I don't know what to do :(

Littlelegs said:
Look at it another way. He tanked off & his halo temporarily slipped. Even though you were clearly very tense, that will have made him worse, you still didn't injure yourself or come close to it. It's no longer fear of the unknown, you have experienced him at less than perfect & came to no harm. And if you did that once, you can do it again, so don't worry about if it might happen again. It possibly will, & you will remain unharmed just like this time. See it as a positive rather than a negative.
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this is a great post, its what I tell myself every time I ride, nervous doesnt even begin to explain my nerves!:)
 
First of all I have to say I have so much respect for you for getting back on after being put in ICU. Just remember you have already achieved so much as you must be a tough cookie to have got to this point.

Just go slow with it until you are feeling brave enough to reattempt things. do it at your own pace when you feel settled and it will be a positive experience for you and your boy.

Oh and if it's any consolation alot of people's horses are being fairly bonkers at the moment - weather? Winter? Grass? Dunno but something is making them loopy :-)
 
Hi hun I know exactly how you feel. I had a bad fall and then brought a horse who turned out to be a severe bolter! He bolted with me several times even down main roads and also with my sister and friend who are all experienced riders (and yes back teeth tack all checked and fine)
He seriously knocked my confidence (I am a part qualified instructor and was a very confident rider before) for a while I was so scared I even had to be led on horses I knew and trusted and had ridden loads before :(
It's an awful feeling and very very scary when you suddenly lose that trust
I slowly got my confidence on back on horses I knew and then was lucky to buy a lovely horse who although was forward and a bit cheeky really took care of me and my confidence was great again
Sadly my mare passed away suddenly last year :(
I have a new lad who is good as gold yet my confidence has hit rock bottom again. And yes maybe I should. ' get a grip' but it's easier said than done!
I takin it slowly one step at a time.

Anyway hun sorry to rattle on.
If I was you I would maybe let someone else to ride your lad in walk trot and canter (as you stated before ym only walked and trotted your prob is in canter) they can go in the school and out on a hack a few times. If he does it with them then you know that maybe your not the problem, if he doesn't then you know you need to work on your confidence and then you will be ok.
I agree get his back checked as he has suddenly started doing this and is not his normal self he could have pulled somethin at the clinic or even in the field.
Also make sure he has normal routine, feed and as much turnout as you can so you can rule any of these out as the problem.

He sounds like a lovely lad hun and I'm sure you two can work it out. You sound like you handled the problem ok. Look at the positives, you stayed on, you did stop him, and you are both ok X x x
 
OP, I take my hat off to you. It must have been very scary after your nasty accident to then have this to contend with. I am and always have been a very nervous rider. I can wind up the most sanest of horses, except my present chap who just laughs at me.

Amymay and Pandora have given you some sound but tough advice. Get back on him, I prefer to hack ( schools really scare me). Go on a very short boring road hack and just walk it a few times, maybe a quick trot if all going well. One instructor taught me if that if I felt tense to put both reins in one hand with a light contact and hang the other hand down by thigh as it helps to reduce the tension in your own body as does dropping your jaw open, but this can make you look gormless. These 2 things really help me.

As for his back have you had a good feel around him and along his spine and all areas where your saddle fits to see if he has any sore points ?

All of mine including my saint are being real pains in the a**e at the moment. Take a step back, go slow and wait for your confidence to return along with the warmer weather. But so much easier said than done, nerves are such a pain and unless you have or have had them its so hard to understand.
 
horserider said:
Don't blow his behaviour out of proportion, he's just been a naughty boy. He might have tweaked himself at the clinic or he may have simply had such a good time that it's put a spring in his step.

