ride, just ways to improve Hemir.

I think i am probably very emotional at the moment, and yes there are loads of things going on that i know full well i shouldn't be worrying about, but things have happened in the past that I can't let go of, so i worry about too much, and shoudl stop!

It's not really problems as such, just everything going wrong! So perhaps this extremness does come from those, and i just need someone to tell me to stop being silly, and help me realise that it's not all about be perfect everytime!!

thanks everyone, tomorrow i'm just going to have fun and take him out for some good gallops accross the fields!!
 
I had some issues with Baron last year, I felt I was getting no where with what I was trying to achieve and was on the verge of selling him (I even wrote the advert and started looking for a new horse). I cried my eyes out every time I talked about selling him but I had decided it was the best thing. I posted my situation on here and almost every reply advised selling him was the best thing. The only person who told me not to sell him was my instructor. She could see so much good in him and told me I would be thowing away a fanastic horse.

Whilst that thought was in my head I lost all motivation, also when I was trying to sort out the 'issue' I felt I was making it worse, because I though please just stop it and i wont have to sell you.

So I set myself a time limit. I did carry on working on his 'issue' (I keep saying issue, the issue was napping), but instead of this being my main goal I decided to work on what he was best at. I this time we came on so much and I realised that the napping wasnt such an issue after all, making the most of what he did best, and what I also enjoyed rather than picking at the bad bits made me realise how special he was and if I sold him I could end up with something with other issues or something I didnt click with.

I have now formed a fantastic bond with him, and his napping has improved and I have leart how to handle it. He will be getting a proffesional to finish off the work in the summer.

I think if you dont already, perhaps you should have some lessons. Work on is best bits and make them better, that way you will have a focus and can enjoy his best bits whilst working on the bits you dont enjoy so much.

Perhaps I am on a different wavelength, but I feel that I felt just like you not so long ago. You have felt like it for a while though so I would set a timelimit and stick to it, if you still feel the same after that perhaps it is best to sell. You dont have to listen to what others are telling you to do, not everyone clicks with the same horse. It may be that he is the perfect horse for someone else, just not right for you.

Follow your heart, and good luck x
 
The thing is I feel as though i do click with him, and enjoy him so much...have worked through all his issues, the bucking, the rearing, the spooking at everything (including his own shadow), running in the opposite direction and the sight of a motorbike, the moving around whilst being groomed and tacked up, going from a pelham to a straight bar snaffle...I stayed on and carried on, but now I'm trying to get him to work properly, using his back end and he just doesn't seem to understand what i'm asking, have tried different ways of asking. I even put spurs on the other day to try and get him to react to my leg a bit more, but trying to do basic circles was not easy and in the end i gave up and did some leg yielding, and some turn on the forehands/hind quarters! And a bit of shoulders in/out!! His strong poing is jumping, he loves it, and we just seem to work well together when jumping...but i can't jump from now until end of jan/feb as it's too wet unless the car gets fixed....but it could be very expensive!

I might just hack him out for the next few months and then when the field dries a bit, start working him again!
 
Im sure 50% of the people on this forum can associate with how you feel right now, dont give up on him now that youve started trying to achieve something and forget about selling him the only thing you will achieve by doing this is probably make yourself wonder "What if" later on.
Im sure theres loads of really knowledgeable people on the forum would be more than happy to share some great tips for getting your horse working properly, or even where theres an instructor in your area that could come to you. I have a great instructor who gave me tips about getting my first "Problem" horse tracking up and accepting the bit and its stuff i apply now to all my horses as a schooling routine just mix it all up to make it more interesting. But always bear in mind start easy and when your happy youve got something right move onto something a little harder, if it doesnt work go back a step until it comes right. OOoo and always finish with something your BOTH good at so you can finish on a high, it always makes you want to go back for more.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I think sometimes it is possible to try too hard, and forget why we do this. Unless you are competing professionally it is supposed to be fun. I imagine you are being very hard on yourself and it is difficult to comment without knowing exactly what is going wrong.

So you don't always portray a perfect picture together, never mind. Other people ride better than you - there will always be those who ride better than you.

You are frustrated because you care, that is a good thing, but try to take a step back, relax and stop judging yourself

[/ QUOTE ]


I was thinking exactly this as I read the OP. I think we must be of similar age..........

I honestly feel that all you youngsters (and by that I mean anybody under 30!!!!!!!) MUST try to remember that at the end of the day the reason we have these gorgeous, expensive, time consuming beasts is because we just love being with them and have fun riding them.

Sometimes fabulous people and fabulous horses come together and it all works and they are brilliant and go on to win Rolex Grand Slams and it's all a fairy tale. Other times pretty good riders get with pretty good horses and have a pretty successful time. Most of the time OK riders get with OK horses and have a fabulous time because they love it. I don't think the horses mind if they're not winning Olympic medals to be honest - they have different agendas (mostly based around food and freedom if you ask me!!).

