I don't know what to do :(

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Grumpymoo

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I am going against everything I have previously said and I am thinking about selling my horse. I have admitted it to myself finally that I am terrified of him. I can handle him groom etc and its fine. But if I ride etc i just hate it and spend the time petrified.

I don't know what to do. I don't think I can let him go but I can't keep on like this. I just want something quiet to hack out on. :(
 
Have you got an instructor who can work with you and your confidence issues and his behaviour (assuming he isn't greatly behaved)?
My mare used to be like this, and I had lost my confidence so severely I couldn't even load off off the box when she arrived :( but I pushed myself and worked on my horse knowing what I had to do (many times there were tears and tantrums) but eventually we progressed together and now I hack her alone along with many other things!
It is a decision you have to make, and if it isn't going to work then selling could be the best decision for both of you but if you want it to work then maybe get some professional help to work with you together?
Good luck :)
 
I haven't read about your horse or the problems you're having with him however if this is the decision you've come to then onwards and upwards is what I say. I fail to understand those who continually scare themselves with their horses and find no joy in owning horses that are unsuitable for them as I am of the view that if the horse doesn't fit you then find it a home where it will be happy with a rider who is confident to get the best from it, and you go on to find your perfect partner. Horse ownership is too expensive to be fretting every time you go to do anything with your horse. Good luck finding a nice home for your chap and best wishes finding a quiet horse that will be all you're looking for it to be :)
 
agree with everything Spring Feather said. Horses cost us so much and not just in terms of time and money but emotional input. Your horse who scares you for whatever reason will be just the right sort for someone else and there will be a horse thats wrong for another person and perfect for you.

Mine is very young, can be sharp, is green but I feel quite safe riding him and he gives me a tremendous amount of enjoyment both on and off him. Nothing pleasurable when the untacking is the best bit of the ride...
 
There is no shame in admiting that a horse is not right for you. Both you and the horse will be happier in a more enjoyable circumstance. Whether that is with your horse in a new home or you having worked through your issues sucessfully.
Is there someone independent (horsey friend, instructor etc.) who could give you their opinion on whether the issues are fixable or not? Sometimes it's difficult to be in the middle and see clearly.
I sold one when my circumsatances changed who had been perfect but turned into a nightmare (for me) when I couldn't ride every day. He went to a great home with a teenager and I got myself a lovely boy who was just the same whether I'd riddern once or five times in the week
Good luck with your decision
 
So sorry to hear this, but once you have got to this stage, i would say you have to go with your gut feeling. A horse is a very expensive and hobby, and to not enjoy riding yours means it is the wrong horse for you.

Good luck x
 
Being too scared to enjoy your horse is miserable for you and him. Making the decision to sell is the hardest bit. Make it your goal to get some good photo's of him at his best and advertise him widely. If you can find him the right owner and if you see that they suit each other, it'll be a relief and you'll wonder why you didn't do it ages ago.
Wouldn't it be great for your boy to be in a home where his rider feels confident and enthusiastic when riding him ? He'd love it.
Loving and keeping a horse for life are two different things. Sometimes loving your horse means letting it go so they can enjoy being a really useful horse.

Before buying another horse, take a good look around and if possible ride a few safe, sane hacks belonging to friends or a good RS/trekking centre etc, so that you remember what fun having a horse you click with, is.
The problem is not you or your horse. Its just being mismatched. Be open to breed and type, just follow your gut instinct and when you are in the right saddle, you'll feel you've come home.
 
I don't know what problems you've been having, but would you consider having him re-trained by a behaviourial trainer, like an Intelligent Horsemanship instructor who would either come to you or have him at her/his yard?

You can't carry on the way you are as it is not only costing you money to keep a horse you are frightened to ride, but it's not fair on the horse to be allowed to frighten you. You could try sending him to a reputable yard on sales livery. They could sort him out and sell him for you - but ask around make sure they are reputable .

It also takes courage to admit you are frightened to ride your horse.
 