He's not ruined, you haven't done anything wrong, he's just a bit bouncy. I know how awful it is when you have a scare, but don't lose faith in him. He's the same lovely horse he always was and you are the same person that took him to fun rides and clinics.
Take a deep breath, have the physio check him over and do some slow hacks until you get your mojo back.
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Very well said. Agree with everything said here
 
Hi, Ive found my sensible lads are being really stupid ATM. And the grass has started growing again so we have nice sugary spring grass coupled with less turnout than usual. My normally chilled young horse decided to turn our canter to a gallop a couple of days ago, took my friends horse with him so she was unimpressed too. Yesterday he schooled for an hour when we usually do 30max as he is a big lad, still didn't even touch his energy levels, today, another 45 mins and he still wanted to tank round the field. The rest are the same, I couldn't slow my dressage horse down and another youngster developed an irrational fear of cyclists today. The one that had a day off spent it doing cartwheels in the field.
Yes its scary but you are OK, you pulled up, you got off. don't beat yourself up about what went wrong, think about what went right. I suggest you give him a week off in case he has tweaked himself then get your YO to lunge him a few times. When he is his usual sensible self get her to ride him. Find a horse you know who you can have a lunge lesson on and then maybe have one on Max.
But be honest with yourself. Go and look at your photos of him, take some rescue remedy and get back on a horse, even on a lead rope as I can guarentee that if you leave it a month it will be harder. I doesn't have to be him, let someone else take him out a few times first. If you sit on a horse and make a decision that its not for you anymore then fair enough but try not to finish on a bad note, stop because you want to, not because you have to.
 
Tough love doesn't work for everyone, and it can end up with someone nervous pushing themself out of their comfort zone - if it were to go wrong, you end up even worse (only know because I've been there.

I'd say get back on, but with your instructor, on a lesson, and stick to walk and trot. Perhaps have lunge lessons, so that, in your head, you're not controling him..

He was just a bit fresh, enjoying himself, then probably frightened by your terrified reaction, and the instructor trying to grab him etc. You were obviously tense and scared - quite natural after what you went through. Be nice to yourself - write a list of what you have actually achieved, you kept plodding on to find the right horse, when most people would have given in, you did, and you've had a year of stress free riding. You will get back to that. Actually I think it sounds like usually you have a good support network, things just went pear-shaped on this ride all round. Its life, you have to pick yourself up..

I like Littleleg's angle most -


Littlelegs said:
Look at it another way. He tanked off & his halo temporarily slipped. Even though you were clearly very tense, that will have made him worse, you still didn't injure yourself or come close to it. It's no longer fear of the unknown, you have experienced him at less than perfect & came to no harm. And if you did that once, you can do it again, so don't worry about if it might happen again. It possibly will, & you will remain unharmed just like this time. See it as a positive rather than a negative.
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TheresaW said:
Might be a silly question, but is he cold? My mare doesn't grow much of a winter coat. Started sharing her 12 years ago, rode her all summer, on my own, in company etc, and she was great. Had lots of fun. Started to get into winter, went out one day, and it was noticeably colder than it had been. Complete change in character. Spooking at everything, little bucks, you name it. Came as a complete shock to me. Next time I rode her, I put an exercise blanket on her and she was much improved.

Have owned her for 10 years now, and she still gets a bit like it when she's cold, but am used to her and laugh it off. I am not that confident either.
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This.

I have a horse that is just the same. She's clipped but blanket and I also chuck a Woolley rug on, on cold days. I call it her baffler.;)
 
I'm glad Amymay has admitted she has not been an overly confident rider as well. I tried to respond to this post earlier bit was on a train and my phoen went weird! I was a little annoyed that the person telling you to "get a grip" was the same person I remember stating when I first joined this forum that they were too scared to canter their own horse in open spaces! I thought therefore it was a bit off of them telling you to get a grip!

I think though you do have to get back on him and have some lessons on him practising getting him to listen to you and control techniques (do some lateral work etc to get him thinking a bit). When I was a kid it was par of the course that sometimes brakes would be unreliable (I am not saying that was right!) but, it was just something you took as the norm - naughty ponies sometimes beggar off!! However, as you age you do have more of a sense of self presevation and you have had a hideous experience (or several) so of course you're wary and it makes you nervous when/if you feel out of control.

I think the problem is these days people do expect horses to be exceptionally well behaved but, in reality that doesn't happen, they're animals at the end of the day and, like it or not we have to accept they do have minds of their owns and at times it can be a little scary! Oh and I don't think the saddle is likely to be the issue here unless he's showing other indications of being uncomfortable? I have never ever in well over 20 years of riding various horses, experienced one leg it because of saddle. Buck yes, flick their tail and show other visible signs (headshaking etc) but not just leg it when otherwise they've been fine. As Amymay has said, don't use the saddle as a reason not to work him.

i am sure you'll get there. Christ even I've had these wobbles, my horse fell on the road a few year back and I broke my collarbone. I never thought something would make me nervous riding but after that I was paranoid about him going down again (I didn't fancy going through it all again!) so I did ride a bit more cautiously but after a few months I forgot about it and was back to normal.
 
amymay said:
Indeed.

