I don't know what to do...

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SnowGo

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I am a long time lurker but have signed up today to try and get some advice as I am currently at a loss with what to do. Sorry is this is long and disorganised.

Over the past few months horse ownership has stopped being an enjoyable or even mildly rewarding pastime. Every day I am faced with a horse that ignores my existence yet is friendly to most other people. I could deal with her aloofness when she was ridden as watching her improve into a honest jumper who hacked out nicely and was going well on the flat was reward enough in itself. However in the past 6 months, since we have moved to a dream yard, I have ridden about 15 times.

In all fairness to her this is not her fault. She has had a string of lost shoes (and therefore sore feet) and an abscess that has only just started to clear up properly. I would not mind her being out of work if I enjoyed her company. But I do not. She is not rude on the ground but we do not click and can get on each others nerves. This is something that I have never experienced with a horse before, even the crankiest of ones there was a least a feeling of respect there- and with most I would be counting down the minutes until I could see them again.

I am aware that my attitude does not help the problem but even when I first had her and tried there was nothing there to feel. She was just some horse that I looked after and rode.

In the end I have decided that it is fairer if we go our separate ways, but i am stumped with how to go about this. it is coming into winter and due to her being out of work she is unfit and much of the work that has gone into her has gone a bit to pot. I would be unable to show her off to the best of her ability and she would be unlikely to sell, and with all the horses flooding the market i doubt that she would be wanted if given away.

It is unkind for her to stay with someone who ,quite frankly, has to force themselves to go look after her, but I don't know how to go about it.

Help? :confused:
 
As you said, now is not the best time to sell a horse - particularly one that is currently out of work. If you are determined to move her on then maybe project horses could be worth a try.

Alternatively keep her over the winter doing plenty of ground work with her. Come the spring you may feel differently about her but if not you should at least have a horse that is back in wok.
 
No, I don't think she's that bad. She can be lovely. But i'm aware that its coming into winter, she's out of work and the market is bad at the moment.
 
You do have options without having to give her away, do you have an instructor that can help or an experienced friend, look into sales livery it may not be to everyones liking but I do it and it works well for a busy owner or someone like you that has lost their way, just because the horse is a "problem" to you does not mean it will be for the right person.
 
Honestly, I'd keep her til spring, work her or ask a friend to work her and get her fit. Maybe try different stuff with her, like inhand showing or something, just to keep contact with her. Either that or look to loan her out possibly?

I would prefer personally to sell than to loan. I think horses are selling ok, tho, so do an amazing advert and see how it goes.
 
I'll have a look into project horses or a sale livery. The problem being at the moment if that I can't seem to get her into work for more than a week or so before something goes wrong again, so I'm struggling to get her fit enough.
 
Could you advertise for a sharer? Someone that could come and care for her and ride her at least half of the time. Then see how it goes. Once the pressure is off you you may feel differently about her. If not, at least the sharer will have done some work with her? Some mares can be aloof. I have had a couple of them in the past. Both were loans and so it didn't matter as I could give them back. It put me off mares though until I got my current one. She is my horse of a lifetime and wipes the floor with any gelding I have had. Now I would always go for a mare out of preference, but would be very very careful that we clicked first.
 
Is she your first horse and did you always feel like this. To be honest you sound depressed and I wonder if it's really the horse. Sorry to be blunt but I can't think of any other way to say it.

My new mare is frankly horrible quite a lot of the time but I can see chinks of improvement every day and despite her oddness I love her and I'm glad I have her as I think in the wrong home she would be an utter nightmare.
 
Wagtail said:
Could you advertise for a sharer? Someone that could come and care for her and ride her at least half of the time. Then see how it goes. Once the pressure is off you you may feel differently about her. If not, at least the sharer will have done some work with her? Some mares can be aloof. I have had a couple of them in the past. Both were loans and so it didn't matter as I could give them back. It put me off mares though until I got my current one. She is my horse of a lifetime and wipes the floor with any gelding I have had. Now I would always go for a mare out of preference, but would be very very careful that we clicked first.
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We can't have sharers on the yard, plus if she's barely rideable then a sharer would never be able to ride her so there isn't much point.

FfionWinnie said:
Is she your first horse and did you always feel like this. To be honest you sound depressed and I wonder if it's really the horse. Sorry to be blunt but I can't think of any other way to say it.

