I don't know what to think

equestrianabbie

equestrianabbie

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Some of you might or might not know that I had a bad accident almost a year ago now, I decided that I really didn't want to be involved with horses at that point just because of everything that happened. (By the way, to those who read the thread, I found out that the horse I had my accident on wasn't fit to be ridden anyway and that the owners of said horse are complete liars. So a blessing in disguise really.)

Basically, I started working with an absolutely lovely lady who owns a yard near me. It's just private yard and she offered to take me on when I posted an advert on a Classifieds on Facebook.

I've been there for about 4 weeks now and I'm loving it! She's really helped me get my confidence back and her horses are wonderful.

Anyway today was really bad, I usually get there early, de-rug the horses and let them out, but today one of them was acting really funny - he wouldn't let me near him, which isn't like him at all. My manager came and checked him over and said he was fine, he's never been like that with anyone so I felt totally awful and couldn't understand it.

Got over that and was taught to lunge (typical riding school never taught me anything useful), I asked her whether she'd ever taught anyone that was terrible, when she said yes I jokingly asked whether it was me and she said 'I've had worse than you.' I don't know why but that really got to me. I don't think she realised how it sounded but it just sounds like I'm one of the worst she's taught, doesn't it? However it sounded, it's really got me down.

I just feel so useless, I've worked at so many riding schools and none of them taught me anything useful - just used me as a dog's body so I've learned nothing in my 8 years + with horses. I just feel like I shouldn't even be doing this anymore, I'm obviously no good at it :(

If I'm honest I feel like a bit of a joke, my manager has young children who do a better job than I do. I work damn hard though, I do this job voluntarily and go in as though it was a full-time job. I never switch off either, I'm always trying to read up on horses, be it online or through books.

I just wish things didn't get to me.

If this happened to you, how would you have taken it?
 
I'm sure she didn't mean it the way you have taken it.

It's one of those things you say without thinking of the way it may be interpreted. I am a driving instructor and, if asked, I have often told pupils that I've had worse than them! I mean it as reassurance but I can now see how someone could take it the wrong way.

I worked in stables when much younger and I know how you can be used as a dogsbody and not be appreciated.
 
Theres nothing better than someone who is enthusiastic and wants to learn and this sounds like you.

I'm sure she didnt mean it as it sounds, besides it sounds like you were being slightly negative when you asked her.

Chin up and think positive.;)
 
I think that she may have been attempting to make you laugh. It sounds like you were on a negative train of thought, and she's tried to use a light-hearted comment to make you laugh, whilst praising you. Sadly, it's not quite worked.

You are not at all useless. The other day I had to ask my riding instructor how to ask for a halt. Daft, but I didn't truely know. She then admitted to me having to ask her instructor recently what a diagonal was, and she's shown horses at the top level!

Everyone in the horse world is always learning. The very fact you recognise that you need to continue learning is the mark of a mature person and makes an excellent horse woman.

There are things you can do to help your own confidence, however. Have you ever considered hypnotherapy? I know someone who had severe confidence issues, and it's worked wonders for her :)
 
Well I don't think she would have meant that harshly, if anything I think it was meant as a compliment to say she thought you were good!

Lungeing is an art form I believe and it takes time to master the language. So, I hope you carry on and take comfort in her words that you are very good and are learning fast.
 
Awh no, I def don't think she meant it in that way.
I know how you feel though, I sometimes look at others and ask why do I bother when theres 6 year olds more experianced than I'am.
But if its what you enjoy doing don't let it get to you, sounds like you're at a really good place and they're taking the time to teach you? thats good! I envy your position I wish I could find somewhere to learn.

Lunging is hard anyway imo, makes me dizzy ha :(
 
I have had a girl working for me for just about a year. She had been working in a (poor) riding school and had worked for a few people privately, mostly hunters.
During this time she had learned quite a bit but most of it off her own back and a lot of it incorrect. Her riding was not the best and because of this she had been limited with the private people she worked for telling her she wasn't 'good enough' to ride this horse or that one.