But, sometimes a 'get a grip' is what someone needs, to put it in to perspective.

Most of us would have sighed, smiled, and enjoyed..... (And learn't from it).
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IME get a grip is never a useful or constructive piece of advice for anyone,but for this lady who has had a previously life changing accident on horse back that is bound to alter perspective,I suspect it was particularly useless and inappropriate TBH.

For what it's worth OP I certainly wouldn't have smiled or enjoyed it,and I think sighing would have been an understatement.

I hope there is some sort of physical or mental reason for this related to recent activities and that it is temporary.It does sound out of character for your boy so hopefully it is not a sign of changed or long term behaviour for him.

Maybe give him a few days off and then do short and less taxing riding for a few days to get your mojo back and calm him down.See how you feel after that as to what you decide ultimately.
I don't think for one minute you should give up or shouldn't have horses,but I do think you've had a few knocks and some rotten luck and it's perfectly understandable that you should feel that way at present.

A sympathetic and understanding RI might help,or maybe getting someone else to ride him whilst you regain some faith in him??

Does he hack out on his own?? Could you take him out with a foot soldier so he's less likely to get excited,assuming that might be the problem,and you may feel more confident knowing someone is on the ground ready to act if anything happens??

I really hope you work it out,and please in the meantime stop beating yourself up about it.It's a perfectly normal act of self preservation to have doubts about carrying on,especially after an experience like you had with your accident.

Let us know how you get on:)
 
Thank you for the great advice and support everyone you have all been really kind and helpful and people like Littlelegs (thank you) have put some perspective on it. I have told my instructor and he was shocked after how well we have been going but he has employed a little tough love of his own and said if I can cope with my mare I can cope with this. He has also said his horses are a bit crackers with the grass/ weather. I am off to bed now as exhausted with the stress of it all but thanks again to all who replied x
 
Look at his feed first. Would it help to put him on a quiet mix, or cut his hard feed down a little? Can you lunge him before riding to settle him down and listening to you? I know that people have recommended NLP and you've tried this before. I don't know how much riding experience you've had, but did you know there is something called Take Back the Reins? It is part of the Olympic Legacy where some riding schools offer instruction to give back confidence to riders who perhaps haven't ridden for a while. Just wondered if this might help you, but really, the best solution would be to have lessons on your horse. Talk about exactly what you want to achieve on him with your instructor, and perhaps you could join a Pilates group that specializes in improving your riding, they do exist!!! Don't push yourself, and enjoy your horse and build up a great relationship with him doing groundwork. You're half way there by asking for help. Good luck
 
Oh gosh poor you :( I have three things to say which I hope will be helpful.

1) Absolutely get your horses back checked out, if only for peace of mind.
2) If he is in pain, once it is fixed he will very quickly get used to 'not being in pain' some horses do have a pain memory, but I would generally say that this is if it has been a very long term issue before sorting. My own mare was very poorly with her back and would bolt if you put your foot in the stirrup, or tried to lean over her, if you made it in the saddle it was rodeo and bolt until you were off :( I got someone out to treat her and asked would I need them back again, I was told not and advised to rest her for a week to let her get used to feeling ok again. A week later (full of nerves) I got back on, it took a while for me to get my confidence back, but ebs never ever bolted or bucked or even tensed when I went to get on again. Your horse will know it is ok x
3. May I suggest you look at a few sessions of sports psychology for helping you with your nerves? It will help you deal so much better with such episodes and make riding more enjoyable... there is nothing so debilitating than nerves.

Good luck and keep us updated.
 
I can certainly empathise with you OP. It is so difficult when you have confidence issues. It's great when things go well but the minute things go wrong the out comes the panic mode, sense flies out the window, & fright takes over. I have had these issues for years & have found that doing some groundwork may help. Also lessons & hacking out with a very calm horse & rider who will help with the confidence when you feel like you are losing it & more importantly can issue you with instructions when you need help such as feeling your horse may go out of control.
 
