I feel like a bad parent - am I putting my child at risk?

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millreef

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I'm so into horses and it seemed natural that my daughter would follow in my footsteps, which she did. I started her in riding lessons as soon as there was availability in the area (Hong Kong has a 4 year waiting list so I was pretty pleased she go in). She started riding ponies on lead rein at 8 Years old and today she came back from her very first pony camp aged 11 Years old.
She's done some school shows and a bit of dressage and 40cm show jumping and now rides 3 times a week.
My problem is that I worry that as she gets older the risk will increase. There are so many really scary stories (such as the thread today about a 13 year old girl dying in UK from her horse trampling on her). When I see her ride I'm nervous about her being bolted off with, or falling off and really hurting herself. If anything happened to her I would never be able to deal with it - it would be my fault. Do any other parents feel like this? I've become a very, very nervous rider too and I don't want to pass this on to her. I'm torn between letting her do the riding and keeping her safe. Golf would have been a much safer hobby!
 
You wouldn't be normal if you were not worrying!

However, in your heart, you prob already know that altho horseriding is a potentially 'dangerous' activity, it is no more dangerous than many other things we all do in life.
Into perspective - the dreadful accidents that happen (and they will still continue to happen as they are just that - accidents) are mitigated by you are a parent by ensuring your child is as protected as best you can with safety equipment (hat, body protector etc) and training.

Yes, its damned scarey when you see your child tip off - and thats however old they are!! But - at least you are allowing your child to have a great exxperience & not wrapping them in cotton wool.

Just remember, accidents happen any time & any place, not soley whilst riding - any sport carries a risk as also cycling to the shops, running down stairs - and being a passenger in a car.

Mum - its hard, but you encouraged the activity ;) let the nipper enjoy what she gets out of it - just like zillions of other pony-mad kids do.

Wait till your kids have cars.... motorbikes.... have children.....

Good luck :)
xx
 
I am not a parent, so cant speak from experiance, but if my mum had ever tried to stop me from riding it wouldnt have worked. Granted horse riding is a dangerous hobby, but people die in car crashes everyday, and no one is worried about driving!!

If it makes you really worried maybe dont watch! Are the ponies your daughter riding well behaved/skittish?

Good luck with overcomming your nerves, maybe look at some threads about how people deal with competition/riding nerves, it may help!!
 
I think as long as your daughter is enjoying her riding then no, you are not a bad parent or putting her at risk. She is at risk everytime she steps out of your front door and crosses the road or gets in your car beside you. Try not let any negative thoughts spoil what is a fantastic hobby. Accidents can happen at any time but we can't let the thought of them spoil our day to day life or activities we enjoy.
 
An element of risk exists in everything we do, and it is an important part of growing up. If you wrap her up in cotton wool or stop her doing something she loves, it is possible she will go looking for something else exciting to do.

I have watched my daughter get such a buzz from going cross country (and occasionally fall off!) that I now don't worry about her getting into things like drugs when she goes off to uni - I think she will always prefer a natural high to a chemical one.

Just make sure she follows the correct safety standards for what she is doing. Do the background checks - ensure any riding establishment she rides at is registered with the relevant authority, here it would be the British Horse Society - and check that they do things properly - mounting in an arena not on a concrete yard for example, making everyone wear a hard hat when getting horses in from the field. So many accidents happen because people don't pay attention to simple precautions.

It sounds like your riding school is sensible, putting them on the lead rein to start with, and if she is riding 3 times a week she will have a good seat and be getting good experience. Let her enjoy it and keep your worries to yourself - we all have them, but we have to learn to hide them as mothers I think!
 
It's a really tough question. I am about to become a parent and have had long talks about this with OH who is not horsey. OH understands I love horses, but he can also see that they are very dangerous and much more dangerous than many other sports/hobbies or stepping out the front door (sorry guys, this is just statistics!).

We've decided not to get the child a pony and not to push her towards riding. When she is old enough to decide if she asks for riding lessons she can have them and see where we go from there, because on the other hand seeing her mum ride and being told she can't do it because it's too dangerous also sounds perverse. If she does want to ride I would insist on her wearing a hat at all times around horses, hat and BP ridden, she would not be allowed around the big horses and I would pay a lot of money for the safest pony I could buy.
 
