I don't know what to do :(

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Tilda

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Hi

A quick warning this is going to end up very long so if anyone gets to the end thank you.

Over the last 6 years I have been trying to be a horse owner. My first horse was great but literally a couple of weeks after I bought him I found out I was pregnant and sold him because I thought I'd struggle finding the time as he was a TB. When my son was 3 months I bought a cob who was pretty much a confidence giver when ridden (although he was a bit of a stubborn plod) but was horrendous to handle to the point that I struggled to get him out of the field on my own. I kept Persevering with him for 18 months.

I then swapped my cob for a mare who was a lot sharper and forward going who was a challenge but I did well with. Then a freak accident, where she bolted on the road, put me in intensive care and my confidence was at rock bottom. With the help of my brilliant yard managers and friends I did manage to start riding my mare again but the trust was gone and with my dodgy confidence and her being so sharp it was never going to work and I sold her to a much more confident friend.

My YM found me a horse for loan Max with whom in 6 weeks I had been on a pleasure ride on and been to jump cross. He was a star he had his moments where he would jump in the air at nothing but generally he kept all 4 feet on the ground and I trusted him. He could be a bit jumpy when handling and in the summer he was difficult to catch but for the most part we managed these things. I eventually bought him after 4 months (this was in May 2012) and we have gone from strength to strength.

Until this week. On Sunday my friend and I took Max and her mare to a jumping clinic at a near by event centre. It was brilliant and Max behaved perfectly. On Monday as I have a month off work I decided to do a gentle schooling session. All went well walking and trotting but then about 30 mins in Max anticipated canter and when I asked him to come back to trot he tanked off! After 2 laps I stopped him and got off in a terrible state. He was really wound up so my YM got on and walked and trotted him and then I got back on. He did try to tank a bit in canter but I tried to stay relaxed and he came back to me. We put it down to him either feeling a bit sore from the jumping or the fact he is extremely fit and was excited after the jumping.

On Tuesday I took him for a gentle walking hack with my YM and he was good as gold and then he had yesterday off. Today I took him for a hack again with my YM we walked and trotted he was fine and then we got to a gentle hill that we quite often canter up as it's nice and long.

My YM was on a young horse so max and I went in front he happily walked the first bit so we decided to trot and if happy have a little canter. All was fine so I pushed him into canter and although he set off a bit fast he came back to me and I stopped him easily half way along to let my YM catch up. She was happy so we decided to canter the rest of the way and it all went wrong. Max set off fast and didn't steady when asked. I tried to relax and he started to slow but then he just took off! We got to the end which comes out onto a concrete track which he cantered out onto but then I managed to slow him to a walk. I was so scared and he felt like he was going to tank again if I didn't keep him walking. My YM tried to get hold of him (she got off her horse) but he panicked and tried to run again. Eventually she managed to get hold of him and by moving very slowly I was able to get off and I fell to pieces.

I am devastated my confidence is at rock bottom again and my wonderful horse has completely changed within a couple of days. I am seriously feeling like I have ruined him and that I should just give up because I know I can't get back on him feeling so terrified. I had such a miserable time trying to get my confidence back last time and I don't want to go through all that again. I now know that I am fine and confident when everything is going well but when it goes wrong I just panic and clam up. I don't know if I have the strength to go through it again and its not fair on my poor boy to put up with me. I will be having his back checked on Monday, I know his teeth are fine and I will get his saddle checked in March when I can afford it until then I will turn him away and just spend time with him. I am worried that even if he does have a sore back that even when we get it sorted he will have remembered pain or now he knows he can tank off and will do it again. I have had such a wonderful year with him I don't want to tarnish it by it all going wrong so maybe I should quit while i'm ahead.

Sorry for my rambling I am just so so upset that it has all gone so wrong :(
 
Oh my! That's a bad situation and confidence is such a shaky thing. I'm not really sure what to suggest in the long run but I think you're right to just spend time with him at the moment. You
 
Get lessons in your month off and start slow and rebuild, we have all had knocks in our time just take your time and be sensible.

Good luck!
 
Blimmin phone!
You might find that some time off, warmer weather in march etc chills him out becsude you mention that this is your first winter with him. You may find he just gets excitable in the winter with less turnout etc. Take your time and start again in the spring. Xx
 
Don't blow his behaviour out of proportion, he's just been a naughty boy. He might have tweaked himself at the clinic or he may have simply had such a good time that it's put a spring in his step.

He's not ruined, you haven't done anything wrong, he's just a bit bouncy. I know how awful it is when you have a scare, but don't lose faith in him. He's the same lovely horse he always was and you are the same person that took him to fun rides and clinics.
Take a deep breath, have the physio check him over and do some slow hacks until you get your mojo back.
 