You'll always get honesty from me Lady25.

The horse that you are referring to was new, strong and a ferrari compared to my previous mini minor, and took some getting used to. We got there quite quickly though. And fast work with him became my greatest joy.
 
Right get the ym to ride him (or someone who is a confident good rider) and try him out properly.

I suspect he isn't tanking off other than you are giving him signals to "tank off" because you are panicking.

Then once you have established this, get some lessons. And get the instructor to ride the horse for you as well so they know exactly what they are dealing with.

I had a lesson on my youngster tonight and it was horrible. She was on her toes, anticipating canter all the time and several times she ignored me completely and I was really disheartened. The worst lesson I've ever had. Said to my instructor that I was really struggling so she got on her (she has never ridden her before) and she was able to pin point exactly what was going on, sort it, explain to me what to do and she also said the horse is a lot harder to ride than she looks. It went from the worst lesson, to the most productive one yet! I got back on her and implemented what she said and everything was much much better. I'm not scared of my mare but I was struggling to know how to ride her. A good instructor could help you move past this I think.

Good luck.
 
Having been riding out a young horse at the moment, it is essential to ride with a reliable quiet horse, when I ride out with my husband on his slightly spooky horse my young horse is on edge because he feeds off my hubbys mares spookness, but when I ride out with my friend on her sedate layed back cob my youngster is relaxed and happy and our hack is a lot more enjoyable. I think the same goes for ops horse thats having a blip at the moment, a nice quite hackig buddy in future would be much better.
 
One thing that (I don't think) has been mentioned, is that you are a mum. Many many mums lose confidence when riding after having children. The thought of leaving them, or being hurt and not being able to take care of them, can make us all lose the confidence we had prior to having them. You have already had a hideous accident after he was born,so subconsciously could you be terrified of falling again, which is why you are so upset over your horse's current behaviour?

It is completely understandable,like you said, the fact you got back on a horse at all is pretty damned good. But for me, the fear of falling would likely put me off riding ever again and in fact I haven't since I had a fall when my son was small. I admire your spunk OP, but maybe, as others have said, just spend some time with him from the floor,bonding and enjoying him,rather than facing a daily fear. Sometimes you never know, if he learns to listen to you more on the ground, he will do so when you are up top too.
 
Tilda said:
Hi

A quick warning this is going to end up very long so if anyone gets to the end thank you.

Over the last 6 years I have been trying to be a horse owner. My first horse was great but literally a couple of weeks after I bought him I found out I was pregnant and sold him because I thought I'd struggle finding the time as he was a TB. When my son was 3 months I bought a cob who was pretty much a confidence giver when ridden (although he was a bit of a stubborn plod) but was horrendous to handle to the point that I struggled to get him out of the field on my own. I kept Persevering with him for 18 months.

I then swapped my cob for a mare who was a lot sharper and forward going who was a challenge but I did well with. Then a freak accident, where she bolted on the road, put me in intensive care and my confidence was at rock bottom. With the help of my brilliant yard managers and friends I did manage to start riding my mare again but the trust was gone and with my dodgy confidence and her being so sharp it was never going to work and I sold her to a much more confident friend.

My YM found me a horse for loan Max with whom in 6 weeks I had been on a pleasure ride on and been to jump cross. He was a star he had his moments where he would jump in the air at nothing but generally he kept all 4 feet on the ground and I trusted him. He could be a bit jumpy when handling and in the summer he was difficult to catch but for the most part we managed these things. I eventually bought him after 4 months (this was in May 2012) and we have gone from strength to strength.

Until this week. On Sunday my friend and I took Max and her mare to a jumping clinic at a near by event centre. It was brilliant and Max behaved perfectly. On Monday as I have a month off work I decided to do a gentle schooling session. All went well walking and trotting but then about 30 mins in Max anticipated canter and when I asked him to come back to trot he tanked off! After 2 laps I stopped him and got off in a terrible state. He was really wound up so my YM got on and walked and trotted him and then I got back on. He did try to tank a bit in canter but I tried to stay relaxed and he came back to me. We put it down to him either feeling a bit sore from the jumping or the fact he is extremely fit and was excited after the jumping.