Everybody shares one thing though - if the fun goes out of something it becomes a chore. We then work hard to get the chores out of the way so we can have some fun.

If you don't know what to do, I wouldn't do anything. Just chill and see what you think in a few days, weeks or months time.
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jelibean - I live in France, so when i go to have lessons I have to travel an hour to get decent ones, where i actually learn something! I went to one that was really close, before i got mys horse, and all i was doing was jumping, sor for over 2years i stopped learning, gained confidence jumping and could get on anything and ride it! but did not learn at all
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I was in the top group at that riding school...and found it quite easy
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But because they spoke english and i had made friends there i didn't want to find somewhere else. When i first got Hemir there was a woman that used to teach in England who came and helped me (gave lessons for free!) but she had to stop coming to my house as she became very ill, but hopefully when the car is sorted i will start to have lessons with her aswell as a private once a month and then 3 group lessons a month (possibly more, depending on timings and all sorts of other stuff), but this won't be sorted out until next year!

Thankyou for your help, i really do appreciate it, and i think everything just got me down earlier, and I needed to let off steam, and get silly thoughts out of my system....and tell someone about it!!

I think i will drop everything for a few months and just hack out, then see how we are and how I am feeling! I'm sure i will be better after a few good gallops with tears creeping down my face because he is going so fast the wind is hurting my eyes!!! I really need to start appreciating just how far he has come...not regretting that i could have done more with him!!

thanks
xx
 
To be honest, I had these feelings with one horse I had. Although I loved him to pieces (he also had a wonderful temp etc.) and we got on well on the ground, once on board we just didn't gel that well. I refused to sell him for ages because I saw it as giving up. But I realised that if I wasn't happy then neither was he. I finally decided to sell him to a really nice home which I believe he's happy in. I miss his personality a lot, but in the end realised it was better for both of us. I then got my current horse who I've clicked with, which is a wonderful feeling. You have to find a horse who gels with you under saddle and then you should be able to enjoy riding again! I know it's so hard to sell, but IMO having been through the same sort of thing as you - it worked out better in the end.

If you do decide to carry on with him (totally understandable) then like others have said, just chill out and go hacking or jumping for a while.
 
OK well I agree you need to step back from the situation you are in for a while and start to breath again!
It seems you maybe trying to hard to please yourself, as silly as that may seem!
You are beating yourself up over things that really you don't need to!
I must admit i was like that with my pony Timmy this time last year!
I got to the point where i didn't even want to go to the yard to see him!
It wasn't that i didn't love him or care for him, just i couldn't see a way out of this situation!
When i rode him he would spin and buck and rodeo trying to get me off, my friend would ride him and get 2nd in a dressage competion!
I had him for a year and in that year i tried everything i could possibly think of because i kept blamming myself for the way he went, the way he was etc.
It was my fault!
Everyone said he loves you to pieces on the ground, which he did, but i got up on top and the trust just seemed to vanish!
My instructor used to say, ride him like a rider, and not his mummy!
He was 5 years old and just saw me as a play thing!
After coming off for the final time!
My husband said, its no good you are just not having fun with this pony!
So he said put him up for sale!
As i was writing out the advert i was in tears and couldnt bare the thought of timmy going to an owner that wouldnt understand him and beat him for doing wrong etc.
But a nice lady and her kids have him now!
He goes hunting, show jumping affiliated, dressage, fun rides, etc.
All the stuff i dreamed about doing, he does now!
I am so greatful i sold him to a great family and i now have my new horse!
Which is great, we have bonded well and i love him to bits, i wonder and think about timmy every day!
But i know he is ok and doing well, i have started a fresh with my new boy and we are getting on great!
Dont beat yourself up over things, just take a breather from it all, and think about what you really want from your relationship with your horse!
If it is making you so unhappy perhaps this is not the right horse for you!
Dont rush into any decisions yet!
Just stop and think, and what is supposed to happen will be!
 
Please don't be so hard on yourself. 16 is a terrible age - I wouldn't want to swap with you and I am almost 50 with two grandchildren! At your age, you are expected to be doing your best to be good at everything - as you get older, you realise that not everyone can be top class. You obviously have done wonders with Hemir, so take a step back and enjoy him - get out hacking/hunting or whatever and stop trying so hard, just have fun! Do something you both enjoy. Give yourself a hug and next time you go to ride - have a blast!
 
thankyou

everyone has made me feel a lot better, and i know i have to lighten up a bit and just remember why i ride...for me it's not easy as i just want to do well, but i'm going to try....we'll see what the future holds, I'm not making any strict plans as i will just get even more stressed and it will become even harder to want to ride, i need to want to ride again, not feel as though i have to ride.

I feel silly writing very personal things on a forum, but it's a lot easier than talking to someone i actually know.

