I don't know what to do :(

Amymay hasn't been either spiteful or nasty, you are entitled not to agree with her advice, but that doesn't mean she's being horrid because it happens to be different to yours.
 
Hi all

Bit of an update. I spoke to my instructor on Friday and he has given me an action plan and the confidence that I can do it. He lives a long way away so only comes every 3 weeks and Christmas has messed things up but he is coming in 2 weeks.

So his suggestion was ride everyday and walk round school
3 times on each rein ( me on foot) and then lunge 5 mins on each rein. Then hop on and do a normal schooling session. Now we know max is quite a nervous horse on the ground and on occasions when ben has tried to come over and make adjustments to my position in my lessons Max has spun away as if he is going to hurt him. This is exactly how he behaves when I manage to stop him so he obviously thinks I am going to beat him and panics (some info has come to light that someone in his past could be quite heavy handed with him when he didn't jump as high or go as fast as they want). So he said if he does run off again say to myself he will stop in a minute, he will stop in a minute rather than he is never going to stop! Then once stopped keep him walking talking calmly to him but sitting really still and get him to do some flexing in and out or some 5 metre circles to get him thinking. I have also temporarily put him back in the grackle he came with.

So yesterday got my friend to sit with me and followed the plan. Max kept getting distracted so had to work very hard on getting him listening to me in walk and trot but eventually he softened and worked in a consistent outline. Was not sure about canter but my friend suggested just trying the transition. Well had the steadiest transition and following canter on a circle on both reins with 2 trot canter transitions! Was very pleased with my boy.

So today after consultation with instructor lunged Max for 10 mins on each rein and then went out with my friend on her mare. We often ride out with this combination and go to clinics etc together so get on well and I trust Suz and Lou so feel relaxed. Went round the fields Max behind and mainly walked with small sections of trot. We had one moment when we took the lead to get past a sticking point at the bottom of a hill and max quickened as if he wanted to go. I sat back and checked him and took him back behind his friend and he walked happily and quietly up the hill.

So had a good weekend and am feeling a bit better. I don't want to get excited am just taking one day at a time but hopefully we'll get through it. Another friend at the yard said we are such a fab partnership she puts money on us getting back to normal so it's nice to have the encouragement of people who know us well.

Thanks again all who posted I really appreciate all the advice.
 
Your instructor may be amazing.

But find someone local who can come and help you at least once every week if not more.
( even if you continue to see the other one every 3weeks)

more help in person is needed, you will improve quicker.
Things can go wrong in 3weeks
 
Have to say totally agree with this. I see my instructor a couple of times a wk & she is always at other end of phone if necessary.
Fantastic that this weekend has been great & think if you had someone who can help you a couple of times a wk for even the next month you will see a big difference:)

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blucanoo1990 said:
Your instructor may be amazing.

But find someone local who can come and help you at least once every week if not more.
( even if you continue to see the other one every 3weeks)

more help in person is needed, you will improve quicker.
Things can go wrong in 3weeks
Click to expand...
 
I don't really understand your reply blucanoo1990. I know things can go wrong in 3 weeks but I don't really understand how having an instructor once a week will stop things going wrong? Sorry if I am misunderstanding you I will continue to follow the action plan until I see my instructor in 2 weeks and I'll get someone to sit with me every time I ride to stop me getting tense which is the real issue here. I am not a novice I have been riding for 30 years and whilst I know there are lots of ways in which I can improve I am pretty good at improving my horses by following a plan it's my confidence that is my stumbling block.
 
Well done Tilda and Max :) some people have a lot to answer for because of how they treat horses. Consistent fair treatment will hopefully overcome his fear.
 
Thanks TrasaM I hope so. If I feel I need it there is someone else I can get lessons from and my regular instructor is always at the end of the phone I think the only way I am going to crack this is just by getting on and doing but knowing when I need to ask for help.
 
It's hard when you've had a knock to your confidence - suddenly things that you probably wouldn't have minded before set you back by a mile. This is what sounds like is going on. The horse you have at the moment sounds fantastic, and actually you are a lot more confident than you would let yourself believe! I would say go right back to basics, you don't always have to canter and jump and be off doing things. Take it back down a peg until your confidence issues dissolve away and you will soon find yourself wanting to go off for a ruddy good gallop!