On Tuesday I took him for a gentle walking hack with my YM and he was good as gold and then he had yesterday off. Today I took him for a hack again with my YM we walked and trotted he was fine and then we got to a gentle hill that we quite often canter up as it's nice and long.

My YM was on a young horse so max and I went in front he happily walked the first bit so we decided to trot and if happy have a little canter. All was fine so I pushed him into canter and although he set off a bit fast he came back to me and I stopped him easily half way along to let my YM catch up. She was happy so we decided to canter the rest of the way and it all went wrong. Max set off fast and didn't steady when asked. I tried to relax and he started to slow but then he just took off! We got to the end which comes out onto a concrete track which he cantered out onto but then I managed to slow him to a walk. I was so scared and he felt like he was going to tank again if I didn't keep him walking. My YM tried to get hold of him (she got off her horse) but he panicked and tried to run again. Eventually she managed to get hold of him and by moving very slowly I was able to get off and I fell to pieces.

I am devastated my confidence is at rock bottom again and my wonderful horse has completely changed within a couple of days. I am seriously feeling like I have ruined him and that I should just give up because I know I can't get back on him feeling so terrified. I had such a miserable time trying to get my confidence back last time and I don't want to go through all that again. I now know that I am fine and confident when everything is going well but when it goes wrong I just panic and clam up. I don't know if I have the strength to go through it again and its not fair on my poor boy to put up with me. I will be having his back checked on Monday, I know his teeth are fine and I will get his saddle checked in March when I can afford it until then I will turn him away and just spend time with him. I am worried that even if he does have a sore back that even when we get it sorted he will have remembered pain or now he knows he can tank off and will do it again. I have had such a wonderful year with him I don't want to tarnish it by it all going wrong so maybe I should quit while i'm ahead.

Sorry for my rambling I am just so so upset that it has all gone so wrong :(
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OK. First of all, Deal with the obvious first. Get back, teeth and saddle checked by the professionals. If that's not the problem then remember that you've had a good year with him and you can be a good partnership again.

As you may have seen on another thread, a lot of us on here are finding that our horses have recently been possessed by naughty demons. Personally, I think it's the weather - the warm weather recently is probably persuading them that spring is here.

Do persevere. I know how difficult it is when you think you have finally cracked it with your horse. Go back to basics, lunge him, school in the manege and don't be afraid to ask for help from your YM or the teaching staff. It's not an admission of incompetance to have lessons on him. Explain to your instructor what you want to achieve with him and she should be able to tailor her lessons to help you.

Let us know how you get on.
 
Tilda, I really feel for you.

We have all been the at some point, whether we want to admit it or not, where we have been really scared by horses in some way or another.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to work on how to implement an emergency stop. Not a one rein stop, but an emergency stop.

It is when you literally stand up in the stirrups, lower legs right forward, leaning straight back, putting all your strength into pulling.

This is not a method I think is either right or good under normal circumstances, but where you have a situation, as yours, with a tense and panicked rider, it can be amazingly effective, without the need to rip the horses mouth out.

It is in the physics of it. If a rider is tense, they tend to grip with the legs. It is a totally subconscious thing to do, but it means you are giving a horse the signal to go. When you combine that with pulling on the reins and giving the signal to stop...horses can decide to just run from it. If your legs are stronger than your hands, you'll be telling the horse to go more than you will be telling it to stop.

Now, I don't think this is an effective way to stop a horse, but it is a VERY effective way to get your lower leg off the barrel and STOP giving a forward aid through your tension. This means that you can concentrate on the stopping aid only. I actually find with a tanking horse, it is effective to drop the reins, then pull, then drop, then pull. A constant pull just gives them something to pull against....but the important thing is to NOT be giving a forward aid with the leg.

I do agree that you do need to man up a little bit, but only because deep down, I think you already know that. It is perfectly understandable that you feel the way you do. You have had some great advice here and I would consider all of it. No point in me repeating.

I work with problem horses and ponies all the time and your boy doesn't sound to have any real issues.

It sounds to me like he is a little fresh...we have just had a mild spell so the grass is rich, combined with being in at night and I think on a hard feed. He's just being a bit fresh. But your tension and gripping is telling him to go. Combine that by confusing him by also telling him to stop and he's just saying, "****** off" to you.