It does sound as if he's either has some pain or is fresh with it being winter (colder + less turnout = more energy). On the positive note you handled it and managed to stop him, you didn't fall off him either time, amd you pulled him up. I think the plan to get him checked out and turn him away until spring is good. In the mean time I would book in for some lessons at a really good riding school to get your confidence up, otherwise you'll find it 100x harder to get back on him come spring. Good luck with him and your confidence :)
 
Come on, OP - this is part and parcel of horse ownership. And it won't always go smoothly.

Going to be blunt (and shot down in flames) - but get a grip.
 
Indeed shot down in flames amymay, no need for that.

Op, your past experiences have led to you feeling like you do when something goes wrong, I think your doing the right thing for him and you at the moment. Is there any horses you know of that are a complete plod that you could have some gentle lessons on to rebuild a bit of your confidence while he's turned away? It will probably put u in a better position come spring time and your boy comes back into work. I would personally then get your friend/yo/instructor to ride him for a bit first, then have some gentle lessons on him and just take it slowly.
Don't give up, you didn't last time and had a fab year with him! You know you can do it. Chin up girly! :)
 
Thanks all. Amymay I totally agree with you and after my last horse nearly killed me (not being melodramatic I was on a high dependency ward and my husband was warned I may not wake up) most people were amazed I got back on a horse. But as you say it is part and parcel and at the time I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. Now I feel that yes it is part and parcel and because I obviously can't cope with it I shouldn't own a riding horse because they are not machines and will be unpredictable.
 
Tinsel Town said:
Indeed shot down in flames amymay, no need for that.
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Indeed.

But, sometimes a 'get a grip' is what someone needs, to put it in to perspective.

The horse sounds like and absolute gent, having a wee moment.

Most of us would have sighed, smiled, and enjoyed..... (And learn't from it).
 
amymay said:
Come on, OP - this is part and parcel of horse ownership. And it won't always go smoothly.

Going to be blunt (and shot down in flames) - but get a grip.
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This. I really don't think YM is helping tbh.

What you need is an instructor to tell you when to pull yourself together and not let him go. Tell you what signals are wrong etc and to give you the solution when it happens.

Not to be going out with young horses and cantering around when you can't pull him back in. Don't run before walking :) Set yourself up to suceed not fail if you know what isn't working right now.
 
Thank you everyone else for your support I will do as agreed and give him til March off and then see how I feel. I can ride the horse I rode to get my confidence last time but I don't think it will change the way I feel when I get back on Max. I could also get my YM to ride him but again she is super relaxed and confident so he will respond differently than having nervous Nellie me on board.

I won't do anything drastic I'll see how I feel over the next month or so and try and keep things in perspective and not over react. Thanks again x
 
Tilda said:
Thanks all. Amymay I totally agree with you and after my last horse nearly killed me (not being melodramatic I was on a high dependency ward and my husband was warned I may not wake up) most people were amazed I got back on a horse.
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Sounds awful op. Thank God you were ok.

But remember, this little horse, isn't the one that tried to kill you.
 
I think the time of year and the weather aren't helping. My 20yo who i know inside out, has spent all week giving me the run around!! Little Sod! my 4yo mare has learnt she likes to paddle in the brook running along the edge of our field, 3 other mares have been jumping over it, going through a hedge and grazing on our cross country course! what i'm trying to say is that its not just your Max, that is feeling to big for his boots atm!
 
Tilda said:
I could also get my YM to ride him but again she is super relaxed and confident so he will respond differently than having nervous Nellie me on board.

I won't do anything drastic I'll see how I feel over the next month or so and try and keep things in perspective and not over react. Thanks again x
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Why?

I really don't think other people riding is the solution. Or time off.

You need the confidence and ability to ride so get some lessons in :)
 
Tilda said:
Thank you everyone else for your support I will do as agreed and give him til March off and then see how I feel.
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Mad, mad, mad. Get back on it, it has done nothing wrong. You need to ride your horse, and as Pan says, get a good instructor to give you some help.

Time off is not the answer.
 
Dont be so hard on yourself. I've been riding for twenty years and have only been tanked a handful of times. Literally twice, maybe three times. So firstly I dont believe that's part and parcel of horse ownership. Yes every horse has the potential to do it but every horse also has the potential to jump on your head - that's never happened to me or anyone I know either.

Why do you have this idea you cant cope with it? From what i've read you stayed calm, you knew what to do, you didnt panic - what else are you supposed to do? Sounds exactly right to me.
 
I have to agree (although im a bit like you and go to peices when i get scared) - Just walk him out on hacks for the time being and only canter in the school until you get your confidence back. Definatly get him checked by a back specialist just in case he has tweaked himself, and also to put your mind at rest that he wont do it again out of a pain relatated issue.
There is no rule that says you have to canter so just take it slow....
also get some rescue remedy to calm your nerves a bit and slow your heart rate by breathing in through nose for 4 seconds and out through mouth for 8 seconds (this really really works as it stops you getting panicy heart speading up!!)
Also lessons are a really good confidence builder - so as many as you can....
If all of this seems to scary get someone to hack him out for you to put your mind at rest that it was a 'one off'

good luck
x
 
Might be a silly question, but is he cold? My mare doesn't grow much of a winter coat. Started sharing her 12 years ago, rode her all summer, on my own, in company etc, and she was great. Had lots of fun. Started to get into winter, went out one day, and it was noticeably colder than it had been. Complete change in character. Spooking at everything, little bucks, you name it. Came as a complete shock to me. Next time I rode her, I put an exercise blanket on her and she was much improved.