I am torn as to what to do as I know that most of his problems are because of me. I am fine on the ground with him and if he misbehaves I can put him in his place etc. He has napped badly with me on his own which is what started the whole problem. I am not nearly a confident enough rider which is the issue. We don't have a school here and I am not moving yards as I love it so much, and there is not really anyone to ride with at the moment but by the summer there should be someone to hack out with. I should have never have bought a five year old welsh gelding after such a long break from riding. :(

I love him so much but I need to start making serious progress or just give up. I was going to get an instructor but I don't think I could even get on him now :/
 
I sent him off to someone previously for schooling and long story short it turned out they charged me for five weeks work and basically done nothing with him and tried to fob me off with lies so I would not want to go trough that again and I know my husband would refuse to pay for anything like that. I have ploughed so much money into him I need to stop and make a decision.

A friend has said she might be interested so will have a chat with her. I do have two friends I share a yard with who have offered to help with him so I might let them help over the winter and see how he goes then make the decision in spring as to whether I keep at it or sell.

I am just dying to get on and have an enjoyable hack where I can have a little canter and some fun.

Thank you everyone for your input xx
 
TBF, you've choosen a very tough scenerio for getting to grips with a young Welsh D with no school or hacking buddies. That would challenge all but the most confident riders.
Don't blame yourself, he's young and has many years ahead of him. He'll be fine.
 
I am so sorry you are having problems. If you think it is you causing the scenario take up your friends offer to ride him if you think they are confident enough to push him through any tantrums or if he is nervous to give him confidence.

Failing this how about getting a freelance trainer/instructor to come and ride for you, or you could try advertising for someone confident to share him with you. Someone may be dying to get back into the saddle. In the meantime you could have few lessons on a school master to improve your confidence. If he gets out and about a bit and expending some energy, you could then start having a walk around the field on him. Perhaps you could go out on foot with someone else riding him and swap half way?

Don't put any time restraints on yourself. Just take it day by day. If you still cant get over your fear then consider loaning him out or selling, but do not beat yourself up or feel bad about it.

I hope things improve soon
 
Grumpymoo said:
A friend has said she might be interested so will have a chat with her. I do have two friends I share a yard with who have offered to help with him so I might let them help over the winter and see how he goes then make the decision in spring as to whether I keep at it or sell.

I am just dying to get on and have an enjoyable hack where I can have a little canter and some fun.

Thank you everyone for your input xx
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I would have a chat to your friend if she is interested. It might be the best thing for him and you if he went onto a new home. Any problems now are most likely going to escalate over the winter, and if you're already at the point where you daren't even get on if you found an instructor, then thats not much of a fun hobby for you.. Don't let your heart rule your head, you seem to be saying that your gut instinct is to sell. You could end up with him in a more confident home that does him a lot of good, an yourself with a calmer more fun horse that you get out and about on.. Better situation for all of you.xx
 
Many years ago a friend bought a young horse and he scared the life out of her. He had only just been broken in and was very green. She decided to sell him. In the meantime we agreed that she would ride my older mare and I would ride her youngster, but she would look after her horse in every other way. After a few weeks she asked to ride him again and they never looked back. The swap had done them both good.
 
Grumpymoo said:
I am going against everything I have previously said and I am thinking about selling my horse. Well that's allowed, no one's disappointed with you and you know now for yourself you've given things your hardest try and it still isn't working out. It happens, don't feel bad about it. I have admitted it to myself finally that I am terrified of him. I can handle him groom etc and its fine. But if I ride etc i just hate it and spend the time petrified. That's no good, is it? :(

I don't know what to do. I don't think I can let him go but I can't keep on like this. I just want something quiet to hack out on. :(
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Give him the chance to find the right rider, and give yourself the chance to have a horse who will make you smile as you canter across an open field. :)



Grumpymoo said:
I sent him off to someone previously for schooling and long story short it turned out they charged me for five weeks work and basically done nothing with him and tried to fob me off with lies so I would not want to go trough that again and I know my husband would refuse to pay for anything like that. I have ploughed so much money into him I need to stop and make a decision. Maybe someone on here could recommend a better professional if you do need assistance getting him going enough to get a good price for him.

A friend has said she might be interested so will have a chat with her. I do have two friends I share a yard with who have offered to help with him so I might let them help over the winter and see how he goes then make the decision in spring as to whether I keep at it or sell. That sounds promising, I hope something good comes from those options.

I am just dying to get on and have an enjoyable hack where I can have a little canter and some fun.
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So you should be, that isn't an unreasonable thing to expect of horse ownership, you just need the right horse.
 
That's horrid that someone took him and I guess your money and didn't actually help him :mad:

What breed is he?

Like others have said horses are far too expensive to have if your not enjoying it.
 