Yes you are putting your child at risk. No you are not a bad parent. My parents were worried a lot when I started riding and I ended up in hospital numerous times, but they never stopped me riding and it made me stronger and more determined then ever. And it gives you satisfaction, I helped at the local riding school and thanks to that it gave me a lot of happiness when I even assisted in starting a youngster (in fact that I did 90% of the groundwork with him) and coming back to see him when I was at University and seeing how much he'd even come on. Horse riding is one of the best sports for children, knocks is part of it and helps it.
 
It is hard to watch your child take risks but at the same time, hopefully, they are calculated risks (pony, course of jumps etc, instructor, safety equipement, all known factors) rather than unsupervised, uncalculated risks.
If your child is nervous then don't push her, if she doesn't want to ride, then of course she should stop.
I used to feel physicially sick when my daughter evented and was never so happy as when she took up dressage. Harshly, you cannot protect her forever from everything. So if you have taken all precautions and your child is happy, if, god forbid, she has an accident (and she will one day:() then it will not be your fault. Try and enjoy her achievements instead of worrying too much.
 
if she enjoys it then I wouldn't worry!
There was risk in her being born, with every vaccination or new food she has had since. There is risk in crossing the road, riding in a car/train/plane. There is risk living in a city with the polluted air, there is risk living in the countryside where there might be a higher concentration of wildlife some of which might be venomous. There is a risk living near the coast of a tsumani, near a river or lake due to flooding, near a hill due to mud slides, etc etc - you get the picture!!!

Although there is a greater risk riding than there is sitting still in a sitting room, also consider the benefits it gives. Your daughter learns that horses are feeling and intelligent beings and learns to develop a trusting relationship with them. She learns a skill and the confidence that allows her to develop that skill and compete in it. She is out in the fresh air and exercises too (riding, grooming, mucking out, tack cleaning etc!). Social skills from being around others learning the same skill at the stables, self belief to continue with lessons and apply what is being learnt to help her improve how the horse she is sat on goes. So many positives that they are too numerous to mention, and all of it beats so many of the other pass times that are too popular with children - how about a shoot 'em up game on a games consoul, away from the nasty sunshine and fresh air!!!

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't worry, but as long as your daughter is enjoying it, has an up to date hat that hasn't been in a fall, and perhaps a body protector if she is jumping, and is educated sufficiently to deal with the standard of horses she rides - then I would just be really proud of her achievemants!!
 
As a child from a non horsey family and who only ever worried about the implications that can occur from horseriding rather than seeing and appreciating the enjoyment I got from it, I can sympathise with how your daughter may feel if you were to even unintentionally put pressure on her to stop riding.
Strangely enough it was my non horsey mother that got me into riding as a 2 year old at the local stables and then unfortunately for her I was hooked for life!
If you try and stop your daughter from doing what she enjoys, you will only make her want to do it more or make her unhappy.
As many posters have already said, she is at risk everyday from normal things like being in a car or crossing the road.
I can also see it from your point of view as when my sister occasionally rides with me, I am constantly on the look out for anything that could turn into a problem on our ride and worry about riding in traffic with her etc, especially as she's not a competent rider.
My advice to you is to allow your daughter to carry on, learn from her mistakes, patch her up when she falls off (as this will happen) and remember that she will be much more appreciative if you let her be her own person than wrap her up in cotton wool, as tempting as it may be!
And no, you're definitely not a bad person! :)
 
As a mother of a 12 year old girl who has ridden since the age of 2, all I can say is that our duty, I believe, is to ensure your child has the best lessons you can afford, rides the safest pony you can afford, has the best safety kit you can afford, and after that ..... don't push her. Whilst it's really frustrating to turn up at an event to be told by said child that she really REALLY doesn't want to go XC, or jump, or whatever it is, far better that you say fine, pack up and go home, and live to ride another day. In my view, the problems/falls etc can come when forcing a nervous child to do something they don't want to do. As your daughter gets older she will learn to manage her nerves - or she won't, in which case she will do less which is just as acceptable.

On a side note, whereabouts in HK do you ride? I used to ride at Dragon Hall in Fanling, NT - not even sure that it exists anymore!
 
lol life is a risk sweetheart and yes riding is high risk but thats where a good parent comes in to teach how to lower that risk - my daughter had first pony when she was week old ( he was a year old shettie that I broke in lol) she is now 21 and will never get on a horse with out hat gloves and corret boots. she wears hi viz when ever she hacks out and is constatly thinking safety - she still has had those young hair brained gallops etc but thinks safety for her and horses all time - thats a good parent (btw was a bad parent in other things - i believe the clothes i dressed her in as child were an issue lol) - btw she also ate food without washing hands after being with ponies and as been known when younger to pick a bburger off floor when bar b qing at stables and eat it lol and boy she as good tummy lol )- be safe be a good parent( as you are ) but give your child the happiest childhood they could have with poines :) xxxx
 
Swirlymurphy, thats good advice.