Have owned her for 10 years now, and she still gets a bit like it when she's cold, but am used to her and laugh it off. I am not that confident either.
 
Hot2Trot said:
So firstly I dont believe that's part and parcel of horse ownership.
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The unpredictable behavior of horses is part and parcel of ownership. It's not a machine.

And most of us have been (or at least) felt out of control at some point. The key is to remain calm, and / or just enjoy the moment (depending on what it is obviously).
 
Pandoras jar your post has actually upset me a lot more than amymay who had a good point and usually I would just ignore it but maybe its because i have had a very challenging day but I will respond. My YM has been a massive help to me in the past and obviously I wouldn't be going out cantering if there was a previous problem! Apart from the once in the school which was followed by a perfectly calm hack I have never had a problem stopping him. I guess you have never done anything that in hindsight wasn't the wisest thing.
 
I think that a lot of horses are feeling bouncy at this time of year - too little turnout/cold weather/feed combinations. Whereas a lot of riders would just take no notice, your horrible experience means that you are nervous (understandably) and probably need something more ploddy?

As the horse is on loan, could you give it back and find something that you almost get bored of rather than being scared to death? That's no fun for anyone and there is nothing wrong with downgrading for a while.

Alternatively could you just have some lessons in the school or quiet walk hacks to build your confidence?
 
Hang on Tilda, don't have a go at Pan. None of us know your background - only what you've posted. And I don't doubt for a moment that your YO has been a brilliant friend and support to you. But it's also good to look elsewhere for that support from someone more impartial.

No need to be upset - look at everything as a challenge to overcome and rise up to (and enjoy the challenge). Getting upset gets you know where (hence the reason for your post).

Owning horses takes a certain amount of bravery (even for those that say it doesn't)!
 
The only reason I am thinking of giving him time off is because I am not working this month and therefore won't get paid until the end of February so can't afford to get his saddle checked until March (have saved the money to pay for his up keep and have enough for the back lady but not new saddles!) but maybe you are right if his back is ok I'll perhaps rethink. I do have a good instructor and have regular lessons I just feel like I am back at square one and it took a lot of mental stength to get through last time and I don't know if I have that strength to do it again.
 
Tilda said:
Pandoras jar your post has actually upset me a lot more than amymay who had a good point and usually I would just ignore it but maybe its because i have had a very challenging day but I will respond. My YM has been a massive help to me in the past and obviously I wouldn't be going out cantering if there was a previous problem! Apart from the once in the school which was followed by a perfectly calm hack I have never had a problem stopping him. I guess you have never done anything that in hindsight wasn't the wisest thing.
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But there was a previous problem, he took off with you in the school? I still don't think a young horse as a companion if you're nervous and he'd tanked in a contained environment just before hand was a good idea.

Where on earth did I say I'd never done anything silly? I did what I said for you to do though. I got help, I didn't go out in unpredictable situations (with youngsters/areas I didn't know) until confidence was up. Getting professional help in was the best thing I could've and can do in any situation like that.

Someone riding your horse won't teach you how to handle the situation, you riding it and repeating the same situation won't help, turning away and ignoring the situation won't. A good instructer telling you how to handle the situation will.

Edit. Have you discussed this situation with your instructer? and as AM says. I'm inclined to say it's more taking the mick than a saddle problem if your YM can bring him back in, but obviously that's just going on your post info.
 
I'm sure you can cope and horses need good owners like you, so don't put yourself down. You're shaken up, not surprisingly but when you think about it, you did ok.
You obviously ride well enough so its your mindset to need to work on. Have you looked into NLP ? Haven't tried it myself but have heard good things about it. Here's a link to a practitioner;http://www.equestrianconfidence.com/about.html

Make a plan that you can comfortably follow, get a new instructor and have a fresh approach.

Its such a shame to waste a good horse and a good rider over a blip. Even though your feelings are heightened because of your previous accident, but you over came it once and you have the building blocks in place to crack it again.
 
I probably haven't explained myself very well so apologies if I have been critical of anyone. Thank you for your replies they have given me something to think about.
 
Pan it only happened today so haven't spoken to instructor and we don't know if YM can stop him she hasn't tried, she has only ridden him once and that was months ago and obviously this has all only happened this week.

It's not so much the tanking I can't cope with it's more the fact that once I stop him he is so on edge I feel like he is going to do it again and even if I move as if to get off unless someone holds him he starts trotting off. He is so scared himself and I know what I should do to calm him but I get in such a state I can't do anything but freeze and panic
 
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