Don't be so hard on yourself, take a deep breath and remember that this is just horses and that you've had a pretty serious fall in the past so you need to be kind to yourself. :)

Just to put into perspective, I sat on my horse for the first time in a really long time today, he was ill over Xmas and has been bored and depressed, hacked out with his ears pricked, happy as larry, I had a huge smile on my face (I don't smile :p) - we were having a great time! He's super safe, yet he had a broncing moment and I hit the road head first :rolleyes: Just one of those things :rolleyes:
 
Blimey Hannahmurphy that sounds pretty nasty I'm glad you are back on your boy and doing well. Thank you for the advice it is basically what I plan to do over the next few months that and trying to convince max I will never raise a hand to him x
 
Tilda said:
Blimey Hannahmurphy that sounds pretty nasty I'm glad you are back on your boy and doing well. Thank you for the advice it is basically what I plan to do over the next few months that and trying to convince max I will never raise a hand to him x
Click to expand...

I must have been really floppy when he had me off as I've not hurt myself at all, he was more shaken up than I! Telling him its ok before I've managed to get off the floor :p A nice old man stopped his car and made sure I was ok, that's restored my faith in humans a bit anyway!!! You'll be just fine, it takes a REALLY long time to bounce back sometimes and I hate to say it but its a hard task not to worry when you have the responsibilities of being an adult!
 
Some good advice on here and sounds like you've made some great first steps along the road so well done for that! Confidence can be such a fragile thing and we've all been there :)


Only thing I would add would be to review feed. My TB can be an absolute nightmare in winter if fed too much - just has far too much excess energy so have to be careful what I feed him particularly (don't tend to feed in summer when they're out 24/7) You mentioned that Max is extremely fit but then said "if" you ride? I think lots of us make the mistake of thinking our horses are in hard work and feed accordingly. In fact hard work really means horses in training (racing), hunting several times a week, playing polo several times per week or eventing at fairly high level. Mine don't have access to very much turnout in winter so they are ridden every day, hacked for hour and a half at least (more at trot than walk with fair bit of canter), lots of hill work, loose schooling (usually at a gallop ... they get a bit competitive ;)) or occasional schooling. I would say they are quite fit and they hunt and team chase on this regime. However, I feed as for medium work, not hard work.


Sorry if teaching you to suck eggs but just thought worth consideration! Good luck, you will get there!
 
That's brilliant that everything is getting better. I think a lesson every three weeks with an instructor who suits you and who doesn't mind helping out over the phone in between sounds absolutely fine. Well done for getting back on and getting on with things. :)
 
Thanks TeamChaser. He is fit at the moment because I have had some time off work but when I go back to work in Feb he will go down to the 4 or 5 times a week I did prior to the time off part of my action plan is to start slowing him down little by little. With regard to feed max literally had 2 handfuls of safe and sound in the evening with his boswellia and one handful token feed in the morning when his neighbours get fed. He has been on this since september and was on it from Jan to April last year (wasn't on boswellia then). I have lowered this to one handful at both ends of the day now but as you can see there was very little there in the first place!
 
I too think that unless some issue has developed very recently, say tooth or back related, it's very likely he'd have misbehaved a long time before now. It takes a year at least to get to know a horse, and I'd even go as far as to say double that for someone who has lost every shred of confidence.

I would have had a dental and a back check done, just to rule every possibility out and then done exactly as you have.

Well done and keep positive :)
 
Thanks Amymay and Flame :) brighteyes thank you too just to put your mind at rest I have backlady coming tomorrow and am phoning dentist who is coming to see my friends horse on the 2nd Feb :)
 
Thanks all I am pleased I got back on and will take things slowly but pushing myself a little every now and then so I don't stagnate!
 
Sounds like it's going well. An instructer with a good action plan, a lovely horse and you being happy in charge when he quickened (good to have that early so you aren't waiting for it!)
Really good update :)
 
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