When she came here her confidence was not good and as she is very shy getting her to ask if she wanted to learn something was like banging your head against a brick wall!

I have made her work hard on her riding which included riding her own horse with a felt saddle and no stirrups, all summer. I put her up on horses she thought were well beyond her ability and proved to her that she could ride them.
Although she works hard and doesn't mind what she does, there is a lot for her to learn. I turned over one of the foals for her to handle - and not the easiest.
I have let her solve minor problems and chucked responsibility at her.
Mainly when she gets down is when riding and I am pushing her hard, then she will say, "I am so useless I should pack it all in!"
I can get her mare on the bit and leg yielding and she has difficulty. I can do it because I have more years experience than she has lived. I do not find the mare easy and tell her so. This has gone on for many months and then, last week it all clicked with her mare and, hey presto, she got it and there was the are on the bridle and looking several thousand pounds more valuable. Today, it was all wrong and the mare was being particularly awkward and tizzy, but at least she knows that she can do it and that there are days when it doesn't go right.

No one is totally useless, (heck I have had mentally challenged kids working with me and they can be extremely useful if a challenge to one's patience!) If you haven't been taught or taught correctly then it is not your fault. We all have weaknesses and anyone truthful will admit that they have problems with a certain horse or doing some manoeuvre or know little about certain aspects of horse care.

The fact that you do not know but are keen to learn would in my book count for far, far more than the person who thinks they know it and is always right when they are not!
 
It's just so hard when you've been working with horses for so long yet have nothing to show for it. I've worked with horses since the age of about 12 yet I can't lunge?! It just seems so stupid, I don't know whether I just worked at terrible riding schools or whether the sort of people I met didn't care to teach the younger kids but it sounds so ridiculous.

I try so hard, I really do. I'm genuinely an extremely happy person, I've been the happiest I've ever been since this job, but it's just today that's really got to me and I have no idea why.
 
Don't worry it will come, you properly know other stuff then the likes me for example. There's so much to learn in the horse world no one knows it all :)
 
This makes me so angry because there are many enthusiastic people out there who work their backsides off and are exploited wihtout being brought on. I think the equestrian world is one of the worst for this.

But look, you LOVE it, you're DEDICATED and HARD WORKING and so it won't be beyond you.

I have a trainer who I totally admire - really think he's amazing (ridden internationally and trains many a GP horse) - and yet some weeks he tells me that he really think he's dreadul and totally doubts his own ability.

So, if someone of his skill can have a crisis of confidence then us mere mortals are sure to. Don't lose heart, but do prove to all of those who have exploited your desire that you can achieve your goals!!
 
You are being way, way too hard on yourself! We all have days when we lose confidence and feel like we are useless so don't worry about it......I don't think the instructor meant to put you down, I bet she thinks the world of you for taking the time to listen to her and learn.

Chin up and think about all the things you know you do well.........all the best for a happier day tomorrow x
 
equestrianabbie said:
It's just so hard when you've been working with horses for so long yet have nothing to show for it. I've worked with horses since the age of about 12 yet I can't lunge?!.
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I know people who OWN horses who don't know how to put on their rugs properly, nor muck out a stable to any level of cleanliness.

Every time I learn something new it just makes me think how much more there is to learn, and no one knows everything - in the horsey world there is always more to learn, no matter how great you get so don't worry....and if it still really bothers you there's always jobs in mediocre offices where once you can open post and use a franking machine you're the office genius :D
 
equestrianabbie said:
It's just so hard when you've been working with horses for so long yet have nothing to show for it. I've worked with horses since the age of about 12 yet I can't lunge?! It just seems so stupid, I don't know whether I just worked at terrible riding schools or whether the sort of people I met didn't care to teach the younger kids but it sounds so ridiculous.