Yes, there is a chance it could be that he has a niggle somewhere and so I would get back and tack checked when you can, but it does just sound like he's having a naughty phase and if a horse has got one over on you once, you can be damn sure it will try it again.

If he was mine, I would be doing a quick check on the lunge. I would lunge in saddle with no rider in walk, trot and canter on both reins. If you can, get it videoed. Then, I would repeat with a rider on. If he had any issues in his back, I would expect to see evidence of this in his canter movement on at least one rein without a rider on...and worse with a rider. If it is a saddle issue, you should expect to see a significant difference between no rider and rider with there being no issue without and a big issue with rider on board.

The reason I would do this is that, as well as helping (not being a definitive tool) to determine any issues, if he is fine on the lunge in all gaits on both reins, with and without a rider, chances are very high that he is ok and is just fresh and/or naughty. That will help you enormously as it will let you know that you can just be a bit more strict with him.

Get riding. Stay in walk and trot until you are ready for canter but...here's my biggest tip for that when you come to do it again.

When you want to canter again, I want you to think only as far as getting the transition. So, you aim to just get him into canter and will then bring him straight back to trot. Do this maybe 2-3 times on each rein maximum for a few sessions. Any more and he may anticipate, so keep it simple, short and sweet to get your confidence back and realise that yes, you can get canter and get trot again when you want it. Next step is to ask for a 1/4 circle canter, then back to trot. Then 1/2 circle and so on until you are confident again.

If you want any more specific help, just PM me.

I also would agree not to give him time off now. It will do more harm than good for both of you. You could even pop him on the lunge for 15 minutes before you ride if you want to get the freshness out.

There is no shame in being a little clever and setting yourself up for a good ride :-)

Good luck and please do let us know how you get on.
 
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Tilda said:
Thanks all. Amymay I totally agree with you and after my last horse nearly killed me (not being melodramatic I was on a high dependency ward and my husband was warned I may not wake up) most people were amazed I got back on a horse. But as you say it is part and parcel and at the time I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. Now I feel that yes it is part and parcel and because I obviously can't cope with it I shouldn't own a riding horse because they are not machines and will be unpredictable.
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Nonsense, don't beat yourself up because one person has been spiteful.

Everyone has nervous wobbles at some time with their horses (and they lie if they say they don't).

Do what your want to at your own pace. I had an accident a few years ago when I came off my horse and ended in hospital. The accident wasn't Horse's fault and he is a saint among horses but I was afraid to get back on him for quite a few months although I would get on any number of the riding school's more iffy horses and ride them quite happily (including the "bolter" who had taken off with everyone including the YO and thrown most of them).

No-one has the right to put you down unless (or even if) they are wearing your shoes.
 
Tilda said:
I probably haven't explained myself very well so apologies if I have been critical of anyone. Thank you for your replies they have given me something to think about.
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I don't thnk you have been critical of others (despite some people deserving it!). Onward and upward in your own time. Oh, and good luck.
 
Ellen Durow,

Please don't take offence, but do we really need all the posts? We hear you loud and clear in your dislike for Amymays comments, but none of this is actually helping the OP.
 
Well done for getting on in the first place!!! I rode for years the last horse i bought for myself was a 10 month old arab, i broke him full of confidence and loved him . Six months after breaking mr awkward i went on a riding holiday with a friend in wales bad fall loads of broken ribs, then kids and no riding at all v surprised when i got back on a horse( not long ago now) how nervous and how much of a novice i felt, lots of years had passed and my confidence on board gone, you have a relationship just persevere don't make my mistake, wish someone had even just pushed me into lessons at the time, we all have our off days.
 
GG's post has a lot of good advice!

You have already proved to yourself that you are brave and confident by getting back in the saddle after your horrific fall!! What has happened this week has knocked you a bit but you've conquered fear before and I'm sure in a couple of days you'll get over it enough to want to get back on him, just walk and trott you don't need to canter for now.

Good luck, don't give in now, you've come to far x
 
_GG_ said:
Ellen Durow,

Please don't take offence, but do we really need all the posts? We hear you loud and clear in your dislike for Amymays comments, but none of this is actually helping the OP.
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Precisely. Which is why I've tried to stop her nasty and spiteful contributions.
 
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