My new mare is frankly horrible quite a lot of the time but I can see chinks of improvement every day and despite her oddness I love her and I'm glad I have her as I think in the wrong home she would be an utter nightmare.
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She's the first horse that I own but I've loaned a lot previously. I've felt like this most of the time I've had her and the move to this new yard was her last chance incase it was the old yard being the problem (full livery, a long way from me). The only improvement is that I don't need to get other people to go catch her for me now.
I've had depression in the past but don't feel like I do currently, just very worn down from one problem after another with her. I enjoy the company of every other horse on the yard, but not her.
 
I am aware that my attitude does not help the problem but even when I first had her and tried there was nothing there to feel. She was just some horse that I looked after and rode.
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Why on earth did you buy her, if you didn't like her from the start?

Please don't think that I am being mean, I'm just trying to understand what's happened here.

I also think that you are anthropomorphising her too much.

Anyway - action plan. Firstly I would take a good look at her hooves. Are her toes long? If 'yes', this could be why she has lost so many shoes and had an abscess. So get a better Farrier if that's the case.

Then you need to get her working nicely over the winter. If you still want to sell her in the Spring, the market will be improving and she will be nicely schooled and ready to sell. :)
 
Faracat said:
Why on earth did you buy her, if you didn't like her from the start?

Please don't think that I am being mean, I'm just trying to understand what's happened here.

I also think that you are anthropomorphising her too much.

Anyway - action plan. Firstly I would take a good look at her hooves. Are her toes long? If 'yes', this could be why she has lost so many shoes and had an abscess. So get a better Farrier if that's the case.

Then you need to get her working nicely over the winter. If you still want to sell her in the Spring, the market will be improving and she will be nicely schooled and ready to sell. :)
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I did like her at the start. She seemed friendly and enthusiastic, and ticked the boxes for me. I didn't expect to click with her straight away, she spent 9 years of her life with the people who bred her before me and everything was new for her, but I never got very close to her.

Hoof wise she has quite compact hooves, no long toes. We did switch farriers recently because I didn't like what he was doing with her feet. I haven't had any problems with the recent one until a few days ago when she threw a shoe within 24 hours of it being put on. She overreaches though and had just come off box rest, so it was bound to happen.
 
This is a big thing to admit imho, I had a similar experience with my first horse. She was only ever just a horse to me, and I would never have a mare again because the lack of a bond was heartbreaking. My parents bought her for me, I would never have picked her myself. I think once you have admitted it to yourself, it's time to move her on for both your sakes. I'd echo some of the other comments. Project horses or sales livery if you can't bear it any more, put some time in and sell next spring if you can. I did the latter, it would have been the best outcome for both of us if she hadn't injured herself the day before pickup by her new owner. Don't beat yourself up about it, you can't force that 'click'.
 
SadKen said:
This is a big thing to admit imho, I had a similar experience with my first horse. She was only ever just a horse to me, and I would never have a mare again because the lack of a bond was heartbreaking. My parents bought her for me, I would never have picked her myself. I think once you have admitted it to yourself, it's time to move her on for both your sakes. I'd echo some of the other comments. Project horses or sales livery if you can't bear it any more, put some time in and sell next spring if you can. I did the latter, it would have been the best outcome for both of us if she hadn't injured herself the day before pickup by her new owner. Don't beat yourself up about it, you can't force that 'click'.
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Thank you. I was starting to think I was a horrible person who couldn't be bothered with her any more. If I can get hold of the farrier (i think he's on holiday) then I'll try to work her. I am prepared to spend the time, it just seems very futile at the moment.
 
Sorry but please do not take this the wrong way. I am a bit long in the tooth and have had a life time of horses. If I could have my time over again and I was in the same boat as you I would have the horse pts.
You will be spending more money on a sale livery, more time and money trying to do it yourself and be honest with yourself do you really want to do this? Just move on and put it down to experience.
You sound really down at the whole job. Stand back and write down the plus and the cons of the horse.