I try so hard, I really do. I'm genuinely an extremely happy person, I've been the happiest I've ever been since this job, but it's just today that's really got to me and I have no idea why.
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I have been riding horses since I was 2 & owned my current one for 6 & half years & only lunged for the first time this summer!! Believe me I'm not good at it & learnt the hard way to always wear gloves when my mare decided to throw a tantrum & ripped the rein through my hand. :o

I'm sure she meant it light-hearted & was trying to cheer you up. She wouldn't still be letting you deal with her horses if you were useless! Keep at it, one day it will click & you'll be so glad you persevered :D
 
equestrianabbie said:
It's just so hard when you've been working with horses for so long yet have nothing to show for it. I've worked with horses since the age of about 12 yet I can't lunge?! It just seems so stupid, I don't know whether I just worked at terrible riding schools or whether the sort of people I met didn't care to teach the younger kids but it sounds so ridiculous.

I try so hard, I really do. I'm genuinely an extremely happy person, I've been the happiest I've ever been since this job, but it's just today that's really got to me and I have no idea why.
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I didn't learn to lunge til I was 23 almost 10 years ago!!!

Just never needed to lunge or been taught... it wasn't part of the process when I was younger, no-one lunged horses or ponies as a matter of course when I was younger nor was it considered important or necessary in the UK. It's increased in popularity nowadays....

It wasn't until I started at a spanish yard where lunging was part of a horses' fitness regime did I finally learn.
 
In my humble opinion a very big part of being good horseman is the knowledge that there is ALWAYS a lot more to learn, no matter how many years you have been doing it. We should always "go back to basics" from time to time & remind ourselves of the correct way to do things because it's easy to slip into bad habits and become less effective. I think this comment is most definately meant in a lighthearted way. It is always much more satisfying teaching someone who is open to learning, and you sound like you are just that sort of person, so try to relax and just enjoy the day to day challenge of doing things a little bit better than before, and if things feel like they're not moving forward as fast as you might like, just remind yourself of how far you've come in the past 12 months or so, - don't be so hard on yourself!
 
I think she said that to try and make you feel better - don't take it personally.

My mare had a foal in June and I thought I knew a fair bit about horses till she came along. Of course I love her to pieces but its just something out of your comfort zone. I wouldn't worry about what you do and don't know, this lady will be very glad of the help especially if you are reliable and willing to learn. Everyone has to start somewhere when they learn new things. The other thing you have to remember is yes her children may be better at various bits and pieces but they probably know the horses a lot better and have grown up with them.

Don't beat yourself up about it - more importantly WELL DONE for having the courage to get involved with horses again. Accept the tuition - it will be very rewarding.
 
Maybe she meant that she's had people work for her who were more experience before? As she agreed to take you on to build your confidence, I'd doubt she meant to insult you or hurt your feelings: she could even have been joking!

I'd also stop comparing yourself to others: going to this yard is about your journey - improving your confidence and picking up new skills. That is exactly what you've been doing, including picking up lunging! Don't let your own embarrassments get in the way of learning new things: you're there for you, not anyone else, and it doesn't matter what they can do already :-)

Oh, and I wouldn't worry about the gelding being resistant to your company. Don't take it personally: some horses have funny days, some get on with certain people better than others, and some play at bad behaviour around newish folk to test them out. Not all horses will approach all people all of the time!
 
Um.. I dont want to sound mean, but how many hours are you doing for her for free? Make sure you are getting what you want out of it. I would LOVE free help in return for lessons. I had 2 girls at different time riding my pony for free and they didnt even muck out,half the time i had the pony tacked up waiting and gave her a lesson for them to hand it back sweaty and tack on and walk off, they were young aroun 10 but their mums should know better. Drove me mad!! If you live in the borders I would gladly help you out in return for lessons!!