I grew up close to my cousins who all rode since they could walk. They have both got babies now and while one will always ride and has already put the baby on a pony, I was surprised to hear the other say she doesn't want to encourage hers into riding. She said the money, time, effort and risk was something she was quite happy for the kids to discover for themselves, if at all. I can kind of see her point, although I was fearless as a kid I am a bit of a worrywart and probably couldn't handle it.
 
I have 2 daughters, one nearly 21 and the other 18. They eldest started riding when she was 2 1/2 and the youngest when she was 4. The eldest is just horse mad (ponyfeet10 on here), but the youngest threw it in when she was about 8. She has ridden from time to time, but just doesn't really enjoy being around horses. That said, she looks for the biggest rides at the theme parks and rides on the back of my (rapid) supersport motorbike every week and has done so for years so not adverse to a shot of adrenalin.

She still moans now about the time 6 years ago when her mum stopped her going on the Oblivion ride at Alton Towers as she was worried for her (how many people get killed on the rides in amusement parks each year against the millions who use them ?)

You can't wrap your kids up in cotton wool forever but you can take sensible precautions.

The reason why we see these stories in the papers about people getting seriously hurt/killed in riding accidents is because they are actually statistically very rare events in the grand scheme of things.
 
gugglebum ( so love your name) my daughter grew up with poines from week old but was always supervised etc and taught how to handle safley. her first pony would decided hey done enough now stop drop a shoulder and she would be on floor laughing him looking at her but her second pony was a mothers dream and he was only 4 yrs old. he taught her so much you have to trust the ponies and teach well - now 21 she rides for someone x country dressage etc - rides my beautiful half blind mare so sweetly - captain of equine team at uni and as the same pasison as me for horses but always thinking safety - as children they have to understand danger and safety - good risks/ bad risks BUT BUT BUT always with being watched etc - jesus aged 6 i climbed a ladder to second floor window and was spoted by a walker I was laughing head off at what could see - mother nearly died from fright lol
 
You set her off riding! LOL

I have always been a fatalist and believe what is to be is to be. If she is going to break a leg then she will do it regardless of whether she falls from a horse or trips down the stairs.
As a child I rode some very bad ponies and received more than a fair share of injuries, my mother would just laugh and tell me if I could not take the rough, to stop riding. Mostly she would laugh at my injuries, poke the bruises and generally take the mickey. I have spoken to her about it and she said that of course she worried but I enjoyed it so much that she was determined to put the worry behind her and let me learn the hard way.

Anyway, if she had taken up golf there is always the danger of being hit in the head with a stray golf ball!
 
My parents wouldn't let me ride - purely because it was a dangerous hobby.

BUT - where there's a will there's a way!! I used to ride in secret and spent the cycle ride home getting rid of all the hairy evidence. A year later I let them know. They sighed and let me get on with it.

Life has risks in everything we do - driving a car has more risks than riding a horse, yet most of us are out and about in our cars daily.

Let her enjoy riding - its healthy exercise, teaches patience and self control and most of all its lovely having a warm furry friend to hug on a cold day or when you're feeling down. Horses are good for the soul.

Try for yourself not to be so nervous - it seems to be something that happens to some people as they get older when they become more aware of the risks. If your nervousness is getting out of control then it may help to see a hypnotherapist who may be able to help youo cope with your fears.
 
As long as your daughter is riding because she wants to and not because you want her to.

Then just make sure she is aware of safe behaviour/horse handling etc. On the ground and on the horse. I was the biggest helicopter parent while my kids learnt and slowly progressed from lead rein to independent riding.

They always wear a hat, a body protector is good for nervous parents, (worn by the child).

My husband would not be happy if the kids were injured riding, I am extremely grateful that my sons fractured ankle on the weekend was a soccer injury and not a riding one.

The ponies give the kids so much in the way of caring for another, being a friend, keeping them active, fun, keeping them fit, a sense of achievment etc etc that to me it is worth the risk.

I never make them do more than they feel able to do, I do not push them to progress beyond what they are comfortable with. They could be jumping higher doing more, but for me the fous is having fun.
 
Just let her enjoy herself,if you start wrapping her in cottenwool now you might just as well do it for the rest of her life. Getting a bump or two along the way is part of life:):):)
 
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