Had a friend over for a few days, had a good chat over her horse and my horses and have agreed its time to call it a day. She is getting a young girl to take the management and the care of her horse on, with my friend overseeing this. I had three Stallions and down to two now, had one pts not long ago. My husband has offered to buy me another of the same breed but for once in my life I have said no. I do love my horses but I have lost that tingly feeling in my chest when I see horses, that longing I have always had, its gone. I will still keep my two lads but no more. Enjoy your youth and do not get burdened with something that can be sorted.
 
bobajob said:
Sorry but please do not take this the wrong way. I am a bit long in the tooth and have had a life time of horses. If I could have my time over again and I was in the same boat as you I would have the horse pts.
You will be spending more money on a sale livery, more time and money trying to do it yourself and be honest with yourself do you really want to do this? Just move on and put it down to experience.
You sound really down at the whole job. Stand back and write down the plus and the cons of the horse.

Had a friend over for a few days, had a good chat over her horse and my horses and have agreed its time to call it a day. She is getting a young girl to take the management and the care of her horse on, with my friend overseeing this. I had three Stallions and down to two now, had one pts not long ago. My husband has offered to buy me another of the same breed but for once in my life I have said no. I do love my horses but I have lost that tingly feeling in my chest when I see horses, that longing I have always had, its gone. I will still keep my two lads but no more. Enjoy your youth and do not get burdened with something that can be sorted.
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I think this says more about you bobajob than either OP or her horse.

I often read threads on here and think that the best option would be pts when many are saying try this that or the other but certainy wouldn't say pts in this case, there is nothing wrong with the mare.

When I bought my mare, she had been in that home for about 7 months, neither she nor the owners were happy. She has settled in here beautifully and now shows us lots of character and affection. There is probably a super home waiting for your mare, very likely not on a livery yard, if she had lived with her breeder all her life prior to you. As others have said, either put her on Project Horses now or get her fit and sell her in Spring.
Just bear in mind that if you put her on Project Horses, you will not get back what you paid for her.
 
I'm sorry but pts a healthy horse because you aren't enjoying it anymore????? Are you serious?
I have no words......

Op if she keeps pulling shoes then maybe keep shoes off her and get done boots then you don't have to worry about her stopping working everytime she pulls one, and you don't have to spend a fortune every few weeks.
My lami kept pulling shoes the got an abcess that came out of three holes so we couldn't put a shoe on him. He now has boots while he is growing a good hoof and then we are keeping shoes off him.

Why has she been off work alot?

Mares aren't as cuddly as geldings. My 21 year old mare can be very stand off ish. She is an alpha mare and after 12 years of owning her she is still the same. Only when she is ill does she want a cuddle. The rest of the time I get the 'get the hell off me' look when I want a cuddle.

There are a few mares the same up my yard and the owners know that it's just them.
 
Bottom line is this horse is your responsibility and none of this is her fault. Stop thinking about yourself for a second and start thinking about how you are going to get her a good, caring home. She sounds like she just needs getting sound and some good schooling. If you can't do this, then you will need to get someone else in to do it for you, or vet a project horses home very carefully to make sure the buyer is capable of managing her not just some numpty who wants a cheap horse.

Sorry to be harsh, you do sound a bit depressed, but she needs you to look after her as she has no one else.
 
Life is not simple is it. You sound overwhelmed, tired and absolutely exhasted. You've also had a string of bad luck which makes it all seem such an enormous problem, one after another. Don't make a decision when you feel like this. Rough her off for the Winter or put her on loan and/or get a sharer for the next 6 months, then reevaluate. If you still feel the same (and believe me, I understand this ... take a look at my signature) then make a decision then. You need a break and a rest - it will improve your outlook. Take care xxx
 
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You don't always click with horses, I don't really get on with my sister's tb.
I think that if you and the horse don't click and are not enjoying each other then something does need to change.
Options really depend on your exact situation including finances.
You could spend a couple of months getting her fit and up to a level where she's going to sell well then buy yourself something else you do click with.
Sell now but loose some of the money you spent on her - she would sell, but as a project rather than a 'ready' horse, there are homes out there for this sort of horse, websites such as 'project horse' are designed for them
Loan her out and buy something else for you, but risk having 2 to look after should she come back to you
 
wow, pts because you don't click with a horse and don't enjoy her company? weird suggestion bobajob?? (then again IMO you often post slightly odd threads, always emphasising that you are in a position to do what you want with horses etcetc but quick to suggest pts, they are animals not toys ffs!, sorry for the sidetrack!)