I'm going to inquire about hunting around here, not sure of anywhere that does it though, I'm sure they do, i just need to look harder!! I'm sure he would thoroughly enjoy hunting, he lives for hacking and jumping!!
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I'm going to go and ride now, will most probably come back with a smile on my face and wonder why i even have thoughts of selling him
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But i think i just needed to have a good cry and write things down.....and I want to say a big thankyou to everyone that has read and replyed
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Now i have to work out how not to be frustrated at myself after feeling as though i didn't ride very well!!

Lauren
xxx
 
i am usually quite a harsh person and would be inclined to tell you to get a grip - however, bless your heart !! calm down about it all just chill out as getting yourself in a tizz wont help at all apart form upsetting yourself.

Have lessons - and if you are already having lessons change instructor as by the sounds of it you need some help even if only in your confidence skills before working on your technical riding ability.

Don't you dare give up - you will regret it very very much further down the line.

Make your riding fun again, go out for some hacks on your own and with friends, go for a gallop - enjoy yourself and stop stressing about getting it 100% right 100% of the time you will only do your own head in!!

Try to be more positive, keep a record or diary of all your session listing a good thing that came out of it e.g. got a great collected trot and 1 thing to build on next time e.g need to work more on transitions next schooling session. Don't focus on the bad it will only get your down like it seems to have done.

Chin up !!
 
I know how you feel!

I took over my arab 3.5yrs ago from my mum who'd owned her for 6yrs before and had come to the end of her tether with her and now I am at the end of mine.

She is an angel on the ground with not a bad bone in her body but we don't gel at all ridden. She does everything she can to evade (she is very well schooled if a little rusty) yet a random can get on and she'll go like a dream - until she susses them out but this takes weeks of constant riding her which no one else does on her.

She also weaves very badly (for no apparent reason and we have tried EVERYTHING trust me) so that the muscle under her neck is buldging and she "pops" the muscles at her withers.

I really hate her sometimes and I've never felt this way about a horse before. I'd written out the For Sale add yesterday morning it was so bad but as she's now 20 (doesn't look or act it) I don't think I would feel right selling her. I know how much she drives me insane and i think I'm pretty laid back so I'd worry myself sick incase I'd judged someone wrong and she ended up with someone a bit more "emotional" etc. She really does drive me/previously my mum to despair.

I posted on here about her and through that someone pm'd me interested in exercising her. They seem to like her and come out a couple of times a week but I still can't cope with her every am/pm winding all my other horses up and just being an absolute idiot. I would love to find a long term loan home for her but she is also such high maintaince (teeth probs and photosensitive) that I worry no one else would care for her as well - not being big headed.

So sorry for rambling on - probably no help at all to you but just to let you know you're not alone.

You said you do click with your horse (I don't with this one) so perhaps just say you'll reassess the situation in teh spring when everything is lighter and brighter and meanwhile take the pressure off yourself. If you've no transport then use that as an excuse not to compete and then make things fun instead of training all the time and beating yourself up.

Big hugs hun, I hope you manage to get something sorted
 
Sorry you feel like this, trust me your not alone. Pip is the most frustration pony in the world. He randomly forgets how to steer for example, totally, then the next day he will try his heart out. On days when he is being a complete div I either end up finghting him, or if I remember to breathe and think we go for a good gallop, or just a quick hack round the field. It makes you feel better, you might not have got him to go nicely but boy did you have a good time.
Remeber also it takes a while for horses to get used to working well. This time last year Pip needed 45 mins work, to get a few laps of some lovely trot. Now he hardly needs warming up, and he is always sane atleast. Keep working at it, it will come and he will get more consistant.
 
i no exactly how you feel, i have spent a year with my current horse(over a year actually) and we have gone backwards, he just stopped it being fun for me, he is so talented and every now again is fantastic but his bad days started out numbering the good ones, the final straw came for me when he was awful in some sj training with the school, he is an amazing jumper but just pissed around the whole time and its not fun for me. so i have decided to sell him now so i can have fun again on a new horse. im not saying you should sell your horse though, give it a bit longer over the next few months and see if you enjoy him again. but seriously i can relate to you so much my horse was having me in teers all the time but now i have realised i just need to try and not think about it too much if he gets me down. you can pm me if you like.
 
Chin up - it seems we all know how you feel so don't worry. I remember when I was 16 sitting on the bales of straw crying my eyes out because I couldn't even get my horse down the drive (it was a long drive though
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) - let alone clicking in the saddle so you're doing much better than I was then and probably am now! Have some fun with your horse and forget about the rest. Everyone takes riding so seriously and it shouldn't be like that. NEVER make your hobby a chore, I have done that in the past with other things and now I wish I hadn't. If you find yourself feeling this way further down the line may be you should consider selling but give yourself and your H a chance and remember you won't always click with every horse, just like you won't with some people
 
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