Anyway, make sure it is fun. This is supposed to be your hobby, you are helping them for free don't let them walk all over you, if the atmosphere isn't right maybe you should look elsewhere, Also what are you hoping to gain from this whole experience, do you want to be a world class rider?or do you want to one day have a horse again to go for hacks on your own or with friends, if so, lungeing isn't going to be a skill you need neither is piaffe or half passes. Giving your horse care and attention and staying on are what you need. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I went to work at Schockemoele in Germany and I couldn't lunge, Had to buy a book and learn it quick and watch others lunging who knew how to do it! Then I was lunging 4 or 5 a day. But I wanted a career in horses so it was something a needed to know. hadn't handled a stallion before and was given Balou du rouet to take to the treadmills (didn't even know you got treadmills for horses!!) They just took me on and after one week I was part of the team and helping other new people. When I left they didn't want me to and said I would always have a job here if a I wanted it. It was tough but glad I stuck it out-but it was only because I knew what I wanted out of it. I was there to learn -I got paid as well!!
 
mcrobbiena said:
Um.. I dont want to sound mean, but how many hours are you doing for her for free? Make sure you are getting what you want out of it. I would LOVE free help in return for lessons. I had 2 girls at different time riding my pony for free and they didnt even muck out,half the time i had the pony tacked up waiting and gave her a lesson for them to hand it back sweaty and tack on and walk off, they were young aroun 10 but their mums should know better. Drove me mad!! If you live in the borders I would gladly help you out in return for lessons!!

Anyway, make sure it is fun. This is supposed to be your hobby, you are helping them for free don't let them walk all over you, if the atmosphere isn't right maybe you should look elsewhere, Also what are you hoping to gain from this whole experience, do you want to be a world class rider?or do you want to one day have a horse again to go for hacks on your own or with friends, if so, lungeing isn't going to be a skill you need neither is piaffe or half passes. Giving your horse care and attention and staying on are what you need. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I went to work at Schockemoele in Germany and I couldn't lunge, Had to buy a book and learn it quick and watch others lunging who knew how to do it! Then I was lunging 4 or 5 a day. But I wanted a career in horses so it was something a needed to know. hadn't handled a stallion before and was given Balou du rouet to take to the treadmills (didn't even know you got treadmills for horses!!) They just took me on and after one week I was part of the team and helping other new people. When I left they didn't want me to and said I would always have a job here if a I wanted it. It was tough but glad I stuck it out-but it was only because I knew what I wanted out of it. I was there to learn -I got paid as well!!
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I do it like a full time job, I work 5 days a week with the odd exception here and there.

I love it and honestly the lady is fab, I couldn't ask for someone more patient and willing to help me. There has been a lot of mucking out and poo picking but that's because I've asked for it to be like that. We sort of go at my pace, so that I'm not pushing myself too far too quickly.
 
IMVHO I think you also need to take a step back occasionally to a) give yourself a big pat on the back for working so hard to regain your confidence; b) to relax and let your brain chew over all the things you are learning so that it can work on any problem areas and c) maybe do a little loosening up before you start 'work' because any tense muscles (for any reason) can make movement and thoughts sluggish.
Also stop telling yourself bad things because the brain will believe them and respond accordingly; it is very obliging. :D Tell yourself you are clumsy often enough and you will be.
I hope everything looks up for you soon. :)
PeskyPeanut
 
Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. We, like horses, have off days and on those days it can be so easy to have our confidence shattered by comments that we would laugh at on other occassions. I'm sure your instructor didn't mean to upset you, she'd probably be horrified if she knew how you were feeling. Just go at your own pace and enjoy the level you are working at. You don't need to progress at lightening pace. Yes, I know some of the children are probably better than you. Most of the kids on our yard are a heck of a lot better than I am! They seem to have such natural balance and they learn and progress so quickly...But if you are enjoying what you do then that is 90 per cent of the battle won. Be a bit kinder to yourself. I had a nasty fall last year and broke my back. I didn't expect I'd be able to get on a horse again, let alone want to. But I couldn't keep away and even though I'm still riding at a lower level than I had been I am happy when I am on my horse and that is all that matters.
 
Don't be sad, its amazing how many people who think they know loads know have huge gapes in their knowledge.
A lot of horsemanship is acting, and you have had a huge knock to your confidence so its not easy to look and feel confident, but it will come and perhaps thats what she has picked up on.
 
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