If you can afford it sales livery is a good way to go if you want her schooled enough to sell on but be realistic about the amount it would add to her value versus the amount paid on livery.

When you say you have had depression but not like this it really suggests to me that you are very depressed. It would also seem that having a horse to own maybe doesn't suit you, you say you have had many on loan, perhaps this is the route to stick to if you can't mentally manage the idea of having a horse on and off work. Not saying this to be mean, I suffer from depression myself but my horse is one of the things that keeps me going and gives me a sense of control but this obviously isn't the case for you.
 
Frankly I would advise giving yourself a shake and getting on with making it work with your mare. Every horse will teach you something if you are open to the experience, give yourself 6 months to learn all you can from her. She will get over this patch of lameness and you will get going again and then be in a better position to find the right home for her. You might surprise yourself and not be able to part with her. :cool:
 
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bobajob said:
Sorry but please do not take this the wrong way. I am a bit long in the tooth and have had a life time of horses. If I could have my time over again and I was in the same boat as you I would have the horse pts.
You will be spending more money on a sale livery, more time and money trying to do it yourself and be honest with yourself do you really want to do this? Just move on and put it down to experience.
You sound really down at the whole job. Stand back and write down the plus and the cons of the horse.

Had a friend over for a few days, had a good chat over her horse and my horses and have agreed its time to call it a day. She is getting a young girl to take the management and the care of her horse on, with my friend overseeing this. I had three Stallions and down to two now, had one pts not long ago. My husband has offered to buy me another of the same breed but for once in my life I have said no. I do love my horses but I have lost that tingly feeling in my chest when I see horses, that longing I have always had, its gone. I will still keep my two lads but no more. Enjoy your youth and do not get burdened with something that can be sorted.
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How callous can you get? I've heard it all now. Put a horse to sleep (that OP clearly says is fine with other people) because of a personality clash? :eek:

Nasty.
 
Blimey bobajob!! PTS a healthy horse just because you don't get on?? God help any poor horse who end up with you with an attitude of "god I can't be bothered, I'll just have you destroyed, that's easier"! Have you ever heard of selling?!!

Shocking!

To be hones OP it sounds like you possibly rushed in to buying as, in my experience you know whether the horse is the right one for you. I have only had one who i did not click with at all when I tried him BUT I was 16 and he was being bought as a jumping pony for me. I just didn't really get a feel for him but as he too "ticked all the boxes" at the time, we got him.

Turned out he wasn't up to the job at all as was too neurotic. I still have him though 18 years on! :)

If she's really not for you then the best thing you can do for her and you is to sell her to someone who she does suit and spend more time looking for a horse you do click with. I have to say though not all horses are going to come running across the field to you or whicker when they see you but you need to look for what's right for you.
 
Actually I think Bobajob has a good point and some of you are being rather harsh.

It may not be what I would do, but let's remember we have an out of work mare, who has been out of work for some time due to a number of issues. The OP has rightly admitted she is almost worthless as is.

She has a few options, that includes selling livery or waiting until spring. Only the OP know if the mare is likely to now stay sound long enough to make her a marketable purchase.

Personally I would never sell a 'project' horse unless it was a youngster (under 7)as it rarely works out well for the horse IMHO.

If it where just a personality clash then of course you would not consider PTS, but in her current condition the mare has virtually zero commercial value (going from what we know only on this post and the OPs own admission). In those cases PTS is always an option, and often better that the alternative.
 
OP I say stop feeling guilty. You feel however you feel and there's nothing wrong with that. You provide for her physical needs, which is more than a neglected horse gets and there's plenty of those. If others on the yard get on with her it suggests she gets some fussing from humans and even if she doesn't she's a horse not a human and if she has equine company in the field she'll likely be fine. So, no guilt necessary. You're not allowed sharers in your used but what about a full loan, because that is swapping you for another person rather than being an extra person? You could keep her on full livery and get the loaner to pay the extra over and above the DIY cost. It costs you the same, you'll have no yard work to do and the horse gets some work to help make her saleable. I know it means you're using someone over the winter then selling the horse on after they've put the work in, but in return they get full use of a horse over winter with no yard jobs to do and at a fraction of the true cost of horse ownership.
 
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