Thanks again everyone for your replies. All the responses have been so helpful.

Ffion - I am on the waiting list for the only local yard with a school that does DIY and people are not insane so if a space comes up I would have the option to move there for a while but otherwise there isn't really anywhere else to move to.

I had a long conversation with my husband and had a cry then had a nap :)

He wants me to keep him till the spring and then make a decision. He is happy to pay for someone to come in and help with him, whether its schooling, lessons or someone to help with ground work etc but he doesn't want him sent off anywhere. I have the number of someone who was previously recommended to me so may get them out to come and give me their opinion.

My four close horse friends don't think I should sell him and think that he is fab, one of which is interested in buying him herself. It's so frustrating as I can get on my friends horse who I occasionally ride and I relax and even if he plays up (which is rare) I don't panic I can deal with it.

I also have the number of a fab yard that is local who does sales livery as I know I could not deal with selling him myself (I would never let him go) if I decide to take that route.

I guess I will just have to put on my brave pants and get some proper help and give him one last chance. Fingers crossed :/
 
Benji - he is a welsh section D and I am not even going into the whole schooling thing, my husband went insane! It's amazing what you find out about people who are meant to be friends after a little digging!
 
I was like you but loved my boy so so much I couldn't bear the thought of parting with him. I was lucky enough to be put into contact with Tarrsteps on here. She came to see us, gave me a few pointers, rode him, I rode him and that seemed to be the confidence boost I needed. She was at the end of my fingertips for support and was lovely. Contact her, I am sure she can help, fantastic with nervous people like me ... and you x Let me know if you speak to her x
 
Grumpymoo said:
Thanks again everyone for your replies. All the responses have been so helpful.

Ffion - I am on the waiting list for the only local yard with a school that does DIY and people are not insane so if a space comes up I would have the option to move there for a while but otherwise there isn't really anywhere else to move to.

I had a long conversation with my husband and had a cry then had a nap :)

He wants me to keep him till the spring and then make a decision. He is happy to pay for someone to come in and help with him, whether its schooling, lessons or someone to help with ground work etc but he doesn't want him sent off anywhere. I have the number of someone who was previously recommended to me so may get them out to come and give me their opinion.

My four close horse friends don't think I should sell him and think that he is fab, one of which is interested in buying him herself. It's so frustrating as I can get on my friends horse who I occasionally ride and I relax and even if he plays up (which is rare) I don't panic I can deal with it.

I also have the number of a fab yard that is local who does sales livery as I know I could not deal with selling him myself (I would never let him go) if I decide to take that route.

I guess I will just have to put on my brave pants and get some proper help and give him one last chance. Fingers crossed :/
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Sounds like you have a plan. I always like to have a plan, helps you to move forward one way or another. Hopefully come spring you will be telling us how well you are getting on, failing that it is a better time if you decide to sell. Good luck however it pans out
 
I am not sure but I am Hampshire too. Whereabouts are you? I am near Petersfield. If you are quite near I can always pop along anytime to give you some moral support. If you are really brave you could box over and we could hack out. PM me if its easier.
 
Yes a plan is always good! I hate just leaving things and not making a decision and dealing with problems. I really hope that there will be good progress but I am not convinced :/

I am between Basingstoke and winchester. I can't pm as I am on my phone and it never works I can only receive them. If you pm your email I can email you! :)
 
Grumpymoo, if you have the motivation to persist with some help then by all means do, but I would say only have someone work with him at home (not sent away) as if there's any mismatch, your partnership needs to be worked on, not just the horse.

However, if you feel this just isn't the right partnership, then cut your losses and move on to something you can enjoy; it's absolutely the right thing to do :). The relief of the decision is great and you can tackle your search for your new friend with renewed energy and enthusiasm. It's meant to be fun innit :)

Good luck with whatever you decide but either way don't beat yourself up about it! x
 
Thanks planet hacking. I won't be sending him anywhere I know the issue is the pair of us together (mostly me) so whoever I get to help will need to work with us together.

Husband has said that he does not want me to buy another horse if I do sell him tho :( so I will be stuck with just my Shetland!
 
Would you keep a car that you were scared to drive?

Horses are meant to be fun and if you're not enjoying yours then there's no shame in parting ways. A bad fit costs the same as a good fit to keep- find something you'll enjoy.
 
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